Harry Styles

Moving necessities from the penthouse to our house was taking absolute ages, not to mention how we then had to unpack. It was bloody fucking maddening and I couldn't wait for it to be over. I have also decided right there and then that I would never ever move again. I was going to fucking die in that house if I had to.

By the time we fully moved in, I was in no mood whatsoever to throw a housewarming party. I knew Carrington wanted it, or more so her hormones, because every time it came up, she became tense and if I breathed the wrong way, she went off on me. She was easy to piss off when she wasn't pregnant, but now that the bun was in the oven, she became ten times more irritational.

I was glad to have a day to myself at the gym. My trainer had some kind of plan for me but I just told him I wanted to hit the ring and box my anger, more so frustration, out. I knew I didn't want to blow up on Carrie because she would have taken it the wrong way and I really wasn't up for a damn argument.

Once I was out of the gym, freshly showered and with pulsating knuckles, I had a lunch scheduled with Aiden. I hadn't seen him in absolute ages, I missed hanging out with him and with how much has happened in my life in a short amount of time, I needed to let it all out to someone who wasn't as involved in it as I was.

On my way to the agreed location, I made sure I knew what was going on at home because no matter how much Carrington could piss me off, I still loved her and wanted her safe and sound. It turned out that she went over to Mia's place and that made me chuckle because we technically hung out with the same people.

"How's it going, daddy cool?" my best mate laughed at me as he sat down opposite to me at the table. I rolled my eyes and leaned back. He sat on the chair and I had the booth side.

"Shut it," I replied. "It's all good."

"Ah, come on," he laughed. "Tell me more. You're gonna have a kid, mate. An actual, living, breathing little creature that will look like you. That's mad, innit?"

"It surely is," I agreed. I often found myself thinking about this. My baby girl. Gosh. She was going to be stunning. Just like her mummy. And her daddy, I guess. I do look alright, don't I? I'd like to think so. I'm not sure how else I would have been able to get with Carrington otherwise.

"Now, you are either not saying shit because you're that speechless or something is wrong."

"Eh..."

"So, what's up?" he asked, this time a bit more serious. It was crazy how well Aiden knew me. One look and he was sold. "Has she still not come around the baby topic or something?"

"It's not that... I mean, we don't really talk about the baby unless I bring it up, you know? It's like... she's not even pregnant or I don't even know. But like, that's not what's been on my mind. It's the constant arguments. Little things... she gets so pissed off with everything I do – or don't do. I don't even know what to think anymore," I stifled a laugh as I rambled on. Out loud, it didn't make much sense and I felt kind of stupid. I should have gotten used to her fiery attitude which was because of her hormones changing and whatnot but it was difficult. "Sometimes, I think it's really because of the pregnancy... that she's so... difficult. But other times, I wonder if it's because she really doesn't want the baby but she's keeping it to keep me happy? That sounds very stupid and that's probably not to true and I feel fucking bad for even thinking that but I'm just so unsure."

"The best thing would be to talk to her," he began. "Like, I'm no relationship expert but to me, it seems like you two lack communication. A lot. Mia and I went through a rough patch a few months back and she even moved out for like a week and we went without any kind of contact for literally seven days. The only reason she came back was because she stayed at a hotel and needed new clothes. I kept her home by forcing her to talk to me. We pretty much sorted everything then and there and since then, we've been fucking every night."

"Okay but we don't have a problem with sex. It's a more serious topic like it's a baby. A life. A person, we are talking about," I sighed. I felt defeated. Aiden had a point. We did have communication problems. That was what caused everything to go to shit.

"I'm not saying we had a problem with that, either. Although, I'm sure it did some good to it," he smirked and I chuckled under my breath. "All's I'm trying to get in your thick skull is that you need to open up to her. She may not be ready to talk about it like she's probably processing it. I mean, I know I would be fucking confused if I were to find out I had a kid in my stomach and shit... I don't know. I reckon you need to talk to her. About feelings and whatever else. How you see this whole pregnancy situation and how you feel about it and how you support her through everything and what you think she needs to hear in order to get her to talk. You've been with her for almost three years, I reckon you might have moved a bit too fast with how she moved in with you not even a year into you two going out. And then you proposed. And then you got a house. And now she's knocked up. Plus, her careers been all over the place, hasn't it? Then she got it sorted and everything was good for a bit. But because of the baby, that's all kind of going to shit – in her mind, anyway. So, I reckon she's still processing everything."

