Joining the marching band last year was the hugest relief for me as a baby enby whose parents would never accept them. I was just thirteen when I joined, and even just a few good friends in the brass section with me (and maybe like three outside of it) are enough to help me feel safe. Although I can't even tell my parents about our show theme because they would pull me straight out of band and never let me go back there because they're that insane.
          They never did ask what it was anyway. They probably don't even want to go to my competitions anyway, which is honestly better for me.

At the parent show for band camp, my parents came to that. Before it was time to march onto the field, I talked with Ms. Harley privately: "would it be okay if, when you introduced each of us after the show, you called me by my deadname, Nick, and refer to me as 'he' instead of 'they?'"
          Ms. Harley looked at me strangely but sympathetically. "Sure thing, I guess. May I ask why that is?"
          I finally opened up a little bit to her, taking a deep breath in and out, "my parents would disown me and kick me out of the house if they knew."
          Ms. Harley quietly gasped in disbelief, then looked at me with sympathy. "Oh my goodness! I'll do whatever I can to help you stay safe," she said.
          I smiled at her so big. "Thank you so much. You're incredible."

Thankfully, Ms. Harley stayed true to her word. I was nervous the entire performance because I couldn't be for sure if she would be honest. But it meant the world to me that she did that to help keep me safe from any danger. It was after our last song (what we had learned of it at least because the drill hasn't been taught yet, and neither has all of the guard's work). We stood at attention where we left off as Ms. Harley introduced each of us. When it was my time, she said, "Here we have Nick Burren, an incredible trumpet player and sophomore! His skills are so impressive!" Then everyone clapped for me as I played a short riff on my instrument. I could easily say she saved my life.
          But something else terrible happened later in the evening.

For a while everyone was just walking on and around the field just talking, Ms. Harley meeting some other parents. I was talking to my newest friend Mayra and her two moms when I overheard Shawn and his friends talking about me, obviously being transphobes. My parents were standing right there next to that group. "Every time Nick claims to be 'non-binary' or whatever and wants to be called a 'they,' I just throw up in my mouth," Shawn said a little too loudly.
          "Oh yeah, like he wants to be called 'Hayden' apparently," added Marius with a loud, annoyed sigh. "And he just shoves it in our faces all the time, he's so annoying."
          Mayra seemed to overhear it, too. Knowing that my parents were standing right there, she gave me a concerned look and tried to get us farther away from them.

But soon enough, my parents found me and pulled me to the empty corner of the field. "We need to have a long chat when we get home tonight, Nick," my mom threatened. "You might not ever come to band again!"
          And that's just what happened: "this won't be tolerated in our house," "you need to turn to God," "there are only two genders," "you're just doing it for attention," "'they' is plural," blah blah blah. But the way my mom and dad yelled it all into my face was the worst part.
          My dad, however, to end the argument (only for me to end it out of fear), said, "you are not going to marching band again. Those kids influenced you into it, so we're pulling you out. Your name is NOT Hayden!" And that's when my dad took his belt off and hit me with it in the thigh. I ran upstairs to my room and slammed the door after that, crying but angry. When I was finally allowed to check my phone the next day, I got a few private messages on my Snapchat from various people in band, some supportive and some not-so-much:

Shawn: "Guess it finally got to em huh? I wanted them to no how disgusting u r with ur 'nonbinary' lifestyle. They just care about you and want you to be normal like a good amounta us here!!! They had to find out at some point and give you a hard whoop on the ass. You deserve it for how you choose to live! Just accept it Nick, your a guy! Ur parents are great. Fuck u and go to hell."

Marius: "Dude it was funny, ok? Relax, it ain't that big a deal. Kids like u with these made-up identities are whats destroying the band and society. Chill and face it that ur a boy."

Semira: "You probably wouldn't expect this from me but ur parents should have just minded their own business. Even tho I don't agree with it either they could be more respectful about it. Best of luck, I hope u find what u need in God."

Darien: "Hey friend- I heard that Shawn outed you to your parents. I'm so sorry. Are you doing okay?"

Mayra: "Hey Hayden- I'm so sorry that Shawn outed you to your parents. If you need a safe place to stay, my moms always have room for someone in need *heart emoji.*"

Alex: Hayden, I overheard your parents yelling at you yesterday about something? From what I heard it was about you being non-binary because before that I overheard Shawn and them talking about your identity with your parents standing right next to them. And then I heard your mom say that she's gonna make you quit band? I'm so sorry about them. As drum major, it's my responsibility to assure that all of you are safe. Even if this means that you really do have to quit (and the rule is normally for you to be committed after band camp), I understand. Regardless, that was not okay for Shawn to do. I am talking with Ms. Harley about the decision to kick both him and Marius out because their behavior is unacceptable. I got your back, buddy."

That was when I decided to block Shawn, Marius, and Semira. I sent kind messages back to everyone else on my side; of course there were more but still all the same kind from both sides.

My parents, however, said they were still going to the boosters meeting the practice after the end of band camp to "confirm" me quitting. To my surprise, they brought me along to sit inside with all the parents and Ms. Harley instead of actually out practicing. Ms. Harley didn't even ask why I was inside the band room with her and the parents instead of out practicing with the rest of the band; because my parents were pushing, forcing me in with them. Ms. Harley knew right away what was going on.
          "We are here at this meeting today because we need our son to quit this cult you guys call this marching band," my mom snapped.
          "Whoa there, Mrs. Burren," snapped back the president, Brooke and Orlando's mom. "We know what you two did to your kid."
          "Son!" gasped my dad. "You went around telling everyone about this!?"
          "No I didn't, dad! You guys were so loud about it before bringing me home from band camp for everyone to hear and see what was going on!" I declared. "You just heard it from some kid and his friend group standing right next to you and decided to immediately believe it. They weren't wrong but... you get it."

All of a sudden, a huge and loud argument broke out among the parents in the room. Mine argued for me to quit and for Ms. Harley and the school to "not allow that in schools!". Ms. Harley, Mayra's moms, Mrs. Vixem, and most other parents sided with me. It wasn't the fact that there were people arguing against me... it was being stuck in the middle of it. I finally decided to inconspicuously leave the room with my trumpet and head to the field with the rest of the band. The fighting inside continued and my parents didn't seem to notice that I left.

The fight in the band room among booster parents had continued for the entirety of practice when it was time to go home. All forty-five of us band kids were shocked to hear what was going on. It was all (almost) simultaneous and aggressive: "If you don't kick my son outta band right now, I will personally sue you and the school Ms. Harley!!!" I overheard my mom yell.
          "Yeah! My beloved son Shawn said that this whole 'non-binary' thing is making him uncomfortable!" yelled another woman. "And he loves band so this will not continue for anyone because it is most important that my son feels comfortable!" Lady... your son is the one who makes others feel not only uncomfortable but unsafe. And unsafe to the point where their life is in danger.
          "My little girl Semira is so uncomfortable with gays and pervs like your son, Mrs. Burren, and it goes against our good Christian values!" yelled who I assumed was Semira's dad.
          "How does it personally affect you, Mrs. Rayton!? Mr. and Mrs. Estelle!? How would someone else's identity, which is NOT a choice by the way, make me, your children, or my children uncomfortable!?" jumped in Mayra's one mom (who I think was Sharla?).

Then there was silence. An awkward, chilling silence. And that's when we all decided to quit the argument (for now) and head home. I talked with Mayra and her parents about making arrangements for me to stay with them for a while also.

All that arguing over some kid outing me?