Wedding Bells

Chapter 19

*Carter's POV*

David was right. I knew it in my heart too as I pulled out of the parking lot. There was no getting out of this. This was something Erin and I would have to sit down and talk about. The more I felt horrible about it the worse things were going to get. I'll have to explain to her all of my stress about taking care of her. Maybe she would understand, and it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Maybe she wouldn't care as much as I do and we would be able to just move on from this. I would finally be excited for the baby to come.

Even though I have months to wait, I'd be able to prepare, and mentally accept it.

All of that would only happen after I talked to her though. After we sat down and really spoke about our feelings. I realized I was so selfish and I never asked her how she felt about the whole thing.

Was she mad her body was going to be ruined forever? Was she stressed about the whole thing? Maybe she didn't care and I was just overreacting? I knew she wasn't happy that I went to the bar, and I would have to apologize for that first of all.

I needed to figure out how to work better as a team. I was placing so much stress on myself to do everything for her. Not allowing her any stress or pain in our marriage. Placing it all on me was making me weaker, and not the man she deserves.

A baby wasn't my responsibility, it was ours, and though I felt like it was my fault for creating it, we both would take on the burden of a child. But why hadn't she been more careful with her birth control. Was she even thinking about that? Was she so caught up in the moment and the day to realize what she was doing?

I've told her countless times she needs to get a more permanent birth control. She wasn't very good at remembering to take the pill. This had always scared me when we were fooling around earlier in our dating days.

A force of habit to ask her if she had taken it.

One that I had missed on our wedding night.

I was too excited to just be with her. The love we shared all day building up until that very moment. That moment I changed our lives forever. I glanced down for a second staring at my blue jeans as I cursed myself. Bringing my attention back to the road.

I was an asshole. Placing all the blame on her to make myself feel better about this whole thing. The truth was it was both of us that had messed up. We did this together.

I shook my head as I pulled into the driveway of our home. The front porch light was on but the rest of the house looked empty. Had she gone somewhere? I wouldn't put it past her. Knowing David was out with me Clara could have asked Erin if she wanted to do something. Wanted to hang out to pass the time while the boys were out 'getting drunk'.

I could hear the words now in the back of my mind. Clara hammering Erin to come out, to hang out. But would they do? Usually they would go for drinks but my sweet wife wouldn't be able to do that anymore. It was too late to go shopping and they weren't interested in any of the movies playing at the time.

Plus hopefully Erin would have texted me if she would have left the house.

My heart was racing as I placed the car in park and shut it off. I was building up my own sense of anxiety, treating everything as if it was the end of the world. I needed to focus though. The sooner I could get into the house, the sooner I would be able to calm down and Erin and I could talk through the issues that were bothering us.

It felt horrible to say we were having issues, and maybe we weren't. Everything could be in my head. My overthinking getting the best of me again. I closed the car door louder than I had meant to. Hoping it would wake her up if she had fallen asleep. It didn't though. The lights stayed off.

Quickly making my way up the front steps I placed my key in the lock and opened the front door. Almost silent sobs echoed through the living room, sounding like gunshots to my ears in the darkness. I flipped the light on, witnessing my wife sitting on the couch, a blanket curled around her feet as she cried into her sleeve. A movie was playing on the television and I felt stupid for not noticing the lights sooner.

I dropped my key on the floor kicking my shoes off as quick as I could before rushing over to her, placing her in my arms. I rocked her back and forth for a few moments. Whispering into her hair as I plant kisses on her head.

"Oh my sweet sweet Erin please tell me what is wrong," I could feel the tears building up in my own eyes at the thought of hurting the most perfect girl in the world. I wanted to beat myself up if that were even possible. I pulled away for a moment to look at her face as I wiped the tears away from her eyes.

She shook her head convulsing with sobs in my arms. Sniffling as she struggled to hide her face from me.

"Please tell me what's wrong, what did I do?" I whispered once more. My heart was breaking with every tear she shed. Why was she doing this?

I'd do anything to take that pain away from her. I would learn how to build a time machine to go back and change my actions if I needed to. Though that would possibly take the rest of my life.