"I didn't think we moved too fast. Then again, I would have married her a week into knowing her," I laughed.

"Yeah and take my spotlight, eh?" he asked and chuckled before he grabbed his drink. If I would have married her the same week of knowing her, it would have been around the same time Aiden and Mia got married. God, these two were the reason I met the love of my life. They really did bring me the greatest woman of all time.

"That's crazy... if you hadn't gotten married then, I never would have met her."

"Shut up, course you would have," he laughed. "C'mon. You two were always meant to be."

"You think?"

"Mate, I know," he nodded. "She literally adores the fuck out of you, pal. I'm proper happy for you."

I felt myself blush and my heart did a little turn in my chest at the sound of those words. "Thanks."

"So... what else is on your mind, then?"

"It's to do with the house... like, we were meant to be throwing a housewarming party or something and we also kinda need to tell everyone about the baby. Well, family. But it's so much effort and after moving all of our shit and also building stuff and designing shit, I just really can't be arsed."

"Ah, yeah," he agreed. "Why didn't you's get someone to do your house, though? Would have saved you so much time."

"I brought up the idea but Carrie didn't want strangers in and out of our house. She was fine with the people bringing in the stuff and putting in what needed to be but like putting together the baby stuff – she wanted that left to us. And the interior design and whatnot. Said it'd make it feel more like home or something."

"Makes sense," he hummed. My phone buzzed on the table so I turned it over since it faced downwards. I grinned when I saw I got a text from my girl. Then a few more.

Carrington: bring me food please

Carrington: I don't mind what it is I'm starving

Carrington: but also fucking knackered so gonna take a nap, don't bother me unless you're home with the food

Carrington: thank you love you bye

"Is it her?" I heard Aiden ask. My head snapped up and I looked at him a bit confused, a massive grin on his face as the question slipped from his lips. I looked back down at my phone, my teeth nibbled on my bottom lip as I shifted in my seat. "It is, innit? You are completely whipped, pal."

"Shut up," I laughed as I typed out a reply.

Me: of course, darling, whatever you want. I'm just with Aiden so I will be a couple of hours. I'll text you when I'm on my way home. I love you. X

"God, you are so in love, it actually makes me wanna excuse myself before I throw up on you."

"Shut your gob," I laughed at him as I locked my phone. The chances of her reading that text was little to none, for all I knew, she probably was sound asleep the minute she sent that last one. Lord knew it was piss easy for her to sleep with a wholeass baby in her tummy.

"Nah, it's nice to see, you know? Haven't seen you so in love in a while..."

"Yeah. I guess it is different with her. When you know they are the one, it makes all the difference, doesn't it?"

"That it does, my man," he nodded with a smile. "You know, I never tell Mia but I'm still so head over heels for her. I mean, wait," he laughed. "I do tell her that. I just still feel like I'm in the honeymoon stage?"

"The butterflies in your stomach and your heart dropping when you see her in your clothes, tired and cuddly, all warm and soft? Yeah. I know, mate," I said with a silly grin on my face. God, I was so fucking cheesy. But I was also in love. With the greatest woman in this world. I did not deserve her but I was going to fucking sweat blood if I had to just to make sure I did deserve her by the time it was my turn to leave this planet.

"Yeah... or when she's all dressed up in an outfit that she will never wear ever again but just bought it for that one occasion. Makeup all done, hair curled or straightened – that obviously depends on the event and the outfit – all pretty and- and stunning and you just stand there, feeling like the luckiest motherfucker on earth."

I laughed out loud.

And then Aiden did.

