Carrington Hill

Hospitals had a distinct smell to them. There was no need to be present to know what it smelled like. Everyone just... knew. I didn't have any bad memories that included this place or if I did, I didn't remember any of it. Kids usually have bad memories connected to hospitals but they don't always stay with them unless it was really traumatic.

"Harry?"

"Yes?"

Our voices were quiet as the one-word replies left our lips. I had my right leg over my left one and my feet never stopped moving up and down. My arms were crossed over my chest as my phone was between my thighs because I had no bag with me. Harry sat next to me in the chair, busy playing on his phone with his legs wide apart and bent as he crossed his ankles under his seat.

"What if the results come back and, I don't know, they tell me I have a deadly disease?"

"Dunno," he mumbled and then groaned right after it. His head leaned back against the tiled wall, his hands on his thighs as the screen of his phone showed the 'game over' sign. I rolled my eyes.

"Harry," I said his name again which caused him to look over to me. His cheek rested on his shoulder as his green eyes focused on me. Suddenly, he leaned forward and kissed me on the lips then got back to his game. "Would you just listen to me?"

"I am listening," he nodded. "Everything's going to be fine. You won't die."

"You are so not helping," I muttered. He was such an ass. He was not one bit worried. He was sure it was just a virus but then I asked him why were we here to get me checked out and then he said just to make sure.

He didn't say anything after that just continued to play. If there was one thing that annoyed me was how obsessed he was with his phone. Then again, I couldn't exactly complain. I was the same.

Soon enough, we were called back in the room as the results had arrived. The doctor we had was a private one – we were in a private hospital to begin with – but Harry knew them very well. The doctor had to have been in their late thirties.

"Alrighty," she sat down in the chair on the other side of the table. Harry and I sat opposite to her, one of his hands held mine securely and our interlocked fingers rested on my thigh. "There's no need to look so worried, I only have good news to tell you."

The breath I held in quickly escaped my lungs and my tense body posture completely deflated. "Thank goodness."

Harry squeezed my hand a little which made me look at him. He gave me a small, reassuring smile and then the doctor spoke again.

"The blood test we ran showed one thing only other than you being completely healthy. I'm not entirely sure whether this was something you two were hoping for, perhaps working towards, however I am very happy to let you know that you are expecting."

"E-excuse me?" I asked back as politely as I could, the shock in my voice and perhaps whole facial expression was rather clear.

You are expecting.

You are expecting.

You are expecting.

What. The. Actual. Fuck.

"That's impossible," I laughed as I couldn't believe what I heard. My grip on Harry's hand went completely loose and I leaned back in the leather chair.

"The test clearly shows that you are one, almost two months pregnant," she confirmed it as she slipped the paper in front of me. I sat on the edge of my chair and picked up the sheet that showed everything. "Seeing as this was not something you had expected to get from this test, I advise you to set another appointment to talk through potential decisions. As of right now, you are five weeks pregnant, like I said, just reached the first week of your second month. You have time to decide however you need to gather all the information you need to know and make an educated decision."

"Excuse me?" Harry popped in. His voice was stern but not loud. He controlled himself as best as he could. "Are we talking about what I'm thinking we are talking about?"

"Termination is something that many couples, single females mostly, consider for their own reasons. A study from last year showed that women aged between twenty to twenty-four were the highest ranked who had decided to go through with the procedure – twenty-eight point eight per a thousand to be exact. This is actually a decrease from 2007 – when thirty-two point six per a thousand women in this age bracket were found – but an increase from 2016 when the results showed twenty-seven per a thousand women."

"Is that meant to make me feel better?" Harry questioned her a bit rudely as his emotions got the best of him in the end. He huffed and threw himself back in his seat.

"I could bring up more figures but that is not why we are here right now. I understand that this is a very difficult and perhaps touchy subject for you two."

"Oh, it sure is," he mumbled. At that point, I didn't even dare to look at him. I was torn between decisions. All this information hit me like a brick and had no idea how to deal with the pain it caused.

"You are free to go now unless you would like to get an ultrasound or set up another appointment," she looked at me with kind eyes as she waited patiently. When I lifted my gaze, I felt a tear roll down my cheek so I quickly raised my hand and wiped it away. My heart beat really fast in my chest, I heard it in my ears and my throat was filled with a knot that stopped me from swallowing properly.

"N-no," I shook my head and forced a smile on my lips. "Thank you for your time."

"It was my pleasure," she nodded. "Another thing before you leave, which I completely forgot. A check-up would be good for you and the baby. I know it is not something that you would like to do as of right now, talk about it I mean, but I must let you know that it wouldn't be a bad idea."

"When?" I croaked. It was hard to get my shit together, especially when I knew that this whole pregnancy would just put an already developing distance between Harry and I. The only thing on my mind was the potential argument that would occur between us the minute we get home.

