The blinding lights would follow one another as I blinked, each time, I could hear a voice, one that called from a distance, the sound, the vibrato, it was one I recognized. I mean, how could I not, but then again, I was too drugged up to fully understand where I was, let alone who might be with me and who might just be a figment of my imagination.

I could hear the voice of the people around me, a face comes close to mine "Marritza, Marritza stay with us okay, you stay with us" the face with a colorful cap on moved away as I felt my eyes turn to the back...

🖤

"Mario, Mario, wake up, is the first day of summer, mamá and papá are taking us to visit Abuelita and Abuelito in Puerto Rico, hurry up MARIOOOOOO" screamed my little brother Jorge as I opened one eye, I looked at him and turned in bed covering my face with a pillow. Not understanding that I wanted to continue sleeping he pulls my feet "come on Mario, we can't be late, you know how papá gets when we're not ready in time" I kicked "leave me alone Jorge"

🖤

I reopened my eyes briefly, the white lights on top of me kept me squinting my eyes, I felt nauseous, I heard the voice once again "Marritza, wake up Marritza" the person who was calling me squeezed my hand "Marritza, can you hear me Marritza? blink twice if you can hear me"

I did as they asked me and blinked twice, I took a deep breath but my chest was heavy, it felt like I had two bowling balls glued to it so I went to touch it "are, is this my" a person grabbed my hand "they are, and not to brag, but they are some of my best work" at that moment I came back to my sense, I knew where I was, I just didn't know how it turned out.

As they drag me out of the Operating Room, they push me down a hall, as we got closer and closer to the room I could hear the voices of people hushing each other, once we got in, I opened my eyes and saw that everyone was standing there with balloons and flowers in hand. From behind LuiG, Elenor clears her throat "hello my child" I smiled as widely as I could "mother, you are here" I winced in pain as she came closer " Marritza, my darling, try not to move, they already had to rush back into surgery, let's not make it a second time"

I felt back like in the old days, every time I would get hurt or do something that Elenor didn't approve of, she would be sure to let me know it, and well, no matter how long it had passed, mother Elenor was still looking after me, even as I laid on a hospital bed with my chest all banded and a swollen pain in between my legs. I tried to reach but Elenor grabbed my hand "you don't have anything to worry about, the doctor said the surgery was a success" in all my pain, I still managed to find the strength to smile "does that mean" the words got caught up in my throat "does that mean I am finally free" tears began to run down my cheeks.

Elenor, LuiG, some of my siblings from the House of Elenor, and my children came to hug me. They all stayed in for a little while until the nurse came in to change my bandages, they helped me get up and brought me close to a mirror, I remember being terrified, not knowing whether or not my breast would look good, but I took a deep breath as they began unfolding their works of art. As I stood there, I saw the last part of the elastic bandage come off and I could not believe it. The doctor looked at me "well, are you satisfied?" He looked at the incision "I mean, I know they don't look all great yet, but when the swelling goes down, I promise you, they will look fantastic"

I reached for his hand and squeezed it hard "thank you, thank you,  thank you, you have no idea what you just did for me" I took a deep breath "I am finally a woman, a real woman" the doctor squeezed my hand back "Marritza, you've always been a woman, you just look more like one now, but you have always been and always will be a woman, because that's who you are and no name, no certificate, no person can tell you otherwise" the nurse started wrapping me back up as I continued looking at myself in the mirror.

🖤

"I wish we could have met Elenor, see her in person, have her tell us a little bit about you," said Dani, I look at him and smile "then why am I telling you all of this for? Huh? You know what, that's enough story for today, you all have work tomorrow, and is already late" they all get up and start heading for their rooms.

Later in the night, I sit on the balcony, alone, with a glass of wine and my thoughts to keep me company, and so, I start to remember how my old life use to be, being Mario at school, family gatherings, and the memory of Jorge came to mind, it's been so long since I last saw him...

