I'M OUTSIDE THE cafe.

The message was dated three minutes to go. I glanced up at the girls, laughing as we walked back to Lok House together. I'd almost wished he'd forgotten, but obviously he hadn't. And as I'd been telling myself for the past few days, it was time to put an end to this. I had to start studying for exams soon, and I didn't want this impacting my concentration.

So I turned to the nearest girl who didn't look busy—which turned out to be Yunji, because obviously–and said, "Hey, I think I left my eyeshadow back there."

Yunji turned to me, brows knitted together. "You sure? We checked everything, nothing was left—"

"Yeah, I probably took it out trying to make sure I'd taken everything back and forgot to put it back in," I lied. I was awfully good at lying sometimes. "I'll just pop back. You guys go first."

Before Yunji could say anything else, I broke into a sprint back towards the grand hall. But I didn't stop there. Instead, I ran past that, until I'd reached the Klairns' Building. I finally slowed down, sucking in a breath. I saw him instantly, a lone figure against the dark glass windows of the cafe, his lit phone screen the only thing illuminating him.

Let's do this.

And then I walked forward.

He looked up. Broke into a smile. "Oh, hi there."

"Hey," I said nonchalantly, "sorry I'm late, didn't see your message."

He blinked. "You forgot?"

I grinned sheepishly. "Hey, in my defence, it has been a very exciting night. I can't be expected to remember everything."

"I'm not blaming you," he said with a responding smile, though it was visibly tense. Well, I thought to myself. This was either going to go well or end horribly. I just hoped he'd already gotten the message, so whatever was about to go down wouldn't be shocking to him.

"So..."

He blinked at my prodding. "I think you know what I wanted to talk to you about. You've been avoiding me anyways, so I assume you do. Yeah, I think you know."

"I believe so," I said slowly and cautiously. "Sorry I avoided you, I didn't know how to handle the situation. I needed some time to think it over."

His eyes flickered to my face. I took care not to look back, biting my lower lip and fixing my gaze on his shoes. Aw fuck, this wasn't going well at all. I just had a feeling.

"Uh, so, yeah. I like you."

And now my eyes just shut. I couldn't look at him, not right now. "I know."

"And I have a feeling my feelings aren't exactly reciprocated."

"I'm sorry, but... yeah. I only see you as a friend."

My eyes had opened now, and I watched as he winced and scratched his neck. "I should have seen that coming. They all told me, the boys, they said you didn't like me that way."

"I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong signs before. I studied at a girls' school, you know," I explained, "I wasn't sure how to set boundaries with... well, guys. And I didn't dissuade you early on because I didn't even really know until it was too late." Part of me had seen it coming, but the same part had also told me I was overreading the situation. I hadn't confirmed it until the rumours, and by then it was already out of hand.

"You don't... you don't need to apologise." He gave me a weak smile. "It's fine, really."

"Are you sure?" I asked, my tone worried. "Because I am sorry. And I really hope we can stay friends—"

"Of course it's fine. I'll get over it." He didn't look at me, eyes flickering past me as he let out a shaky breath. "I'll get over it, don't you worry."

"Okay," I said, offering a smile in return. "I should... I should probably go back. Before the girls notice. Do your friends know...?"

He shook his head. "No, I didn't tell any of them. Only Theo. Yeah, I should go back too, it's already past registration. Don't want Mr Deighton getting mad at me. You should head back too. I'll see you around, Honoria."

I paused for the slightest of a moment before nodding. "Yeah, see you around, Seb."

And then we both turned to walk away. Thankfully, we both chose different routes back to our houses. And no one had walked past. No one saw. Thank god. I wouldn't be sure how to explain it, and I didn't feel like explaining anything at all. There was no story to tell.

Sebastian Hong had a crush on me, and I didn't like him back. My fault was that I didn't dissuade him when I'd begun noticing, and his was with not noticing my lack of reciprocation, and letting it get out. There was no one to blame, no right or wrong. Shit like this happened in life, and there wasn't anything anyone could do about it. Feelings were a fickle thing, which was why I didn't want to have anything to do with it until I was at least a bit older. But that was just me, not the people around me.

