*listen to the song*

CHAPTER TWO: 
THE BEAUTY OF PAIN

――――

"Let me help you fulfill what you want in life—since you already have a few of that."

――――

HE REMEMBERS HOW HE DIED THAT NIGHT. His mother, Rei, was by his bedside and the tears falling from her eyes were already enough to fill buckets. The male could not move his body and the IVs attached to his body were too plentiful to count. Only 16 years old but his body was semi-burned by the fire that their school building had caught. Instead of leaving the building, he had helped other students get out safely, causing him to get crushed by burning falling debris. "M-mom..." he calls out to her, a soft gaze landing upon him as his mother lets out a shaky breath. "...Am I going to die?"

Rei, unsure of her answer, shrugged her shoulders and shook her head, not wanting to think about the possibility. The male, however, lets out a small chuckle, giving a small grunt as he tried to take in a deep gasp. "Just hang in there, okay, Touya?" she says while gently running her fingers through his scarlet hair. "Your siblings would be waiting for you... she'll be waiting for you..." her sobs were becoming more and more uncontrollable. "I know, mom but... I don't think I can hold on any longer..." his voice was low and he could feel his eyes fluttering themselves close. "It hurts... so much..."

The Death assigned to him watched from a distance, clutching on to their own chest, tears running down their face. For the Deaths easily affected by emotions, the only best thing to do was to look away and so his Death did. "Touya?" was the last thing he heard coming from his mother's mouth before his heart rate monitor flat lined. The people in the room started getting busier as Rei called for nurses and doctors for help. But cold realization hit her when Touya was being revived by a defibrillator only to know that her son was truly dead.

Touya had left them.

His Death walked closer to him, grabbing the hand of his soul while he sat up, a sad look on his face. "You look sad..." Death commented. "I just didn't get to say goodbye properly," Touya responded, a sad expression present on his face. "I'm scared they won't miss me..." Death looked at the younger male before giving a sigh, patting his head. "Don't worry... they will miss you..." Touya's turquoise eyes looked up at Death and squinted. "How can you say so?"

"Mortals usually do... they only realize it when it's too late."

――――

"HELLO? EARTH TO DABI?"

(Your name) was sitting on her bed while a nurse taking off her IVs. She was tilting her head, observing the male who had been staring out her hospital room window for a few minutes. When Dabi was still staring out, the female had given a rather loud sigh, her lips forming into a pout. "Alright, it seems whatever it is outside that window is more interesting than I am..." Dabi then whipped his head towards (your name), a smirk tugged on his lips. "Jealous much?" he shook his head, a smile finally present on his face as he walks closer to her, a backpack in his arms.

"Oh~ where'd that come from?" her eyes shone with astonishment as Dabi placed the bag near her feet, her head craning to the side to get a better view at what it was. "Well, the Divine does promise to give you incentives before you die..." he opens the bag and brings out a small film camera. (Your name) gasped, her hands covering her mouth as fits of giggles escape from her throat. "Is that what I think it is?" Dabi handed it to her and the girl almost fumbled as her fingers got a hold of the camera. "You did want to become a photographer, didn't you?"

She placed her eye on the viewfinder and aimed the camera at Dabi who quickly covered his face. Quietly placing it down her lap, she smiled lightly. "I... guess so?" she shrugged, unsure of her own answer. "I guess I just like to take pictures. It's a sort of hobby that I never got to explore since I'm always stuck here," she stated with a gulp. "It looks like a lot of fun..."

"It is. Do you want to try it out?"

――――

(YOUR NAME) COLORED HER LOCKS AS HER (HAIR COLOR) RIGHT NOW. She has done it out of impulsiveness and maybe even grief. She watched as her originally white hair changed in hue as tears fall from her eyes. The doctors had told her that it could be dangerous for her health as the chemicals could seep through her pores but she didn't listen and continued to do as she pleased. "Why did you do that though?" a nurse asked her one day, gazing over her and gently rubbed her forehead, a smile emerging from her pale lips.

"I just want to forget..." she closed her eyes, feeling the medicine gushing through her veins as pain shot through every part of her body. "... My hair color reminds me so much of my family..."

"...especially my brother..."

