I woke up in an unfamiliar room. I started to freak out for a second. Then I remembered.

Last night. I couldn't bring myself to go home, so I texted Peyton and slept at her house.

"Hey sleeping beauty. It's almost eleven", I heard Peyton say.

I sat up. She was looking at her phone.

"So you wanna tell me why you came to my house at midnight in tears?" She asked, setting her phone down," Oh! And the message you sent me."

I gave her a confused look and she handed me her phone.

Ocjopus😘: Hey Pey, can I crash at your place tonight? There's a relentless, lying, stupid, cowardly cockroach infesting my apartment

"So would this human-like cockroach happen to be the reason?" She asked.

I nodded solemnly. "We had another fight".

"A big one I presume?"

"There really wasn't a whole lot of actual fighting", I said," But I think its time we quit. For good".

"Jo, I don't want to hurt you, but I think you're right. You're relationship was always the back and forth kind".

I nodded. She was right. It was a stupid dream to think that we'd ever work out. We were so unstable. We'd fight and make up the next day. It just wasn't right. There were so many things that we avoided that were unavoidable.

Silently, I wished I could've fixed things. But that would mean change. And we both had trouble changing. And besides, we both knew we couldn't be the perfect man or woman.

And fixing us would be a full time job and a half.
We had so many undiscussed problems.

But it was so nice. Forgetting the world and pretending that we were the only ones that existed. It was a dangerous world that I couldn't help but love.

I sighed. "I know. But I still love him".

"Of course you do. After you cross that line, there's no going back. You can't un-love someone."

She hugged me. "Oh Jo, don't cry. All I want is to see you happy."

"I know. But I don't know how to be happy. I don't even know what makes me happy. I'm deceiving my parents and you're my only friend. Who else do I turn to?"

She shook her head. "I don't know. But know this: I love you and will do anything to see you happy. You can stay as long as you want or need."

I squeezed her. "I don't know how I ended up with you. You're an angel".

"Maybe so", she smiled," But anyways, I have to go to work. Make yourself at home. Just leave me enough food to survive".

I nodded. "I think ill head to the gym. I haven't been in forever. And Pey?"

She stopped. "Yeah?"

"Thank you so much. For everything", I said.

She nodded. "No problem, love. I know you'd do the same for me".

Then she left. She was amazing. I had only known her for three months or so, but she was my closest friend. Being social an talkative was never easy for me. I guess one man in my life had made it hard for me to trust and open up to people.

But she didn't care. She understood that I was shy and sometimes awkward, which made me believe that she had once been that way too.

I groaned and made myself get up. It was weird. Even though I felt somewhat empty, I also felt immense freedom. It wasn't like the first time.

Because this time, I knew he was the one left ruined.

I finally knew what it was like being on the other side of the relationship- the one that saw what the other couldn't.

I didn't leave him because he couldn't say "I love you" although that did hurt a lot. I left because he did love me. But he couldn't tell me. And if he couldn't express his feelings like I could, then we'd fall apart over and over again.

And that endless cycle would tear both of us apart.

I guess I had been wrong when I said he was a complete mystery to me. He wasn't. I knew exactly who he was. I knew exactly what he wouldn't do. And I knew what he would do- he would apologize. Apologize over and over and over again. And eventually, I'd fall for it. But then we'd find ourselves in the exact same position, and we'd split. Then we'd repeat. There just was no easy way around it.

He simply had to learn to except things.

I thought all these thoughts as I looked around the room. All my stuff was still at my apartment. I texted Peyton.

Me: Pey, is it alright if I borrow something of yours to the gym? I left everything and really don't want to go back

Pey: of course! I'll be back around 5

Me: thanks! See u later!

I dug through her drawers and found some exercise clothing. I slipped them on and headed out.

Working out wasn't something that I enjoyed. I just made myself do it.

I lifted a little then ran for a while. I looked like I jumped into a swimming pool. What? I sweat easily.

