Carrington Hill

The same company who we worked with for our engagement party was helping us with our wedding, too. Harry and I had different ideas for the wedding, especially in terms of its size.

Harry wanted a massive wedding and I wanted a more closed off one. His reasoning was simply how "we could afford it, so why not" whilst I just told him "the marriage is about us so let's have a fairly small wedding and spend a shit ton on our honeymoon." I thought my argument was stronger and more logical but, in the end, I had to give into him.

We literally got to the point where every time I looked at him, I was reminded of that one damn thing and it put me in a mood where no one could talk to me without me complaining or going off on someone for no reason at all. Harry tested my patience until he knew he could and made me give into him and his stupid ideas.

Well, they weren't stupid.

But it did make us fight therefore I thought it was silly.

I swear it caused us to sleep in different rooms for a whole week and we barely even spoke which was very unlike us. Whenever we fought, although it was a rare occasion, we didn't ignore each other for longer than a few hours. I, for one, felt like shit going to bed without sorting things out with him, but we had done it for seven days in a row. To be fair, the fact that we were both extremely busy made is easier for us to ignore each other.

However, we were over it.

We decided on a big wedding and a big honeymoon even though the first one did send my anxiety through the roofs. Yes, it was going to be family and friends there but there was so much that could go wrong and that stressed me out greatly.

Not to mention the competition that Alex and I have had yet to attend in Birmingham. It was only a day long, we go in the morning then come home in the evening type of thing but it was still something we had to train for. Just because it wasn't a championship or anything big it was still important that we were prepared and ready to do our best.

Oh, and I'm not going to lie, it did tick Harry off a little bit that I had that competition to attend in the middle of our wedding planning. We fought over it, then he gave me the silent treatment. I didn't think I did anything wrong, I was simply doing my job just like the way he scheduled a fitting or a show where he wanted to walk. I kind of felt like he wanted to get this whole wedding over and done with and I couldn't say the same for myself.

Personally, I was more than happy staying engaged for a year or two, I didn't see why we had to hurry and get married. We were fine before we got engaged and just because I wore a ring he slipped on my finger, didn't really mean that we had to get married right away. I wanted to enjoy this whole thing. I wanted to feel excited and impatient to go dress shopping, go cake tasting, talk about the colour theme, what food we'd be having and stuff like that whereas Harry gave off a vibe where he wasn't really that arsed about these things.

Yet he wanted a massive wedding.

I didn't know how, though, because I wasn't going to just hurry all of this and have a shitty wedding. This was a once in a lifetime thing, seeing as I didn't plan on getting divorced, and I wanted it to be memorable.

Although, if one good thing came out of our constant fighting was the relationship I have built with Harry's mother and sister. Anne and Lily were on my side about this whole thing, they didn't understand why Harry wanted the wedding to be over so quick when according to this mum, he had talked so much about having his own and everything.

It seemed impossible to even ask Harry about his thoughts because he shut the whole topic down. And I didn't even get to bring it up.

Up until today.

I was going to tie him to the bed if I had to just to talk to him about everything that we went through. To me, it looked like he was overly stressed and he bottled his emotions up instead of talking to anyone about it. I would have known if he did.

When he arrived at home it was around four in the afternoon. I was lying on the ottoman kind of little furniture that we had near the big windows in the main living room although I didn't think he had seen me because of the wall in the way. I pulled the orange blanket up on me a little as I had my phone in my right hand and a small smile homed on my lips as his eyes looked right into mine. He didn't do anything though, just went right into the kitchen. With a sigh, I stood up with the cover still around me and I walked over to where he was then leaned against the wall on the side.

He wore a full black outfit which was very stylish. His trousers were high waisted and had soft vertical lines going through them. He had a black t-shirt on that he tucked into his bottoms whilst his silver cross necklace caught the sunshine here and there as he lifted the water bottle to drink from it. His hair looked like a mess, but a hot mess, and definitely soft, too.

"Hi," I said to break the silence. My arms crossed in front of me as I kept the throw blanket together around my body, my thumb pushed my engagement ring back into its right place as it slipped down on my finger a little. "How was your day?" I asked when he didn't reply to my greeting.