And Seb said we could remain friends. I believed him in that. He might not be the smartest academically, but he was one of the more popular full boarding kids for a reason. He was a cheerful, happy presence, lightening the mood, making people feel comfortable. And his friends would make sure he was alright.

It wasn't my responsibility. And I didn't need to feel like I'd done something wrong.

And so I kept telling myself as I strolled back to Lok House, troubled. I made my way back to my dorm. Kate and Lucy weren't back, they were probably celebrating with the other girls.

But I was too tired for that.

So I took a shower and got ready to go to bed.

—

I STARTED FEELING the consequences of the conversation the day after. At breakfast, Seb's friends all made a great show of purposefully avoiding the table where we were sitting. I didn't think anyone else noticed—I'd always been the most observant, but I still silently memorised that.

During maths, when I sat with the girls at our usual seats near the back, Seb and Theo, along with the other boys, all chose to sit in the front. If anyone else realised, which I doubted since the gossip had already started dying down, no one mentioned it.

Seb and Theo didn't sit with me during Artefacts either. But I'd gotten closer to a few girls in my class, so I sat with them instead. Karina and Starla were both day students, but they'd always been nice to me. We weren't best friends by any chance, and we rarely talked outside of class, but they didn't mind me sticking with them so that was what I did.

Funny enough, it was James Taylor who was the first to notice and mention it. At prep, I sat with him at our usual table. Theo was sitting at the very opposite end, and with a glance at him, James leaned towards me. "Can't help but notice that the Aesir Asian kids have been ignoring you."

"They're not ignoring me," I replied briskly, flickering him a bored glance before looking back down at the assignment on my laptop. "I'm not even that close with them."

"Really, with how frequently Sebastian Hong used to message you?" James leaned back. "Please, I notice the shit on your laptop, Hon."

I bit my lip. Stared at him, and then glanced around before whispering in his ear, "I rejected him."

"That explains it," he nodded matter-of-factly. "Are you still friends?"

"He said so, but like, he has been ignoring me with his friends for the past day. It might just be too soon though. Seb isn't that kind of person."

"Fair enough," James Taylor shrugged. "Well, I wish you the best of luck. Now how do you feel?"

"Relieved?" I answered hesitantly. "Like, I feel a bit bad, but at the same time, I really didn't see him like that... I enjoyed his presence as a friend but nothing more."

"I mean, it would have happened sooner or later," James said, rubbing his neck. "This is why you want to befriend people like me, Hon. Gay. I won't randomly develop a crush on you and ruin our friendship."

I glanced at him, humour in my eyes. "Didn't realise we were friends, James Taylor."

"Oh, we are," he said. "You've tutored me enough times that we're most definitely friends now."

"I'm so touched. I'm friends with two Jameses now. Jameses? Is that how you say it?"

"Oh, there's so many of us," he said dramatically. "Give it a few years, you'll add two or three more Jameses into that list."

"I'm terrified."

"Welcome to England, Honoria Song, where half of us share the same name."

"Well, not exactly," I said slowly, "but there really are too damn many Jameses. And Toms. You're all a subspecies of humans."

"We're too different for that," he replied. "Only thing I have in common with James Withington is our name, I assure you."

"And your house."

"And our house. But that is it. Nothing else."

"Why don't you socialise with them?" I asked, frowning. "It's not like you don't talk. You have a lot to say around me."

"Why don't you socialise with them?" he retorted. "Same reason as me, I can tell you. What's the point? They're not going to truly accept us, no matter how nice to us they are. There's no purpose in putting myself through all that shit."

"That's a cynical way of seeing it."

"It's the realistic way."

"I don't socialise with them because I have nothing in common with them," I argued. "You're not the same. You're one of them."

"What, because I'm British? I assure you, that's not enough. If it was, the world would be a far more peaceful place."

"I disagree. Just because a nation would be united does not mean that the world would be united. Okay. Stop talking now, I actually need to finish this assignment."

"It's due next week," he deadpanned. "Next fucking week. You have time, Honoria Song. Calm down."

I casted him a brief glance. "I want to start studying soon. I need to finish this crap. Stop distracting me."

"Oh, relax, Hon. You have time. You're just going to stress yourself out. You're doing amazing, you don't need to push yourself like this."