――――

SHE WATCHED AS DABI TALKED TO THE PEOPLE IN THE NURSE'S STATION. He had placed a wristwatch on her to indicate the time she needs to return to the hospital before collapsing once again. Her steely eyes glared at the back of his head as he charmed the nurses easily making them agree. "You need to teach me how to do that," she said while they linked arms, the camera in her hands. "Why would I?" Dabi sneered. "You're going to die in a few days, anyway."

"Ouch!" She placed a hand on her chest, pouting at Dabi. "That kind of hurts."

"Are you afraid of dying now?" He asked while looking over at the female, their height differences not varying much. She shook her head, a grin existent. "Nah, I'm still persistent but since you want me to enjoy life so much, I might as well ask how so I could escape prison—I meant, the hospital—easier."

The two walked in silence for a while as the girl was trying to take random pictures of the streets, people, flowers, skies, and roads. The film was not easily filled as she tries to make the most of it by taking one memorable picture for each pretty thing she finds. "You really like taking pictures of beautiful things?" Dabi questioned as they finally arrived at a small flower field park. She nodded, adjusting herself to a position, her eyes glued to the viewfinder. Her fingers slowly clicked the shutter as the lens adjusted to the landscape.

Dabi reached on to the backpack to grab a sketchpad, some pencils, and some paint. "Hey, why don't you let go of that camera for a while... you still have a lot to do in your bucket list... and you only have..." Dabi tilted his head to read her wristwatch. "...3 more hours before we go back..." Dabi was surprised to see a pout on her lips again. "I don't want to do all of these, though..." she admitted, her gaze suddenly looking down on the blades of grass they were standing on.

"Why though? Didn't you want this?" he placed the things back on the bag before placing his hand on her shoulder. "I do want it... it's just... I've always wanted to do these things with someone..." Dabi nodded his head, taking in a deep breath as he remembered about her dead brother. "Right... you wanted to do this with your brother?"

She stayed quiet, sadness swirling in her irises. "Well, alright then." Dabi grabbed her hand which caused the girl's eyes to widen as Dabi dragged her to a shady spot. "I'll be your brother for today, alright?"

Deep inside, Dabi can't help but wonder why this all felt familiar.

――――

SHE WAS CRYING OVER HER WOUNDED KNEE THAT DAY. Touya had just gotten home from school to see his little sister crying by the entrance. He knelt in front of her, grabbing her shoulders and looking over her figure with worry. "Hey, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" The little girl continued to sob, her figure shaking as she wiped away tears with the palm of her hand. Touya pursed his lips, waiting for her answer but only got minutes of silence. "Come on, you can tell big brother anything..."

She sniffled before looking up at his turquoise-colored irises, a small gentle smile coated both their faces. "I just fell and wounded my knee..." she quietly said, biting her lower lip and hiding her embarrassment at how childish her reason was for crying. "Oh, just that?" Touya chuckled as he ruffled her white locks. "Let's get inside and tell mom, okay?"

"But what if she gets mad, Touya?"

"She won't be mad, (your name)..." he smiled. "In fact, we don't want you to get hurt..."

――――

DABI SHOOK HIS HEAD AS HE READ THE CLIPBOARD. This can't be right, can it? His eyes scanned the paper over and over again, hoping that it would change but it didn't. "You're spacing out again, Dabi!" (Your name) whined while she threw a crumpled paper his way to which he quickly caught with his hand while sticking his tongue out to the female. "I was just... reading new information about you," he said while putting the clipboard down. "What did it say this time?" Her head tilted as she beamed at him. "It said you were a big baby for crying over a wounded knee." He joked, still couldn't get the thought out of his head. "Your brother seemed like a really good person..."

"He is..." she looked down continuing to draw on the paper in her hands. "... He was the only one who tolerated my childishness before." Dabi couldn't help but chortle. "Really? The only one?" She nodded abruptly, her face lightening up. Dabi continued to gaze upon the view in front of him, thinking about what he just read on the clipboard. Is she really her? Is this some kind of sick joke? Is the Divine playing games with him? His jaw clenched as he felt himself closing his hand into a fist, making him inhale a sharp breath as he closed his eyes.

(Your name) noticed this and she quickly scooted closer to him, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Something is definitely wrong with you today, Dabi..." she commented which made the male jump casually, looking back at her. "There is always something wrong with Death, (your name). There's nothing new to that." He said as an excuse to which she quickly accepted, shrugging her shoulders before settling herself beside him.