What the fuck were we talking about? I mean, yeah, we did talk about our relationship as anyone else would. But this time around, it was so different. And also fucking nice. The fact that he was just as smitten about his lady as I was about mine, made me feel less like an idiot. I liked knowing I wasn't the only one so in love and that there were other men who didn't let love make them feel any less like... a man, I suppose.

"Shit, we really are their bitches, aren't we?" Aiden asked me with a surprised facial expression, as if he had only just realised it then. I chuckled and nodded in response. "At least we got great women, eh?"

"We've got the best ones, mate," I agreed. "How did we get so lucky? I mean, we're such twats... I can't believe I've gotten myself a stunner like my wife."

"Fucking tell me about it," he scoffed. "I never would've dreamt of anyone as fit as Mia to even look at me for a second, nevermind double-take."

"She's your wife now, is she not? Must've seen through all your shit to get with you for life."

"Fuck off," he kicked me under the table and I let out a quiet 'ouch' in response. "I can't believe Carrington is willing to marry you after everything you put her through."

"What is that supposed to mean?" I asked in confusion. His comment sounded pretty serious. Well, compared to his tone from before, it was much more serious.

"I-, no... wait, I didn't mean the time you two were properly arguing... about the baby and all..." he said suddenly as he realised what I might have thought of. I raised my eyebrow at him and he sighed. "Listen. I know we have been over this – I'm sure you and Carrington talked about this, too – but it was a pretty serious thing you two went through. The things you've said to her were vile, mate. You know I love you and I am your best mate so that's why I'm telling – that's why I told – you that what you did wasn't on."

"Literally not a day goes by without me feeling like absolute fucking shit," I sighed. It was true. Every time I had the chance to get a minute of peace, my mind went back to that time and didn't let me rest. However, I deserved it.

"Good. It'll keep you on your toes and also from being a wanker again," he stated. Aiden was always honest with me and I liked that a lot. He was the best friend everyone should have had and needed. "Now, what I mainly meant was to do with your family... your brother, I mean. That shit kind of took a toll on you two... kind of separated you guys for a while. And all the stuff with your manager. Some fans. The media, definitely."

"Yeah... it hasn't been an easy ride for us."

"It never is," he said. "But it'll work out in the end."

"I'm hoping so," I chuckled as I stared out of my head. I didn't focus on anything in particular, I kind of just zoned out. "Because as of right now, I feel like the worst is yet to come."

"Hey, don't talk like that. It's all about communication."

I nodded to show I understood but the gut feeling I had, completely shut it out. Well, until Aiden decided to order us each a pint. I was against it at first but then took it, regardless. One pint won't hurt no one, right?

"Okay, but listen... when we went into this sex shop in Amsterdam... mate, I never knew people could be so damn dirty," he told me one of the many experiences he had with Mia when he took her on a work trip. They were actually quite entertaining most of the time, but something just didn't feel right. I felt uncomfortable, my stomach felt like it needed emptying and I found it hard not to leave the table and actually make myself be sick just to get rid of the feeling. "Are you listening, Harry?"

"What? Yeah- um, that sounds like so much fun," I smiled at him with furrowed brows. "Look, I, um, I think I'm gonna go home... I, I don't feel too good, mate."

"Was it the food or something? Maybe the pint upset your stomach... you rarely ever drink beer anymore."

"Yeah... I guess. Maybe. I don't know," I rambled, my voice shook a little as I placed my cutlery to one side and I tucked my napkin under the plate. Gosh, I was such a mess.

"Are you OK?"

"N-Yes... I don't know," I looked at him with a worried expression. "I- no, I'm not OK. I don't know. I have a gut feeling that something bad might have happened or is happening or could happen or will happen and I just can't work out what it is or why I feel like this."

"Hey, calm down, yeah?" he looked at me just as worried. "I'll get you a water, alright?"

"I think I'm gonna go wash my face," I told him. I needed to freshen up. That was it. We had been in this restaurant for hours. We just chatted about shit, maybe I just needed some fresh air or something.

I caught Aiden nod before I stood up and left to go to the loo. I didn't feel good. I really didn't. It's like... whoever was in control of me was telling me to do something but I had no idea what. Because no one fucking told me. And I couldn't suck it out of my little finger so I was pretty fucked, to say the least.

