THE CLOCK WAS ticking and my hand hurt.

  It was our English literature paper and my mind was filled with nothing but poems and Macbeth quotes. My hand was moving across the paper with a pen of its own accord. I wasn't even sure I was thinking.

  I'd put in a month and a half, and it was all for this. No, not just a month and a half. An entire school year. Everything boiled down to this week, to prove myself to show them all what I was made of.

  I kept writing.

  I kept writing about Macbeth and Lady Macbeth and how they were overtaken by ambition and pride and everything in between, and how they didn't know how to stop until it was too late and they'd already gone too far to be saved.

  In the moments when I allowed myself to catch a breath and glanced at my writing hand, my left hand, I noticed that black ink had already made itself home on the side of my palm.

  It looked horrendous, but I didn't have time to laugh about it.

  I kept writing.

  Our English literature paper was the last paper of the entire week. After this I was free. My birthday was tomorrow and a few days ago the girls had already promised me that they'd take me out to town and we could eat and celebrate at a nice restaurant. We hadn't planned much else, since exams were so soon and we all didn't feel prepared at all.

  But I cleared my mind quickly after that and focused back on my essay.

  I didn't let myself stop until I'd finished with my first essay and could move on to my next. The next was about the poems we'd been forced to memorise, and I kept going.

  I finished writing ten seconds before the bell rang.

  I had to resist the urge to throw the pen down. I threw my head back, sucking in a few deep breaths, head tilted skywards. I was so tired. I'd never been so tired before. The exams at my old school hadn't been half as long, and we only ever got two exams maximum a day. I'd had three today alone, and all of them were two hour papers.

   I was exhausted. I felt more tired than the time my mum had brought me fishing in the countryside and we'd traipsed there for what felt like miles before finding the lake she was talking about.

  There was cheers and laughter as we all walked out of the Klairns Building. Everyone, even the kids who hadn't taken a single glance at their textbook over the holidays, felt the weight of a giant rock being taken off their shoulders.

  Me, personally, I thought it felt like that one scene in High School Musical.

  The year was almost over. It was late May and school ended on the first of July. But most of us full boarding kids were going back home a day or two before that, since tickets were usually tight at this time of the year. It wasn't just the kids studying at fellow magic schools we had to worry about, but all the full boarding students who studied in British boarding schools. We'd all be cramming onto the same few flights.

  All that was left for us to do was take our papers and relax.

  That was, if we got decent grades that we thought were acceptable.

  That was usually the most painful part of an exam. Waiting for our grades to come back. The exams weren't truly over until you got all your scores, and that was usually the start of the actual hell. The part where you did your exams was usually just the beginning.

  Yunji and Adelina found me collapsed in my dorm, my face muffled in my bed's soft embrace. My roommates had changed, again, since it was now Trinity term. This time, I was rooming with Ella and Gwen. A pair who was never in the dorms, thank god. They even studied in the others' rooms. So I had it all to myself over exams.

  "It's over!" Adelina whooped. "Here's to hoping I completely flopped History so I can drop it next year!"

  Yunji let out a loud snort. "You're the first person I've ever met who wants themselves to flop."

  I just mumbled, face still buried in my bed, "I'm so tired."

  "Yeah, yeah. But wake up now, it's time to celebrate, Hon. We should head out to town, honestly. Like, right now. It's a Friday, the teachers would let us."

  Adelina was staying behind this weekend to celebrate my birthday with me, which was the nicest thing she could have done. She strolled over and pulled me upwards. "You're turning fifteen tomorrow."

  "Yay me. One year closer to adulthood. Fuck my life. I'm becoming old."

  And now Adelina and Yunji looked offended. "We're both sixteen."

  "You're old."

  "Rude much, Honoria?"

 
"It's factual."

  "At least we're not Derek," Yunji remarked. "Man stayed like, two years behind or some shit." Derek was somehow two years older than all of us. It was truly hilarious when we had realised that fact, especially since he still held a grudge against me for not considering him the most "powerful" in the room during our first month at school. I'd run into many fragile egos in my life, but none as bad as his.

  "Derek is built different," I said. "Do not compare any of us to him."

