To put it bluntly...

I've never felt so fucking vulnerable in my entire life.

And that's saying something; definitely in my top 10 most vulnerable Keith moments. I can't get Lance out of my head and not in a good way.

His attitude, his manipulation, his face, those eyes... SHUT UP! *internally bitch slaps*

But seriously how can he talk like that? 

Yeah she's pretty cool when you get to know her... and everything after that! Just thinking about our conversation is making me frustrated.

Pidge isn't even a she and if Lance actually cared about them then he would know that but no. He assumes I have no idea what it's like to be Pidge and Hunk's friend. I really fucking hate Lance. And the way he just put his hand on my shoulder and ordered, ordered me to stop. Like he didn't even ask! 

But at the same time... I kind of understand where he's coming from. When trying to protect people you can end up hurting them, I know that better than anyone. It's just hard to justify the heartache Lance caused without actually knowing his reasons.

However... the conversation ended on a good note in my opinion. I don't know why I have the tendency to come undone when Lance is around me but I do and every time it happens I just want to disappear. He probably thinks I'm a slut for attention. God, that was never my intention! But considering this is the first year I've actually not been repulsed by his presence, I guess my body chose him as the person it feels like opening up to without my minds consent.

While contemplating most of my life, I've been sitting in the Altea coffee shop trying to get everything through my head. It's Wednesday, so all of this happened two days ago but it's just really had me shaken up. I was sipping my usual black coffee since I come here regularly enough that they already know what I order when I walk in.

I'm seated in a table in the back that you wouldn't really even notice unless you've gone to this coffeeshop often. It's hidden by an abundance of big-leafed potted plants and it's a fairly small, two-person table. The wooden table top, (which currently held my two journals, some black coffee, pencils, and few sketches) was definitely built for this cafe since it went with their tan theme. 

The sun was on the verge of setting so the cafe had a nice golden glint to it. I loved this time of day. My bag strap was swung over one of the pegs on the chair and it was nice when I happened to walk in during Hunk's shifts... well sometimes. 

He's not in right now because he doesn't work on Wednesdays so I can stay as long as I want today. It's not like I avoid Hunk, but he knows this is one of my few thinking spots so if I'm here there's something in my mind and he'll usually want to talk about it... or send Pidge over to check up on me if it's really bad. 

I took another sip of my coffee and began to write in my journal... These feelings seemed important enough for my special journal so thats the one I decided to write in.

It was a plant embossed leather journal... The cover was light with different shades of tans and browns. The spine was bound by a black stain leather string, which held all the pages in place and also closed the journal when wrapped around. Another detail that holds a lot of meaning is the rose etched on front, made up of a myriad of little designs.

My birth mom made it for me before she died. Well, she gave it to Shiro to give to me before she died and it gave me my love for writing. She also left her journal with me and I am the only one who's allowed to read it... I often carry it with me but every time I go to read it I just can't bring myself to flip to the first page so I haven't exactly been able to read her journal yet... I'm getting there though. 

I'll be strong enough soon but for now I just write in my own. 

I was brought out of my train of thought by a sharp snapping sound. Looking down, I realized the tip of my pencil snapped for the fifth time this entry. I grunted and got up to go sharpen it. Hunk keeps one in the break room for me and the employees let me use it if I'm there.

I make my way to the counter and a girl is there taking an order. She has very light blonde hair, almost white but it suites her darker completion. Her eyes are striking colors of all kinds that I can't pin point and she's in the same uniform everyone wears at the coffeehouse which con firms her occupation. Her name's Allura and she's actually very sweet, and kinda sassy which makes us pretty good aquantances, but she's an exchange student from England so unfortunately many people don't talk to her... high school clicks and all that shit.

"Hey Keith, how are you today?" Allura just finished writing the anonymous customers name on their cup and strolled her way over to where I was awkwardly standing.

"Nothing much, I just needed to use the sharpener in the back," I pointed to the door to the break room with the eraser side of my pencil before she glanced towards it. 

"Sure thing, just don't be too long... oh and Keith!" I turned my head to give her my full attention.

"You should really consider filling out an application to work here... all the staff would be glad to have you." She gave me a smile as I closed my eyes and put my fingers on the bridge of my nose, wondering why she'd bring it up, before looking back at her.

"We both know why I can't do that Allura... I appreciate it, I really do and I would love to work here but..." I go in closer to whisper the last part that I was kind of shocked I had to even mention.

"We both know I'm not stable enough and if that got out..." Allura nodded her head in understanding and I moved my head back trying to keep my eyes off of her. "Plus what if I break down in front of a customer? I don't want to ruin your guys reputation." I averted my eyes, feeling her disappointment seep into my soul.

I feel bad. She really wants me to work here and we've gotten pretty close since she started working here and going to our high school. I don't talk to her much there because all her classes are opposite of mine but all the more reason I come here. 

