It had been over a week since I left Mumbai, I left everything, my friends, my work, my... Love. I had returned back to the place I belonged at, home, Delhi. The day I left home, dad broke all his relations with me. I knew I had hurt him a lot and I knew I could never heal the wound I gave him but it was surprise as well as a shocker for me.
When I came back, he welcomed me with open arms. I hugged my teddy bear papa and we both cried together. I had always been daddy's little princess. He had always treated me like a princess and had given me everything I asked for. Being the youngest at home, I was the most pampered child. My sister Radhika was 4 years elder to me.
I hadn't told anyone them about me returning back but everyone was happy to have me at home once again specially dad. He said he had forgiven me long back and that he wasn't upset anymore. He was just happy to have his daughter back home. I told them that I left Mumbai forever, that I was never leaving them again. My mother and my sister figured there was something wrong with me because they had known about my so called relationship with that man. But daddy was the happiest! It felt so good so see smiling faces around me. All that had been broken inside me, remained broken. I didn't try to heal it, I didn't want to because if I let the hurting this escape then I would have eventually forgotten whatever happened that night and I didn't want that. I didn't want to forget anything. I wanted to remember every harsh word that he had spoken for me, every bad thing he had said to me so that I am never able to forgive him. I didn't want to forgive him for what he had done to me, to us.

"Mom.. Di.. I'm pregnant." I was charged with heaps of questions by them as to why I left Mumbai, what had happened between me and Parth because the only reason for leaving the city could have been him. "What!?" They both said in unison. It was shocker for them, obviously. I told them whatever had happened with me, how that guy had humiliated me in front of everyone and how he had blamed me for everything.

"I was shattered mumma" I said as tears rolled down my cheeks, those uncontrollable tears. "Mumma usko mujhpe zara sa bhi trust nahi hai! He doesn't care about our child." I howled like a dog and placed my head on her laps. It felt so good to sleep in there. Her laps were even more comforting than his arms. She listened to everything very quietly as I narrated everything to her. "Mumma main kya karoongi? I left that place but I don't know what I will do, I didn't have anywhere else to go isliye I came back. I was afraid papa won't accept me but he did." I cried again remembering how I had hurt my father when I walked out of the house. It pained me a lot then, and it still did. I walked out of the house without his permission and yet he had accepted me back happily without asking me any questions.

I thought that my mother and my sister would shout and scream and blame me for everything what I had did but they didn't. They both accepted me as I was, me and my baby. "He didn't seem that way on the phone... I didn't know he could stoop to this level and what for? What was your fault? You could not live with a man who is so insecure and disgusting. Niti trust is on what love grows. If there's no trust, then no matter how much the person loves you, you cannot spent a lifetime together." My mother had been totally impressed by Parth and his sincerity towards me but after hearing what he had done, she was disgusted by him. "Its good that you left him. He doesn't deserve my princess... Has he tried to contact you?" I nodded in a no and cried digging my head in her laps. She comforted me and told me that a everything will be okay soon.

I was changed, everyone noticed at home. The girl who filled the house with her giggles didn't even smile properly now. The smile lingered on my face only when I was around dad. I didn't want him to get the slightest hint of my messed up life. I wanted to hide the truth from him for whatever time I could. Otherwise I would keep quite, sit in a corner of my room and weep all day long. I wouldn't interact much with anyone, I wouldn't let mom around me either because with her around I would feel sick about myself. I had done so many mistakes, I had come home pregnant by a man who didn't even bother to check whether I was dead or alive. I felt disgusting about myself to have fallen for a guy who didn't respect me.

"Enough of crying Niti. Enough of wasting tears on that jerk! If he really would have cared he would have come back to you, he would have tried contacting you but he didn't. And you cannot waste your tears for such a person. What's done is done and you cannot change it. But never ever forget what he did to you. You have to let the broken pieces be how they are, broken. Because if you try to fix them, you will end up forgiving that person and that would be injustice to you and your baby." I told myself this and wiped off the running tears. I promised myself and my baby that I will cry for that person. Never again!

"I will raise you all by myself baby and I love you sabse zyada!" I placed a hand on my belly trying to feel my baby, though it was too early to feel anything.

----

"Niti.. Listen to me." My sister and I shared the same room, she didn't want me to be alone in this state. Either mom or di were always around me. It was good to have people who love you around.

"Haan di bolo.. Kya hua?"I sat on the bed next to her folding my legs and crossing them over.

