Wedding Bells

Chapter 27

The drive home was one of the most difficult things in my entire life. I was able to sleep through labor, but every turn Carter made stressed me out even more. We had a baby in the car and driving through New York was basically a death trap all on it's own. I wanted to keep her save, to nurture her as much as she needed and right now sitting in this vehicle I wanted to be sick.

How did new parents do this? Would I ever be able to get back into a vehicle without thinking about someone smashing into the side of me, or better yet a Taxi driver getting angry and hitting us?

"Carter please slow down!" I shouted, finally not able to take it anymore. I trusted Carter to drive but my emotions were through the roof. There was no reason for me to panic like this, my panicking was only putting Carter into a panic. This wasn't going to help anything.

"Erin, I'm already going under the speed limit, If I slow down any more than this we will get hit," He was calm, a lot calmer than I was that was for sure. It was soothing, but yet at the same time it made things worse, why was he not more protective of our perfect little girl? Why was he not leaving more space between us and the driver in front of us?

It was like everything he did was correct but somehow felt so wrong in my own mind. My heart was racing so eventually I just covered my eyes, leaned back in the chair and whispered soft prayers to myself.

I'd never been in a car accident, and that was an amazing feat for those who lived in the busy city and owned cars. I hardly ever drove mine but Carter needed it to get around to the things he needed to do. Or wanted to do, whatever you wanted to say.

The car lurched forward as Carter came to a stop. Probably at one of the traffic lights. Hopefully we were getting closer to our house as I wasn't sure how much more of this I could handle.

Moving my hands from my eyes I looked down at the sweet little girl, her eyes now closed saving those pearly greens for a rainy day I suppose. She seemed so peaceful and through all of the storm I was raging she managed to stay calm. If only she knew what was going right now. Would she even care?

Her dad was cautiously trying to get her home, to the house we have shared for almost a year before her. The memories to be made in our little home, bringing so much joy to my eyes. The tears started to build, threatening to crash over any second. Carter glanced at us in the rear view mirror, holding the steering wheel with both hands. A smile forming on his face.

"Are you seriously crying again?" He questions, turning back to the road in front of him. I chuckle through the tears, wiping them away as fast as I could.

"She is just so...so...perfect," I muttered, taking in deep breaths of hot air trying to calm my voice down. It was no use though, once the tears had started falling they were an endless river, crashing down on the leather seats below us.

A sweet little baby had brought me to my breaking point in so many different ways. The love overflowing for both her and my husband, the fear crippling for all the bad things that would happen to her in her lifetime, the anger of all the evil in the world that would hurt her, and the sorrow for the long nights and the heartbreaks she would feel. I wanted everything to be perfect for her, to protect her from all of those bad things.

"Erin, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," Carter mutters glancing up at the rear view mirror once more. The tears started streaming faster, knowing that the love he felt for me had grown just as much as mine had nearly destroyed me.

What had I done to deserve so much love and happiness in my life.

If you would have told me six months ago this is how I would feel I wouldn't believe you. My mind still baffled by the emotions swirling through it. I wasn't sure how to figure it all out, but I knew with time and day by day I would be able to grow into a mother for Aurora.

If I would be a good enough one, well that was another question.

"I love you so much," I started crying even harder, allowing the flood gates to finally burst open, there was no reason to wipe the tears away now. They were there and they were there to stay.

I felt horrible for feeling more emotional now that I did on our wedding day. The feelings bubbling up in my throat were stronger, more powerful than the ones I had felt a year ago when marrying my best friend. This felt unfair, not right, like I had betrayed him of some sorts.

Carter must have noticed I was crying so hard I couldn't even see anymore because the car slowed down before coming to a stop on the side of the road. I tried to look out the window, to see if we were home, but my vision was blurry from the water leaking out of it. Carter jumped out of the driver's seat, walking around the front of the car before hopping in the back seat with me.

He wrapped his arms around me holding me so tightly I felt like I was going to explode. But I welcomed it, and I needed it. His arms comforting in the storm of tears, holding me like an anchor. I was finally able to breathe. He let me lay my head on his shoulder, allowing the tears to drench his sweater. He didn't act like he cared though, he held me so close to him, whispering soft sweet words to me as he rubbed my back.