He just looked done. With life. Most likely because of work. Not that I knew what he worked on because he didn't tell me a lot lately.

It surprised me when he walked over to me after he placed the water bottle on the side. He put his hands on either sides of my face and lifted it up a little, his green eyes looked tired as he stared into mine. He was very gentle with me as he leaned forward and kissed my forehead then kept his lips on my skin for a little longer. I closed my eyes as I let out a little sigh because to be completely honest, that was the most we interacted this way in a while.

I got on my tippy toes as I opened my arms with the blanket still in my hold and wrapped my arms around his neck. He got covered with me, too, and I felt his arms snuck around my waist. As Harry leaned down, I could get back on my feet properly and enjoy being in his arms with my eyes closed. His scent filled my nose entirely as I nuzzled my face in his neck and felt the chain of his necklace against my lips.

"I love you," I mumbled to him quietly although I knew our troubles didn't just vanish from our lives with that statement. I just liked to let him know I did because yes, actions speak louder than words but sometimes, it is nice to hear the words as well.

"I love you," he said it back and it made my whole ass heart feel at peace. Don't get me wrong, I knew he did, but like I mentioned, it was good to hear it. My smile widened and I giggled when I pulled away from his hug.

"Can we talk, please?" I asked him softly and as non-annoyingly as I could. I didn't want to piss him off right away even though I felt like I kind of did as he let his arms drop from around me and sighed. "Harry..."

"Today was so long, can we just, not?" he picked up his water bottle again and I wanted to take it from him and throw it at his massive head.

"I get it, trust me, I know what it's like to feel overworked. But if we're gonna put our relationship behind everything then we may as well just call off the wedding," he looked at me with a questioning look and slightly offended, too. "I'm not going to marry you like this. We've done nothing but fought these past couple of weeks and if that's how our marriage is going to be like, then I don't want it."

"Every couple has their ups and downs. Ours just so happened to be before our wedding. We won't be like this every day of our life together so I don't see why you're threatening me with this shit."

"I'm not threatening you with this shit. I'm telling you. If we won't work this problem out now then what makes you think we will in the future?"

"I don't see how us being married will be any different to how we are now. We've lived together for a long time, just because your last name will be mine and we'll have our rings on doesn't necessarily mean anything."

"Okay, we're off topic now. I want to talk because we need to talk so we are going to talk."

"Alright, boss, talk then," he told me and sounded clearly annoyed. I didn't know why he didn't want to have this chat.

"First of all, what crawled up your arse?"

"Nothing."

I scoffed. "Okay. How about a proper answer now?"

"That was a proper answer."

"Stop acting like you're fifteen. Stop walking and let's talk about this. If I remember correctly, we agreed to always working things out before we go to anyone else or before it gets too out of hand. We've done it before, I don't see why it's such a big deal now."

"Because!" he raised his voice as he turned around. We were in the bedroom already at this point and I felt small under his stare. "Everything is coming at me from left, right and centre and I can't deal with it all together. I'm trying but it's all crashing down on me! You always chew my ear about the wedding along with the fucking wedding planner, our families, too. Not to mention the fucking media! Jesus, the media is talking about our fucking wedding as if we were the damn royals or some shit!"

"Why didn't you tell me all of this? You know I'm here for you. I'm here to support you. I want the best for you, always, and if you would have told me that you feel like this, I would have done things differently to help you!"

"That's not just it, Carrington! And you can't solve everything! You're not some magical woman who can cast a spell and make everything right, okay?! You can't walk up to the CEO of brands and tell them why they should consider my offers when all this shit is being said about me and you and everything in the media! Not even my manager can talk to them and it's stressing. Me. The. Fuck. Out. Nothing seems to be working out the way it's supposed to – the way I wanted it."

"I'm sorry it's such a shit show. I know I'm not a wonder woman who can help save and sort everything out. I never claimed to be someone like that!" I told him much more calmly and collected than he spoke to me before. He undressed himself whilst he told me all those things and ended up in his boxers and socks as he sat on the edge of the bed. "But I'm here for you. I'm here to talk and help you take your mind off of things because it's not healthy to be this stressed! I was in your position when nothing seemed to work out with my career. People were accusing me of using you all the time for my own benefits like getting links to others to build my career or how I didn't even work because I lived off of you. It was all a fucking mess but I came to you with my problems after a few days of bottling up my emotions because that's okay, but I knew I couldn't continue doing that. You can keep your thoughts and feelings to yourself but you've been like this for so long. I don't want your mental health to suffer because others don't think you're enough or think you're not doing enough."