"Next week, this time again?" she asked. Seeing as I had no idea whether I was free or not, I just nodded.

"Doctor... you know because I said I was ill... well, I felt ill and everything. That... that wouldn't harm t-the baby, right?"

"No," she told me as she typed away on her laptop. She was most likely setting up the appointment. "Those were symptoms of your pregnancy. They are not the most common ones, usually people, like yourself, just call it catching the cold and treat it as one until it fully goes away. Then they may experience the usual symptoms, they buy a test and so on."

"Okay," I nodded.

She stood up from her chair and walked over to the printer that was in the room. It surprised me that she set the appointment for us rather than someone at the reception desk.

"This is your appointment for next week," she gave me the paper which showed the date and time.

"T-thank you," I smiled at her as best as I could and then the next thing I knew, I was at home.

The car ride home was fast and silent. Awkward silent. Harry didn't speak to me but it didn't surprise me. He was clearly mad at me and I suppose he had every reason to be. All he knew was that I already considered abortion which is actually disgusting – unless it is crucially needed.

It made me cry. It genuinely made me sob so hard that I couldn't breathe. I knew I would drive myself to a panic attack if I didn't calm down but it was hard. So, fucking hard. It felt like my life was in shambles and I was alone.

I wasn't even the one who brought up getting rid of the baby. But that's what Harry thought. The doctor assumed that was something I wanted which she got from my reaction. I didn't even think of getting rid of the baby – but I couldn't keep it either.

I wasn't ready.

I didn't feel ready.

I felt lost and confused and alone.

I had no one with me but that baby in my stomach that was probably not even an actual baby yet. No one was there who I could cry with or to and that had to be the worst thing to experience after receiving news like that. I felt terrible for so many reasons.

I felt terrible because I was pregnant. I felt terrible because I was pregnant but I didn't want to be pregnant. I felt terrible because I was pregnant and I didn't want to be pregnant but people who wanted to get pregnant but couldn't probably would have killed to be in my position. I had gotten the opportunity they couldn't get and it made me feel like an absolute cunt that I wasn't the happiest person on the planet right now. I felt terrible because I didn't want a baby right now. I felt terrible because I wanted to work instead of raising a child. I felt terrible because Harry was mad at me. I felt terrible because I hurt him. I felt terrible because this baby probably already loved me more than anyone had ever done and I didn't want it. I felt terrible because I didn't want to get rid of it. I felt terrible because that thought did run through my mind.

I was a terrible person.

I was a terrible person and I didn't deserve this.

Harry knew that too. Otherwise he would have talked to me about it and helped me with this. But he didn't. He didn't because he knew I was a bad person and I knew he regretted being with someone as ugly as me. It was only a matter of time before he broke up with me and threw me out.

But I couldn't have dealt with that. It would have hurt too fucking much.

I had to leave before he made me.

He didn't want me because I didn't want the baby.

My thoughts got the best of me as I was already half way down to my car. Once I had gotten inside, I decided to call my mother. She was the only person on my mind in that moment. My tears streamed down my face and I still couldn't breathe.

Everything hurt.

"Hey darling, I was just about to call y-,"

"Mummy," I sobbed in the phone with my hand on the steering wheel and forehead against my arm.

"Carrington?" her voice changed completely as my sobbing filled the interior of my car. "Carrington, what is going on?"

"He hates me," I sobbed through my words. There was no way I was going to be able to drive all the way home. "He h-hates me."

"No one hates you, my love," she tried to make me feel better but it didn't work. "Tell me what is going on, I am extremely worried right now."

"I messed u-up and didn't even d-do anything," my words completely slurred together as the saliva ran together in my mouth and tears blurred my vision.

"Carrington, I am certain that you have done nothing to make anyone hate you or for you to think you have messed up so badly," she spoke with such soft voice that it was hard to understand. "I'm on my break right now which is about to end and I really don't want to leave you alone because I know where this is going. You haven't had a panic attack in forever and I really don't want you to have to go through that again so please calm down."

"It hurts."

"Honey, take a deep breath slowly and let it out slowly. It will help you," she spoke. "In," she inhaled quietly loudly as she encouraged me to do the same. "And out."

I had no idea how long she did that with me but I eventually stopped crying. The pain didn't go away but at least the tears didn't make my vision go crazy. Mum made me call Mia after she put the phone down on me because she couldn't get off of work and she didn't want me to drive home in that state. So, that was what I did. I called my best friend and she knew something was up right away. I guess she really did know me.

I ended up waiting for her outside, near the park entrance that was close to the apartment building where we lived. Just like my mum, she didn't want me to drive either so she came to pick me up.

No one knew I was pregnant yet. I couldn't tell my mum over the phone. Mia was going to be the first person to know and that worried me because she usually told Aiden everything. And Aiden was Harry's best friend. I didn't want that to go back to Harry through someone who was so close to him.