"Niti, please.. Ek baar meri baat sunle, just once and then do whatever you want to.. Bus just one time.." I knew where this conversation would lead to, Parth.

"Di please! Maine kaha hai na I don't want to talk about that person." I had told both mom and di that I didn't want to even hear his name, let alone talking about him.

"Niti please babu bus this one time and I swear I will never force you into this.. Just one time for my satisfaction."she pleaded to me.

"Di please, mera baby sun lega.. Please don't talk of him in front of my baby." I tried to avoid the topic.

"Beta abhi uske ears develop nahi hue hai.. Toh woh kuch nahi sun sakta.. Nitu please stop diverting the topic! Mere liye please just once talk to me about it."

"Kya baat karoon main di? You tell me?" I was getting irritated again. I didn't want to talk about him but she still wanted to talk only and only about him.

"Tu kuch mat bata, main jo bol rahi bus vo sunle. Niti, you know that he loved you a lot right?" I felt like laughing at her. Seriously? Like how can she even think that?

"Di tu theek hai na..? Bukhaar toh nahi tujhe? Do you really think if he would have loved me, he would have done whatever he did!? Like seriously?"

"Niti jo usne kiya.. That had nothing do with whether he loved you or not. Jo bhi usne kiya was out of anger and you know it too. Tune he bataya tha na mujhe about his sudden mood swings and all.. "

"Toh tu kehna chahti hai that I shouldn't have left him? Haan?" I couldn't understand what she wanted to say. She was talking absolute nonsense!

"Niti nahi.. Main ye nahi keh rahi that what you did was wrong lekin have you ever thought why he said all of that? Why he got so affected by Tushar's presence?"

"Because he's an insecure and a coward man! He was scared when I told him I was pregnant! He was so jealous and insecure of Tushar! He didn't trust me a bit di!" I screamed at her. I never talked to my sister in that tone but she was being absurd!

"Niti.. Maine tujhe pehle bhi kaha tha to stay away from Tushar didn't I? Didn't I tell you that you should stay away from him. Didn't I warn you that guy would bring you trouble? I always did. And you always ignored me. Niti, Parth's jealousy wasn't because Tushar was your best friend, it was because he knew that he had feelings for you! It was because he had sensed it. Niti maine kaha tha tujhe mujhe uss ladke se.. Creepy vibes aate hai, kaha tha ke nahi? Bata?"

"Haan kaha tha.." I remembered the time when di had too warned me about Tushar. But I didn't get any creepy vibes from him, I didn't feel like he had any feelings for me besides friendship.

"Niti, Parth had felt the same. Usne mujhse ek din poocha tha about Tushar and I had only asked him to keep Tushar away from you. But you never listened to him!" I knew that Parth sometimes used to talk to my sister too. I didn't say anything and let her speak. "Niti tera ye stubbornness is also a reason to whatever has happened today agar tu sun leti uski baat toh shayad aaj situation kuch aur hoti.."

"Di why are you defending him? Has he been talking to you lately?" She was finding out mistakes in me and I didn't know why.

"Babu you are not understanding sweety, no matter how much you hide, I know it hurts you a lot. I know how broken you are. Faking a smile in front of us won't do any good to you. You need to be happy from inside, khud ke liye nahi toh for this baby of yours.. And Niti your happiness lies with him and only him. I know you love him so much varna you wouldn't have got yourself pregnant! Niti I know usne bahut bura kiya hai tere sath.. I know that one reason behind it was Tushar, why exactly I don't know but Tushar's feelings towards you was definitely one major reason. Niti he must have been afraid to lose you.. Dekh, I know tu zyada jaanti hai usko, I know you lived every moment of the pain he had given you and you still are living with it lekin Niti if not for yourself but at least for this baby, you have to talk to him once." She put her hand over mine and caressed the back of it.

"Di tu ye soch bhi kaise sakti hai? How can you think of it? I am never in my life talking to him. I am never going to go and beg for him. I can raise my baby all by myself and I will!" I was absolutely sure of what I wanted and that definitely didn't include him. I didn't want him anywhere around me. His presence would make me sick and I would feel even more disgusting about myself.

"Niti, just think, the guy who loved you so much.. Suddenly started behaving in weird manner.. Kyun?" She kept on trying to talk me into it. For a moment I was confused whose side she was on.

"Di who's side are you on?" I asked her getting fed up for her persuasion.

"Of course yours baby.." She cupped my left cheek with her left hand.