"You're just as stressed with this whole wedding as I am and you have your own shit to take care of. I don't want to put my stress on you because you can only handle so much. I'm fine with pushing my limits."

"Harry, you might be fine with pushing your limits until you break but I'm not. You're going to destroy yourself, your mind is going to destroy you and I'm sorry but I'm not going to sit on the side and watch it all happen," I told him honestly and I knew he would've done the same for me. He actually done the same for me a lot of the times. I wanted to be there for him like that and this was the first time in our relationship where I felt like he hit a low where he needed to be picked up. "You don't want people pitying you, I understand that, I really do because I hate that myself. Therefore, I wouldn't do that. I just want you to open up. Just fucking rant to me about whatever is on your mind. I literally don't care if it's about how shit the tap water tasted in the office or how thin the toilet paper was. Just talk to me."

At this point I squatted down in front of him and placed my hands on his arms as he propped them up on his knees, his hands held his face as he looked downwards. He didn't look at me, which I didn't know whether was because he knew I had a point or something else. I pushed my fingers through his hair that flopped to the front and with that, his head lifted a little.

My breath got stuck on my throat as I saw his red and teary eyes. I stood up right away as his tears rolled down his cheeks, my hand still in his hair as the other was on the side of his neck. Harry leaned his head on my chest after I sat on his lap and his arms went around my waist. His tears soaked my pink jumper although that was the least of my worries.

"Let it out, bub, it's okay," I whispered as I kissed his hair and leaned my head on his with my arms tightly around him. My heart broke in half as I held his crying body and I swear my own eyes watered up. "I love you."

I couldn't remember a moment where he cried this painfully then I remembered it was because nothing triggered him that much before. Yeah, he did have his moments where he shed a tear or two but most of the time, it was me who had a full on emotional breakdown in front of the other.

"M'sorry," he muttered after what felt like hours of silence that was interrupted by his sobs. Harry calmed down a little but continued to rest his head on my chest. He sniffled a few times before he did pull away though and my heart broke even more. "Do you have a tissue somewhere?" he asked with a weak voice.

After I passed him a pack of ten, I picked up his clothes from the floor that he threw on there in anger from before. I sat back down next to him on the bed and he leaned back on the bed which caused the mattress to bounce up and down a couple times. He blew raspberries with his mouth as he tried to calm himself down more.

"Did that help a little?" I asked him after he sat back up. He rubbed his eyes with his hands, his legs stretched out and then he let his arms fall next to him.

"I don't feel as tense, so I suppose so," he replied. "It didn't solve my problems, though."

"Did you talk to Caitlin about these... what even are you doing?" I asked him absolutely confused. He never told me about his plans so I didn't get why he went on about brands not taking his offer.

"So, I've had this plan of working with a brand for a clothing line. I always wanted to have my own. Since I have a pretty secure place in the industry, I thought these high-end brands would be down to work with me and help and believe me, that was the case. But then each and every one of them turned their backs on me when all these rumours came about and I honestly have no idea how they started."

"What rumours?" I asked about it first because I really didn't read stuff like that. There was no time on my hands to do so plus Harry and I agreed to always ignoring that kind of thing, anyway. It didn't do any good for our relationship or ourselves so what was the point? We knew who we were and what we did and his team usually did everything they could to wipe shit off of the surface.

"Just nasty stuff. I'm glad you know nothing about them," he told me quietly. Harry let out a deep sigh after that and waited a few moments before he spoke again. "You do trust me, right?"

"Of course, I do," I said right away. "Why wouldn't I trust you?"

