Amanda Pov

Fuckity fuckity fuck!, this was not a drill, Anita had fucking found me, (though I guess that I would rather it was her that found me then anybody else finding me, ya know), and if she could find me, well then so could they, ('they' meaning my Mum and Gary, in case you wanted to know), which also meant that many people could find and report my whereabouts to them, (which kind of fucking terrified me a little bit to be honest with you here).

I tried not to think about it too much before Danny got home, as that would make everything like 10x worse, but I couldn't not think about it, (because this was life and death kind of shit, ya know), like I honestly felt fucking sick to my stomach thinking about all of the 'what if's' and the 'why's', even though it was massively improbable that any of these things would even bloody happen, (but improbable did not mean impossible though).

I found myself pacing to try and block out the swoosh! of blood rushing through my ears, I was praying that Sammy was still asleep, yes, I an atheist, prayed, did it work for me though?, no, no it didn't, (though I might've already known that it wouldn't work for me, but that's not the bloody point though, is it Darling?).

So Sammy woke up from her nap, I ran up the stairs as fast as I could physically run up them stairs as I didn't want her to cry herself out to calm herself down, (no matter how many people are ok with this method, like I don't know, it just feels really icky to me, ya know).

"Shh, I know Baby, Shh, I know, I know, it's ok"

I continued to spit out that mantra over and over again, as I was trying to calm us both down, (did it work though?, no, it did not), it seemed to work for Sammy, which I was grateful for, as that meant that it at least worked for 1 person, (it did not work for me though if I'm being completely honest with you here mate), (not that I was expecting it to, it just would've been nice if it did work, ya know).

Once Sammy was asleep once again, (she was just so sleepy), well I called Danny as this was a fucking family emergency, (and that meant shit was gonna hit the fan here), (not because of Danny before anyone says anything about that, ok, I'm just an emotional wreak sometimes and he knew that), and even though I felt awful about the fact that I was pulling him away from work, I also knew that he'd rather me let him know than work.

"Hey Babe, what's wrong"
"Danny, my sister found me"
"That's not what you're actually worrying about, is it?"
"No, no it's not"
"You afraid of your sister telling people?"
"No, she came here for similar reasons to me"
"Ah, you're afraid that they could find you anyway"
"Yeah"

It was not fun coming to that conclusion, let me tell ya, and I know that Danny knew that, (as that was why I even rang him in the first place), but knowing this didn't make it any easier let me tell you, (though feelings are fucking weird and complicated, and I fucking hate it so fucking much), if anything it made it a bit harder.

"Sammy doing ok?"
"Yeah, she's been sleeping a lot today, but I'm not really surprised by that though, I actually had a nap on the couch"
"Well I'm glad that you got some sleep then, the couch must not have been comfortable though"
"It wasn't"

We both knew that I was avoiding how I was actually feeling, (well, the full extent of what I was feeling), but the thought of talking about the in's and out's of exactly why I was feeling this way was not a conversation that I wanted to have on the phone, even if it was with my husband, and I think that Danny knew this, as he didn't push it too much here.

"Are you doing ok?"
"I do feel a bit better about the whole thing now that I've talked to you"
"Well that's something I guess-"
"I'll let you get back-"
"They can do their jobs without me holding their hand through the process-"
"Oh I know that, but I'm not gonna hold you up for anymore than absolutely necessary"
"You're sure that you're ok?"
"Yeah Babe, I'm ok"

I know that he wasn't convinced, I could just tell by how he sounded on the phone, but there wasn't really anything else that he could do.

"Ok, I'll see you when I get home"
"Ok, I love you"
"I love you too"