Author's Spotlights will be coming soon as that takes a lot of time to do. All comments have been completed; everyone in this category received 5 comments on their story of choice from Ravendipity.

Just so we're transparent about the judging process, Saramitra and Ravendipity both selected winners together but judged separately. Saramitra took half and Ravendipity took half, and they combined their favorite picks to choose the top 4. Our review style is very similar, though, and all the reviews will be structured like this: 1) brief synopsis, 2) praise, 3) critique, 4) overall concluding thoughts.

This was really tough. 16 entries and only 4 can win. Everyone did a great job! And, remember, there are five weeks, so even if you didn't get the top 4 this time around doesn't mean you won't in the future!

Almost 10k words worth of reviews in a week... Thank you, Saramitra_, for your hard work! It's a tight deadline, so I appreciate your support in making this contest possible!

Week 2 judging will begin this week and be released in the same Sunday-Monday time frame. Prompt 2 introductions will be released ASAP this week, probably tomorrow or the day after.

Here are the results for the first prompt!

3rd Place

The Magic of Christmas by Mochi711

Judged by: Saramitra_

Review:

The image of Elsa walking out with caffeinated goodness and is yawning, immediately paints a vivid picture in my mind. I have to wonder if her name was a Frozen reference, but I'll not push on it.

And of course she's interrupted before she can take a sip, the fate must really really be out to get her. The dull thud outside the door with the package with a red bow tied on top and no return address really sets the stage for the story and the prompt to be built on.

I like that her first thought is a glitter bomb. Was she ambushed by one in the past? That makes me curious and chuckle at her interpretations. Now, her grandmother (or Nana) is introduced, and I already find her endearing for sending her granddaughter presents on holidays. Also the "out in the boondocks that her address was practically a swamp" is hilarious. You really have a sense of humor that fits right into the scenes without it feeling like it's overdone.

From her dialogues to herself and the way she thinks, I can interpret that she's got a lot of sass. I love sassy characters and their thought processes and eye rolls really make for memorable moments.

The elf isn't some boring young lad, no, he's dressed up in chinos and black shiny shoes, I can already imagine him looking like a fancy star. Elsa's description of him as "ridiculously handsome" is on point. He must be irresistible.

Sam introducing himself as the elf in annoyance in contrast to Elsa screaming for his intrusion is so on-brand, like he probably has had this type of reaction from people one too many times. His initial conversations are quite on edge too, like he just wants to get done, go home and get his sweet sleep. Also sleep in the middle of Fiji. I want to go there, it seems so delightful to be there! No wonder why he was initially annoyed.

Sam explains he's there to fulfill her Christmas wish, but Elsa struggles to articulate what she truly wants. He's a fancy and lovable elf that you just can't get enough of! After touching the globe again under Sam's instruction, their hands begin glowing, leading to the revelation that they are soulmates.

Elsa transforms into an elf, gaining magic powers and a 1,000-year lifespan. They learn from North Pole HR that their union was orchestrated to bring them together. While initially overwhelmed, Elsa begins to see her new life as an opportunity for adventure and fulfillment. With Sam's support, the two decide to embrace their destiny and explore their new connection as elves and soulmates.

Nana as a character isn't present in the story but her presence is still felt, both in the narration of Sam and Elsa. This makes me love the character, despite not being there.

The narrative could be more detailed at some places, like the rules of the elves, the phone call and the discovery, to add more depth, but overall? It is really a cool story.

I noticed that some sentences were awkwardly phrased and some weren't spelled correctly, here's a few suggestions but there might be more or less, depending on how you intended to write them. Here we go:

- "Before she could even take a sip, a dull thunk sounded outside her door." => Before she could even take a sip, she heard a dull thud coming from outside her door.

- "Frowning, she nearly closed the door before her eye was caught by a simple cardboard box with a red bow tied messily on top." => Frowning, she nearly closed the door before her eyes caught a simple cardboard box with a red bow tied messily on top.

- "It could either have a glitter bomb in it, or it could be something from her grandma who lived way out in the boondocks that her address was practically a swamp" => It could either have a glitter bomb in it, or it could be something from her grandma who lived so far out in the boondocks, her address was practically a swamp.

- " Setting her coffee down, she opened the box, one eye shut in case it was in fact a glitter bomb." => Setting her coffee down, she opened the box with one eye shut, in case it was, in fact, a glitter bomb.

You mention a "red and green blur" which could probably be a "red and blue object" because Elsa didn't know if she was expecting a person or an object. And there's a spelling mistake with "glove" which should be globe.

I just noted a few things and again, as I say, there could be more or less tweaks, depending on how you wanted to portray them.

Overall? The Magic of Christmas is a whimsical and heartwarming narrative around Elsa, who finds herself unexpectedly intertwined with the magical world of elves after receiving a mysterious snow globe in a package with no return address. Sam, the elf, is a mix of annoyance and charm which adds depth to his character as he navigates his role and feelings for Elsa.

Comments from Ravendipity: The Magic of Christmas does an excellent job giving the reader a fresh sense of excitement, and it is very, very fitting that the main character is named Elsa lmao. I think the dynamic between Elsa and Sam was a joy to read, and I overall thought this piece was entertaining and a worthwhile narrative everyone should check out! You'll have a lot of fun with it!

2nd Place

The Snow Globe by AprilJester

Judged by: Ravendipity

Review:

I won't even give a synopsis since I think this is something that people need to go in blind to. My honest reaction to it was to audibly say "What the flip." So to everyone reading this, go read for yourself to find out, cause I ain't spilling the beans 🤣🤣🤣

Getting into the actual review, this is a messed up story that covers a dark topic and spins the prompt on its head to go down a really, really emotional path, dealing with ab/se and a creature that's okay with granting different types of Christmas miracles: mauling people to death. I think that was a clever way to take the prompt in a way that no one else did. Very, very few took it a dark route, so this was a really interesting way to take the prompt, but it also felt natural and not forced. Not like you were doing it for sake of trying to force creativity or something like that. It felt unique in a natural way, which was great.