When I went back to our table, the glass of water with ice in it was there and so was Aiden. With a phone pressed to his ear. Furrowed brows, creasy forehead, focused eyes. As I sat down, I looked at him curiously.

Did he get the gut feeling as well?

"Yeah... no. He just got back. No- no, I'll... I'll break it to him. Fuck. Yes. Okay. Please, do. Everything they say, I wanna know."

"Aiden? What is going on?" I asked and he silenced me with his finger pressed to his lips.

"Yes. We will go now. Yeah. See you soon, babe. Yeah. Love you too. Bye."

"Aiden. Why did Mia call you? Why do you look like you are about to tell me the worst news ever?"

"Because... I might be."

"What. Is. Going. On." My voice was stern and I was lost. I felt lost. My stomach was up my throat at this point and nothing made sense. He looked frightened and I felt a slight wave of panic wash over me.

"First of all, I'm gonna need your driver to come pick us up."

"Why?"

"Because we both drank and neither of us can drive?"

"Aiden. Cut the crap. Why the fuck do I feel like I'm gonna throw up?"

"Quiet down!" he hissed. So, maybe I kind of shouted at him. But he wasn't giving me anything to work with. "Call your driver and I'll go pay."

So, I did. Because I knew I would never get told what was going on. Clearly, it wasn't to do with Mia because he was on the phone to her.

That left Carrington.

And I swore to fucking god if it really was her who was in trouble, I would go insane.

"What now?" I asked angrily. We were outside as we waited for the car to roll up. "Are we just gonna leave our cars here?"

"We'll pick them up later. Now, listen," he sighed. "I don't know how to tell you this but-,"

"Just spit it out, for fuck's sake. I'm going mental over here!"

"Look. Mia took Carrington to the hos-,"

"No!" I shouted at him. "Don't you dare finish that sentence!" I said as the panic fully overtook my body. And mind. I was shaking at that point, the scenarios of why she had to be taken to the hospital clouded my head to the point where I was ready to cry.

"Harry. Calm down."

"No! You are telling me my wife is at the hospital and we are waiting for my driver like she's not dying?"

"Well, she's not dying," he joked and I shoved him. "Hey, pack it in, pal."

"I will pack it in when you tell me what the fuck is going on!"

"Carrington is at the hospital, OK? Mia told me that she had to take her in."

"Fuck..." I mumbled as my hand held onto the street sign to gain some balance and support. I felt my heart drop to my stomach and I couldn't control my breathing. "W-Why is she there? And where is my driver? I'm gonna drive, I don't car-, Aiden, move!"

"You are not driving!" he told me as he held me back by my arms, his breath fanned my face as he pushed me back. "She is in good hands, alright?"

"This is all my fault... I felt it, Aiden! I fucking felt it in my gut that something was wrong and I didn't go home! I left her alone!" I shouted at him as my eyes filled up with tears and my vision became blurry.

"You don't know what's going on with her. She might have just felt a little too sick or something. Don't think of the worst."

"Why didn't she call me?" I asked as my voice broke. My chin quivered and I sniffled as the first tear rolled down my cheek. "She didn't call me... is she getting rid of my baby? Aiden... is she getting an abortion?"

"What?" he shrieked. "What the fuck? Are you crazy?"

"She is. Isn't she?" I asked in defeat. She was taking my baby away from me. I knew she was. She never wanted her. The first chance she got, she slipped through my hands and gave up. "She doesn't love me... she's-,"

"Harry, don't say that. You know she'd never do that," he said gently as I stood there and cried. "Mate," he tutted and grabbed my shoulders to pull me in an embrace. I let him because I didn't know what else to do. "Carrington loves you and her so much, alright? I think she's just... just getting a check up or something? Hey- your driver's here. Let's go."

Aiden had to talk to him about the directions and whatnot. I didn't know it and wouldn't have been able to do it, anyway. I just sat in the back of the car, in quiet, in confusion, in pain, in worry.

