Chapter Song: DIR EN GREY- Revelation Of Mankind (Album: Arche)

-Chapter 70: Preview Of All Madness

 It was cold; a barren feeling that obscured my body. A feeling of such despair went over me, and it felt like my mind was screaming from pain. Its was a torturous stabbing at my chest, and no matter how much I watched, no matter the hollering and the tears that flowed out my body, I could only watch the horrible sight before my eyes. Dead bodies lined up like a slaughterhouse, stacked up like pigs after being gutted like helpless animals. It was horrifying, and it slowly felt like I was losing my mind. Room by room it looked like a blank canvas had been sprayed with a deep red paint, and eventually the screams flooded my mind forever. 

"Why." That word seemed to fill my head over and over for eternity. "Why would I do such a thing?" I ripped those poor humans apart, lim by lim they screamed and pleaded in agony, and I didn't ever show a shed of care, a glimpse of humanity. All I could do was watch the horrible things I had done to them, crying and wailing every time the sound of flesh ripped through my own sanity. Eventually I had been drowned in my own darkness, and Subaru couldn't do anything about it. I know for a fact he would do anything for me, but I was an animal now. I was to far gone to have any hope of being saved. I was only a carnivorous demon to the Sakamaki's. They were horrified every time I dragged mangled corpses into the mansion, eventually staining the floor with blood. They themselves were horrified, and I felt helpless to fix any of their pain. I could do nothing, and each day I was becoming more of a monster.

It was that demon wretched inside me, and they knew it, but yet they continued treating me as if i was a wild animal. Had they forgotten all they things we had been through? Everything I had done for those worthless fools? Each day I went through hell for them, and all I get is treatment such as this?! Who do they think I am?! I can't believe I labeled that worthless filth as family! For a second though I thought, "Why was I saying such things?". Was the madness finally eating the last of my sanity? Or is it me, the real me feeling such emotions? I hated myself, and I took all my selfish anger out on those poor people. Here I am now, labeling them as "Filth" and "Worthless" when they haven't done anything as bad as I had. What have I become? Will there be a day when I finally cut their throats, and feast on their lifeless bodies? I wish this, but yet deep down I regret everything. I don't want to kill anymore. I don't want my hands to be covered with blood more then they've already have. I've sinned so greatly, but yet why do I feel no sadness now? No regret, no agony, nothing seems to fill my heart anymore. Am I now just an empty shell that a demon now controls? I wonder, will I ever be happy, or will I ever witness the feeling of true prosperity? Will the sinful acts I have committed ever give me a glimpse of such a beautiful feeling? I tried to think of a peaceful place, a wonderful dream, a whisper of calmness, but it was so hard as I lay down in the remains of helpless people. It's like I could hear the cries of sorrow deep down in my mind, and as I held a heart, cold and bloodied in my hand, I cried alone in tears. 

How was I suppose to feel happy and without regret when I lay in a pool of blood and organs? Why was I even trying anymore? What was the point? I knew I was never going to be happy, and yet I smiled even though tears flooded down my face, colliding with the blood stained floor. I was so lonely, depressed, and heart broken. Was I to forever be alone, to be left in a dark place for the rest of eternity? Yet all of a sudden my mother came to mind, my sister, my friends. I haven't seen them in decades, for all I know they could be all dead. Maybe even my own flesh and blood hated me, despised me, and even if they didn't, if they saw me now their eyes would be full of hatred and disgust. I knew that never in my wildest dreams would I ever find true happiness.

Once again, and again, over and over I continued my long purge of slaughter. Why did I never stop? I knew it was bad, I wanted to stop, but my lust for blood and control over-took me too much. I wasn't the same person I ever was. I loved the screams and pleads of agony, the metallic taste of the blood and the raw flesh that slid down my throat. I felt alive. I felt as if I was a real animal, a real demon that haunts people’s nightmares, a true horror amongst people’s eyes. Was I now a accompany of the Devil, Lucifer himself? Everyday I bathed in blood, and I did it so happily like I was told to do so. It was a true order from Hell, and I knew this is what he wanted. I was giving in to the temptation, the lust to kill, and the urge to slaughter everything I could get my hands on. These words just simply danced in my mind, like a message sent to me in a envelope full of blood. 

-"Once thy have committed sin, there is no going back, and amongst your own screams of agony, you will never find the prosperity that thou demon seek."

(Next chapter will be posted shortly)