Another thing I enjoyed was how the creature's presence and what exactly the creature is is not explicitly told to us, and we're given our own room to figure it out. It's loosely described and given visceral actions to make it seem almost werewolf-like in a way, but it's not like we get an exposition dump about it, and we're given our own room to make interpretations. I really liked that and thought it added a nice layer of engagement to the piece.

The final thing I'll say before moving into the critiques is that I loved the twist ending of Nick... well, I won't spoil it since I really want people to go and read this, but you know what I'm talking about. That twist there was powerful and eye-opening, and I'm glad you chose to write about this topic, let alone in the way that you did. It was a fantastic "oh crap" moment at the end that's both happy since we know Nick will be in better hands and sad since we get smacked in the face with reality. Well done!

Critique-wise, only a few things. This is a minor thing, but I don't think you need to censor the f word here since it can be a bit distracting and pull readers out of the moment. Contrary to popular belief, language doesn't solely determine the rating of a Wattpad story, so having f bombs doesn't make it inherently mature (though this is rated mature due to the subject matter anyway, I'm just saying that for general knowledge), so I would recommend not censoring it and/or replacing it with another word that can stay uncensored, simply because it can take the emotion away from the moment. I personally only censor words during my reviews for comedic effect or if it's a trigger, hence why ab/se is censored, but for a mature story, I don't think you need to censor anything.

Another thing is it could be beneficial to slow down just a tad at the end since it did take me a couple reads to fully understand what was happening there since it happened so fast. Since Nick forgot what happened, it would be natural for just a tad more exposition, but only like a tiny bit. Like, literally no more than 4 sentences, that's how tiny I'm talking, and not enough that it reveals everything since, like I mentioned earlier, I liked the mystery surrounding the creature and how we can point to mythology/folklore to try and figure it out for ourselves. But that's a minor thing since the ending is still really solid and does a good job wrapping up the narrative.

Overall, The Snow Globe is a dark tale about ab/se, providing a unique spin on the prompt. Few people took it in a dark direction, so great job with that!

Comments from Saramitra_:

The introduction with a question already sets the stage that the said "guardian" was an imposing figure and the child feared him a lot, which is clear how he stutters and looks down. Blood stained khaki pants reminds me of The Kite Runner, and that description always gets me. If the guardian wasn't already bad, it felt like things take turn for the worst.

The child's feelings, thought-process and how trapped they feel is really written well and as a reader I can feel his pain vividly. Just when things seem to get darker, there's hope when the elf from the snow globe saves Nick. That's such a powerful climax! The ending of "Sadly, now I do." wraps the story beautifully, lingering in the mind of the reader long after they've read it.

1st Place

Cheerless by Pulchra_Aurum

Judged by: Ravendipity

Review:

Cheerless is a short story about Suli, the protagonist who is living... a life. I think that's about the best way to sum it up 😭😭😭 and honestly, I encourage everyone to read this so you can find out for yourself as I don't think a synopsis can do it justice. It's messed up, but it's definitely very interesting.

That actually leads me into my first praise of the story: the darkness is handled with maturity and doesn't feel dark for sake of being dark. A lot of stories can go that route, which ends up making them feel "edgy" for sake of it and not for any transformative content, but this story here has a really solid grasp on the themes and emotions it wants to portray, which leads to an engaging narrative that kept me hooked the entire time. The emotions were high and made me feel like I was in the scene with the characters, and it was certainly a unique spin on the prompt that I was absolutely not expecting.

Another thing I enjoyed was the use of "jinx" here. And, no, it's not just because I'm a fan of Arcane. The repetition of it felt so visceral, like you were yelling at the reader, too, and it made me again feel like I was right there in the scene with the characters. It portrayed Suli's emotions strongly, and I thought it was really depressing, but in a good way. In a way that made me relate to Suli and want to see what would happen next.

The last thing I'll mention before moving into critiques is the ending. Makes sense to end with the ending, right? I thought the ending was awesome and did a great job wrapping up the dark topics with a bittersweet feeling that was really thought-provoking. I had to stop and stare at the screen for a moment to process what had just happened, but again, I mean that in the best way possible. So, when it comes to the ending, you did an excellent job.

The only critiques I have are grammatical, though they are important since they determine flow within the text. Two things: one is there are frequent comma errors, and two is I would recommend not using actions as tags. Let's start with the comma errors. There are very frequent comma errors, and I would recommend using more commas throughout to help with the fluidity and readability of the text. For example: More blood dripped down to stain the ground anew but she could see it no longer. I would recommend: More blood dripped down to stain the ground anew, but she could see it no longer. That's one example, though there were frequent comma errors throughout. Considering this is a darker piece, which I loved, slowing down and adding more commas where they're needed can help keep the reader engaged in the moment naturally without you needing to add anything to slow it down to have the reader focus more on the moment, so that's why I'd recommend adding more commas (and also for the grammar side of things, but the natural slow effect commas have can help with the emotion, too). I hope that makes sense!

As for actions as tags, this wasn't nearly as frequent as the comma errors, so not nearly as big of a deal. This is also a debated topic, so that's why I put it lower on the totem pole than comma errors. I would recommend not using actions as tags. As a lot of people have probably figured out about me through my surplus reviews mentioning tags, I am a very anti-tag person 💀. But I am especially an anti-action tag person, and the reason is because I think they look a bit unnatural. Dialogue tags are called just that: dialogue tags, not people tags, so when I see tags like he smiled, she snorted, she laughed, etc., it comes off as a bit unnatural to me, especially since there are so many alternatives. So I would recommend avoiding them. Some alternatives are:

"Dialogue." She snorted. "More dialogue."

