Hello to all of my super awesome readers! Sorry for the wait for this chapter and it's somewhat pathetic length, but school work and somewhat of a social life has been taking its toll on me.  I'm not used to actually having things to do!  Anyways...this story is about to start dwindling down to the end, just so that all of you are aware.  But never fear! I have yet another story in the works that I'll probably be posting soon :)

So anywho...I hope you like this chapter and will leave me some awesome feedback by voting and commenting.  I'll love you forever if you do!

Chelsea x

OoOoO

Where are you? :) 

Hey 

It's lunch time Nay...that means you go to the cafeteria.  

We were supposed to eat lunch together, right? Or did I just dream that convo? 

Nay? 

Are you ok? 

I'm sitting on the toilet as I read these. The fucking toilet. Ever since Drew practically unleashed all of my worries right back at me, I haven't been able to grab a firm hold of my mind. It's been running rampant ever since. 

Do I just swallow all of my worries and stay with Lucas, or do I act upon those worries, tell him that I can't be with him, all the while breaking my heart in the process? I honestly cannot decide. I love being with him I truly do. All of the kisses, all of the caresses, the sweet words...they make me happier than anything ever has.  

But although this is true, the uncertainty of his feelings toward me makes my mind an absolute clouded mess. Does he truly love me like he says he does? I used to think so...but that was because I was so happy that he actually had romantic feelings for me that I forgot to think straight. Now I'm thinking that maybe, just maybe, he doesn't like me as much as he claims and is going to get over me just like he got over Destiny. 

He does have such a knack for ditching people. 

Is he going to do it to me again? 

And if he does, will I be able to handle it? 

Not at all, a little voice in my head says, and I know it to be true. It hurt so badly the first time; so, so bad. And that was when we were just friends. It's going to be so much worse if he does it after we've gotten together in the way that we've always wanted. I'm in love with him, I know that much. And he claims that he loves me too.  

What if he suddenly decides that he doesn't love me? 

I don't know if I'll ever be able to think about the answer to that question. 

Bending forward, I rest my elbows on my knees and then gather my head into my hands. This is getting to be too much. I just want to get away from everything; not have to talk to anyone, to just be by myself without any distractions, any gorgeous blonde guys who claim that they love me when they truly don't.  

I just want to leave so that I can think without my phone buzzing every few minutes with a text message from said blonde boy. 

I run my fingers through my hair and sigh, praying that the tears that have been threatening to fall all day don't. That'd be so embarrassing if people saw. My first day back and I can't even contain myself.  

This is getting to be seriously ridiculous.  

oOoOo 

"Zara?" I call out the moment that I get to the book store, my bags heavy as they hang from my shoulders. I ditched school. For the first time in my entire life, I didn't go to the office to get a check out slip before I left. No. Instead I just wiped my eyes, removed myself from that grody bathroom stall I'd been occupying forever, and just walked out the side exit. 

No one saw me. 

I caught the city bus just a few yards from the school and rode it to Zara's house, where I then proceeded to pack all of my things and shove it into my duffel bag. From there I was just going to take another city to the transit bus station, but then decided on telling the one person who has always had my back and who has been always been so good to me my plans. 

Even though I'm so ready to flee the city, I need to tell Zara bye. I have to. She's the only person who is always there for me. 

The metal door clanks in closure behind me, and soon after I hear the finalized close, Zara comes heading out of the stacks and shoots me a confused look. "What are you doing here? It's school time, isn't it?" 

I nod meekly, somewhat worried because she isn't her chill mood like she always is. I was sincerely hoping for that mood, seeing as how it makes telling her things so much easier than when she's in her Mama-Bear mood. That mood has been rearing its head at my life so much more frequently now that I'm living with her. 

Knowing that it's going to hurt her feelings and knowing that she's probably going to call me stupid for even considering this let alone doing it, I honestly confess, "I just...I wanted to say goodbye. I talked to my mom today...she's arranging for me a take a bus to meet her up in Idaho." 

Zara just stares at me in response, her brown eyes so accusatory and disappointed that it makes tears start to well up in my eyes. I know that I'm hurting her by doing this, know that I'm probably making her feel like she was an awful roommate because I'm going back to my horrible mother. I know that she probably thought she was doing so well with me since I've been smiling lately, acting happier than I actually ever have. Judging by the awful look in her eye, I know that she's thinking that she failed. 

I don't want her to feel that way, I really don't. I want her to know how much I love her and how she's always going to take up a huge chunk of my heart. I want her to know that she's been more of a mother to me than my own mom ever has. I want her to know that I always feel at home and at ease when I'm in her presence. 

But I also want her to know that I'm not happy here anymore. I might not be happy in Idaho with my mom and my aunt, but there's a bigger chance of me finding my niche there than there is here. I've tried this town all of my life and all it has done is screw me over. It's kicked me when I've been down and I'm done...I'm done just laying there and letting it do that. 

So I'm finally going to do what I've wanted to do for years. 

I'm going to run away. 

I just have to leave someone that I love so dearly to do that. 

"Zara..." I say softly, wanting that look to be wiped clean off of her face. I hate that I've made her look so defeated and angry with me. "This town...it's not for me. Not in the slightest. You're the only person I have here and I'm sorry...but I need more. And I know that sounds completely terrible, but it's the truth. I need to find somewhere where I'm accepted...not where I'm always the butt of someone's joke." 

She says, "Who's made you feel this way, Nay? You're not the butt of a joke to anyone." 