"Well, a moment ago you were fine but after you read the clipboard, your mood completely changed..." (Your name) may not say it but she is quick to notice changes in moods since she was a child. She could observe someone in a few hours and could automatically devise strategies that would bring them closer together and that's only one of her few talents. Dabi could only give out a small defeated blow of air, giving his head a small signal.

"I just don't want you to feel lonely..." he lied through his teeth. "I mean, losing your close brother must be something, right?"

"Yeah, that's actually one of the reasons I want to die..." she admitted, going back to her drawing. "I want to see him again." Dabi looked at her and tapped his fingers on the grass, the small vibrations from the ground to his finger tickling his arm a little. You idiot, he thought, you won't be able to see him anywhere because I'm right here. She let out a small laugh as she showed Dabi her drawing. Dabi moved his head to the side to watch a beautifully drawn picture of her and her family.

"Do you miss them?"

"A lot but..." she stopped herself. "I don't think I'll ever want to see them hurting right in front of me..." Dabi stood up and stretched his muscles, groaning as he stirred from side to side. She quickly raised her head to find his hand reaching out to her.

"Let's go do something else in your little bucket list, okay? We don't want to waste any more time..." There were only a few hours left before they needed to get back to the hospital and Dabi wanted to make this a happy day for her—heck, he wanted to make her last days her most memorable ones yet.

At least, in that way, he can still show her that her brother is alive.

――――

"HEY, BE CAREFUL THERE..."

Touya watched as (your name) ran around the area, his camera in his hands. She looked back with a wide grin. They had successfully escaped their parent's and the hospitals' strict orders of not going out and staying indoors. They wanted to go ride bikes for some reason but sadly, there were no more available rental ones. "Can you not do that-?" (Your name) complained as she covered her face when Touya's camera was facing her. "I just want to take pictures of my adorable sister!" he beamed as he clicked the shutter to a blushing (your name).

"H-hey! That's unfair!" she yelled as she tried grabbing the camera from him but he was quick to dodge her every move. Groaning in defeat, she crossed her arms on her chest. "You should really teach me how to take pictures someday though." Touya pursed his lips while he thought about the offer. "That's all you want to do?"

"I also want to ride a bike! And draw!" She exclaimed while jumping up and down. "I also want to eat blueberries in that cup! I want to..." Touya glanced back at her when she stopped walking, her hand in her chest. "Is everything alright?" he walked back to her, holding her shoulders. "Are you—?" Touya's eyes widened when she fell on him, the camera almost falling. He quickly grabbed a hold of her, shaking her as her eyes started drooping. "Fuck!" was the last thing she heard when Touya rushed her back home, telling their parents about what happened.

The next day, he was supposed to visit.

But much to her surprise, Touya never arrived.

And she never saw him ever again.

――――

DABI BROUGHT OUT THE CAMERA AS (YOUR NAME) RODE THE BIKE HAPPILY. His thumb grazed the screen as he remembered more memories of both of them. The female was too busy to notice the sadness in his eyes and the way he would look at her. "Hey, Dabi! I'm so happy! I got to ride a bike!" She shouted at him while she passed by and Dabi just laughed. "I'm proud of you!" he yelled back which caused the female to hit the brakes and look back at him, cycling back to where he was sitting.

"Can you say that again?"

"Say what?" Dabi gave a side-smile as he scratched the back of his head. The female went off the bike to sit beside him on the bench. "That line..." she looked at him sternly. "Say it again..." Dabi gazed as her figure leaned into him, his face looking away as the girl started to pout. "I said... I'm proud of you..." Dabi stated it a little clearer this time and (your name)'s eyes started to well up. She stared at him blankly, a weird atmosphere filling up between them as she started to let out crying sounds. Dabi's eyes widened as he positioned himself to face her more, his arms snaking her into a hug—out of whim. "Why are you crying?" She continued to let out sobs and wails, tears quickly dampening his shirt. He sighed as he rubbed her back, fingers running over her hair and his head resting on top of hers.

"Hey, I'm here... alright?" Dabi said out of nowhere, finding himself quite shocked at his own words. "I j-just miss him so m-much..." she bawled out, clutching onto his shirt. "I-it hurts..."

"I know. I know it does."

It's hurting me to see you like this, he thought.