She snorted. "Dialogue."

"Dialogue," she said with a snort.

All three of those keep the action without directly using it as a tag. But like I said, it's a debated topic, I just personally feel it's grammatically incorrect as words can't snort, smile, laugh, etc., but they can be said, whispered, asked, murmured, etc. So that's just a minor suggestion, but still worth mentioning.

Overall, Cheerless does an excellent job portraying a dark spin on the prompt without feeling like it's dark for sake of being dark, giving the reader a lot to think about through its intense themes and engaging writing. To top it all off, there is excellent usage of language, leading to an intriguing ending that will keep readers on the edge of their seats. All in all, I really enjoyed reading this work!

Comments from Saramitra_:

The story is so hauntingly beautiful, devastating, heartbreaking, yet the final comfort of words... it almost reminds me of The Spectre Bridegroom by Washington Irving. It's about a wife grieving the loss of her husband and how the "spectre" also known as the ghost who was shaped like her husband and led her to her death. It's a tragic tale, one that makes you cry and feel so enigmatic. Here, the theme could be the loss of family that Suli yearned to reunite with and there was the elf, Eiraeth (which I believe was tweaked from "Hiraeth") too wanted to reunite with his family. Both share the grief of losing their families by the harsh ways of the world. Suli tried to end her life over it so that she could go back to her family, whereas Eiraeth wanted to desperately finish his last task so that he was reunited too. The repetition of words like Jinx and die are hauntingly beautiful. AH, I don't think I'll have enough words for this.

Judge Pick

Snow Globe Love by LAJoyner

Judged by: Saramitra_

Review:

Can I just say that I am consistently impressed by how effectively you use second person perspective and how, with each new story, you keep getting better at it? Because you do and I absolutely love the progress! I have mentioned in the past about second person perspective being unique and might require tweaks, but this time, you absolutely nailed it!

The story is immediately attention grabbing, it begins with you waking up to a snowy morning and discovering an unexpected package on their doorstep. The mention of the gift from your brother Allen, and the setting of grief is dearly felt. Holidays feel so lonely without your closest ones.

You go on about your day, making gingerbread cookies and doing about everything else just to not touch that package, I so relate to distraction in times of distress. It makes the protagonist so relatable! Eventually, you give up and check the package to find the magic globe and the note.

Mr. Snowballski is a unique and memorable character, I feel, despite the background presence, it feels like he's really alive, even when he's just a snowball but surprise surprise, it just turned to Yoongi! *cue the fangirling*

Yoongi's explanation of being trapped because of the Snow Queen reminds me of Maleficent for some reason. The idea is similar, though, your twist makes it interesting to the tale. Their intimate moment and when Yoongi's curse finally breaks tugs at the heart and makes for an endearing, fairy like tale.

I also like how in this case, Yoongi is the one to wish for true love, and not the protagonist, which is an interesting twist.

Allen's presence is felt throughout the story, and the buildup up to the moment where Yoongi reveals his story and the in-between moments are well crafted.

As for feedback, pacing in some instances could be more consistent. For example, your internal monologue and struggle with yourself about the package is quite elaborate, while some initial moments and disbelief feel slightly abrupt.

Character development is another aspect that could be deepened. While the protagonist's initial loneliness and eventual joy are conveyed, exploring their emotional journey in more detail could add depth to their character and make their transformation more relatable. Similarly, Yoongi's backstory and motivations could be expanded to create a more compelling and multidimensional character.

Overall? Your story offers a charming blend of mystery, magic, and romance, set against the backdrop of a snowy Christmas morning. It effectively captures the whimsical and beautiful essence of a holiday tale, with a protagonist who transitions from solitude to finding unexpected companionship and love.

Comments from Ravendipity: Snow Globe Love is very, very cute, and I agree that the second person was an interesting choice that was effectively handled. The more you read, the more the story picks up and begins to show its fantastical nature that makes it so cute. It's hard not to like this story, or at least get a fuzzy feeling from the wholesome moments. All in all, this is a solid piece that does a great job capturing the Christmas spirit and using the prompt to give readers a simple but warm and maybe even healing journey!

ALL REVIEWS:

Reviews by Ravendipity:

Gentle by Sxlly_Gxrl

Review:

Gentle is a prose piece going through the transition to December, including vivid descriptions of the world around the children playing and creating a December landscape. It's a simple piece that uses its vivid imagery to elevate it to the next level.

To begin, I enjoyed the repetition of the "gentle." Seeing as it's literally the title of the piece, I'd say it's good that I enjoyed seeing it so often, haha. But seriously, the repetition of "gentle" made it so interesting to read about, and I enjoyed reading it very much. It provided almost a relaxing feeling. I believe one commenter said it felt almost nostalgic, and I would have to agree with that. It has a comforting feeling that I think will bring warmth to many readers.

Another thing I enjoyed was how there was a nice twist on the prompt, having it be more implied than directly said, and having that be present at the end rather than near the beginning of the story. It was an interesting twist that I didn't see coming. The ending was really, really good. Both the "gentle" being the final word and the general ending few paragraphs were solid and did a great job subverting reader expectations in a subtle way, twisting the prompt while also providing a strong, cohesive conclusion that I enjoyed.

The last thing I'll say before moving into critiques is how I liked the concept of secrets presented toward the end, where the narrator ponders about the secrets the park held, or the lake, or just the whole world they live in in general. I thought that added another intriguing layer to the work that gave it more flair and personality that I really enjoyed. The overall structure of the narrative is good, too, where the gentle repetitions all come at good times to give the readers a brief pause from the vivid descriptions to relax and... well, feel that gentle breeze. So structure-wise, it's really good, too!