"I am to everyone at that high school," I tell her solemnly, feeling some part of my stomach hollow out at the words. I hate that everyone at that high school thinks that I'm someone to pity. I hate that people feel sorry for me, that they don't think I'm the strong person I like to think that I am. No. They all just think that I'm some loser whose dad committed suicide and someone who has in love with their best friend who doesn't love them back. 

I'm done being that girl. 

I want to be a new girl. 

She sighs and says, "I know you can overcome all of that though! You graduate in just a few months, and then it'll all be over." 

"I don't want to have to wait for that," I tell her truthfully, "I've been miserable there for as long as I can remember. I finally have my out. I want to take it." 

She shakes her head, yet another sign of her disappointment in me, and says, "I honestly thought you were stronger than that, hon." 

I feel a tear finally escape my eye when she says this. I've always prided myself on being a strong, independent person. That's all I can be. My best friend sucks, I've come to realize, and so does my family. I have no one except the woman standing in front of me. I've had to be strong and independent; I had no choice in the matter. But I've always told myself that I've done a pretty damn good job at doing so. 

And to hear her tell me that I haven't, well...it hurts. She's taken away the one thing that I've always found pride in.  

I pathetically wipe away at the tear and tell her, "I thought so too...I guess not. But Zara...you don't understand how miserable I am here. You just don't get it, no one does. Everyone has their niche here except for me. I have nothing, no one. It's just me. That's not a life." 

"What about Lucas, eh? What about him? He's been there for you more this past month than I have and I've been living with you." 

Suddenly feeling angry at her for even bringing that up-does she honestly think that'll help-I scoff and say, "Yeah...like he actually meant any of that." 

He just felt for bad me like he always does. I'm just his pity case; I'm not the girl that he claims he's in love with. Yeah, right. He doesn't love me. He loves feeling like a decent human being because he's helped me out. It just makes him feel like a better person, that's all. 

And I'm done trying to make it seem otherwise. 

She shakes her head disbelievingly and says, "Really, Naomi? After everything the two of you have been through this past week, you're going to say that he doesn't care?" 

"Yes I am," I say coldly, mad at her that she's throwing this in my face right now. I just wanted to say bye to her because I love her, because she's always been there for me, and it's like she's trying to pick a fight with me or something. She's trying to piss me off and I really just don't understand why. "Because that's the truth." 

"That's complete bullshit," she says harshly, completely startling me. Not once in life have I ever heard Zara curse. She rarely even says elementary curse words like "crap" or "shut up". I always thought she was above that, was too pristine and calm for that.  

So to hear her use those words against me...it kind of hurts. 

She takes a step towards me and, in her most serious and almost intimidating tone of voice, she says, "I have come to really respect Lucas in the time he's worked here. He's never been late, never complained...never asked to leave early. And I see the way that he treats you, hell...the way that boy looks at you. He loves you whether you want to admit it or not." 

"No he doesn't," I insist, shaking my head back and forth. Lucas doesn't love me, not at all. He just can't. I'm his pity case; I was never even his friend. He never saw me the way that I saw him. I never meant as much to him as he did to me. It's impossible that he'd fall for me so quickly when he turned me down two years ago. It's just not plausible and I refuse to set myself up for that kind of hurt again. "Lucas, he...he doesn't even like me as a friend, Zara. I'm just his pity case, the girl his parents stuck him with because they felt bad for her." 

She says, "You need to stop being so scared of being hurt again. Lucas and I, we had a pretty long talk yesterday while he was working...and he's in love with you. No doubt." 

The minute that I feel that little bubble of hope start to arise in me, I know that I need to squash it. Zara must have misread his signals or misunderstood what he actually told her. I know that he doesn't love me. I know it, I know it, I know it. I'm not getting hurt again. I don't need another replay of these past two years. 

I swallow back whatever lingering emotion I have left about the whole topic and instead lean forward and embrace her in a hug. I'm done discussing this. I'm done having her make me feel guilty the minute that I'm doing something for myself. I've never allowed myself to be weak before, I want to do it now. I'm sick of hurting all of the time.  

So that's why, as I'm hugging her, I say, "I'll miss you, okay? And please don't hate me for leaving." 

She sighs, obviously displeased that I haven't listened to her arguments for my staying, but still hugs me back and responds, "I could never hate you, hon." 

I pull away from her and, surprisingly enough, feel my eyes once again begin to water at the thought of leaving her. Zara's always been my rock, always been the strong one there to hold me when I'm down. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do without her.  

She looks down at me and, contradicting her words just seconds before, says, "All I want is for you to be happy, Nay, believe me when I tell you that. Okay?" 

"Okay," I tell her with a smile, leaning down to the floor to pick up my things. I then swing my bag on over my shoulder and tell her, "I'll talk to you soon, I'm sure." 

"You better," she says, and with that she turns over her shoulder and then disappears back into the stacks of books.  

Feeling a wave of bittersweet emotion wash over me at the thought of leaving this place for good, I take one final look around, sigh, and then head on out towards the front door. I push it open, feeling the crisp late fall air brush over my face. I've gone in and out of this door so many times, multiple times a day usually, and now...this might be the last time I'm going to do it for a while. 

The strength of that realization hits me pretty hard; I'm not going to lie. But as I venture further out onto the sidewalk and look around, coming to terms with the fact that this is going to be that last time I walk these town streets for a long time, everything seems brighter.