"I'm doing amazing because I'm pushing myself."

"Honoria. Stop. Take a deep breath. It's fine if you let yourself have a break once in a while, you know that right?"

"It's my choice," I said with a glare. "James, need I remind you that you have a missing Theory of Magic prep waiting for you? When are you going to finish that?"

He grimaced. "I don't want to do it."

"Well, unless you want the teacher to kill you, finish it today and hand it in. You're already a day late. At this point you'll get a detention, you know."

"I couldn't care less," he deadpanned. "At least in detention I'll get some peace and quiet."

I just rolled my eyes. "Your choice. But this is mine. So shut up until I finish it."

This time, he listened. And fifteen minutes later, I was finished with my table. I glanced over at him, and he had taken in my advice and was doing his Theory of Magic homework too.

Good. Or else I'd have to witness our teacher screaming at him tomorrow during class, which was just a waste of perfectly good time.

Though my priorities were probably slightly skewed right now. They changed so frequently even I was starting to lose track. I wasn't the most consistent of people, not usually. While I always stuck to the same big ideas, the details were fluid.

My eyes roamed around the library, finally landing on Theo. I wonder what he was thinking. I was certain he'd only befriended me in the first place due to Seb, and with what happened yesterday... I doubt we'd be talking much in the future.

Sad. He was actually quite interesting, and I'd managed to leech so much off him during Artefacts class. What a pity. I actually had to start working by myself in the future. I'd survive, though, obviously. I may not be as good at the subject as he was, but it didn't mean I was bad. I was still better than the average.

I was okay with that, I supposed.

"I suppose," Taylor murmured, "that your shattered friendship with Sebastian means you're not friends with Theo either anymore?"

"No," I told him, "but you already knew that."

"Pity," he muttered. "He's hot."

I sent him an incredulous look. "Seriously? That's what you care about?"

"What?" he asked, "he is hot. You agree, I know you do."

"Wow," I laughed, "just wow. Of all things, that's what you focus on. He looks slightly attractive."

"Not slightly. Very attractive," James grinned. "He is hot. He's not even my type and I admit it."

"Wow, just wow," I repeated. "We have a word for people like you back home. Well, it's Mandarin, but you get the idea. Yan gou. Dogs for physical appearance."

"Is that meant to be offensive?" James asked.

"Well, yes, in your case. Another word, fa ci." Though that was in Cantonese.

"I'm so offended, Hon," James' hand flew to his chest. "I'm so hurt. I can't believe you've done this."

I rolled my eyes and swatted him over the head. "Idiot. Clown."

"Get more creative."

"I don't want to waste brain cells on you," I replied blankly.

"Oh, the wounds you cause to me."

"That sounds so weird."

"I'm trying to be dramatic, shut up." James leaned back in his chair. "Are you upset? Over what's happening with the full boarding boys? Over them not talking to you anymore just because of this?"

"Of course I am," I replied. "I thought we were friends. But turns out it was just because of some misguided crush from Seb. Of course it hurts, James, but I don't care that much. There's far more important things for me to be worried about."

"Oh?" he asked, one brow raised. "Like what? And if you say your grades, I'll strangle you."

"Life in general? They're not the only people in the world I can be friends with, you know. Like, other people exist."

"Yeah, but you live with them," he noted. "You face them every day. They're going to be slightly more important than the rest of us."

"I have my girls," I told him. "They're enough. I don't need that many friends. And it's not like you can say anything about it."

"No," he murmured, "I suppose I really can't."

I grinned victoriously. He snorted at me in response.

—

"YOU AND SEB," Adelina cornered me after dinner. "Something's wrong."

I raised a shoulder nonchalantly. "I rejected him. Like, properly."

"Ah," Adelina looked slightly satisfied with that answer. "When? How?"

I glanced at her. "Am I not allowed my privacy, Adelina?"

She let out a huff. "We live together. I would have noticed if you'd gone to talk to him... don't tell me you rejected him through text, please."

"I didn't!" I exclaimed, horrified. "I'm not that much of a bitch, Adelina. No, I told him in person."

"When?"

"Yesterday," I admitted. "After the show."

"What? When? How was I unaware?"