Tingles trailed the places his fingers once were, swept away the next time his fingers would touch the spot again. Carter was truly the greatest man for me and if you would have told me three years ago that I'd be married to him, that we would have a beautiful baby and he would be sitting here with me right now comforting me like this.

I'd believe you.

Carter was always the one.

I was dumb, and blind to everything differently. Carter was there for everything always showing me what I needed. He knew me better than anyone else. Maybe even better than he knew himself. I took that for-granted.

Yet here he was. It was like we were meant to be together and something knew it. The stars aligned and put us back into each other's lives at the best time possible. We both needed it. We were both in bad relationships we shouldn't have been in. Chasing dreams that we once had together, that one time we went on an awkward date in high school. We just weren't ready then.

Back then things were different. I was busy and Carter was dreaming of medical school. The time separated us, but our hearts never did. Carter came back to me, a graduated man, and a wonderful husband. I was just hoping I gave him the same sense of excitement, accomplishment, fulfillment. Any word you could think of.

"Are you almost ready to get back on the road?" Carter whispers, still holding me, but he must have noticed my tears slowing down. They were almost gone now, wrapped up in a little puddle on his sweater. I had no more tears to cry, yet my eyes still begged to. My throat was dry, parched from the lack of water in my system. As if Carter could read my mind he handed me a bottle of water.

It was the greatest thing I had ever tasted, fulfilling my need for something to help my throat. I gulped at the liquid washing away all of the sadness I had just released. I felt better, a little more prepared to drive the rest of the way home.

"We are like two minutes away but I just couldn't bare to see you cry like that any longer," Carter muttered, finally unwrapping his arms from me. I glanced at the clock not realizing we had been parked on the side of the road for almost ten minutes. I felt like an idiot. Thinking of all the cars that had driven past us, watching as my husband consoles me in the back seat.

But he did it, and it was exactly what I had needed.

I nodded my head trying my best to pull myself together. We needed to get back to the house. We had to show Aurora her new room. The nursery we had decorated just last week with Clara for her. As beautiful as I knew how to make it without just fully giving the room to Clara. My sweet baby girls first little paradise.

I was eager to hold her again. Leaving her in the car seat for this long drove me mad. I wanted her skin against mine, to cuddle with her all day as if it was the last time I was going to ever see her. She didn't seem to mind though, as she sleeps the hours away.

Did she know I was watching her? Would it bother her if she did? I couldn't help but smile as Carter jumped out of the car making his way back to the driver's seat. We may have created her together but she was the spitting image of Carter, those eyes, that blonde hair. She was his mini me, and I loved every little piece of it.

Carter turned his signal on, checking his blind spot before pulling back onto the road. Soon we would be home, for the first time as a family of three. We would have a baby with us, walking through that threshold.

It amazed me how much my life had changed so quickly.

Things like the convention shows and vendor auctions were a thing of the past for me mostly. I was able to find more peace in everyday things. The shop wasn't so vulnerable, our growing pains had ceased to stress us out. The remodel last year really helped. Adding the new dressing room and opening up some more space for our dresses was the greatest thing we ever did for the business.

But not it was time for me to take a step back for a little while and enjoy some time with my child. Just like my father would have done. The shop was our legacy and hopefully soon it would be hers.

Carter pulled into the driveway, placing the car in park before shutting it off. He turned to look at me from between the seats, a smile growing on his face.

"We are finally here, let's take the little bean inside and we can lounge on the couch and watch a movie, it'll be our first date night as a married couple with a child," His eyes went big as if he was trying to make it sound more amazing than it actually was.

But he didn't need to convince me. It was the most amazing thing I could have ever thought have. I sat for a moment trying to figure out something that sounded better. There was literally nothing.

My heart fluttered in my chest like butterflies as I unbuckled the little bean and allowed Carter to carry her inside. He stopped outside the front door, waiting for me to turn and look at him. I paused, realizing he wasn't behind me anymore.