  Adelina sighed. "Get up, you lazy ass. We're heading out to town tonight."

  "Are we not going tomorrow?" I asked in chagrin. "I don't want to go out two nights in a row."

  Adelina said, "I don't feel like school food tonight."

  "Get takeaway," I said. "There's some really good Chinese restaurants around. Yunji and I could order for you."

  Adelina glanced at Yunji, who looked pensive. "That could work. I am craving some Sichuan food."

  "Can she handle Sichuan food though?" I asked, jabbing my finger in Adelina's direction.

  "Those restaurants sell some non-spicy food," Yunji said. "Worst case scenario, we order from different restaurants."

  "Sichuan food?" Adelina looked flummoxed.

  "The spiciest cuisine in China," Yunji confirmed. "Like, seriously."

  "I'm going to die," Adelina declared.

  "No you're not," I scolded. "We'll find a restaurant that can suit all of our needs. Come on, come on, stop dragging me, Ade, my arm is starting to hurt." And then she immediately released me as I rubbed my arm where she'd been holding me. She had a strong grip.

  "God, I can't believe we survived," Adelina said, a dreamy expression on her face. "I genuinely thought I was going to die at multiple points throughout the week."

  If I must be honest the week had passed faster than I expected. I'd thought it would be a long, arduous process. That I'd be suffering throughout it, constantly under so much stress and pressure. But it had ended up fairly nicely. The lack of lessons was almost comforting.

  Though, I wasn't necessarily certain I'd want to swap exams for lessons every single day. Albeit I assumed I'd be numb to exams eventually if that had happened.

  We did get takeaway that night. We ended up finding a Chinese restaurant that had all manners of food. Yunji got her Sichuan food, I got my Canton cuisine, and we both decided to order fried rice for Adelina. Analisa joined us with her own ramen, while Oliana dropped by after school dinner to steal some of our takeaway.

  It was a merry night. We laughed and we gossiped and told stories about school. It was nice and relaxing after long months of battling with our studies and working our asses off.

  I wished time could freeze at that moment, but it couldn't.

  My birthday was nicely spent. We went out to a Korean BBQ place and ate until we could stuff no more into our mouths without simultaneously combusting. The bill was astronomus, but all of us were happy enough from the end of exams that no one hesitated as we paid the bills. I didn't have to, since it was my birthday.

  I got a necklace and a book for my birthday. The book was one of those YA fantasies you saw everywhere these days, and the necklace was fairly expensive. They'd all gathered money for it. It was a gift I appreciated.

  But the joy was short-lived.

  The inevitable came the week after. That was the real trial. The real thing I had to get through.

—

  I WAS STARING at my Artefacts paper and my mind was blank.

  The large 70% scrawled at the top of the paper was becoming painful to my eye with every second I glanced at it, and I swallowed as I flipped it to the back so that the white page was facing me.

  Seventy percent.

  I'd been expecting a ninety.

  This was the third paper I'd gotten back. I'd gotten decent on my English, although I could have done better. I'd forgotten to add one key aspect to my writing, and thus was left with a 78%. Everything else for my essays had been near perfect. But I hadn't cared much about that. 78% was still a nine, and the teachers had told me that I'd done everything correctly except for what I'd missed.

  It was disappointing, but acceptable.

  My maths had been fine. While it was only above average for my class, most of the kids in my class were mathematical geniuses. My score was perfectly acceptable.

  But Artefacts...

  It was one of those subjects I hadn't worried much about. I'd always been good at it, and I always got high marks during our tests. It was a subject I'd never worried about in my life. And now, I had gotten a seventy percent.

  I wanted to die.

  But I was in class and Theodore and Sebastian were right there, and I wasn't about to show how I was crumbling inside in front of them.

  Karina turned to me. "Honoria? How did you do?"

  I covered my face with both my hands. "I fucked it up. I fucked it up so hard."

  Starla glanced over, clearly concerned. "Wait, like, genuinely? Fucked up for you, or fucked up for like... everyone?"

  Okay. I knew I was meant to be sad, but I couldn't resist the urge to laugh. Both girls stared at me with a flummoxed expression as I turned to glance at them. "I got a seventy." But the fact that Starla had said that was soothing to my ego.