When I made my way around the counter she lightly bumped her hip with mine, making me wince slightly but since I haven't really cut there in a while it didn't bother me too much. I look over at her and she pretends she didn't do anything. Whistling and looking at the ceiling 'inconspicuously.'

I just laugh and nudge her shoulder.

"You want another black coffee? It's on me." I just nod my head with that half smile on my face.

"Sure but I've told you I can pay for my own drinks. I don't like you giving me all this free coffee for nothing." She laughed and poked my cheek with her sharpie which was still open and I assumed it left a small dot on my cheek.

"ALLURA!!" I tried to wipe it off and hide my smile but she caught it, obviously.

"And I've told you not to worry about it because my family practically owns this cafe, well my uncle but you already know all that... besides-" She closed the marker and put it on the counter. 

She put both her hands on my shoulders to look at me seriously. We stood there for about a minute. I guess she was trying to intimidate me or something and I'll admit I was getting nervous but a small smile began to tug at the corner of her lips and laughs began to spill from her mouth.

"I like to see your smile, thats payment enough... now go get your sharpener." She spun me in the direction of the door and used her hip to push me closer. 

Allura is a good friend and she's right about the whole 'family owning the cafe thing' but I still hate when she goes out of her way to do these things for me. It makes me feel bad but I don't want her to be upset if I reject it cause I know how much she loves to help. 

She's 19 so only two years younger than Shiro but she dropped out of school a while back when she still lived in England(even though it wasn't her fault) and now that she's in America her Uncle Coran is making her go back to High School to finish her classes. From what I can tell though she doesn't hate it, so thats a good sign. 

I pushed open the cherry oak door and shuffled around the break room for the sharpener after I turned on two of the LED candles Allura keeps in the back. It's not like I need to waste electricity just to sharpen a pencil. 

One was in my hand and I left the other on the table. The room was cold as hell, meaning someone left the freezer open again, so I held my jacket close to my body and began my search. I was looking through the cabinets when someone walked in. I had my back turned towards the door so I just assumed it was Allura...

"I haven't found it yet and don't laugh at me just because I always seem to forget were I left it..." 

Then I heard a small laugh... a laugh that definitely didn't belong to Allura or a female. I slowly turned my head and came face to face with ocean eyes.

The lights of the candle flickered and danced in his eyes. The light drew out our two colors and they mixed together like dye in water. The moment lasted a little over comfortable and I had to break the silence somehow....

"LANCE! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING BACK HERE??" I dropped the candle and knelt down to pick it up.

"Ummm... I work here. What exactly are you doing back here with all the lights off?" He gestured to the entire room and I visibly rolled my eyes. I didn't know Lance worked here... Why didn't Hunk tell me? Why didn't Lance tell me? Well... come to think of it he isn't exactly obligated to tell me these things so I guess I can't be mad about that. 

"None of your business, I was just about to leave anyway." I handed one of the candles to Lance so he would have light and went to turn off the other.

"If you're looking for the sharpener you could just ask me." Lance was standing in the same place as before. He was looking down at the candle and for a statement so simple his face seemed to be fighting off an abundance of different emotions. 

"How did you know I was looking for the sharpener?"

"Because I just know things..." He crossed his arms and threw a smile my way. "Plus Allura told me to help you because she said you probably forgot where you left it and then started laughing." 

I grunted and just motioned for him to lead the way. Lance went over to a drawer, pulled it out, and gracefully plopped it into my hands.

"There you go... that'll be $4.20..." He gave me a really wide and obviously fake smile and put on his apron. 

"What do you think? Ready for the work night?" He spun around with his apron on and I just punched him in the arm. I lent to the side with my hands stroking a fake beard (and partially hiding my smirk) before answering.

"I think your over priced hot shot..." I threw up the sharpener and caught it a few times while leaning on the wall. I plugged my pencil in and began turning the black box, then tested the pencil before determining it's sharp and sturdy enough.

I threw it up a last time before pushing my leg off the wall to catch it and walk towards him. 

"Well maybe it's on the house then... just don't let word spread that I'm giving freebies, I don't want to tarnish my perfect reputation." He puffed out his shirt collar and left the top button undone before sending me a wink, putting his phone in his back pocket.

I walked up closer to him, remembering my pent up aggression (at the wrong time), and grabbed on to his uniform tie pulling him down a bit, but not too harshly to be charged for harassment.

"Don't think getting me a sharpener makes up for what you did." and I began to make my way to the door, straight face and all before turning at the sounds of a few words.

"I don't even know what I keep doing wrong."

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LE CLIFFHANGER!!!! ur Welcome :)

Did you enjoy?

Probably not my writing sucks but I'm trying... it's pretty hard right now because I have to tie everything together. Especially since I added these chapters in the middle to make the story a little more intricate. 

Anyways look out for the next part!