"Hello, beautiful," I murmur seductively. "You smell goooood."

I pour the freshly brewed medium roast into my "Luckiest A-hole in the World" coffee mug. I love this mug. It was a gift. What can I say? My mom gets me.

I sigh in content as I make my way out onto my apartment's narrow porch. My head hurts, but I'm happy today. We're talking: whistling, skipping, feeding-the-birds happy.

The reason? It's my first day off from work and school in as long as my physics-major-fried-brain can recall, and my roommate isn't home! No class, no Starbucks (yeah, I'm a barista - isn't that like a Rite of Passage for a college guy?), and no Scott.

Scott's a cool guy, don't get me wrong. But Scott likes to nag:

"Peter, don't leave all the lights on."

Or:

"Peter, put your action figures away."

Or:

"Peter, dude, I love you, but you can't use the bathtub for your weird experiments anymore."

I can only listen to so much of that before I go nuts. I'm running on a lot of caffeine. (Barista, remember?)

Scott's out today. I'm home. I'm happy. And I'm sipping coffee on my porch. Perfect day.

I prop up my feet.

There's a newspaper on the table. I pick it up.

Ha, look at me: reading the newspaper like a real grown up. My mom would be so proud! On second thought, no, she wouldn't. She'd take one look at the kitchen sink and start lecturing me about how I needed to actually wash my dishes, not just "let them soak."

I open the newspaper. March 25th, 2020. Yesterday's paper.

I rub my forehead. Man, I have a killer headache. Some body aches, too. This schedule has been running me ragged.

Nothing some caffeine won't fix.

I take a satisfying pull of the steamy beverage in my mug, and fold over the newspaper. Let's see...doom, gloom, sports, advertisements, horoscopes, more doom. Yep. Pretty accurate representation of today's world.

One of the articles grabs my attention (because it's not about the douchebag in office), and I begin reading. Apparently, multiple confirmed cases of Covid-19 have been positively diagnosed in the US. We should self-quarantine, wear masks when in public, and practice "social distancing."

I'm sorry, but what the hell is "social distancing"? Was I in the bathroom when the rest of the world got that email? The media can't just make up some random phrase and start throwing it around like everybody knows what it means. Uncool.

I toss the newspaper aside. Geez, people get worked up over stupid crap. By next week, this whole shebang will blow over. Guaranteed.

Covid-19. What a joke.

I start to laugh, but my throat's sore, so I stop. I press the back of my hand to my forehead. Huh. Pretty warm. I must have a slight fever.

For my next cup, I'll switch to iced coffee. No worries. I'm happy today.

*