Critique-wise, I don't have too much other than two things. For starters, there could be a little polish given to the piece to give it maximum emotional power. For example, there were some moments throughout that were a little awkward and could have been tweaked. I.e., "...alone in the bench..." (on), and "sounds of leaves crunching between feet..." (would probably sound more natural as "beneath"). So those are small moments that aren't big deals, but still worth mentioning.

The second thing may seem odd to say, but it could be interesting to see more of the descriptions about winter specifically and seeing the transition from the leaves blowing away to the bare trees. So it could just be interesting to see the December part since December is known, in a lot of places anyway, for being colder and snowier and all that, and it could be interesting to capture the snow and classic winter tells, as this does feel like fall rather than winter in some places, so it could be nice to see some more given to the winter side of things.

Overall, Gentle is a thought-provoking piece that takes the prompt and spins it on its head. It's short and sweet, presenting vivid descriptions that readers will enjoy seeing, and the ending packs a powerful punch that wrapped up the storyline well. All in all, good job with this piece!

Everything and Anything by Thatgurlaturdoor

Review:

Everything and Anything is a short about the protagonist, Allison, and Snow, her companion elf that she got in the mail. However, things take a turn when the one guy Allison finally feels anything for ends up being the elf...

For starters, you do a good job getting us to dislike Annie alongside Allison. Annie is really obnoxious in the opening scene, and it makes it easy to feel Allison's rage and relate to it. I'm sure we all know someone like Annie, which makes Allison relatable right off the bat, so you do a good job opening with that and making the reader curious about who Annie is and how her relationship with Allison is going to impact Allison throughout the short.

Another thing I liked was Snow. Snow was a cutie patootie, and as soon as he went ow, I liked him a lot. I don't know what it is about him, but I just like him and thought he was fun to read about. I thought his dynamic with Allison was cute, and then it turned more tense at the end with the whole "I want you to be my boyfriend" part, including Snow teasing her the entire time and being all cocky, which was also cute to me. So when it came to the elf, which is, y'know, the whole prompt, you did a good job bringing him to life!

The last thing I'll mention before moving into critiques is the backstory behind how Snow got there. I like how it's set up as Allison being annoyed and thinking "Oh this one was brave enough to leave a note," and then it ended up being someone she would fall in love with. It was a cute touch. This whole story is just cute, even during the more tense bits during the end, and I liked the direction you took it.

Critique-wise, I don't have too much, just two minor things. One is it could have been interesting to see a little more since the ending feels like it could be expanded on more. It could have been nice to see more worldbuilding and to see more about how their relationship would develop, like if there ended up being a conflict with Annie because they were all, in the beginning, trying to convince Lindsey to "break up with her ugly boyfriend," so maybe she thinks the same about Snow. It could have been interesting to see some conflict and resolution there, but that's just one way you can take it. I think this narrative has potential for expansion in the future. But, hey, if my critique boils down to "I'd like to see more," I'd say you're still doing pretty well.

The second thing is as much as I did like Annie's introduction, the rest of the story makes it so Annie never appears again when she's presented almost like she's going to be a big obstacle for Allison, so it could be interesting to see more expansion, like this could have been a longer short story, like I mentioned before. So it could have been interesting to utilize Annie more, if that makes sense.

Overall, Everything and Anything does a good job giving the reader a fun read, and it takes the prompt in a unique direction where the protagonist ends up falling in love with her magical elf, which made for an entertaining read.

My Christmas Elf by emilypoole977

Review:

My Christmas Elf is a short story about the narrator labeled as "you" and a Christmas elf going around and seeing different locations the narrator's grandmother used to take them to.

To begin, I really like the simple vibe of this story. It's a discovery/exploration type of narrative that's short and to-the-point without going overly complicated or trying to do too much unnecessarily. The simple direction makes it so I can focus on what's happening with the two main characters, and it also gives me more time to digest the locations, which is super important considering where grandma took the narrator is what starts the plot to begin with, so it's of upmost important that the locations feel fleshed out.

Another thing I really enjoyed was the grandma story at the beginning. I actually stopped reading so I could take a note about how cute it was, and how it did a good job setting the story up and giving the reader a reason to keep reading. Hooking your reader in early is imperative to keeping their attention, and my attention was grabbed from the start. So when it comes to the entrance to the narrative, you do a great job.

Similarly, I thought the ending was good, too, and you maintained a solid pace from the start to the finish, making everything feel fleshed out and interesting without needing too too much time to do so. It's a short, but you make every word count, which I appreciated.

Just on a side note, I can really see the improvement and appreciate how you're experimenting more with descriptions and different punctuation. You've massively improved, and it's honestly really heartwarming to see how far you've come. This is one of your best works yet, and it has a nice balance between progression and description that gives it extra weight.

Back into the review, I'll say one final thing before talking critiques, of which I don't have many. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed the second-person narration. I was not expecting to like it as much as I did. Since I read so many "you" stories nowadays thanks to me being a BTS fanfic writer and contest host, it's easy to get a little tired of it, but I thought it fit the story well and almost, in a way, made the reader feel like we too could appreciate the holiday season around us, same with our loved ones, so it was a good way to get the reader involved without being over-the-top about it. Good job!

Critique-wise, the only real things I have to say are about structure and being careful about fluidity within the sentences. For example, be careful about staying in the second-person. There were very, very occasional moments where it slipped into "I" instead of you (in general description, not in dialogue where using "I" is fine). Along with that, I would recommend tweaking the structure of the dialogue. For example, there's this:

Giggling, "No."

