Does she make you feel wanted?
Is she all you wanted?
'Cause I wanna know, yeah, I wanna know
_____________________

"SHOOT."

I turned to Evie. "Something wrong?" I asked as we made our way to our locker after chemistry.

The bluette was frantically going through her bag. "Yeah. I'm supposed to be meeting Doug in half an hour but I think Jay has my workbook and I don't have time-"

"Hey, don't worry." I said reassuringly, "Half an hour is plenty of time to swing by the boys' dorm and get it back. I'll come with you."

"Okay."

The boys' dorm wasn't far, but it wasn't near either. I went with Evie because I knew how anxious she was about schoolwork... unlike me.

"So what're you and Doug up to later?" I asked as she speed-walked ahead of me.

"Studying." She replied, a little out of breath.

I suppressed a snort. "Again? Evie, c'mon. I'm no expert but there are dates far more interesting than studying."

"Oh I know." She looked back at me, smiling playfully, "I just... want to get to know him first. I'll let one thing lead to another."

I shrugged. "Sensible."

After another twist of a corridor, Evie got to their door. I leaned against the wall, waiting for her to knock. But she froze, then slowly broke into a grin.

Come here, she mouthed.

I raised a intrigued eyebrow, before joining her at the door quietly. I realized she was eavesdropping when I heard Jay and Carlos' voices. She pressed her ear against the wooden door.

"I don't know how to, Jay." Carlos was saying.

"It's not hard." Jay answered, "Just ask her to cotillion."

"Easy for you to say." Carlos snorted.

"Carlos." Jay huffed, "You like her. She might like you back. But in order to know, you gotta ask her."

Suddenly I was attacked by a swarm of butterflies in my stomach. Desperate to shake the feeling away, my hand sprang up and knocked loudly on the door. Their conversation came to a halt. Evie gave me a puzzled look.

The door opened. "Woah, hey there." Jay said to us, holding a tourney bat in his hand.

I peered in and saw Carlos seated at the desk in front of his laptop, his hair partially in his eyes. He blinked, then looked away. I did the same. Dude was snuggled on the couch.

"Hey." Evie grinned, "I heard someone talk about cotillion."

Jay looked back at Carlos, who snapped up, looking panicked.

"Who were you talking about?" Evie asked the white haired boy teasingly.

"Uh- I-" He was stuttering really badly, "Just- Jane."

I felt my heart drop.

Jay threw his arms up and gave Carlos a look. "Oh really?" He said. It was obvious he wasn't pleased with his answer.

Carlos responded with a panicked glare.

"You have my workbook." Evie explained to Jay.

There was a few seconds of what are you talking about? on Jay's face before he lit up and hurried over to his bag.

"Here. Sorry." Jay apologized, handing it to Evie.

"Don't worry about it." Evie smiled, "Okay, I'm heading over to the library. Catch you guys later."

"Alrighty." Jay said before we left.

I felt weirdly shaken up, filled with an anticipation I didn't understand. Almost nauseous.

"Well that was funny." Evie giggled.

I didn't know how to respond.

"Is everything okay, Brae?" Evie asked me, suddenly concerned.

"Yeah, of course. Why?" The words came out so casually.

"You honestly went a little pale." She knitted her eyebrows at me, "I can cancel on Doug and we can talk. I really don't mind-"

"No it's alright, Evie." I told her, "I don't want to ruin your date."

"It's technically not even a date." She pointed out.

"Still." was all I came up with as a response.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I think I'm gonna head back to our room." I said quickly.

"Okay." Evie said, giving me a brief hug, though she was clearly still worried, "See you dinner?"

I nodded, waving at her, before walking in the direction of our dorm. My head spun with many many questions, but mostly What is happening to me?

I knew Mal wasn't home. I threw open the door, sent my bag hurling towards the couch, then collapsed onto my bed. For some reason, I felt the need to spread out my arms and legs, as if it could even out the pressure I felt in my chest. I kept my eyes closed, waiting for the feeling to go away.

It was obvious.

But I wasn't ready to admit it.

I pushed away my thoughts, losing myself in the process. Everything was mushed together, jumbled up into something I didn't want to comprehend.

