(this chapter will be reposted on all my other published, unfinished fics, so if you've already seen this in one of the other ones, feel free to ignore this :] ) 

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I THINK IM DONE WITH MY HIATUS NOW ?!?!

I MISSED BASICALLY ALL OF RESONANCE AND IM A LITTLE LOST RN TRYING TO CATCH UP BUT YEA IM BACK NOW WOO 

you may be wondering how i knew i was done with my hiatus- well, for one, i kept having these days-

but i truly knew i was back into kpop when i spent 5 hours watching nothing but jsmr and random nomin compilations + multiple 30 minute video essays about how nomin are literally boyfriends- 

then i was like "yea, i'm back"

I knew i would come back around eventually- i had my little moomin phase, then my MCYT phase which i am still going through and tbh i might be in two fandoms rn which has never really happened before  o_   o

a n y w a y s

I feel like my account is highkey dead now but you know what thats  f i n e

anyways yes i am happy to announce that i am back ! :D wattpad is being reinstalled onto my phone as we speak and i will be continuing a lot of my stories soon o7

over my little hiatus i took a lot of time to kinda focus on myself and my schoolwork so thats pog

I also decided that now that im back im gonna try and go back to writing what i wanna write instead of writing what's getting more reads, you know? I would rather have fun writing my fics and get no reads then force myself to write something im not a fan of and get 30k reads ya know?

SPEAKING OF WHICH IDK WHEN IT HAPPENED BUT SERIOUSLY THANKS FOR 37K ON STRAWBERRY KISS HOLY SHIT WTF YA'LL ARE WILD 

on that note lemme talk about what's getting revived and whats getting left to rot 

lemon boy - I really really really wanna continue this one but i've been thinking about rewriting it to make it so it isn't a littleverse book anymore- idk i have a lot of really good ideas for it but all the ideas i have i feel like they would be better suited in a case where Chenle wasn't a little- but i rlly like the vibes and mood and setting and everything of Lemon Boy- yea idk we'll see o7 but it's dEFO GETTING REVIVED

Ridin Club - I also wanna keep writing this one but I needa reread it first to remember wtf was happening huminuh huminuh-

Strawberry Kiss - I still feel kinda tired of this book to be honest :/ i dont know i'll try to finish it though since its my most popular one and i wanna finish it for ya'll but it might take a while cuz we're coming up on the ending and i dont want the ending to feel forced or rushed, ya know? After Strawberry kiss is over i might make another book with little random oneshots that take place after the end of SK just cuz i feel like some of you might end up wanting that after the ending i have planned *nervous sweating*

Blue Rose - I'm excited to continue this one at some point, but again i kinda wanna reread it just to be sure i know what's goin on.

Roxanne - this one is kinda on the fence rn over whether it's gonna get picked up again or get discontinued cuz idk i always struggled updating that one since it was smut heavy and i never really wrote smut-

Sleep - this one might  come back actually, that all depends on what i end up doing with all the universe shit- its a little complicated but idk i really liked sleep's concept so it might come back

Please Delete - oh boy this one- this fic always snuck up on me cuz i was always so focused on like strawberry kiss and riding club and blue rose that please delete always got pushed to the back burner even though a lot of people were really liking it- i'll try to continue it for the homies o7

and then finally, im happy to say i will be reopening requests for my nomin oneshots book :] yayayayy

with that aside, another thing- covers and bio may get a little bit of a makeover soon we'll  s e e  but im kinda wanting to do somethin different for the aesthetic of my account so imma mess around with that a bit over the next couple days.

and i guess the final thing to say is i already have another idea for a new fanfic :D norenmin centered so yayayayyayyayayayayayayayayay HOWEVER imma force myself to finish at least 2 of my current fics before starting any new ones cuz i dont want a repeat of last time if you feel me.

now for something a bit random- the day that i went on my hiatus i wrote a letter- not really addressed to anyone specifically, i just wrote a little letter, and so it felt fitting to put here :) i'm gonna end the chapter with this so yea, i cant wait to continue my fics, im happy to be back, thanks for being patient with me and uh enjoy this letter :]

