Wei was trembling now, he was not looking forward to saying those words out loud, but Yunlan had a right to know.

Wei wanted to give him that right because he wanted him in his life.

"I... when I was little I felt a bit... lonely I guess, between work and my hyperactive brother my parents didn't have much time for me; my neighbour was an older kid and he sort of became my idol, I was always around him and when we became friends I didn't need anyone else, I had his attention and his support and that was all I wanted, I didn't need other friends... but then he left. He followed his family when they moved away, he thought I was old enough to hold my own but without him, I crumbled."

Yunlan listened without a word, that had to be the Chu he often talked about.
Wei kept his eyes lowered, he was shaking so much that his words came out with difficulty.

"Chu believed in me and gave me strength, but when he went away I was like a tree without roots. Yezun had never stopped trying to get my attention and I loved him, but there was a voice inside me telling me that his praises didn't really count because he was my little brother, he wasn't objective. That's stupid, I know, but I couldn't help it."

Yunlan kept silent, not knowing what to say because to him it did sound rather silly. Wei had busy but loving parents, and a brother that looked up to him, that would have been more than enough for Yunlan. In fact, he himself only had his parents but no siblings, but had never felt lonely or lost.

"I was always on my own and didn't really have friends, until one day I caught the eye of the wrong person. Feng was handsome but not really my type". Wei smiled sadly, remembering a face so different from Yunlan's. "I wouldn't have thought twice about him if he didn't come after me. It was the first time a guy showed such an interest in me and I... " Wei pondered on the right words, but there was really no other way he could say it. "He left his girlfriend, made me think that I was special, and I believed him. I needed so much to believe him..."

Wei felt like he couldn't breathe, it all sounded so stupid and he felt so embarrassed showing Yunlan how weak he had always been, but he couldn't stop now.

"He was my first but... it didn't really go well... I didn't know much about it but I thought it was supposed to feel good... I only felt pain... for a whole day I didn't exit my room, I should have stopped thinking about him but I couldn't, I was... obsessed with the idea of us together, I had believed all his words and I thought he loved me, that I meant something because he loved me... and when shortly after he went back to BeiBei and they got back together I lost my mind, I went to ask her to leave him to me."

Yunlan kept listening without comments, Wei ruffled his own hair and gave a sad, sarcastic laugh. "I was out of my mind, she yelled at me that I was sick and had to stay away from her boyfriend. I locked myself in my room for days, until I finally told my brother everything. I shouldn't have, he was only 15, but he had become my only friend, my shield. He didn't understand why I kept defending Feng, he couldn't forgive him for hurting me and he told his best friend."

After a moment of silence, Wei went on. "Jiu wasn't the ally my brother thought he was. He hated me and took this chance to turn the whole town against me. BeiBei had told no-one why she hated me, but Jiu made up a story of his own. He said that I lied to her in order to separate them, that I tried to seduce Feng but failed, that I was wicked, twisted, a deranged person that almost ruined two innocent lives..."

Yunlan was really trying to understand, but to someone like him it all seemed nothing more than bad gossip, so he said, "But it wasn't true, it was just his word against yours, why would they believe him over you?"

"There was no confrontation, I didn't defend myself, I became depressed and talked to no-one, barely ate anything for months, barely spoke a word, I became the shadow of myself until my mother suggested that a change might do me good and sent me here with a letter asking Mr. Chen to give me a job."

"She sent you away?"

"She wanted to protect both me and my father, and I agreed. People who believed the rumours stopped doing business with him, and the only ones that stayed did it because he lowered his prices. Every day he works twice as before and only earns half of what he used to."

Wei looked at Yunlan but couldn't decipher his expression. His throat felt dry, his fingers twitched under the table, every breath felt like the most difficult task possible.

Yunlan wanted to offer a comforting hand, a word of reassurance, but he had no experience in that area, that kind of self-inflicted torment was alien to him.

How could Wei defend someone who had hurt him? How could he not defend himself?

Yunlan also had the nagging thought that there might be more to him than just that, he wanted to know more, he wanted to know why did Wei believe the guy so easily, why had he reacted so badly... but of course he couldn't ask those questions now, so he said, "You didn't tell me you had a brother."

Wei's shoulders started shaking, a mix of laughter and tears due to the bottled-up tension finally releasing. "Yes, Yezun is three years younger," he said, then both fell silent while Wei kept shaking uncontrollably.

Yunlan got up and went to stand behind him, softly hugging his shoulders, lowering himself to plant a kiss on his head.

Wei stiffened at first, but then his warmth proved to be effectively comforting, and they stayed like that for a long while.

Finally Wei stopped shaking, and Yunlan whispered, "Do you really plan on marrying her?"

Wei sighed. "We hope it won't be necessary, but we are ready to do it if the engagement proves to be not enough."

"I don't want you to marry her, I like you Wei," Yunlan whispered, still hugging him, then he went on. "Why would she agree? Does she have any feelings for you?"
He didn't know if it was the right thing to ask, but he wanted to know why such a pretty girl would agree to this lie to help him.

Wei's voice was steadier now, this at least wasn't so difficult. "Not that kind of feelings. We have become friends, but she doesn't like men that way."

Yunlan let him go to watch him in the eyes, and Wei went on. "She likes girls. She escaped home because they wanted her to marry a wealthy man. If things come to the worst and we have to get married, at least she'll know that with me she'll still be free to be herself."

Yunlan nodded, feeling rather ashamed that of all the things Wei had told him he was now feeling relieved because Qiqi won't really take him away from him.

He struggled to understand: loneliness, depression, obsession, they were all things he wasn't familiar with. He wanted to be supportive, but he was also having a hard time accepting that situation.

He had never wanted to hide, he hadn't left home because he was gay but because he wanted an adventure, life in a totally different place, knowing a new language, new people, seeing new things. His Italian wasn't perfect because he spent most of his time among Chinese people, but it was pretty good, people understood him and he was in good terms with a lot of Romans. Sometimes someone would speak some dialect words he didn't understand, but then they laughed at his baffled expression and explained it in Italian, and he learned something new.

He even flirted from time to time getting a lot of stares, but was never harassed. He was so easygoing and playful that people tended to like him.
He had learned the places to avoid and most of the local customs and had lived a nice life these last years.

Now it looked like he had to make a choice, but what choice could he really have? He had hopelessly fallen for Wei, how could he give him up so easily?

"I really like you," he said again, and the shy, pained smile that he received made him wish to see a real, openly happy one instead. That was the only choice his heart could accept.