I wasn't sure how long I laid in the comfort of my duvet until Mal came in. It must've been hours- it was a tad darker outside. She looked at me, bemused at the way I had my eyes completely fixed on the ceiling.

"Did something happen?" She asked, concerned, as she placed her bag down next to her bed and took out her water bottle.

I turned my head towards her. "No."

She took a seat on Evie's bed and crossed her arms and legs. "Wanna talk about it?"

I had to think about it. "Maybe later." I told her.

She frowned slightly at me, then spoke. "Well, I don't know how long you've been lying here, but Ben organized a barbecue for us and I think you should come."

I sighed.

"It'll be fun, Brae. Maybe you just need to loosen up."

"When is it?" I asked, sitting up slowly.

Mal checked her phone. "An hour."

I sighed again. Despite being exhausted, I answered "Okay I'll go. Maybe it'll get my mind off things...".

Mal smiled. "That's my girl." She cheered, standing up, "Get something warm. It's cold outside." She opened her closet. "Evie made me a beanie."

I smiled. "That's cute." I said, "Are the others coming too?"

"Yeah I texted the group chat."

"You did?" I reached into my pocket for my phone.

The purple haired girl laughed. "Yes. But I guess you were too busy daydreaming to notice." She answered, "Now get up and move it, Isle Orphan."

The barbecue was located behind the academic building. Everyone was already there when Mal and I arrived, including Doug, Lonnie and Jane.

I waved hi at Jane and she waved back, holding a pack of raw chicken wings in her other hand. Ben was helping her lay it out on the grill. Jay and Carlos were trying to get the fire going. I wouldn't be surprised if the pieces of paper they were burning was their own homework. Evie and Doug were standing by the fire, talking... hopefully not about quadratic equations.

I was attacked by Lonnie. "What's up, Brae?" She said, putting an arm around my shoulder.

I was attempted to answer a sarcastic "the sky" but she quickly interrupted.

"We're setting up. Cute beanie by the way."

"It's Mal's."

"There you go!" Jay shouted proudly, arms spread in victory. The fire was up and running.

Carlos looked up, smiling widely, hands stretched towards the smokey flames for warmth. I decided to avoid him for the night.

Evie came over and gave me a hug. "I hope you came to have fun, cause that's exactly what we're doing tonight."

It was breezy. The dark outlines of oak trees painted the canvas, keeping the moon out of sight and creating a soothing atmosphere. I tucked a strand of loose hair behind my ear, sitting down on one of the foldable chairs in front of the fire.

"Did anyone bring the marshmallows?" Doug was asking.

Jane settled into the chair next to me, looking a lot more comfortable around us than this morning. "Mom said she ran out." She called back at him.

"Aw-man."

Carlos was fanning the fire. "Guys, you should really put the grill on before this goes out."

"Incoming!" And Ben did just that.

"Chicken wings?" Mal remarked.

Ben grinned at her. "Ever had 'em before?"

"I don't think so?"

"It's amazing." Lonnie said, joining the circle, "Someone help me pass out the forks."

Within a few minutes we were all seated around the blazing fire without any marshmallows. Big sad.

A small brown coated mutt came running between my legs and leaped into Carlos' lap.

"I didn't realize you brought Dude along." Jane said, pulling her skirt down when the wind picked up.

"Well, it's more like he followed me here." Carlos chuckled, running his hand onto Dude's fur, "Wanna hold him?"

"Sure."

I watched Jane scoot her chair towards Carlos. Dude was picked up, then placed into her arms. I couldn't help but notice the way Carlos was staring at her, a tenderness that could be seen even with the brutal marks on his face. I tore my eyes away from them.

"Evie." I blurted out.

The blue haired girl turned to me. "Everything okay?" She asked, seeing the expression on my face. I could tell she was dying to ask that question since we parted earlier.

Without thinking, I stood up and grabbed hold of her arm. "I- I need to talk to someone. Please."

"Of course." She placed her hands on my shoulders, then called to the group. "Brae and I are taking a walk. We'll be back."

I avoided everyone's eyes and let Evie lead me away from the campfire.