"I've been accused of cheating in the newspapers because I was seen hugging one of the women from my team at this get together. I didn't even know of this until Caitlin told me why everyone started to turn my offers down and stuff and then it made me wonder whether you were this angry at me for so long because you might have believed them or thought they had some kind of truth to them," he shared his thoughts which gave me a little insight as to what made him so stressed constantly. I wished he would have told me these earlier but I didn't say anything like that to him because I was glad he decided to open up to me.

"Well, have you?"

"Have I?" he asked back with a confused voice and a frown on his face.

"Have you cheated on me?"

"No. Of course, not. I respect you way more than that. If I didn't want to be with you for some messed up reason, I would break up with you. I don't see the point in cheating. It's wrong and I don't understand why people would even think of it as an option then later on blame it on how intoxicated they were. Drinking only makes a person braver and encourages them to do something that they're too afraid to whilst being sober. I've heard one too many stories of people blaming alcohol for their actions and I think that's embarrassing. They wouldn't have done it if they didn't want to."

"Well, then I don't believe those rumours. I believe you because I trust you. I would never look at something in the news or on the internet and believe it unless it came from you or you confirmed it. That shit ruins relationships. What we have is supposed to be between us two. Not anyone else. The minute we go to others with our problems before solving them will only lead to more problems and I honestly can't be arsed with having to fight more over irrelevant stuff."

"Yeah, I get you. I never usually go to others with our stuff, mainly because all my mates are busy and I just don't even want to tell them our business. It affects us both. It's just... my head got the best of me, I think. With everything towering up on my shoulders, I just felt like it all got too much and I had no idea what to do. Like I said, I wanted to push myself and, in the end, it bit me in the arse."

"Now at least you know your breaking point," Harry nodded as an answer to that and I hoped he would remember this day. For his own good, mainly. I didn't want to have to experience this ever again. "Now, about the wedding. I know it's your least favourite topic but I have questions that won't let me rest."

"I never said it was my least favourite topic."

"You never said it was your most favourite, either," I smirked and he gave me a funny look. "I just don't get you. You say you want to get married, you can't wait to be married and stuff but you don't even want to do anything with this whole planning. Mum said that you'd always chat about your wedding and you couldn't wait and wanted the best one in the whole world but I'm not getting that energy from you."

"I do want it, everything, with you. Baby, you're literally who I want to live the rest of my life with," he took a hold of my hands and I moved a little on the bed so I could face him. His eyes were red and his voice was still so deep from all the tears he cried before. "I love you so much and I feel terrible about the way I've been acting towards you. I feel like my career is in shambles and I took it out on you because you seem to have everything together. That was the shittiest thing of me to do because when you were in my position, you never made me feel like how I must have made you. And that shit tugged on my heart with every minute of the day. You didn't deserve my constant angry mood and I'm sorry you had to deal with it."

"It's okay, we got through it," I said eventually. "But I don't want to experience this ever again. We need to stick to talking, okay? We had it down so good at the start and we kind of slipped up. That's okay. I just want us to go to each other the minute we feel like we're starting to lose control, yes?"

"Of course, I fully agree," he said to me with a serious tone and eyes. His thumbs drew little circles on my hand as he held them and I enjoyed being this close to him after so long. "My job should never come before you and I'm sorry I let that happen."

"I understand why you'd put your career first. Sometimes, you have to do that because we don't know what may happen in the future. We might not stay together. But your career... that's all you have, at the end of the day. You always need to make sure you're stable – financially and in your shoes. We just shouldn't let it affect our relationship."

"You're right. I needed to hear all of this. I'm really glad to have you in my life, Carrington," he told me with a soft smile and loving eyes. "Can I-, can I kiss you?"

"You don't have to ask me that, silly," I smiled at him and he leaned in right away. His lips were a little chapped but still so warm and gentle. I sighed into the kiss which made Harry grin and he pulled away a little. His eyes looked right into mine before he pecked my mouth again then the tip of my nose and my forehead.

"I love you so much."

"I love you more," I giggled and he chuckled lowly. 

•••

hello it was a long ass chapter so i hope you've enjoyed it!! 

i'm not sure when the next one is coming cos i haven't even started it yet but it'll come eventually lmao 

until then, feel free to check my new book out called hidden secrets cos i have a few chapter pre-written and so the updates for that book are pretty secured! 

lotta love, b