What if she really was having an abortion because she couldn't do it?

No.

She is not.

She wouldn't do that to me.

She loves me so much. She would never hurt me like that, right?

Of course, not, you fucking idiot. Why are you doubting her love for you?

"Mate, c'mon," Aiden opened the car door for me and I didn't even realise. This had to be the longest but also shortest freaking car ride ever.

I speed walked inside, straight to the reception desk.

"I-, my... my wife. She is here... where is she?" I asked the man who sat behind the desk. I wiped away my tears with the back of my hand. "Please, tell me you can't get abortions here... please."

"Sir, please, calm down," he said. "Can I get your name, please?"

"Harry. Where is my wife? Sir, please. I- I don't know what's goi-,"

"Good afternoon, I'm Aiden and this is Harry. We're here for Carrington Hill..." Aiden spoke up once he caught up to me. I sniffled and kept biting my nails. This was taking too long.

"She's currently being looked after. She will be soon taken to her own room seeing as she is entitled to a private room. That will be on the 4th floor and room 558."

"Where is she now? Right now?" I asked.

"Like I said, she is currently with a doctor. She is most likely not awake so I suggest you wait outside of room 558."

"Alright, thank you so much," my friend said and grabbed my arm. "Let's go. Mia should be there."

"Does she know?" I asked. "Does she know why she's in here?"

"Let's find out," he sighed as we got in the elevator. "You need to calm down. You are going to scare her when she wakes up."

I didn't reply. I didn't know what to reply. All I knew was that I might be losing one of my girls if not both and it was the worst thought that ever came to my mind. How did I come to that conclusion? I have no idea.

"She's not getting an abortion, alright? Knock it out of your head."

"But-,"

"Harry. She would never consider that as an option. She never did."

"She also never wanted a kid..."

"Guys!" the familiar voice of Mia's caught both of our attention and she walked over to us quickly. "I'm sorry I crashed your lads night but-,"

"Where is she? Is he OK? Why did she not call me? Why did she have to come in?" I bombarded her with questions. She looked like she had been crying – her eyes were red and her makeup was smeared.

Fuck.

"Harry... honey, I-," she started to talk but her chin began to quiver and her eyes welled up with tears and I knew... I just knew it was going to be bad."

"What! What is it?"

"She- she called me so worried... she could barely b-breathe... I was out to get some g-groceries and- and she called and she really couldn't breathe. I went back as fast as-as I could and she was on the t-toilet and sobbing and- gosh," she put her hands over her face as a loud sob erupted from her chest. Aiden was quick to hug her to his chest and I took a few steps back, my hands shoved in my hair, eyes wet with tears I didn't know I had left.

"Shh," I heard Aiden but my heart was louder and faster than anything I had ever experienced.

I had to sit down – didn't matter where. I just had to feel something stable. It was the floor. My back slid down against the cool tiles, it felt like I was in a movie with the tears down my cheeks, the war in my mind and the hospital scene around me.

"Harry, I am so sorry," I heard Mia as she squatted down next to me. Her hand was on my shoulder and her voice was weak. I turned my head to look at her and I felt like I couldn't breathe. "I'm so fucking s-sorry," she apologised again and I pulled her in a hug.

"Don't," I muttered quietly as I held onto her tightly. I fisted her clothes and screwed my eyes shut but the tears found their way out anyway. "I j-just want her t-to be okay..."

"Family of Miss Hill?" a voice. The same voice who was about to tell me what happened and I would hate him forever.

"Yes," I heard Aiden reply. "Please, tell us – how is she?"

"Miss Hill is currently getting moved up here. She is asleep right now and will be for at least half an hour more. Are you the father of the baby?"

"No-,"

"I am," I interrupted as I pushed myself up. "I am. Am I still a father? Did-did you take my b-baby from me?"

"Sir. I am so sorry but I am afraid the foetus did not survive."

*

a.n.
so after not writing anything for this book for ages, i whipped out a chapter w over 4k words and this is what happened 😳

don't forget to vote and comment gals and gays, kisses xx