  But then I remembered my grades and now I couldn't say anything again.

  "Seventy's not bad at all," Karina exclaimed, slamming her paper on mine. "Look at this. Sixty-five. I don't even know how I managed this. I'm just glad I passed, honestly."

  "I was expecting far better grades than this," I said. "I made so many careless mistakes... I somehow wrote the wrong spell for enchanting talismans even though we had the table right there... That was five marks! A five mark question!"

  "Hey, it happens," Starla said, offering a sad smile. "I somehow spent faren wrong. I spelt faran, and I got a mark deducted. I could have gotten a seventy, but there that went."

  Karina shut her eyes, resisting the urge to laugh. "Sixty-nine."

  "Stop it," Starla snapped, and Karina raised her hands in mock surrender.

  "I just really expected better," I repeated. I could feel the tears gushing up to my eyes as I stared at the paper, but I forced myself not to cry. Not in front of everyone. If I wanted to cry I could very much do it when I returned

  Fuck me.

  I'd already put so much effort into it, and I still had such a shit grade. At the other end of the classroom, Theo was staring at his paper without a single hint of emotion. I didn't need to see his paper to know he'd probably gotten above ninety. Sebastian looked a bit more puzzled, but he still looked fairly pleased with his grade as he whispered something in his friend's ear.

  I tore my gaze away. Not the time. And if either of them noticed I was staring, I was socially dead for the rest of the year. I just knew it.

  I'd never wished I'd remained on good terms with them more. God knew Theodore Yu could save my failing Artefacts grades.

  I flipped through my paper for what felt like the fiftieth time in the past half an hour as the teacher continued talking about how we'd done and the common mistakes we'd made—most of which were written on my paper. I had to resist the urge to slam my face into the table when I realised I'd misread a question completely, and somehow forgot the current location of a famous artefact. It was in Denmark, not the Netherlands. I didn't even know how I messed that up.

  I was still in a trance-like state when I left the classroom. Karina and Starla looked worried, but we weren't close enough for them to be willing to really walk with me as we headed to our next classroom, especially since they had different lessons than me. I didn't mind. They were sweet and nice and it was the thought that mattered. And I wanted some silence anyways.

  I was halfway to the sports hall when I started crying.

  And there was no way in hell I was showing up to Advanced Combat like this.

  Trying my best to hide my face behind my textbook, I made a run for Lok House. I found Miss Royce in her office.

  "Hi miss," I said between sniffles, resisting the urge to laugh as the housemistress looked wide-eyed at me.

  "Honoria! Are you alright?"

  "I... I, uh, I messed up my exams, and I don't think I'm really in a... state to go to class right now. Is it alright if I stay here for a little bit until I calm down, please? I don't want to go to class like this, and it's Advanced Combat too..."

  "Oh, Honoria! Of course, of course. Do you want to go find Matron? I'm busy right now so I can't stay and talk to you, but I'm sure she can... You shouldn't be alone right now." Matron was the woman who honestly did nothing around house, but she was the sweetest woman we'd ever met so we all treated her nicely anyways. And she always ran around with snacks. I wiped my cheeks and nodded, and Miss Royce led me over to the Matron's office.

  Our matron was named Mrs Ingham and she had grey hair dyed dark green at the tips. Everyone thought she was cool as fuck. And when I told her what had happened, she quickly wrapped her arms around me in a hug.

  "Oh, poor darling... no, don't cry, it's okay."

  "I just feel so disappointed," I sobbed. "I worked so hard, I put so much effort into it, and I still couldn't get the grades I wanted..."

  I assumed Ms Royce had emailed Coach about me not showing up to Advanced Combat, because I had no intention of explaining to the man that I had been busy crying my eyes out. But that wasn't the thing I needed to concentrate on right now.

  "Your grade is alright," Mrs Ingham told me. "Seventy isn't bad at all! You shouldn't be so upset... and this grade doesn't matter in the end anyways! You're only in Year Ten!"

  "I feel so stupid."