"Erin," I attempted one more time to get her to talk to me. She shook her head, the tears finally slowing down.

"Nothing Carter, the... the dog just can't find his way home," As the words left her lips she started wailing again, the tears coming in waves of succession, each one harsher than the next. I shook my head confused for a moment.

"What dog, why can't the dog find his way home?" I felt like shaking her to get my answers until it hit me. I glanced at the TV, she was seriously watching a movie about a dog and it was causing her to cry. I rolled my eyes before pulling her back into my chest.

"There there, everything will be alright."

I felt slightly annoyed to have put myself through all that trauma for a stupid show. Reaching up the turn off the TV. Erin shot me daggers as the screen goes black. Her eyes puffy and red from crying.

"Why would you do that?" She questions, her bottom lip flopping forward as if that was going to make me turn the TV back on. I shook my head trying to stay strong, but it seemed to only fall further.

"Ugh, fine, finish your show. I'll talk to you afterwards," I groaned. Turning The TV back on before heading towards the kitchen.

Her phone was laying on the kitchen counter and I only noticed that because it was vibrating. I glanced at the screen, checking to see who it was. My heart dropped as soon as I saw the name on the screen.

Andrew.

What the hell was Andrew calling her for, we've been together for over a year and married for over a month. He has no reason to be getting in contact with my wife.

I ignored the call turning to grab something out of the pantry before the phone started buzzing again.

I could feel the anger building up in my chest. Driving me mad each time the phone moved across the counter. Did Erin know about this? Did she know that he was calling her?

I hadn't seen or heard his name in so long I almost forgot about him. My heart racing, my hands shaking as I ignore the call once again. The silence was welcoming, bringing me back down from my adrenaline high. Too bad it didn't last for long.

Erin's phone started buzzing again, the same annoying name written across the screen. Why the hell did she still have him in her phone. I had deleted Kylie's number as soon as I got to New York and I had expected her to do the same.

But we didn't really talk about it so maybe I couldn't be mad, but in this moment it was all I could think about.

My eyes were growing more red by the second as her phone wouldn't seem to silence. How many times was Andrew going to call her?

Finally it stopped leaving the room eerie for just a moment before her annoying text tone echoes through the kitchen.

I turned away. I knew I shouldn't look at it and I tried my best to distract myself. My mind racing back to the phone as I dig through the pantry looking for a snack to eat. That burger hadn't filled me up as much as I hoped it would and now I was paying the price.

The phone chimed again and I couldn't take it anymore. I quickly whipped around picking it up before unlocking it to read the messages.

They were both from Andrew.

'Hey, just saw the good news that you are expecting, your mother posted it on Facebook, hopefully all goes well.'

The anger boiled up in my chest even more. Why was Evelyn posting our pregnancy on her Facebook before Erin and I could announce it ourselves? Secondly, why does Andrew feel he can just text her like this and congratulate her for our accomplishment. He had no right to talk to her. I shook my head, feeling guilty for looking at her phone, but it was too late now.

My eyes drift down to the second message and that was when my blood really started to boil.

'We should meet up soon to catch up. I haven't seen or heard from you since the night you got back from California.'

What did he mean since the night she got back from California? Did he mean the trip that destroyed their relationship?

Erin hadn't told me about going to see him that night. She had told me her plane was delayed and that was why she got home so late. My heart started racing in my chest.

I glanced up, startled by the sound of Erin getting up off the couch. She must be coming in the kitchen. I dropped her phone on the counter, locking the screen before heading back to my search for food. She smiled, the tears still staining her face.

I bit my tongue trying not to say anything. I didn't want to start something I couldn't finish tonight and I wasn't sure this was something we were going to be able to get through before I passed out.

"Feeling better," I said through gritted teeth trying my best to make it sound natural. I mentally slapped myself feeling the fire building up inside me. She cautiously walked around the counter before looking at me, carefully judging on whether it was safe or not.

Her phone buzzed again, and I felt one of my nerves snap until I realized it was only an email. Maybe Andrew had bled into there too, like a poison taking over every little piece it could. I watched carefully as Erin grabbed her phone looking at the messages that were still there.

