Jerome, AZ
September 24th, 2018
13:42:06

Welp, what can I say? I don't wanna sound cliche, but some ugly guy kidnapped me... on my birthday. Hooray for me!

My story starts in a small town in Arizona, population 460. It's a ghost town, basically. Just a drive through it gives you shivers down your spine. Thankfully, I was blindfolded and gagged at the time of my arrival.

Now, I should probably admit it now before I get in too deep; I'm not your normal teenager. No, I'm not secretly a fairy or queen of mermaids or whatever, I'm just a little... weird. So getting kidnapped? Not the worst thing that could happen

One of the benefits to being kidnapped is that you never know what's gonna happen next. I can't say I was giddy, per se. Truth be told, I was sure I was gonna die, and the very thought of it made my stomach churn and my legs go numb. Call me what you may, but deep down, under mounds of fear and guilt and angst, I love that feeling.

Now, back to the main story.

I won't get into too may details, but halfway through the day I found myself blindfolded and gagged, which isn't very pleasant, if I do say so myself. I was attacked from behind, but it seemed my kidnappers were weaker than the ones they show in movies. They couldn't knock me out after binding me up and throwing me into what I assumed to be the back seat of some crappy American-made car. The engine kept sputtering, and damn, it took a really long time to accelerate. But I didn't have too much time to analyze the car's make and model before it hit me that this wasn't a hallucination; it was real.

Honestly, it was the most boring car ride of my life. I could distinctly hear 2 different people breathing at different paces, but neither one spoke a word the whole time.

I whined and screamed a little at the start, but then I stopped myself when I realized I had nothing to live for anyway. Might as well see where they take me, right?

I could sit here all day and tell you all the things I thought of on that car ride - how I imagined my mother crying over my dead, broken body, etc. etc. But that's not important.

So anyway, we arrived. The engine finally shut off - all that sputtering was getting on my nerves! The two in the front got out and one of them opened the car door I was leaning against, and I toppled head-first onto the hard cement. I finally understood what seatbelts were for, and I was a little sour my kidnappers didn't have the common decency to secure mine.

What I was more sour about was how they let me just lie there for a good 2 minutes, moaning from the headache the fall gave me and screeching to at least be picked up. Finally, two hands jabbed themselves under my armpits and inexpertly yanked me up until I stood on my feet, trying to balance with my ankles and wrists both bound together with zip ties.

"Walk", a gruff voice from beside me barked, jabbing me with something hard in my side. A putrid stench wafted towards my nostrils when he talked, and I almost choked when it hit me. I made a mental note to only breath out of my mouth as long as I was within 3 miles of him.

"Um, yea, I can't really go anywhere with my ankles bound together." I responded, turning my head to the general direction the voice came from. How dumb can this guy be? I thought.

I heard some shuffling, and then a snap! and my ankles were free at last.

"Now walk, smartass" the man spit out again. He jabbed the rod even harder into my side. I shuffled along, slowly, unsure of which way I was headed and barely able to keep my balance because I was still, you know, blindfolded and handcuffed (with zip ties... I don't know the verb for that. Hand zipped? Zipcuffed?).

"Is that a.. gun?" The words barely escaped my lips and my heart sunk. If they were armed I'd have to stop making sarcastic remarks! I may not care about what happens to me but I don't want to get shot for annoying my captors.

"Yea, missy, it's a gun. Now move it!" The voice was coarse, like it had spent 30 years inhaling filterless cigarettes and kidnapping people.

Despite the fact that I didn't want to die, I couldn't keep my fat mouth shut. "How do I know that's a gun? It could be a toy and I'd never know"

Suddenly I heard a shot go off above me and the clang of bullet hitting metal as I dropped to the floor.

"Proof enough, you little bitch?" The man yelled viciously, pulling me up by my hair. I screamed a little bit when I felt the guilt of the gun jab into my back again I let my voice die down to a whimper.