This happens frequently where you'll have one action, like the giggle in this case, try to indicate who is speaking, but we have no idea based on that alone. Without knowing the story, no one knows who is doing the giggling or saying the "no." So I would recommend avoiding doing this, also because actions, like "giggling," are not really dialogue tags, so having the "giggling" act as one in this context is a bit unnatural. I would recommend something like: "No," he said with a giggle. Or: He giggled. "No." Both are more natural alternatives that show the reader who's speaking without using "giggling" as the tag. Now we also know "he" is speaking, so that's why I recommend it.

The other thing is consider diversifying your sentences a bit since many of them start with "You" or introductory clauses. This is a common thing I see where authors overuse pronouns and intro clauses, and I would recommend diversifying this a bit so the sentences feel more unique and engaging to read. I say this because if we keep seeing the same sentence type over and over, it can become repetitive, so that's why I recommend downsizing.

Overall, My Christmas Elf effectively transports the reader into a winter realm that will keep their attention throughout the entire story. It's a fun read that is perfect for this time of year.

Spirit of Christmas by 4everSherlocked

Review:

Spirit of Christmas follows the protagonist, Shelly, following a tragedy in her life where her parents passed away, and now she is dealing with the aftermath in the Christmas season, where everyone around her is happy.

You do an excellent job evoking a feeling of nostalgia, especially through the way you handle the second half of the story when Shelly sees her parents and they talk about the Christmas shows. It creates a warm and emotional feeling in the reader, and it succeeds in getting the reader invested in what's going on. I personally was invested in seeing what would happen with Shelly and where the story would go to the point where I forgot it was based on our prompt lmao, but that only goes to show that it was really engaging.

I also think the overall message of the story is really good. I'm glad that you have it so the elf doesn't just snap his fingers and her parents come home. No, there's closure instead, which I think is a great message, and it also made the scene with Shelly watching TV with her parents one last time that much sweeter. It's bittersweet but also inspiring, in a way. Even though Shelly lost so much, she got her moment of closure that she wanted, and even beyond that, she got to go on to presumably at least somewhat enjoy the holidays. It was a really good message that I think we need more of on Wattpad, and I admire how you took the prompt in that direction.

The last thing I'll mention before moving into critiques is that I really enjoyed the ending. I'm glad you ended it where you did and kept it simple and not this big grand thing where there were gonna be snowflakes flying everywhere and some grand exit full of spectacle, since it could have been easy to take that route, but instead you opted for a quiet ending with Shelly simply returning to work with her heart more whole than before. It's a really, really sweet ending that I enjoyed a lot and thought tied the whole thing together in a neat little bow. Awesome job with that.

When it comes to critiques, I would recommend being careful about structure since there were quite a few moments throughout where the sentences felt awkward or like they could have been reworded to be more succinct and digestible. I believe I've mentioned in the past where there are moments of redundancy in your writing, where you'll say pretty much the same thing twice in a single sentence or back-to-back in a slightly different way. For example: "...eagerly grasping as many candy canes as his hands could contain as if they were going out of style." The "eagerly grasping" is conveying the same emotion as "as if they were going out of style," so only one of them is needed. It's not a big deal, but there were quite a few moments in the beginning of the story especially where you had sentences like this that could be trimmed a bit to make the sentence structure a little more fluid. I hope that makes sense.

When it comes to the paragraphs, they could also benefit from being split up as you'll often have more than one main idea in a paragraph, which makes it hard to follow at time and leads to some walls of text that could be avoided. I.e., in the beginning, the paragraph starting with "Nodding" could be split up with the "The moment Jerry..." sentence since it's a new action and development that could be split off from the rest to give the text more fluidity.

This is a really tiny thing, but still something I noticed: you start a lot of paragraphs with introductory clauses. I know that's a small thing, but structure-wise, you may want to consider diversifying how you start paragraphs, since many of them start with "Nodding," "Opening the box to see just what it contained," "Glad for the reprieve," "Hefting a sigh," "The next thing that Shelly knew," etc. Many of those are back-to-back paragraph openers, too, so that's a lot of intro clauses to start with in a row. It's not a big deal, though still worth mentioning since it can make the start of paragraphs less fluid and less unique, so I would recommend diversifying the introductions a bit more.

Overall, the story does an excellent job capturing the magic of Christmas and following the prompt in a creative way. It's an emotional story that I hope everyone reading this review goes and checks out since I thoroughly enjoyed it. All in all, you did a great job with this prompt!

The Gift that Keeps Giving by WonViolet

Review:

The Gift that Keeps Giving was written by WonViolet and features a wholesome Christmas story about restoring the magic of Christmas not just on a larger scale but on an individual level, showing that Christmas and its spirit exists inside everyone, if they embrace it.

I think the message of wanting to restore the magic of Christmas is adorable and really fits the holiday spirit. I like how the elf wants to help just the narrator and make their life a little happier. That makes for a really sweet message. I also like how Sprig leaves at the end to let the narrator reflect and feel the magic of the holiday season. It kept me engaged throughout the short runtime!

This is a small thing, but I enjoyed how you managed to set the scene without giving us paragraphs upon paragraphs of description, such as saying "...save for the soft hum of the heater." I know, I know, that's just a noise I'm pointing out, but these small details are what give the piece so much more life, and I'm so glad you decided to use the five senses here in subtle ways to keep the story engaging. I encourage you to keep that up, since that's awesome! Those small details are what make me want to read stories, and they honestly are the reason I enjoy reviewing so much: getting to pick apart the details and see what's waiting inside. So I really enjoyed how you managed to set the scene without needing to overwhelm the audience with a bunch of long, descriptive paragraphs (not that there's anything inherently wrong with those, but I appreciate your approach to setting the scene here). Great job!