🖤

The next few days as I laid in bed people kept coming and going and suddenly everyone goes quiet as someone knocks on the door "can I come in?" I turn to look who it was "JORGEEEEEE" I winced in pain as I felt the stitches on my right breast ache. He came into the room with a broad smile "how are you doing? He asks me, seeing him so comfortable around me made me happy, when we last saw each other I was marching my way through the streets of New York in a wig and baggy clothes.

Now, I was wearing a hospital gown, my hair was long and natural, my boobs as real as I was and I was finally the best version of myself. So, I called him over to sit by the side of the bed "Jorge, these are my friends and family" I looked at everyone "everyone this is my little brother Jorge" they all waved at him.

My little brother smiled at them, and as if on cue, Elenor asked everyone to give the two of us some privacy. As everyone left, Jorge closed the door and looked at me "so, you are finally the woman you were born to be" I looked at him, bittersweetness taking over me, it being so long, yet it felt like no time had passed. But then he had to open his mouth.

🖤

I went back inside my apartment, I closed the balcony door and turn towards the kitchen, Lilibeth stands in the hallway, hiding within the darkness "mother, are you alright" she asks me. "Lilibeth, what are you still doing up?" I say as I stop to look at her, she turns the nightlight on "I don't know, I just couldn't sleep, when you mentioned your mother Elenor I could sense it bothered you, and judging by how you were all alone in the balcony at night, I guess I was right"

That clever girl, she can read me like a book, but then again, our shared experiences bring us together. I continue walking to the kitchen and she joins me "are you alright?" I opened the faucet "honestly, I have told the story of my life so many times I don't usually pay attention to my own emotions, I like telling these stories to all of you, sharing my experiences, but, this year marks the tenth anniversary of my birth father's death" I take a deep breath "and when he was on his deathbed, well, it was just too painful to relieve the things he put me through"

Even after everything she has been through, she still can't understand where I am coming from "you never forgave him?" She asks me, I turned to her "life is more complicated than apologies and forgiveness, he put me through hell, he disowned me, rejected me, even if the times were different and people didn't see things as openly as some do now, I was his child, and instead of loving me for who I was, he treated me like I had wrong him"

"But you always tell us not to go around carrying any resentment towards those who did us wrong," she says, to which I respond "I do, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you have to forgive to let go" I take a breath and grab her hands in mine "you see, moving forward is about learning to accept what has happened and taking the power that it may hold on you. When you find a way to reclaim that power, to own it, in whichever way you do, you don't need to forgive someone."

She looks at me "I don't get it, how can you move forward without forging people, that's like being stuck in your resentment" "Lilibeth, forgiveness comes in many ways, for me, it was about forging myself for thinking that everything he once said was true, for believing him when he told me I was a disgrace, for not allowing myself to be who I was born to be because of the fear of what might happen, so, when the time came to decide between going back to the place I allowed all of those things to happen and staying in the place where I chose to never let it happen again, I chose to stay, because this is my home, this is where I was meant to be"

She smiles at me and I caress her cheek "life is far more complicated than just flipping coins through life waiting to which side lands on top, you have the power to decide the things that will affect you and the things that simply won't. My biological father was a loving man when he needed to be, but he was also abusive, mean, hurtful, filled with doubt, that doesn't make him a bad person, he just simply was a bad person and father towards me, my experience with him doesn't define him, just like his with me doesn't define me"

Lilibeth hugs me "I hope one day I can be as wise as you Marritza" I hold her tight "Life is a rollercoaster, the only difference, you have the power to decide when you go high, and when you go low, but until then, make sure to simply enjoy the ride" I let her go and stare into her eyes "for you only have one life, and it is your job to make sure it is the best life you can live"

🦄

Hey Queendom, the ninth chapter of Welcome to Vogue comes out on Thursday. I will be releasing two chapters per week as usual.

In the meantime remember to check up on yourself and those you love not just today or this month but always, but most importantly, remember to LOVE.

💜 HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🤍