Remember when I mentioned I chose to leave the House of Elenor? Well, this is the part where I tell you how it well down. I know most of this story has had a sad tone to it, but this is not the case. Although I did struggle moving forward from that day, I have chosen to skip a few minor details of the story and get to the good stuff.

This is the part of the story in which I tell you how I came to tell Elenor I was leaving, and how everyone in the house reacted. In one year and seven months, I grew in so many ways, I learned, I better myself but most of all, I lost the fear of being alone.

I may not agree with everything Elenor did or continues to do nor her approach to certain things, but she said something to me once, and that one thing was true. The day I left her house, I did so ready to take over the world.

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It was June 9, 1987, we were getting ready to give it our all on the floor. The music was loud, everyone was clapping and cheering on as the House of Cleopatra walked out of the spotlight. Suddenly, everything went dark, the music started playing a trivial beat, lights started to swirl around the room and from the stage, Christopher shouted with his deep deep voice "AND NOOOOW, LETS WELCOME THE HOUSE OF ELENOR TO THE FLOOR" everyone started screaming in support.

Mother Elenor walked in the center of us all, she looked radiant, her hair was big and shiny, her lips bright as always, her eyeliner was the focal point of her face that night. After some of my brothers and sister took the stage, the time came for me to take my place. I had Joshua design me a white and sparkly silver top, the sleeves were made out of feathers. Everyone stared in awe, I walked into that spotlight wearing the highest of hills, a red velvet leather high waist pantsuit, and the deadliest of faces, that night I was in it to win it, and everyone could see it.

"MY OH MY, MARRITZA FROM THE HOUSE OF ELENOR CAME TO GIVE IT ALL ON OUR FINAL BALL OF THE SEASON" everyone started cheering, in my mind, all I could think about was how none of those people knew I wasn't giving it all because it was the season finale, but because I was never coming back to dance and perform for them, and so I smiled, the brightest of smiles for that was my moment, that was my glory day.

As the performance came to an end, all the contestants from the category of Top Underdog gathered in the middle of the floor, very pageant-like, and we all held hands as Christopher walked to the podium in the center of the stage "and now, coming in, in fifth place" the room went silent, I could feel the drops of sweat running down my back, my heart beating at the rhythm of drums, my eyes pulsating, I wanted to win so badly, and as he took a deep breath so did I "MARRITZAAAAA FROM THE HOUSE OF ELENOR".

To the eyes of the world, I was just as happy as if I had won that night, but in my head, I could feel anything but disappointment, for an entire year and a half I'd been working my ass off to take home the first-place trophy, to feel like I added something to the House of Elenor, that I repaid her, my mother for everything she had done for me, but I couldn't keep up.

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June 10 was a bitter day, I bought my plane ticket that day, I competed in my last ballroom in New York, it felt like I was leaving and I didn't accomplish everything I wanted, but, that's what life is all about my children, falling and rising again. New York might not give me the best of days nor nights for that matter, but it was because of everything I went through in that State, in its cities, its streets that I ended up here, with you, becoming a mother of my own.

Now, where was I, ah yes, I was going to tell Elenor I was leaving three days from that day and well, she took it better than I could've expected, but you'll see, don't let me spoil the story just yet.

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We arrived later that night at Elenor's house, we lost to the House of Cleopatra, again. The moods were all over the place, so we decided to dance it out. Elenor turned on the vinyl player, grabbed a record, and just like that, the glorifying, mesmerizing melodies of none other than the queen Whitney Houston singing I want to dance with somebody took over the entire floor.

Angel grabbed my hand and pulled me, we started dancing and singing from the top of our lungs. That night felt good, it would be the perfect send-off, if only they knew I was leaving, but how could I tell them, what was I going to tell them "hey everyone I am leaving in three days" that would be one way to do it, but even after everything they put me through at the beginning, they were my family, they deserved better, so, I stopped the music and cleared my throat.