The final thing I'd like to talk about before getting into critiques is Sprig. I liked Sprig a lot! Like I mentioned in the previous paragraph, you do a great job with the details, and I loved how he appeared with a soft "pop" like a cork, and the leather boots that made no sounds. Sprig was only there for a little bit, but he stole my heart and was a fun personality, and I loved how he tied into the theme with making the Christmas joy felt everywhere. Making Sprig so likeable in his limited screentime is an impressive feat!

When it comes to critique, the main critique I have is there were some awkward moments throughout that could be smoothened out to make the sentences flow more naturally. I.e. "I asked in quiet tones." I would recommend: "I asked in a quiet tone." Or: "I hadn't been expecting any package that day." That's okay, though for more fluidity, it could work a bit stronger as "I hadn't been expecting any packages that day." It's just a one letter difference, but it could help with the overall fluidity. So there were some awkward moments like that present throughout the narrative, and it could use some tweaks in that regard, but it's still a solid narrative.

Overall, The Gift that Keeps Giving is a cute story that does an awesome job giving the reader a warm, wholesome feeling inside them that I think they'll love. I thought you did a great job telling a cute tale within a small word count, so great job!

Magic of Christmas by LillianaBerry2003

Review:

Magic of Christmas starts with our fourteen-year-old protagonist, Amy, having a pretty rough day. Just nothing is working out in her favor. That is until she stumbles upon a package containing the mysterious elf. After shaking the globe, the elf appears, and it's revealed that the elf, "Candy," is there to help Amy regain her Christmas spirit, making for a wholesome tale.

To begin, I might as well start with... well, the beginning, right? I like the opening paragraph and how it immediately establishes Amy's issues and how down on her luck she is. It's a small detail, but I like it when we get to really see the main characters struggle (okay that makes me sound crazy for wanting that-), and I think it makes for an interesting hook when you immediately establish conflict and what the main character is going through. Seeing as the narrative is about restoring Amy's Christmas spirit, starting off by showing her down on her luck was a great choice that really amplified the theme.

I also like how you chose to make Amy young. I was expecting Amy to be like in her 20s or something, but telling the tale of someone on the younger side having lost the spirit of Christmas kind of reminds me of Polar Express, which was my childhood, so I felt a bit nostalgic while reading this. You overall capture the whole atmosphere of Christmas quite well, giving the winter season a prominent stake in the narrative since it's the whole reason the plot is happening to begin with. I love how you gave the elf a name, too, and that the name is Candy. Perfect name for the elf, and a creative spin on the prompt!

The final thing I'll mention before moving into critiques is that I enjoyed the overall message and how you used this opportunity to spread Christmas joy, like the scene where Amy makes the boy, Arnold, smile, even though she can't cure his illness. She's still determined to give him a happier time during the holiday season, and despite all she's going through as a teen growing up in a rough world, she finds the Christmas spirit within her through helping others and sometimes even giving them closure, like how she protects Ella near the end. The message is really inspiring, and I thought you did a fantastic job bringing it to life.

Critique-wise, the main thing I would say is be careful with dialogue tags, as you use them very frequently. I say this because dialogue tags can take emotion away from the text and/or make the emotion overly reliant on the tag, taking away emotion from the descriptions and dialogue itself. Especially when only two people are talking, you don't need as many. Consider the 50-30 advice for dialogue tags, which says that of your dialogue, 50% or less should be tagged, and of that 50%, 30% or more should be said or asked. You don't have to worry about the 30% part since you do a good job keeping your tags standard and not being "unique" for sake of being unique (a lot of authors throw in "fancier" tags just for sake of "stronger word choice," which is, contrary to popular belief, not the best way to go about tags), so I'd say focus more on the 50 and consider downsizing on how many tags you use. When more than two people are talking, it's a bit more justified to use more tags than normal to help readers keep up with the pacing of the scene, though when two people are talking, consider using other methods to introduce dialogue instead of relying on tags for a majority of the dialogue. For example, descriptions of voices, body language, facial expressions, or even having a short action to introduce the dialogue. I.e.: Amy chuckled. "Dialogue." We know the dialogue is Amy's since she's the subject doing the chuckling, and all of that is done without using a tag. I hope that makes sense!

The other thing I'd say is consider downsizing on how many pronouns are used, especially to start sentences. Particularly "she," mostly in the beginning. Near the end, the sentences diversify more, but in the beginning there was a lot of "she" and "her" that may not seem like a big deal, but it could be interesting to diversify the sentences a bit more to help them feel more fluid and unique. Like I said, this fades away more toward the end, though in the beginning, there are a lot of sentences starting with pronouns, and it could be interesting to diversify that a bit.

Overall, Magic of Christmas does a great job delivering on the Christmas spirit, hence the title. It has a very sweet message presented in a unique way through the eyes of a growing teenager. All in all, this is a great piece!

Reviews by Saramitra_:

Psycho & the Elf by ViolenceandSorrow

Review:

The starting is simple enough, Luna finds a package and since her town is deserted, she curiously inspects the contents. The details of the soft jazz music, the snow globe and the swirly sweet note, really add depth to the narrative.

Her shaking doesn't bring an immediate effect but the elf being this tiny woman who despises Luna is simultaneously hilarious and wholesome. I am really curious about their background. And Luna isn't even fazed, it shows almost a love-hate relationship between them which makes for whimsical banter. I also wonder about their brief moment of connection—what was it?

The way Luna just drops the snow globe knowing the elf's nature and predicament, is so chaotically evil. I can imagine the two as a tom and jerry duo, always looking to stir trouble or just go about throwing daggers about how they hate each other. I loved this story and laughed so hard!

I'd say Luna's character is intriguing as she embodies a mix of playful mischief and underlying loneliness. Jingle's angry outbursts and pleas for help adds a layer of urgency and emotional depth, even as she toys with her. The dynamic between Luna and Jingle is both entertaining and unsettling, leaving us to ponder the complexities of connection and the true meaning of holiday magic.

