Legolas: You're going WHERE?

Thranduil: I have to go to Rivendell, Legolas, it's unavoidable. So stop whining.

Legolas. I'm noooot!!

Thranduil: Yes. You are.

Legolas: But why do you have to go?? Lord Elrond doesn't even like you.

Thranduil: That is an utter falsity, Legolas. We may not be blood brothers, but our friendship has outlasted the reigns of many.

Legolas: *crosses arms and looks sour* But then I have to rule in your stead!!

Thranduil: *looks confused* I thought that was your favorite part?

Legolas: Yes, on normal days when we don't have clumps of dwarves in our basement needing to be interrogated.

Thranduil: Whoops, I guess you'll just have to manage.

Legolas: Ada!

Thranduil: Oh, stop it. You sound like you're 65 all over again! Besides, I'll only be gone for a few days.

Legolas: Fine. Have a nice life.

Thranduil: *offended* Yes, I think I will. Cheers! *stalks out*

Legolas: *sighs* Maeron!

Guard: *appears* Yes, my Prince?

Legolas: Send for another dwarf, please.

*********************5 min. later*********************

Guards: *open doors*

Dwalin: *stomps in*

Legolas: *sulkily* Please stop making noise, you're hurting my ears.

Dwalin: *ignores him* What do you lot want?

Legolas: Incidentally, I was going to ask you that.

Dwalin: Well, I'd like food. We're kinda starving in those rat holes.

Legolas: WHY does everyone keep insulting our dungeons? They're really quite beautiful, if you would take a moment to stop whining and appreciate the architecture.

Dwalin: Honestly, prison always looks better from the outside.

Legolas: Then you would do better to not getting thrown in there to begin with!

Dwalin: THAT'S NOT OUR FAULT!!

Legolas: It really isn't my fault, either, soooo...

Dwalin: No, you're right. It wasn't; it was your blasted father's!

Legolas: *furious* Don't speak about him as such. The King knows how to be diplomatic.

Dwalin: No he doesn't!

Legolas: Okay actually how does he even handle you people.

Dwalin: Probably our superior bloodlines.

Legolas: You don't have----wait. Guards, I will be back shortly. Do not let him escape.

Guards: *nod*

Legolas: *runs into library* Where is it?? *looks on 2746 shelves* Oh, here it is! *runs back* 

Guards: *snoring* 

Dwalin: *tapping his foot impatiently* 

Legolas: Guards! 

Guards: *wake up* Y-yes, my Lord? Gravest apologies. 

Legolas: At least he didn't get away. 

Guards: Well, you see, we...made an invention so that he wouldnt...*shows rope tied to foot tied to Dwalin* 

Legolas: Ah, good job. *to Dwalin* Anyway, I brought something to help, okay? 

Dwalin: *suspicious* What is it? 

Legolas: A very useful book called "Easy Meditation Techniques for Elves".  

Dwalin: *bursts out laughing* Why do you have that?! 

Legolas: *affronted glare* BECAUSE it's relaxing!

Dwalin: I don't understand. What is meditation. 

Legolas: Wouldn't you like to know! 

Dwalin: Fine, don't tell me. 

Legolas: *grins* I am going to show you. 

Dwalin: Somebody save meee

Legolas: *deep breath* Okay, you have to cooperate for this to work. Maybe you dwarves just need relaxation methods so we can get along better, hmm? 

Dwalin: *rolls eyes* I don't need any, you do. 

Legolas: *breathes deeply again* *mutters* Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him....

Dwalin: Stop muttering spells. 

Legolas: ....what are you talking about?!

Dwalin: The whispers???

Legolas: Sometimes a whisper is actually a whisper. If you want spells, I suggest you talk to Lady Galadriel. Maybe she can do us all a favor and cause you to be permanently asleep. 

Dwalin: Like you lot did to poor Bifur???

Legolas: *sighs* HOW does everyone know about that??

Dwalin: Things get around, elf. 

Legolas: That was a rhetorical question! Now, for Eru's sake, BE QUIET! We're starting with some yoga. 

Dwalin: Yoga? 

Legolas: Yoga. 

Dwalin: WHAT IS YOGA? 

Legolas: You shall see, my prisoner. *pulls out woven mats* Okay, sit on this. 