Everyone turned to look at me, Elenor eyed me suspiciously "is everything ok my child?" She asked me, I swallowed hard, the sound of my gulp making itself present "I have something important to tell you, all of you" they narrowed their eyes "my beginning in this house was not the happiest for me, I was dealing with a lot and learning the lessons that you all taught me the way that you did, did not help to my situation at the time, but, with time itself" I took a deep breath "I learned, became a real member of this house, this family, you all taught me many valuable lessons, you taught me to have courage, that there is love in the world, in our community, ourselves"

Elenor knew where I was going with my speech and so, she asked me "when and where are you leaving?" My eyes watered as she asked me that, Elenor was a tough mother, she had to be. I mean, she adopted nine children, took them under her roof, fed them, taught them, and helped them. I wish she did things differently, but at the end of the day, she did what she taught was best, and like every mother, she cared for her children in her way but cared so deeply that she knew us better than we knew ourselves.

I stuttered a little before I could finally give her an answer "June 13" everyone rushed to hug me, she looked over everyone "and where too?" "California" I replied as I was being embraced by my siblings.

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For the next to days, everyone was so mysterious around me, they barely said anything to me, I swore they were angry, but it was nothing like that. You see, that day, I received a weird note under my bedroom door, when I opened it there were instructions written in it "Dear Marritza before you leave, we wanted to give you a farewell, meet Joshua at the park where Elenor first found you, he will explain the rest, and wear something pretty"

I was a little taken by all the mystery, still, I did exactly what they asked. I changed my clothes, I took a pink shirt and twisted it in the back making it stay above my belly button with a brown leather skirt and boots, I grabbed the blonde wig and put it on, grabbed so makeup, you know, just like I liked it. Once I was done, I grabbed my purse and went on to meet with Joshua.

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As I arrived at the park, I could see my old self walking by with nothing but old used clothes, dirt all over my skin, and paranoia every time I turned to look around. I stood there, in those same sidewalks, at my lowest of times and now, I was about to embark on a journey to the unknown, still, I had no idea that even then Elenor was looking out for me.

Out of nowhere, music started playing, loud claps followed as people with banners and pride flags danced above their heads, with a megaphone, Elenor called my name "MARRITZA, my beautiful daughter, today, I asked for you to come here, to the place that saw you broken, so that once again it could take a look at you so that it could see that even when it tried its best to best you, it failed and you succeeded, you are leaving behind these Brooklyn stars and starting a new journey. I can only hope I was a good enough mother for you not to forget me. I love you, my sweet child, this parade is for you"

The multitude of people that started coming from every corner, every single person I danced, worked, eat, and cried with were here as we took the celebration down the streets. From Santiago's Pizza to the apartment building my biological family lived in, we danced and celebrated, like the community we were. As we took a turn I saw my little brother Jorge. Elenor planned for him to meet me, she didn't say the why, but she got him there.

When I saw him I couldn't help myself and I ran to him "JORGEEEE, ayyyy I love you hermanito" I kissed his cheek as he held tight to me "I love you too, Marritza" my heart filled with content to hear him say my name, my chosen name. I took his hands in mine "I wish we had more time together" he looked at me as a tear started to go down his face "you're leaving aren't you" he asked me, "I am, but you can always come and visit me hermanito" I replied as I put my hand under his chin. He nodded, and then he held my hand as we walked a couple more blocks.

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That night, I sat on the fire escape with Elenor "Marritza, I wish you all the happiness in the world, may California give everything you are looking for" she kissed me on the cheek and headed back inside.

I wish I had more time with them, to see the people they would become, but, I needed to become my person, and as long as I stayed in New York I was going to be held back, so it was time for me to leave, and with the fear of the unknown, and the bittersweetness of letting go. I went to bed that night knowing that the next day, I would take a one-way flight to Los Angeles with no returned ever planned.

That feeling was unlike anything I ever experienced, I slept fourteen nights under the Brooklyn stars and now, I was going to be under the same sky, yet never be able to look at it the same. But fear not, for I might have left New York behind, but New York never left me, otherwise, I wouldn't be able to call myself a New Yorker. And worry not, my journey there might have been over, but it was only a matter of time before my mother and I reunited, I just wish it had been under better circumstances.

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Hey queendom, the fifth chapter of Welcome to Vogue comes out Wednesday. I will be releasing two chapters per week for the entirety of PRIDE MONTH.

Remember to check up on yourself and those you love not just today or this month but always, but most importantly, remember to LOVE.

💜 HAPPY PRIDE MONTH 🤍