So, I originally didn't have a prologue and wasn't going to write one, but then, World Mental Health Day (October 10) came around, and I really wanted to write something for it. There are certain things in this fanfic that would be perfect to explore for this type of thing, but that's quite a few chapters down the line...and that's when the idea hit me to write a prologue!

It gives a lot more insight into Lance's character from before the story takes place while not giving too much away, but most importantly, it contributes to Mental Health Day, which I think is so important. This fanfic will explore things like mental health and manipulation much more in the near future, but for now, this prologue serves as a glimpse into that.

***

"What a joke. Just look at him - cowering in the corner. You know what else hangs out in corners? Piles of garbage. He's lowering himself to the level of trash. Pathetic. That's no son of mine."

Ever since the very beginning, Lance was convinced that mental illnesses were just something you were born with - something you couldn't choose or control. The way he saw it, some people, meaning the majority of society, were born without these issues thus didn't have to worry about any of it. Meanwhile, the less fortunate bunch were born having to deal with their mental illnesses as soon as they exited the womb, stuck with the demons inside of their heads for the rest of their lives.

And then, every now and then, a child like Lance would be born. A child who lacked any semblance of purpose or meaning, a child who was so messed up in the head they had no place claiming to be on the same level as other humans - because they were born that way.

Lance learned very early on in life to accept things for the way they were, because some people were inherently less capable than others; and he was one of those people. Sometimes, during late hours of the night when he couldn't fall asleep, he would mutter the same chant over and over again.

savemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesavemesaveme

That was another thing Lance learned when he was still very young: no matter how much you longed for it, no matter how much you begged for it, no matter who you begged to, it didn't matter. All forms of help turned a blind eye to Lance; always.

At school, Lance would listen from afar as the other kids talked about how great their parents or their family was and how they could always count on them when they needed help, and at first he had never understood it. He could never relate to the other kids and, as a result, grew to envy them.

Eventually, however, he came to understand that it was just him; he was the one with the problems. He was the one who didn't fit in because he was born inferior. He was born to be abandoned. It was around this point in his young life where he truly understood and accepted that this was just who he was.

...he never knew, though, that the issues he was born with would just continue to grow as he did.

***

"You're a sorry excuse for a student! Your family must be so disappointed in a failure like you!"

He had always felt like his mental issues seemed to grow in size and number with every year that passed, but he never really thought about it since he just accepted it whenever he got worse. Eventually, though, at some point, everything inside of him that had built up over the years just boiled over until he was an even bigger mess than before.

And the worst part? The people who were supposed to be there for him, the ones deemed by society to be the people you turn to when in need...still turned a blind eye to Lance.

It shouldn't have been a surprise at this point. It shouldn't have hurt. It shouldn't have left him bruised and broken.

But it did.

***

"Hi! It's so nice to see so many new viewers! Wow, there's a lot of you! My name is 'Daddy's Boy', I hope I can put on a good show for you all!"

The solution was rather obvious. Lance was born mentally fucked up, he was a broken mess with a broken mind that chased away anyone and everyone who was supposed to be able to help him...but even if he was fucked up on the inside, he wasn't fucked up on the outside.

That was what really mattered nowadays, anyways, right? All that mattered was what was on the outside. Even if he was born messed up, he could still show off his body.

And how wonderfully that worked out for him. After all...it's what lead him to meeting him.

***

"You're beautiful, baby. So, so beautiful. Cry for me more - yes. I love it. You're so beautiful like this. The world deserves your beauty."

Lance learned that he wasn't useless. He learned that everybody in this world had some worth, even him. He had spent his entire life believing that he had no purpose and that he was a mess of a human, but that all suddenly changed when his life took a turn for the better.

He was taught that he did have a reason to be alive. He may have been born fucked up with no way of changing that, but he had his body. His body gave him something to offer to the world, something to show his worth, something to live for. His purpose had been with him all along, to use his body to bring happiness to others. And really...he wouldn't want it any other way.

He was happy. Being able to show off made him happy. Knowing that he had a purpose and that someone appreciated his purpose made him happy. He could've gone like this forever.

...until he was abandoned.

Again.

***

whydidyouleavemewhydidyouleavemewhydidyouleavemewhydidyouleaveme

If Lance ever needed even more proof, he finally got it. No matter what the circumstances in his life were, no matter how happy he got, things weren't meant to go his way.

***

whydoeseveryoneleavewhydoeseveryoneleavewhydoeseveryoneleavewhydoeseveryoneleave

Realistically, the only person he could blame for everything was himself. It was because he was born this way, because he was so fucked up in the head that nobody could handle him, not even he could handle him, because honestly why would anybody ever want to be around someone as messed up as him?

For his entire life, Lance had been taught that mental illnesses made him messed up and that he was just born this way, that he was a being lesser than a human and that he deserved every ounce of hurt that was inflicted upon him. Somebody like him wasn't deserving of people who were genuine...or rather, people who were genuine simply didn't exist. Not for him. The only people who would approach him wanted him for something, most likely his body. They all wanted to use him.

But Lance was okay with that. After all...that was what gave his life purpose.

***

"Thank you for using me to get off."

Lance was alone now, abandoned and forgotten...but that was okay. He had his body, he had his purpose, he could continue to please others, even if the happiness it once brought him was gone.

It was tiring...so, very tiring...he felt like a dead man dancing, barely able to recognize the faces of the people he showed his body to. But, eventually, even getting tired was tiresome...he didn't want to go on like that...he didn't want to be so tired...

Maybe if he continued to do as he was taught, he could still feel worth something.

Maybe if he continued to please others, he'd find pleasure for himself and wouldn't be so tired.

...maybe, in time...the world would let Lance know it was okay to be okay.

But until then...he would dance. He would dance and squirm and shake, like a fly caught in an inescapable web of sins.

***

This isn't even the tip of the iceberg for dark angst in this story, so strap yourselves in for more down the line. This really is just a small glimpse that doesn't give details, but it does give some insight into Lance as a character, which I hope you found enjoyable (and heartbreaking).

A reminder: this is Lance's view on mental illnesses; his point of view is incredibly warped and has been manipulated by his life. I am not trying to increase stigma around people facing poor mental health. Remember, in the warnings section for this fanfic, I stated that there would be dark themes but that none of it would be glorified. I am not glorifying anything here; this is just how Lance's character views things.

It is my hope that as we go through this story together and you watch Lance's character growth, you can maybe learn a bit more about yourself, too.

If you want to keep up with my writing, or if you ever want to chat or interact with me, follow me at my tumblr; the link is in my profile. I would love to talk about this story or about Voltron or about anything in general. Thank you so much for reading!