TW: mentions of rape in the first 5-8 chapters and mentions of suicide attempts where it says BOLDED in bold. It's only two paragraphs but I'm not taking chances of this being reported again :(

Naruto's pov

A knock on the door woke me up. I was sleeping so much better too, why does someone always have to fuck it up.

Menma opened the door, staring at Sasuke and I. He laughed to himself and I narrowed my eyes. "We're getting ready to go to the venue, dad told me to wake you up. He said you'll probably still be late but he wants you to be there."

I hummed in acknowledgment, shoving my face back into Sasuke before he took this chance to get away from me. I heard the door click shut and Sasuke's hand went to my body again, lightly scratching my back. It tickled but like it a good way, you know? In the best way possible.

"I have everything I was going to wear in my bag, so take your time. Can I shower?"

I hugged him tighter, shaking my head no. I don't want him to leave me. I wanna go back to sleep. This is only because I've been up for a couple days straight. Not only that, the nature of the missions always take a toll on me. It's always happened, I've said it before and I'll say it again: passing out is my body's way of dealing with unwanted stress and anxiety. That or killing people but seeing as how I just spent seven hours tormenting a guy who I found out wanted to sex traffic me when I was younger, sleeping was more favored.

Sleeping helped quiet everything, but the problem was that I couldn't sleep. This is all because of what that bitch said to me. How he should've taken me when I was younger, and then how he wanted to know how I was doing because he heard about me. How the fuck did he hear about me?? I know people knew about the jinchuriki situation, but for them to know about the rape as well was far fetched.

As far as I knew, only the adults in the village knew about it. If word had got out to anywhere else, my dad probably would have heard about it. Or so I thought. Obviously someone told Kurotori about me and that makes me wonder how many other people know what happened and how close was I to having an entirely different life?

Thinking this much about these types of things made me tired. All I wanted was to forget all about what happened, but I couldn't. I wouldn't let myself. That doesn't mean I spend every day dwelling on the past, only sometimes I slip up and catch myself replaying the scenes in my head, one after another. It keeps me on track.

"Do you feel better? Now that you've gone to the doctor?" Sasuke asked. I could tell he was always concerned about me and it made me feel bad lying, but the only time I felt like I truly had his undivided attention was when I was feeling bad. Maybe I should fake a more serious illness? I can make myself cough up blood. Wait, no, maybe I should stop my heart...

"I'm ready when you are kid. Just say the word."

I can stop my heart for up to ten minutes, maybe longer. I haven't tried longer, Kurama won't let me. Well, it's not really stopping it, it's slowing it down until it's unnoticeable, even to an Uchiha. I pretty much seem dead, chakra included, and if all things go wrong, Kurama forces his chakra into me to jumpstart my heart and then I'm fine. Only has minor side effects if I continue it for too long. I think a couple of minutes is fine.

No... that's a bad idea, what would my reason be... if I do die spontaneously and then come back? That I have no clue? No, they'll send me to an actual doctor so fast. I'll never see my Sasuke then. What can I do to just make him mine?

"I do," I answered. It was the truth, there wasn't that sense of dread that followed me around, there wasn't that voice in my head telling me everyone was out for me. It was just me and Kurama, and while he sometimes is out for me, he means it somewhat lovingly. Sometimes I think Kurama sees me more as a pet or project rather than someone with an actual life.

He scoffed in my head, "That is absolutely not true whatsoever. Okay, yes, I pushed you to the brink of death and killed you a couple of times while turning you into a super human. Yes I encourage many of your deluded thoughts because I like violence. Yes, I do love when we kill people, especially those who hurt us first. But that does not mean I don't see you as human. The thoughts you have are your own, and while I may have inspired them when I was younger, you have them now. All I do now is encourage or discourage them based on productivity. For example, killing Sasuke? Bad. Don't do that Naruto. Faking your death to get Sasuke obsessed with us? Morally bad but good for us, I'll help with that plan. See?? I'm like... I'm helpful."

I've come to realize I can't even have my own internal monologue anymore, not without Kurama butting in at least. My body is really not my own. My chakra, my thoughts, my scars, everything. I feel so unreal all the time.

I remember one time I blacked out and that lead to Kurama taking over my body, I have no recollection of like two weeks during that time and he won't tell me what he did. I don't know why, it couldn't have been that bad. He just adamantly refuses to even acknowledge that he did that.

Kurama only switches with me when I'm actually losing my mind, like when I planned to kill my dad. It was when I was way younger, maybe a couple months after I became an ANBU. I was really suspecting that my dad was involved in what happened to me when I was younger, especially because around that time, Kushina started getting closer to him and everything, and I was spiraling and I almost tried to kill him. I would have done it too if Kurama hadn't forcibly switched with me. I think it only worked back then because I didn't have full control over his chakra.