  "You're not stupid," Mrs Ingham said, patting my head. "You're very smart. You got good grades for your other subjects so far. And seventy isn't bad at all—I daresay it's still an eight! Trust me, you just need to make sure you don't make the same mistake during your JCMs! Isn't it good that you've made the mistakes now, so that you don't make them again during your actual exams?"

  I knew that. But it wasn't enough to calm me down.

  I'd put hours into studying every day. Hours upon hours and hours. I'd sacrificed so much of my own playtime. I'd never worked so hard in my life, not even back in Hong Kong. I'd never felt the need to. For once in my life I'd wanted to perform well, to do well and prove myself to everyone that I, Honoria Song, was smart and capable and could achieve great things.

  And then I'd fucked my exams up.

  Ho mo min ah. I had no face. No face to face anyone now. And to think I'd wanted to show Nadia Sorren that despite everything she thought of me, I still had stellar grades. That I could win awards and look down on the people who'd shit on me throughout the year.

  That I could match up to Sebastian Hong or Theodore Yu.

  Seventy percent for Artefacts and Magical Objects.

  It was fucking laughable.

  It didn't just end there. I barely got seventy for my Human Sciences paper, but by then I was already too numb to cry about it. Thankfully I got nineties for my Theory of Magic, History and Myths. Which was expected, because those were my best subjects, and if I hadn't gotten good grades in those my life might as well be over.

  Geography was... acceptable. Seventy-five. I'd wanted an eighty, but I also hadn't put that much effort into studying for it compared to my other subjects. I didn't like it much anyways, and had more or less only chosen it because I thought it would be simpler. And it was. I had barely listened properly in class throughout the year and still ended up with a perfectly acceptable grade.

  I didn't say much to Yunji or Adelina about my grades. Neither of them would really get it. Yunji didn't put that much effort or attention on her academics. Her logic had always been that as long as she got an eight or a nine she was fine. The score itself didn't matter.

  And Adelina, well, Adelina was Adelina.

  She got fifty percent on her History of Magic exam. And barely passed her Healing exam.

  And as we'd expected, she was happy about it. "My parents can't make me study History now," she'd laughed as she'd shown us her paper. "Yay for me, girlies."

  "We ought to throw a party for your escape," I mocked. Yunji was laughing her ass off besides me. "Adelina Roche flops history and is finally able to stop taking the subject. Hip, hip hurray! People will think you're insane, Ade, stop waving your paper around."

  But Adelina was too excited to listen. She was still dancing around Yunji's dorm room. The two of us exchanged a glance before shaking our heads.

  And in my own spare time, I was busy coming up with ways to fix my grades.

  The subjects I'd flopped, truly flopped, were Human Sciences and Artefacts. Human Sciences was something I could find tutorial teachers for back in Hong Kong, and it wasn't fully my fault either. I'd practically skipped a year of the lessons since I hadn't been here in fourth form. That, I could fix when I got home.

  Artefacts was a different question.

  And the only person I knew who was good at Artefacts, really good at it, was Theodore Yu.

  And we didn't precisely get along right now.

  I caught up with Mr Dawson after class one day and asked him for ways to improve my grades. After some thinking, he said, "I think it's best you asked for help from one of your schoolmates who performed well. I think your main problem is with exam technique—that and your careless mistakes, of course. I realised that you missed your first year of Artefacts, which is what the written paper is more based on. I can send you some of the stuff from before, but it might be best to seek help from your schoolmates either way." A pause, and then he continued, "Of course, you can also come ask me, but I might not be able to spare a lot of time to teach you right now."

  "Of course, thank you sir." I was expecting that answer. The teachers at school could not be more busy right now, with both JCMs and ACMs in full swing. In the teachers' eyes, my grades weren't that bad. Seventy percent was not amazing but it was still perfectly acceptable.

  And then I was left with a few choices.

  I either attempted to study Artefacts by myself, which would probably help somewhat but nowhere enough for me to get stellar grades, or I put aside my pride and ask Theodore Yu for help.

  And I knew he'd most definitely refuse.

  He was a prideful person, and someone who always stuck with his friends. He would not tutor me in ten thousand years unless I offered him something in return.

  I didn't share my thoughts with anyone. But I began to plan.