"Then stop trying to talk me into it because you will only waste your time and your energy. I am never looking back at that person ever again." I said that loud and clear. I didn't want to be with him. At that moment, all I felt for him was hate. I hated him. I hated him for making me fall for him. I hated him for loving me so much. I hated him for making me used to him. I hates him for those warm kisses that he gave me every night. I hated him for holding me so close to him while sleeping. I hated him for everything he had done! All the good memories we had made too made me feel sick of myself. I didn't realise when tears started flowing from my eyes. I was again crying for him, because of him!

"Hey, don't cry.. Baby please.. " she wiped my tears off but they didn't stop flowing.

"Di you don't know how I felt that day.." I was sobbing and speaking at the same time, I myself couldn't understand what I was saying but I still spoke. ".. Di poora one month we didn't speak to each other. Ek he ghar mein rehte the, we shared the same room, we worked at the same place, we traveled in the same car but he didn't talk to me seedhe muh! Why? Because I didn't throw Tushh out of my life! If he would have showed a little trust in me na.. Toh di things would have been different! Di his mother once told me.. He had a terrible past, some bad relationship that had taken away all his happiness. But di main.. Maine jab bhi usse poocha, usne mujhse kabhi kuch nahi bataya. I thought ki he will tell me with time.. Lekin di maybe usko mujhpe itna bhi trust nahi tha. Di jis relationship main trust he nahi hai.. Then what kind of a relation is it?" The tears falling from my eyes didn't stop even for a moment. It was like I couldn't hide the pain anymore. With every word I spoke, my heart broke into pieces. He had broken me badly and no matter how much I tried to be strong and brave, I couldn't.

"Niti.." She tried to calm me down but I didn't. I wanted to let it all out once and for all. She hugged me tight and I cried in her arms.

"Do you know what all he said that night? Di pehle toh usne sabke samne he raised question on my character! He accused me of playing with his feelings, he accused me of fooling around with him all this while. Di fooling around? I bloody loved him!" I sobbed harder as I spoke of the reality of my life. " I loved him a lot di! Aur pata hai di.." I said wiping my tears, a faint smile rested on my lips ".. I would have forgiven him di, main sab kuch bhool jaati and I would have stayed there with him, main bhool jaati all the humiliation and embarrassment, sab kuch, I would have stayed with him di, uske sath, uske pass if he hadn't said all that after returning back." I told her how I got him back from the party and how I woke him up and told him about me being pregnant with his baby. "Di main shayad try karti uske sath a fresh start karne ki, I might have tired to forget all the humiliation I faced that night only if he didn't told me to go away with 'this' child. He said he had nothing to do with me or 'this' child! He is his bloody baby too! Main khudse pregnant thodi hui thi!" She again wiped the running tears.
"Di but now, its enough! Enough of sobbing and crying over him. He never respected me. He never cared enough. He never trusted me! Just by saying he did didn't mean he actually did! Uske words and uske actions kabhi match nahi karte the.. Di jo insaan apne past ko hold karke baitha hai and he doesn't let it go vo kaise apne present ya future ko live karega? How will he move on when he's not ready to let go of his past, of his insecurities!" I let it all out. Everything that had been inside me, everything I had wanted to say out loud, I said it loud and clear that day. Even though he wasn't there to listen, I just said it all. I couldn't hold on anymore. "You know what, even his mother agreed to me.. That it's him and his insecurities and his past that he is still holding on to. Agar usne mujhse share kiya hota na di I would helped him.. Main usse help karti to come out of it but he toh didn't trust me na." I gathered all my courage again, wiped off my tears and got up from the bed.

"Choti, theek hai, you want to forget him, bhool ja, I can't see you in pain, tujhse uske sath khushi milti tu uske sath reh, uske bina milti hai toh usse dhoor reh but Niti you have to stay happy. You have to stay stress free, for this baby. Baby ko tension nahi dena hai na.." She said in a child-like tone putting her hand on my tummy.

"Till the time he doesn't get over his past, till the time he doesn't stop fighting with himself, till the time he doesn't learn how to trust people, he will remain to be the monster he is. No one will ever love him until he doesn't get himself out of his insecurities. Because only he can do that for his own betterment. And as far as I am concerned, I am never forgiving or forgetting what he did to me. I am sure I can give my baby everything and I don't need him for anything." I put my hand on my tummy and tried to feel him again. "I will love you sabse zyada." I whispered softly as if trying to talk to my unborn baby and smiled.