The use of all caps to emphasize yelling is so on brand for the angry Jingle. I could practically picture her. The use of all caps, however, has mixed reactions from people—some love it, some think that it could be replaced by sentence case but make it emphasized or bold to express it unless it was a note that was intended to be written that way. I definitely am one to go all caps because it's so energetic! You could consider the case, but the point is very clear, so that makes it endearing.

As for feedback, I noticed you tend to use a few redundant words like in the instance, "very very" which could either be "very, very" and it's the same case for "very, very very" which could be replaced with "very" or "very".

I would suggest not to use the term psycho though, because it has negative connotations. Unless Luna was a diagnosed psychopath, or showed tendencies that were clear tell-tales of one, I would really refrain from the term. Even unintentionally, it harms the community who might be suffering and they often don't get the treatment that they need because of the bias and judgement that they are bad people.

Psycho & the Elf is a captivating and whimsical narrative that explores themes of loneliness, power dynamics, and the complexities of holiday magic.

Red Christmas by Sohinigoswami

Review:

This poem is a bittersweet reflection on love, memory, and the interplay of reality and illusion during Christmas. I believe you mentioned Schizophrenia at the bottom and it's tough to know how it plays the part but I believe it's part of why the story has the consistent red theme that overpowers over the rest of the themes. It's almost haunting yet so beautiful.

The red roses and the imagery of lying together suggest love, passion, and closeness. But in this case, I am really wondering if it's the symbol of holding on to fond memories. There's an undertone of something surreal or melancholic, and "this Christmas isn't true" only heightens the sense of mystery and uneasiness that you've developed throughout the poem.

The death and kin's visit makes me think if the narrator is dead and they're thinking of the roses on top of their coffin... "me beneath you" would really make so much sense in that note. You've got me thinking here. After shaking the globe, the narrator begins to experience many Christmases with their beloved, as if reality itself shifted or time was suspended. They remain unsure if these experiences are real or simply dreams brought on by the snow globe's magic. It might suggest a liminal space between life and death, where these Christmases exist as manifestations of love and longing or it really might be that the missing box of medicines could be an interpretation for something. The themes aren't crystal clear and they don't have to be, the way the themes are woven and interconnected, create this fever dream like imagery that works well for a macabre or aftermath sort of poetries. I like the style of your poetry!

There's no feedback, since every poet has their own way to interpret and write things, and since this piece is meant to be more melancholic, nostalgic and even express longing, the memories often are blurred and mixed for these things, and you've captured that beautifully.

Beginning and End of the Short Story by kinky_is25

Review:

This story captures what it's like to live in an orphanage and feeling abandoned and the emotions are raw too, it makes me root for every character, regardless of how big or small of a role they play.

Tobi is the main character who finds himself lonely and abandoned as his friends get abandoned one by one. So he hopes with all his heart to Santa that he too, should be able to meet his parents. It comes true when a package sits outside his door with a snow globe and the note. The elf guides Tobi on a challenging journey filled with obstacles, including an encounter with wild dogs and dangerous men (which sent shivers down my spine, because of how surreal it was) at an eerie train station. I am rooting for them all along, and this makes for good character development of both the elf as well as Tobi. Their teamwork pays off when they finally find his parents' home through a magical train.

It's a heartfelt adventure of hope, courage, and the magic of Christmas bringing families together.

As for feedback, I've got a few points:

- The story moves between moments of deep emotion and action quickly, sometimes sacrificing depth for speed. For example, Tobi's discovery of the gift box and his interaction with the elf could be expanded to build more tension and wonder.

- Add suspense. Tobi could hesitate longer, or the box could behave mysteriously (e.g., glowing faintly, humming). This would enhance the magical atmosphere.

- The encounter with the men feels a bit abrupt. Consider foreshadowing their presence earlier (e.g., Tobi noticing shadows or hearing whispers) to build suspense.

- Some emotional moments are told directly (e.g., "Tobi pinched himself and yelped. That's when he knew it wasn't a dream."). Instead, you could show his disbelief through his actions or thoughts.

- The ending is heartwarming but feels slightly rushed. Perhaps include a brief scene showing Tobi's reunion with his parents, how they react emotionally, and what it means for Tobi after all his struggles.

It could help to add more sensory details to immerse readers. For example, describe the weather outside the window, Tobi's posture, or the sounds in the orphanage.

The specific detail about Tobi calling his parents formally shows how much he's missed them but needs that time to actually be call them as his parents. It's so realistic, like, after being away for years, if he had called them "Mom" and "Dad", it'd have felt quite unreal, but you really nailed that part.

Overall? This is a heartwarming story that really tugged at my heart, made me root for the characters all along and made me cry at the happy reunion. The elf was a side character but his presence was quite like the guiding light which made it all the more endearing. Santa is only present as the omniscient character, but regardless, his presence is much appreciated by the characters, making us appreciate him even more.

Merry Christy by KainGodchilds

Review:

Merry Christy presents a refreshing twist on the traditional Christmas narrative by focusing on a protagonist who actively resists the typical magical adventure. Christy, later choosing to be called Scarlett, is a relatable character who embodies the desire for peace and self-reflection during the holiday season, rather than being swept up in fantastical events. Her reluctance to participate in the expected Christmas storyline highlights a deeper commentary on the pressures and expectations often associated with the holiday season. The narrative cleverly uses Christy's resistance to explore themes of self-acceptance and the importance of inner peace, suggesting that the true magic of Christmas lies in personal growth and kindness rather than grand adventures.