I pulled my earbuds out and took the last sip of my water. I stumble off the treadmill and stopped for a breath.

As I looked up, I saw something... Someone that made my heart stop.

It was Marshall. He was walking towards me. He had a thin workout shirt that showed his muscle. And my, was I staring.

He smiled big as he neared me. "Hey Joanna! I didn't know you came here!" He said.

I nodded. "Not very often".

He smiled. "Maybe we could work something out. Maybe come together sometime."

I nodded. Was he...?

"Hey Joanna", he said quietly.

"Yes?" I said expectantly.

"Are you busy? Like... Right now?"

I shook my head.

"Would you like to go grab something to eat with me?" He asked.

I looked down at myself. "I mean... Maybe if I could just run home, grab a shower and change..."

He nodded. "I can pick you up. How about One-thirty?"

"That'd be great! I'll text you the address", I said.

"Okay! See you then!" He said.
And with that, he was gone.

I felt my insides explode with excitement. One of the hottest guys on the planet asked me to have lunch with him!

I giggled a little to myself. I ran to my car and drove home without another thought.

I raced up the stairs and danced into the shower. I couldn't et my mind off of his smile. And Peyton said he liked me.....

I felt like a junior high girl finding out the cutest boy in school had a crush on me.

And my happiness didn't cease until I walked out of my apartment. I guess I flew right past the door next to mine. I just stared at it, wondering what was going on behind it. Was there another girl in there? Not that it mattered. It wasn't any of my business.

I stopped for a second. Had we really just had our fight yesterday? Did I really wake up kissing him just the day before? Did I really move on so fast?

I couldn't really describe my feeling at that point. It was a mixture between surprise, joy, relief, and a little bit of guilt.

But I shook it off. I had to go. I received a text.

Marshall: I'm here😀

Me: oh gosh. My hair looks scary😁

Marshall: I'm sure it looks perfect. don't worry👌

I smiled. He was sweet. But I didn't tell him that to see what his reaction would be. I was warning him. It did look real bad.

I ran down and searched for his car. It was a two year old yellow Camaro with black highlights. I sighed. What wasn't perfect about him?

He hopped out and opened the door for me WITHOUT a smart comment.

We drove to Panera and sat down for lunch. He asked for my order and went up to order for me.

I texted Peyton.

Me: You'll never guess where I am! I'm at lunch w/ Marshall!!!

Pey: wait wait wait! Like a date?

Me: hmmm I don't think I can call it that until he asks me out

Pey: whatever :/ it's a date. Gotta go! Luv ya! Good luck!

He came back and sat down. We had basic chat until our food was ready.

We ate a little then started talking talking, if you know what I mean.

"So... Pey said you got together with your psychotic neighbor. How's that?" He asked.

I was a little surprised that he'd asked.

I wiped my mouth. "We gave it a try. But... We just couldn't make it work".

He nodded.

"What about you? I heard you and Diane had something going on", I said.

He looked up. "Oh. Yeah, we did. But late last night, she called and said she had someone else. Which was good actually. Cause I was going to call and tell her the same thing weeks ago, but couldn't."

I nodded. I didn't want to make assumptions.... But who was he talking about?

We sat there awkwardly for a moment.

"Joanna, here's the thing. I have reservations for a nice restaurant in town for Friday. I was going to take Diane but... You know. So I was wondering if you'd like to join me instead?"

I knew it was WAY too soon and that it would probably be a mistake, but I went for it. It wasn't every day you found someone like him.

I nodded. "I'd like that".

He smiled. "Great! Thanks for excepting".

After we finished eating, we walked back to his car. In the way home, we discussed plans.

"I'll see you on Friday", he said, opening my door for me.

I nodded and gave him a quick hug.

As I stumbled up the stairs, I didn't have the same excitement as before. I didn't feel like a junior high girl.

I felt like I was giving up. I mean really. I had said yes to dinner with a guy I had talked to for four hours, a day after I broke up with my non boyfriend.

What was wrong with me?