"Wha- what why would you think that?" I splutter out rubbing the nape of my neck. Elysia looked at me knowing I'm acting suspiciously. God, why didn't I take drama in high school? Truth is, I don't know if I'm gay or not. I have nothing against gay people, but surely I can't be gay. With my reputation at school now, there's no way I'd make it out there alive. 

I've always had an attraction to girls I think. My first girlfriend, Courtney Dictor. We were both 10 and it was my first relationship. Her silky blond locks held up in a small blue ribbon which matched her summer dress.

She was my first kiss. I remember it like it was yesterday. Her soft pink lips gently pressed up against mine, it was nothing like last nights. The kiss I shared with Ryder made me feel something. A something I didn't feel with Courtney. Ryder wanted more, he tasted every inch of my mouth. He made it feel like it was his last kiss on the face of this earth. And I wanted more. I didn't want more from Courtney, so maybe I am gay?

No, I'm not, this is stupid, I shouldn't be thinking this!

"Earth to Sunny," Elysia said waving her arms in my face to wake me from my daydream. I gasp in shock as she giggles at my sudden trance.

"I wouldn't care if you're attracted to three-headed gorillas, I just don't like us keeping secrets," El laughed gripping my cheeks and squishing them like I'm a baby. After prying her hand off I look up in her eyes. I don't know if I'm gay. I can't be, there's nothing wrong with it believe me but it's just... Not me. Although that kiss definitely was something. Hmm...

"I don't know, why did you ask?" Her eyes lighten and her smile inches up towards her eyes in a large grin. Shrugging her shoulders El leaned back onto my bed holding herself up with her elbows. Just tell me already. 

"The kiss you shared with Ryder seemed pretty passionate if you ask me," she said with her grin still plastered on her face. My face, however, dropped. No, no, no. I didn't mean for it to look passionate. Maybe that's why everyone was staring at me. Oh for the love of God. 

I felt my hand smack my head instantly. I just can't believe this. 

"It's okay if you like him, I really don't care along as your happy," Elysia said smiling, her hand itching towards mine to comfort me. 

"But I don't like him, I'm not gay." Tears started swelling, leaving a shiny glazed look over my eyes. I could see El exhale deeply. "I don't think." 

~~~~~

(Ryders POV)

Last night was pretty much a blur to me. I could remember driving to a party with a group of people. I can't remember whose party though. I remember drinking and playing a game of spin the bottle and then- no. I vaguely remember soft lips against mine, and my hand creeping up their back. I could faintly remember the counting down of the crowd then I let go, moving away from the person. But who? My mind went black after that.

"Oi, are you listening to me or what?" Staff shouted over the phone, pulling me out of my thoughts. A chuckle left my mouth hearing her scoff down the phone. 

"I'm here, just thinking," I said leaning my head on my hand. "About what?" I can't tell her about last night, I'll never hear the end of it. "Nothing don't worry, I have to go I'll call you later Staff," I said getting up from my desk to walk downstairs. 

"Alright if you say so, love you." 

"love you too bye."

"Bye."

And I hung up. Walking downstairs I peeked into the living room. My dad was sprawled out of the sofa, snoring slightly. A half-drunk beer was held in his hand, five other empty bottles sat on the floor. Grabbing a blue blanket, I placed it over his large frame, taking the bottle from his hand and placing it on the side table, throwing the empty bottles in the trash. I pulled on my black combat boots, a black coat on and silently left the house.

The night was dark, filled with heavy grey clouds. Small raindrops fell, quickly covering the ground. Luckily I had worn a coat otherwise I'd be soaked. The rain got heavier, crashing harshly down on my head and shoulders feeling like heavy weights. As my pace quickened, so did the rain. I had lost track of where I was walking and found myself in a posh neighbourhood. Big victorian houses were placed side by side with large grass areas dividing them up. 

After walking for about five minutes I could see a large barn behind one of the houses. None of the lights in the house was on, probably due to the time being 1 am, so nobody would be in there, right?

Quietly creeping into the garden and next to the barn, I opened one of the doors walking in and silently closing it behind me. The wooden walls were painted white and stacks of hay were piled everywhere. Some tools were held up on the walls by nails as an old looking ladder leaned against the second floor. Silently climbing the ladder I made myself comfy on a hay bale to wait out the rain. Closing my eyes I thought about last night, trying to put pieces together. Nothing. 

After about 5 minutes of trying to fall asleep and failing, quiet muffles could be heard from outside the barn. I can hear two voices, a girl and a boy. They're giggling about something, the voices only getting louder. Shit. 

I quickly jumped behind the hay trying to use it as a shield. As the bard door opened a short girl entered holding a hand over her mouth to contain her giggles. Her shiny red hair fell in large curls on her shoulders with a black beanie on her head. She's wearing a black hoodie and some black ripped jeans with a pair of black vans on her feet. Shortly after a taller boy came in. I can only see the back of his head. 

"I'm telling you El, that guy scares the shit out of me!" He giggled again falling onto a hay bale. The redhead laughed harder this time, snorting a little. 

"You think he's hot though don't you," she teased, it was more of a statement than a question. "I don't know, I mean... I guess..." He trailed off.

"What's his name again?" The girl asked, her smile widening. The boy giggled quietly. "Ryder."