Dwalin: *sulks over* *trips over rope attatched to his foot* OW MAHAL BY MY AXE *more swearing in Dwarvish* 

Legolas: *covers his ears* 

Guards: *wince*

Dwalin: *huffs and sits on the mat with a thump*

Legolas: Great job!!

Dwalin: Shut up.

Legolas: *glares sassily at him* ANYWAY, you'd better take off your excess...belts...and metallic items...

Dwalin: What metallic items?? I left all my ceremonial gold in Erebor.

Legolas: Thank Eru for that.

Dwalin: *ignores him* 

Legolas: Fine, try to do lunges in stiff, ugly leather, I dare you.

Dwalin: *huffs irritably* Get on with it, elf.

Legolas: *sits cross-legged on the mat* *opens book* Okay, first is the deep breating excersises. Take a deep breath.

Dwalin: *scowls*

Legolas: DO IT

Dwalin: ....nah

Guards: *point spears*

Dwalin: *inhales dramatically*

Legolas: Hold it.

Dwalin: *face turns red*

Legolas: *still not breathing* Hold it....

Dwalin: *face turns purple*

Legolas: Hold it.....

Dwalin: *strangled yell*

Legolas: *airily* Okay, exhale...

Dwalin: *gasps on air*

Legolas: Awesome job. I'm so proud of you.

Dwalin: No you're not

Legolas: Ha you're right, I'm not. Wow, congratulations, you can breathe. *slow clap*

Dwalin: Elves are stupid. 

Legolas: Do you need to go back to the child's nursrey?! 

Dwalin: ...no

Legolas: Then stop acting like a four year old! Anyway: The next excercise is called the tree pose. Please stand. 

Dwalin: ...no

Legolas: *furiously* Anírim na angwedh le!!!!!!! 

Guards: *snicker* 

Dwalin: WHAT DID YOU SAY?? SPELLS, I'D WAGER!! *eye twitches* 

Guard: He would like to chain you. 

Legolas: *rolls eyes* Thank you for translating. 

Dwalin: Well, I'd like to chain you too. The feeling is mutual. 

Legolas: Fortunately that's the only thing we have in common. Tree pose, go. 

Dwalin: *stands up with difficulty* 

Legolas: *demonstrates pose* 

Dwalin: *tries* *falls over and slips on the mat* *rolls into a table* 

Legolas: *chokes with laughter* 

Dwalin: *screams curses in Dwarvish* 

Legolas: STOP MUTILATING MY EAR DRUMS AND DO THE TREE POSE BEFORE I FORCE FEED YOU DUST BUNNIES!!!!!

Dwalin: I TRIED 

Legolas: *sniffs* There's a huge difference between trying to get something and actually getting it. It's really a....MOUNTAINOUS difference. *smirks* 

Dwalin: Stop making rude jokes about Erebor. 

Legolas: Not my problem. 

Dwalin: *growls* 

Legolas: Oh my Eru, do the tree pose. 

Dwalin: *tries again* *sits down hard* NO MORE

Legolas: YOU'LL NEVER REACH INNER PEACE

Dwalin: WHAT IF I DON'T WANT INNER PEACE

Legolas: *mutters* ....curses on the stubborness of dwarves...

Dwalin: *scowls* 

Legolas: *irritably* Well, I tried. I'm sure Ada will enjoy hearing about this when he returns. 

Dwalin: That was torture. 

Legolas: Yoga is quite the opposite! 

Dwalin: It was torture yoga. 

Legolas: Breathing and stretching is not torture, you dolt. Unless you're dead. 

Dwalin: I probably will be tomorrow at this rate. 

Legolas: Oh, sorry, I thought you already were. At least mentally. 

Dwalin: *pounds fist on table* *yells* 

Legolas: Do we need more yoga relaxation techniques?

Dwalin: STOP TRYING TO POSITIVELY PORTRAY TORTURE YOGA!

Legolas: ...Ada, please come home. I shall never yell at you again or threaten to steal your crown. Please make this thing go away. 

Dwalin: Ehehe 

Legolas: Stop laughing, the only thing amusing here is your evident lack of aptitude for common activities. 

Dwalin: TORTURE YOGA ISN'T--

Legolas: STOP SAYING THAT!!! You'd better feel lucky I don't have strong magic or you would be an ugly little beetle right about now and I would step on you. 

Dwalin: .....Um

Legolas: Okay bye. *motions to guards* 

Guards: *lead Dwalin out* 

Legolas: *breathes deeply, then exhales*