I stared at her, and said, very slowly, "You know, you're not privy to all the things I do. And I doubt you could actually keep track of what I do and where I go on a daily basis. Don't be so surprised. And I chose not to tell you because I wasn't sure what to do, and I'm pretty sure if I had informed you you would have insisted on going with me, which was exactly what I didn't want."

"But..."

"No buts," I said, raising my head. "Tell me you wouldn't have insisted on going along with me."

Adelina's shoulders slumped. "Can't. Why would you do that, though?"

"Well, it was between the two of us, and it had to be dealt with sooner or later. I'd dragged it on long enough, don't you think?

"Yeah, but... I just can't believe you didn't tell me, Hon." Adelina shook her head. She took a step back, glancing around. "Let's get back to house." And I followed her as we left the cafeteria and the main hall and started making our way around the building.

"I don't need to tell you everything," I told her briskly. "Oh, forget about it."

"Did you tell Yunji?" Adelina asked, brows knitted together in a frown.

I sighed. She was not going to let this pass. "No. I didn't."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Oh."

We walked by Damian Wong and Choi Kwanfong then, the two other Chinese boys from Aesir, and they gave us a quizzical look. Adelina raised a brow at them. I ignored their glance.

"So..." Adelina said slowly, "I guess we're not friends with the Aesir boys anymore."

I said, "We were never friends in the first place."

She hummed. "Well, I suppose if you put it that way..."

"I'm not putting it that way," I told her. "It is that way."

I was never really friends with Damian or Kwanfong. I'd spoken to them once or twice, but any other interaction I had with them was because Seb was there. I wasn't surprised they'd started ignoring me. They'd always ignored me in the first place, unless Seb was there.

It was Theo that sort of irritated me. Because I did think we were friends past Seb. Turns out we weren't.

I kept walking.

Adelina just sighed. After a few minutes, as we neared house, she said, "I think Yunji has a crush on James."

I blinked. "Withington?" I'd seen it. But I hadn't expected Adelina to.

"Yeah," she said with a nod. "Withington. She always wants to talk to him. And I've caught her staring once or twice."

"Well, he is handsome. It might not be a crush, could just be that she finds him attractive. Two different things. She knows you hate him."

Adelina bit her lip. 'That's the thing. I'm not really friends with Yunji, am I?"

I halted and stared at her. "What do you mean?"

"I'm friends with you. You're friends with Yunji. If you're not there, I don't talk to her. We have so little in common past you."

An expression of disbelief appeared on my face. "Ade. You have something in common with everyone."

"Yeah, but not much with Yunji. I don't get her. And I don't think she actually likes me that much."

"She's jealous of you," I said brashly. "We all are."

"What, because I have more friends outside of house?"

"Because you're friends with everyone. You're pretty and you're rich and you're everything people want to be, and you make it seem so easy. Even I'm jealous of you, Ade. You just don't notice it."

"I..."

"It's not your fault."

"I know that. But I still feel bad."

"And I don't think Yunji's crush is new," I said. "Remember how she reacted when you told her you were friends with James?"

"When did you know?" she asked hesitantly.

"I'd guessed a week or so ago," I answered honestly. "I wasn't sure, but I'd suspected."

"Should I... talk to her?"

I pushed the door of Lok House open, and we both walked in. Adelina snapped her fingers to cushion the shutting door with a blast of green. We started making our way up the stairs before I shook my head and answered, "No, that might make it worse. Just... let her. She'll get over it eventually. Or who knows? James might like her back."

Adelina's expression hardened. "He won't."

"You never know."

"Yunji's not his type."

I glanced at her. "What, and you know his type so well?"

She glared at me. "I grew up with him. Of course I do. He likes louder girls. Social ones. People who'd go to parties with him and hang out with his friends without problem. Yunji's nice, but she's too quiet for him. Too shy. He needs someone confident. His equal. He and Yunji would just make each other miserable. I've met his exes. The girls he's been interested in before. Yunji's their antithesis. It's one-sided, I assure you. And if she expects anything from it, she's just going to get hurt."

As she went into the corridor to head back to her dorm and I continued my journey up to the attic, it suddenly hit me that the girl she'd been describing was herself.