"Y-yes sir" I mumbled, and continued walking as he tugged me along by my hair. My poor, precious hair. I imagined blood-red tuffs of perfectly healthy hair leaving a trail behind me, because when you're kidnapped that's the very first thing you think about, of course.

I'd like to say our walk took like 3 hours and it seemed to be in a cold dark alley where you could hear little girls getting beat up, but it was nothing like that.

Within 30 seconds we were off the street and in some place air conditioned - it was really sweet, he opened the door for me! I could hear a few people talking around us as we walked through the place but nobody seemed to pay any attention to the blindfolded girl and the guy with a gun. It seemed like we were in a grocery store, the voices seemed to be having in depth conversations about the price of cantaloupes. A few short strides later we got into an elevator and went down, although I couldn't tell how many floors. The elevator was empty, as far as I could tell, and soon there was a "ding" and the doors opened.

As soon as they did, a blast of music hit my ears and I stumbled backwards, appalled. The fuck is going on? I wondered, probably aloud.

"IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS, GETTING TIED UP IN CHAINS, IF YOU KIDNAPPED A MINOR, THEN PUT A GUN TO HER BRAINS", a crowd of people sang in unison with the music. They ruined my favorite song! I thought to myself, which shocked me more than the whole getting-kidnapped-and-forced-into-a-party thing.

Rough hands pulled my hair as the knot on the scarf covering my eyes was undone, and it fell to the floor while my eyes adjusted to the bright LED lights.

A completely white laboratory filled with ecstatic scientist-looking people surrounded me, cheering and whooping and singing. Lab tables were laid out in a grid and beakers and microscopes were organized neatly on each one, except for one table which was covered in cookies and red cups. I barely had enough time to take it all in before a short, bald, ugly-looking man appeared from behind me, and that stench surprised my nostrils once again. The room went silent in anticipation. He pointed a pistol at my forehead and pressed the cold metal against my skin, smiling.

"Welp, it was nice knowing you." I said to the man, and closed my eyes, ready to die. I wasn't, actually. Nobody's ever really ready to die. But I was as ready as I could be.

"WAIT" a voice shouted from across the room. My eyes fluttered open and the ugly guy jerked his head over his shoulder, seeming pissed that someone interrupted his murder. That is, until his eyes met with those of the woman who'd interrupted him. His face went pale and he dropped the gun to the floor, and then I saw her.

**************************************
[A/N]
I hate to be that author with an announcement at the start of the book but I guess there are a few things that should be said

First off, hi! Thanks for reading my book and I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it

Also sorry this first chapter's so weird, it gets better I promise

Chapter 9's already been published by the time I decided to write an author's note so I guess that shows how disorganized I am with this whole thing XD

References such as those to Harry Potter, Michael Vey, other books, restaurants, companies, etc. all belong to their original owners. They are not mine but this is me acknowledging that so don't sue me. I am not claiming them as mine, simply referencing them for the purpose of the plot.

Furthermore, there may be references to living political figures and other famous people, such as Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian. Again said references are just references and not my own work.

There are a few characters based off of people I know in real life, and who's consent has been given before their personalities and identities were used in the making of the characters. Any and all characters are either purely fiction or based off of a consenting real person.

Besides references and consenting characters, all material in this book is MINE. That's right, don't take it.
M. I. N. E. Totally original.

I don't actually know how to do copyrights so now that that's out there....

The basis for this book came from a game my brother and his friends played. Each of them had special powers and they pretended they were trapped in a cell and had to escape. They dragged me into it once and I spent 3 days deciding what my powers should be, and when I finally "discovered" them I loved them so much that it brought back the 4-year-old in me. I decided the best way to live out the powers I'd never have would be to write them in a book.

But that didn't work out so I wrote about pickles instead. Yeet for creativity.

IF YOU LIKE PINA COLADAS
AND READING DUMB PARODIES
IF YOU SEEM TO LIKE THIS BOOK
THEN JUST KEEP SCROLLING ⬇️⬇️😜

-BloodCurler

P.S. reading through this again, I realize just how sleep deprived I was when I wrote this cheesy piece of-