――――

THE DAY SHE KNEW TOUYA DIED, SHE WAS CONFUSED. She wasn't devastated and she wasn't crying either. In all honesty, (Your name) was mad. She was enraged. A fire started within her; and day by day, the more she thinks of it, it starts to burn her insides until they hurt—until she can't feel the emotions she's supposed to. She wanted to know, she wanted to grab answers to questions that somehow, the people left can't answer themselves. When you lose something that matters most to you without reason, it's supposed to hurt. When you lose someone that somehow gave you lots of reasons to live a little longer, you slowly start to lose hope.

That's how she feels.

When she learned that her leukemia returned, she wanted to die as quickly as she could. She cut her parental and sibling ties so they won't get attached and they won't be as hurt as they were the day they lost Touya. She was starting to lose hope in living and dying seemed like the only option she wanted—she just wanted to see him one last time.

But life works in many different ways.

And life is so unfair.

And somehow, she was given only so little.

――――

THE HOSPITAL BED SEEMED WARMER THAN IT WAS YESTERDAY. After that crying session, they both returned to the hospital before she starts to pass out again. "I'm sorry, Dabi..." the female's voice resonated through the room as Dabi looks up from his clipboard, raising his brows at her. "For what?" She sits up a little and fiddles with her thumbs, only looking at them. "For ruining the mini bucket list..." Dabi let out a small chuckle as he stands up to sit on the chair next to her bed. "Did you enjoy it though?"

(Your name) dipped her head, grinning tenderly, her pale lips curving upwards. "I really did!" Dabi closed his eyes and his hand slowly caressed her cheek, his thumb running across it. "I'm really glad that you did." Dabi continued with his action as she melted in his touch, her cheeks turning a rosy color as she feels warm. "Can you at least tell me now why you were crying?" Dabi broke the stillness between them, taking his hand away from her face. Her nose scrunched as she slumped back into her bed, the IVs rattling as she does. "Would it be weird to say it though?" she asked while eyeing him.

"I've already said something weird yesterday...?" Dabi reassured her.

"I'm really happy today, Dabi," she said while letting out a small gust of air, her chest rising and falling as she breathes slowly. "You were there for me when no one else was. Heck, you even stayed to watch the nurse and doctor stick needles to my spine and you did all those amazing things earlier..." (Your name) asked for him to grab the camera from the bag and he obliged, handing the machinery to her. She hurriedly took off the film and placing it on the container, handing it to Dabi who was watching her with a muddled expression. "I don't know if where you're from develops film... but if it does, I have a picture of you here, smiling."

"And?"

"I want you to keep it..."

Dabi rolled the container between his thumb and index fingers, examining it with his turquoise orbs. "Why though?" he bites his lower lip, trying to hold in his own tears. His little sister was still trying to make others happy even though she's clearly suffering. Why did life have to be this unfair? "I just thought that... after I die, if we can't see each other again, at least you'll have something to remember me by... right?" she looked down at her blanket being played by her fingers. "Pretty weird giving Death a gift, (your name)..." He exclaimed as he reclined on the chair, watching as she giggles. "Yeah, but..."

"... who knew Death could make me remember my brother so much?"

THERE WERE ONLY 3 DAYS LEFT BEFORE SHE DIES. Dabi was in the corridor, sitting on the floor, his back leaning on the wall. He thought that if he was gone, his family would be alright—and even though, in some sense, they are—they are still about to lose another child. Dabi felt his throat tightening as his tears slowly fall down from his eyes. He was sobbing quietly in the hallway, hugging his knees, trying his best not to let any noise bubble out from his own throat.

He now knew why the Divine gave him this last task as a redemption for his soul. You see, Deaths are given this task to collect a certain amount of souls. When they collect their final soul, they are given the chance to be reincarnated and the souls they collected will live Eternal Peace. If they chose to give their chances to any person's soul they want to be reincarnated, they will forever be stuck as Deaths—never to gain Peace and never to gain Life again.

Dabi's lips quivered as he felt his chest tightening at his own realizations. The air getting heavier for him to intake as he gritted his teeth, pulling his own hair, frustrated at his own thoughts. In just a few more days, he was going to have to make a choice.

It was either to save himself...

...or save her—the sister he was never able to come back to.

Because life has only given her so little time.