Hey there. This is a letter for you.You may not know who I am, and that's fine because I probably don't know you either. Or maybe you do know who I am. Maybe you gave up on this book a long time ago, maybe you listened to me complain about this series time and time again and if you sat through that shit, good on you.Most of you probably saw this coming. In fact, most of you were probably waiting for me to admit it.Wattpad isn't the same for me anymore.And I don't mean that the app is bad or that I don't like an update, I just don't like it as much as I used to obsess over it.If you've been with my account for a while, you would know I used to write all the time. My books were updating every other day at least if not twice in a day and I always responded to every comment. I used to put announcements on my conversation board even though I knew no one would read them, and I used to have such elaborate plot layouts that half the time you couldn't even get the full story without scouring my account for easter eggs.And I enjoyed it so much.My first book ever written was called Run. It has so many cringey spelling errors and the plot pacing was rough, but I remember I never had a moment while writing that book that I wasn't having fun. And I remmeber I was so proud of it too. I felt like I had created something interesting and intrigueing.It didn't have many readers- maybe 3 steady ones besides my two best friends, but I didn't really care. I figured becoming a big-ish author wouldn't happen overnight.news flash, i was wrong.Please Delete was the second book I remember publishing, and that one didn't gain overnight traction either. Although it has a decent following now, it didn't at the time it started.Then, one night, I wrote something.A oneshot in my memos app titled 'You're My Little Strawberry Boy.'I remember I wrote it on the second day of a double sleepover i was having with my friend sovwri, i hadn't had any sleep the night before and my bottom ass was wanting some cuddles even though me and sov were doing just that- and so, i wrote what would soon be the first chapter of 'strawberry boy'.I remember sending the draft of the first chapter in one of the discord servers i was in with other NCTzens and getting pretty decent feedback on it, so i was gonna post it as a oneshot- but then sov told me "i think that could make its own book" and so, strawberry boy was born.over the next two or so days i put out a couple more chapters and it was the same as my other two books, nothing ground breaking. I was sitting in my music enrichment class with one of my friends when it started happening.my phone kept buzzing- people were voting on Strawberry boy, and i was taken a back. It hadn't felt like anything that special so i wondered why it was suddenly getting more reads then Run was or even at the time Please Delete.This was the start of my downfall.I hated strawberry boy.that's why it was over after a measly 35 chapters, half of which were random authors notes or thank you chapters. I hated it.the first couple chapters were fun and good and wonderful, but after a little bit i started to notice more and more flaws in my writing, more holes in my plot, i started to become aware of how nonsensical the story was and how awful all of it was paced. It was too fast, and too rushed, and messy. and it was my most read book too! My most read book was my biggest regret and it made me so frustrated. yet, i wrote strawberry kiss.I wrote strawberry kiss because I wanted to know how their story truly ended.I wasn't satisfied yet.At the time i didn't really pre plan my plots i just wrote whatever came to my mind in the moment and built it up from there- but i wanted to know what was going to happen to these two, i wanted to know where my brain would take them, so i left strawberry boy with a cliffhanger and started to make the cover for strawberry kiss.I actually really loved writing a lot of strawberry kiss.it was fun and soft and happy- and then i made it angsty and it felt like it ruined it a little.I guess if i had to change one thing in strawberry kiss, i would change the most recent chapter. I dont want anymore Mark. I don't want anymore drama or scandles or deaths.and boy i can't tell you how many times i tried to kill off Jaemin but decided against it.I wish i could've brought the charm back to the book. brought back the soft chapters of them baking cake together, or that one chapter that i completely scrapped that was gonna be in strawberry boy that was about them going to a carnival together- i want to write that again! Without the angst of Mark watching their every move or the lengthy paragraphs reminding the reader that renjun betrayed them. I know strawberry boy was pretty angst heavy from the start, and it definitly wasn't all sunshine and rainbows, but i miss the feeling that it gave me when i was happy.I miss laying on my bed on a call with my friend for 7 hours just talking about how cute haechan is or how gay nomin are for eachother- i dont even know if i miss these stories anymore. I think right now, i just miss the feeling it gave me. I miss the feelings i had at the time when i would play Blueberry Faygo on repeat one and make myself my 15th pot of ramen for the week, when i'd open my window even though i wasn't supposed to and roll around on my bed telling my friend about how much i missed them, i miss being able to blast kpop with my mom and just not give a shit about anything.Is this what growing up feels like?Is this what my life is going to be from now on?
Just a constant state of longing for what i once had? I don't want to grow up.Don't grow up.Don't let yourself get caught up in the what ifs and the little things.Smile.You're beautiful.Eat something.Get out of bed.Sing your favorite song.Don't force yourself to start growing up yet. You don't have to have it all figured out now, you don't need to know where you'll be in 10 years, just enjoy being where you are.I need to stop writing this shit it's just gonna make me cry more.

I miss Maggie.