"What?" I question, tracing his face with my eyes.

"Come help me, we will raise her together, we will carry her in the house for the first time together," My heart melted with the smile on his face. He was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen. I skipped out of the front door realizing that was a horrible thing to do, a sharp pain echoing through my lower half of my body.

Calming myself down for a moment, I placed my hand on the top of the baby carrier, before we walked into the house together, each bearing some of the weight of the child.

We set her down carefully on the floor before I jumped to grab her out of the seat. Unbuckling the buckles that held her precious body so tightly in there. I pulled her close to my chest walking down the hallway towards her new room. Once she was old enough she would sleep in this room all by herself. That broke my heart. I never wanted her to get old enough to want to do that.

"Oh sweet Aurora, this is your new little room," I said, entering the masterpiece of baby design. Clara had done amazing, organizing it all so it flowed so perfectly, making it easy to take care of everything. I took a seat in the rocking chair looking around to all of the decorations as I spoke to the little angel in my arms.

Carter cautiously bent down to grab her, as if taking her from my arms would somehow trigger a negative reaction. I smiled, handing her over to him as he walked her around the room showing her every little thing we had placed in there for her.

"This is where we will change your diapers, but mostly your mamma because you are gross, and here we will place all of your books that make no sense to you right now but soon, because you are smart like your mamma and you are going to grow so quickly." He continued around the room pointing out the palm trees, the dream catcher and the frame for the family photo once we finally got one. He showed her all of the blankets we got her, the cute outfits folded neatly in the dresser. Every little thing you could think of Carter showed her.

She slept through it all and it felt so trivial to do this but it felt right at the same time. Like we needed to introduce her into her own surroundings. A sweet little kid that couldn't do anything to defend themselves. That relied on us for everything, food, water, sleep, hygiene. She would need me for all of it.

It felt amazing to be needed so badly, and it hit me. Carter and I had been talking about this in therapy. This is why Carter was always so excited for her, after the initial shock he couldn't stop raving about how eager he was to meet her.

He just wanted to be needed.

He wanted me to need him more than anything in the whole world. Before I didn't know how it felt, mere words spoken in front of our therapist. I tried to truly understand and I'm not sure If I did any better in the last few months but I tried.

Maybe he noticed, maybe he didn't. But now that I knew the feeling, knew what he was asking for, I truly understood why he needed it so much. It'd only been a few hours of us together on our own and it felt like we were already growing closer than ever.

My brain reminded me of the movie we were going to go watch. The couch coaxing me to come relax on it with my family. I looked at Carter to watch him walk around the room for a few more moments.

"Have you shown her what you needed to?" I question, a smile forming on my face. Carter turned to look at me and I swear I've never seen him look happier in my entire life. But maybe that was just because I've never been happier in mine.

"I guess so," He looked down at her, taking a deep breath before continuing. "But I will never show her enough,"

"Me either," I knew what he meant. It felt like I wanted to overload the poor little girl with info, tell her everything she will need to know in the first half of her life, at least until she was my age. But I didn't want to hurt her little brain. I knew it would be a waste, but the desire to give her knowledge was almost unbearable.

"Let's go have a date night," Carter mumbled leaning forward to hand me our baby. He kissed me gently, holding me for just a moment as he stares into my eyes.

"You are the one, I love you so much," He whispers, kissing me once again before leaving the room. I had to take a minute. Needing to breathe as I tried to take in how powerful his words were. He was the one, I knew that. I always knew that. I hope Aurora will be smarter and when she finds her one, I hope it doesn't take her so long to figure it out.

Maybe she will find him just like I found mine, someone as sweet as her daddy, as caring and strong. Someone that will do anything for her. Hopefully she finds someone we like, someone she can bring home to us and be proud of the man she picked.

Whatever she picked, I would stand by her side the entire way. There was nothing this sweet little girl could do that would ever make me stray from her side.

I couldn't even imagine having a child and not loving it this much. I carried her for nine months in my stomach, holding her every second of the day. I wanted to keep doing that. I wasn't ready to let her go.

But one day I would have to.

But for now, I held her for as long as I could.