"Oh, baby girl," Mia literally flew out of the car the minute she stopped it and pulled me in a tight hug. She had no idea how I looked when we were on the phone and nor did I but I assumed it was bad if she gave me that reaction.

My hands could barely keep themselves up as I fisted her shirt on her back, my face stuffed into her neck as my eyes began to leak with tears again. This time, it was more silent. I wished it was Harry I was hugging but he was probably chuffed to even find out I wasn't in the house anymore.

"D-don't tell A-Aiden," I stuttered when she pulled away from me, her hands wiped my tears away. "He'll tell him."

"No, honey, I won't," she reassured me. "He's not home. He's away for the week," she told me and it made my heart calm down a little. One less thing to worry about. "Come on, let's go. It's really cold and you must have been out for ages."

Her place changed a lot since I had been over. It was warm – really warm. And I loved it. It felt amazing after I made the short but definitely cold walking distance from the car to the front door.

"Here you go," she brought me a tea, just how I liked it, and sat down next to me on the couch after. "Drink that, please."

And she watched me gulp down every sip of the drink. When I was done with it – it didn't take long because I was thirsty – she opened her arms and invited me into a cuddle. My head rested on her chest as her arms went around my body. Mia leaned back on the couch with her legs stretched out so I was between them. She took care of me like I felt like I needed to be taken care of and it meant a lot that she didn't even need to ask what to do.

She just knew.

She played with my hair and let me just hug her. My head was empty of thoughts which was weird in that situation but I couldn't think straight. I just zoned out and let the time go by.

"I'm pregnant," my voice came out deeper than imagined as my eyes focused on the fire that was going under the massive telly on the wall.

"Carr... that's-, that's..."

"I don't want to be pregnant," I carried on as I ignored her. She couldn't have come up with a proper reaction anyway because my mood was so off about this whole thing. I cried when I called her so I knew she knew I wasn't the most ecstatic about it.

"Is that what caused the fight?"

"Yes," I mumbled. "But I didn't even initiate it. He just got mad..."

"Something had to have happened for him to get angry," she figured.

"When the doctor told us... Mia, I wasn't as happy as I always imagined I would be. I wasn't happy at all. I was... I was angry? Confused? I'm not sure. I wasn't happy."

"I'm assuming Harry was?"

"Don't know," I replied. "I couldn't look at him once we were told about the baby. The doctor... she just... she just assumed that I wanted to get rid of it. And that infuriated Harry. I think he thinks I don't want the baby."

"You said you don't."

"I don't," I agreed. "But never did I say I want an abortion."

"So... are you going to give them up for adoption?" she questioned. Adoption. I couldn't. I would feel terrible.

I already felt terrible.

I was terrible.

"I don't know... Harry wouldn't ever let me do anything like that. T-then again he hates me," my lips and chin quivered as the words escaped my mouth. Just the night before we told each other we were each other's love and now he was probably ready to get his brainwashed so he could forget about my existence.

"You need to stop assuming what he thinks and he needs to stop assuming what you think. This is all a big miscommunication," she told me honestly. She was probably right. "From what you told me about Harry when it comes to babies, it is clear that he wants one – and he wants one with you. I know for a fact that he is heartbroken and scared because you have the control over this. It is your choice whether you keep the baby or not and he cannot do anything about it. He knows that. And I think it scares the living shit out of him. He finally got what he always wanted with you – a family. He doesn't want to lose that."

She made sense. She made so much sense. But it didn't take away the fact that Harry didn't talk to me. He just hurried away from me and locked himself in the bedroom.

"I'm not trying to make you feel like your feelings are not valid. I know why you don't want a baby right in this moment. I understand why you are finding it hard to deal with this. Your career is super important to you, it always had been. You are super young and there's so much life left for you to live and experience," she carried on. It made me feel better that she knew both sides and saw both sides of the story. I usually never went to others when it came to problems within my relationship but this time around, this was my only option. I needed to be with someone.

"It really hurts. I don't want to hurt anyone," I said after a bit of silence. "I don't. I really don't."

"Sssh," she grabbed me again and hugged me tightly as I began to cry again. "I know you don't. And you're not hurting anyone but yourself right now."

"I love him s-so much," I sobbed. "I really do love h-him."

"I know you do, honey. He loves you too. I love you. And I'm here for you. Always."

*

a.n.
so i wonder how's lesley doing in america or how harrison is keeping up at uni 🤔

ok but fr fr shit is going down FINALLY ! i have been waiting SO LONG to get to these parts as the idea was always in my head i jus never knew when to bring it up.

hopefully, you lot won't hate me too much for it and if you will then that's ok cos at least we'll have somet in common 😙

lmk ur thoughts on this wholeass situation cos i'm curious . harrington really is going thru shit and it ain't gonna be solved in one chapter like before hehehehe

all the love fuckers xx