She glanced up at me, realizing why I was so mad. Her hand shaking as she placed the phone back down on the counter. I turned to look at her, unsure of what I was supposed to say.

"Carter, what do you think is going on with those messages?" She seemed so calm as if they hadn't phased her one bit. Was she used to getting these now? Did she find them comforting to know that he was still there? Was she trying to get the best of both worlds out of us?

"You tell me..." My words were still intense. But could you really blame me?

"Well i'm not sleeping with Andrew if that makes you feel better, and he is correct I haven't seen or heard from him since the night I got back from California, i'm sorry I lied to you about heading straight home from the airport, but If I wanted us to work it was something I needed to do," She looked at me as if she had explained everything away. But I wasn't convinced. I trusted her, I really did. I didn't trust him. What if his intentions weren't pure and he was trying to break up our marriage? I wouldn't let that happen.

No matter what happened, Erin and I would make it through life together.

"Why would you lie about that?" I shook my head leaning against the counter, holding it with my hands to help stabilize myself.

"Because we were in such a fragile spot, and I didn't want to risk that. I really wanted things to work with you and I'm so glad that they did." I shook my head wanting to scream at what she was saying. Our entire start to our relationship was scraping over a lie, that she had brushed under the rug as if it didn't happen.

"I didn't do it to hurt you, I did it to say goodbye, so that I could move on completely and have the closure I needed to give us a real shot. Don't hate me for taking care of myself so that I could fully love you," She was starting to cry again and suddenly all my anger went away.

I hated that she could do that to me. Her tears were enough to send me into a downward spiral and all I wanted to do was hold her close and tell her that everything was going to be okay. Even if I wasn't convinced myself.

I trusted her and I was going to have to trust that things were as she said they were.

"I'm sorry Carter, I didn't even know my mom was still friends with him on Facebook and I'm really not happy she posted it in the first place," She paused looking into my eyes, "I'll get it cleared up in the morning so you don't have to worry about it, and I'll even delete the messages and Andrew from my phone now,"

She planted a quick kiss on my cheek before heading towards the bedroom. Turning just before she entered the hallway to show me that she deleted him from her phone.

I glanced down at the ground, feeling like such an idiot. I really needed to get help. I cursed myself mentally for not talking to Erin. I should have made her pause her movie and listen to me. Listen to how I was feeling, but I knew she would be asleep by the time I got back to the bedroom. She almost always was.

I hated that she could do that. I would spend hours tossing and turning and as soon as her head hit the pillow she was out. It as impossible for me, yet it came so easy for her.

I searched through the cupboards some more realizing my hunger was still there but my desire had left. I was better off just heading to bed. Finding myself in a trance as I stroll to our bedroom. I was correct her beautiful head was snoozing away on the pillow. I smiled knowing that she was all mine and inside her was another little human that would possibly be even cuter.

I took my pants off, before hopping into bed allowing the warm blankets to take over my body. My mind was still racing about Andrew, and about the pregnancy.

I hated that Erin didn't feel she could tell me about going over to his house, but it did seem a little strange. Honestly I felt betrayed by the whole thing. The thought of her over there with him at two in the morning. Her flight didn't get back til around that time. All without anyone knowing she was there. If he laid a finger on her I would kill him. But unless she told me I would never know.

I glanced over her sleeping body, watching her as she takes a breath slowly blowing it out through her nose. She seemed so peaceful, so fragile, and I wanted to protect her from everything. I rubbed my head with my hands realizing I was losing my mind.

I hadn't been acting like myself for some time now. Growing more worried over things I couldn't change, and less worried about the things I should change. I needed to get my priorities straight.

I needed to learn to be a better man for our baby. Because in eight months, I was going to be a father, and as much as that terrified me, it scared me even more to not be one to this child.

My heart pounding in my chest. My mind racing so fast I wasn't sure it was every going to slow down. I sunk into the bed, staring up at the ceiling as the white walls comforted me that night.

Even though things were hard now, I knew I had a lifetime of challenges ahead of me with the woman I loved. The woman I married.

The one sleeping in the bed next to me.

Carrying our very first child.