The interaction between Christy and the narrator adds a meta-narrative layer, making the story engaging and thought-provoking. This dynamic allows for a humorous yet poignant exploration of the character's autonomy and the role of storytelling in shaping our perceptions of holidays. The narrator's eventual realization that Christy's existence alone can inspire positive change is a powerful message, emphasizing that small acts of kindness can collectively lead to a brighter world. The story's conclusion, with Christy finding comfort in her own space and identity, offers a satisfying resolution that aligns with the story's themes of self-discovery and empowerment.

However, however... the story's potential for commentary feels hindered by awkward sentences and some ideas are unclear. The narrative indeed has a strong foundation with its unique take on Christmas themes and the protagonist's resistance to traditional holiday adventures. But the execution could benefit from more clarity and refinement in certain areas.

Its pacing feels uneven at times, with some sections being overly detailed while others could use more development. Streamlining the narrative and focusing on key moments could enhance the overall flow and make the central themes more impactful. Simplifying some sentences and ensuring that each idea is clearly articulated would help maintain the reader's focus on the story's core message.

Overall? The story successfully subverts traditional Christmas tropes, offering a narrative that is both entertaining and meaningful. It encourages readers to reflect on the true essence of the holiday season, focusing on personal peace and the impact of everyday kindness. The character of Christy/Scarlett serves as a reminder that one does not need to embark on grand adventures to make a difference, and that sometimes, simply being true to oneself is the greatest gift of all.

 Christmas Love & Wishes by Kaoriwritess

Review:

This story has a wonderful blend of romance, mystery, and magical elements, which make it engaging and heartwarming. The premise of lost love, a magical snow globe, and the emotional reunion is captivating.

Yara's longing for Ethan is deeply moving. The flashback to their last Christmas together is tender and full of warmth, making her loss and grief resonant with the reader.

The cursed snow globe and the transformation of Ethan into an elf create a magical yet tragic twist, giving it a fairy-tale quality. The balance between fantasy and emotional realism works well. His unwavering love and the torment he experiences because of the curse make him a compelling character.

Elena's character, though crucial to the plot, is somewhat one-dimensional. Her motivation is clear, but her actions could be fleshed out more to make her a memorable antagonist. For instance, why is she capable of cursing someone? Was she a witch, or did her desperation drive her to magic?

I feel that the climax, where Ethan transforms back, feels slightly rushed. More time could be spent on Yara's emotions as she processes the miracle.

Drop hints about the elf's true identity earlier in the story. For instance, his mannerisms or phrases could mirror Ethan's, creating an "aha" moment for the reader when the truth is revealed.

Some parts of the story rely on exposition rather than immersing the reader in the moment.

Example: Instead of "Unfortunately, that woman Elena died, leaving me with this curse.", you could show Ethan reflecting on how the curse persists even after her death, deepening the emotional impact.

When he tells Yara the curse story, it might be more impactful to have brief flashbacks showing these events rather than describing them.

Overall? This is a really touching and magical realism tale, despite it's flaws, you've done a wonderful job of developing strong characters that make for memorable moments. The feelings and emotions are well explored too, and it makes it so much more realistic. You've truly woven a gut-punching tale that explores love and longing that make the eventual reunion all the more sweeter.

The Last Star by Hopie37

Review:

The story begins with Y/N reminiscing about her previous Christmases with her family and how lonely she truly feels. Her interactions with her family show how disconnected she feels and how she doesn't want to celebrate with them because she feels they don't understand her.

And then comes the snow globe and the elf. Peupeu. It's such a quirky name. He explains how things work, assigns "The Last Star", Hobi, to Y/N and just disappears. Hobi and Y/N have many hurdles to overcome but they eventually find a way to each other.

You've done an amazing job of creating a melancholic and introspective tone for Y/n's Christmas experiences. Her loneliness and anxiety are palpable, and the contrast with the whimsical, magical elements (like Peupeu and Hoseok) brings a unique dynamic.

The premise of Christmas being intertwined with magic, anxiety, and redemption feels fresh. Combining a snow globe, an elf, and a star-turned-guide is an imaginative twist on traditional holiday stories.

As for feedback, some parts of the story spell out Y/n's feelings too explicitly (e.g., her anxiety and discomfort during Christmas). Consider letting the reader infer more of her emotions through actions and subtler descriptions.

Example: Instead of saying, "Her narrowed eyes turned wide finding a snow globe with a note the next moment," you could say something like, "Her breath hitched as her eyes landed on a snow globe nestled inside, a folded note tucked against its base."

Y/n's internal struggles and hesitations are relatable and authentic, especially when she recalls her awkward moments from past Christmases. The incidents, though provide a background, feel abrupt and could benefit from some context and expansion. I do think you could give it more depth and nuance.

Hoseok's backstory and motivations are hinted at but not fully fleshed out. Why does he long to leave? What's holding him back? Expanding his characterization could deepen the emotional stakes.

There are also moments where the scene shifts from Y/N to Hoseok too quickly, making it slightly confusing to infer whether it's about Y/N or him. Again, it could be just me, but some parts could be refined for more clarity.

Overall? This is a heartfelt, imaginative story that combines introspection with holiday magic. You've set the stage beautifully with Y/n's emotional depth and the whimsical elements of Peupeu and Hoseok. The slow development of the story, despite the setbacks, are quite heartfelt and add to the tension and wonder of the story. It's a well written story!

~END~

That does it for week 1! Thank you everyone who signed up, and we hope to see you in future weeks, too!

If not, that's okay, too! But please don't hesitate to reach out to Saramitra and I (Raven). We're here with you for as long as you need, whenever you need anything. So if you ever need writing advice, want to chat about a book idea, just want a new friend, etc., please let us know! We don't want this to be just another contest; we want this to be a community and support system.

Thank you, everyone! See you for the week 2 intros and results soon!