BOLDED

The other times it happened was when I was going to take my own life. I was younger, again, and was planning on jumping off a cliff into a lake so I would drown since Kurama would just heal everything and he made me immune to poison. He switched right as I stepped to the edge and then the next thing I know I was at home in bed with my dad laying next to me. I don't know if he knew what I tried to do, if Kurama told him, but he was a lot more clingy after that.

There's been plenty of times when I've thought about taking my life, it's only when things add up do I actually try to, and whenever that happens—whenever the thoughts fade into reality, Kurama is right there to stop me. Every. Single. Time. I've obviously given up on my attempts, seeing as how I now have Sasuke, but the thoughts still cross my mind frequently.

BOLDED

"Wanna get ready now? Or do you still want to lay here?"

I nodded, hugging him more. He feels so nice, yet like, squishy. Sasuke's always been skinny, he weighs almost nothing to me. I know he's healthy and he's at a healthy weight, but every time I hold him in my arms, or pick him up, I can't help but feel like he's the one who's sick.

"Naruto, you only think he's light because you're entirely ripped. To most people, Sasuke's a normal weight, even to pick up. You're overthinking things again. Now get your ass up so we can get ready to go to this party."

"Are you gonna go?", I whispered aloud.

Kurama laughed a little in my head, "I should, shouldn't I? Maybe. Get your ass up and I'll go."

I groaned, rolling off of Sasuke. My bones hurt. I sat up, scratching my head. My hair feels like it looks stupid, I don't like that. "Gonna shower really quick," I mumbled to Sasuke.

I only say that I'll shower first because he takes forever to get ready and forever to shower. I take maybe ten minutes in the shower and ten minutes to get ready. I took a shower earlier after I got home because I was covered in blood, but I need another one, I don't feel clean enough. And I sweat a lot in my sleep.

Sasuke nodded and I got off the bed, wandering over to the bathroom.

I walked out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around my waist. I didn't think it'd matter, I do this all the time. Only this time, I noticed a pair of eyes tracking my every move.

I smiled to myself. When did Sasuke become so shameless? He's always had the hots for me but I don't know when he started looking at me so obviously. He needs to stop before I do something I'll regret.

"Say you want me or take a shower, Sasuke, in between doesn't work for you right now." I felt him look away. He's so cute.

I walked over to the dresser, deliberately taking my time to pick out my clothes. I could feel Sasuke's eyes burning into my back again, but I pretended not to notice. Instead, I threw a casual glance over my shoulder.

"Is this your way of confessing?" I teased, giving him a wink. "But you know, if you keep staring like that, you'll never get to shower."

Sasuke's cheeks flushed slightly, a sight that made my heart skip a beat. He quickly got off the bed, heading for the bathroom without another word. The door closed behind him with a soft click, and I chuckled to myself.

Once I was dressed, I ran a hand through my hair, trying to make it look somewhat presentable. I knew we had a long day ahead of us, and it wouldn't do me any good to look like I'd just rolled out of bed. There wasn't anyone at the party I truly cared for other than maybe my family, but my dad gets a little upset if I look like I absolutely do not try whatsoever.

The sound of the shower running was oddly comforting, a reminder of Sasuke and I's relationship. There was a time when I wouldn't even bother to give Sasuke a second glance. A time when he was the one fumbling over his own two feet trying to impress me. Now, we were... something more. I wasn't sure what to call it, but I knew I didn't want to lose it. I was now the love stricken dog, doing tricks and wagging my tail just to get attention from his owner.

When I decided I was done trying with my hair, Sasuke emerged from the bathroom, his hair damp and a towel slung around his shoulders. He had on a pair of shorts and a tank top— his after-shower-but-not-ready-yet outfit. He looked refreshed, but his eyes still held that innocent and playful look.

I watched as Sasuke walked over to his bag, rummaging through his clothes with an intensity that suggested this was a mission of its own. It was both endearing and slightly frustrating to see him take so much time and care just to get dressed for a party.

"You know, Sasuke, we're going to be late if you keep this up," I said, laying back down on the bed with a smirk.

He glanced at me, rolling his eyes but not saying a word. Instead, he pulled out a pair of black shorts and a mesh— not fishnet— shirt along with his makeup bag.

*Think like see-through if ydk what mesh is. It's really think fabric but doesn't have the gaps like fishnet

"Just give me a minute, Naruto," he replied, his tone calm yet determined. "I want to look good."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "You always look good, baby. But if you take much longer, we'll miss the whole party."

Sasuke shot me a look that was both amused and annoyed. "Patience, Usura. You can't rush perfection."

He sat on the bathroom counter, getting closer to the mirror to do his makeup. I moved on the bed so I could see him better. Sasuke looks pretty without makeup; I don't know why he puts it on in the first place, all it does is attract more attention. But watching him now, the way his fingers deftly maneuvered the brush, I couldn't deny how mesmerizing it was.

Sasuke's beauty was something else entirely. His eyes, sharp and dark like obsidian, seemed to draw in every bit of light in the room, reflecting it back with an intensity that left me breathless. His hair, still damp from the shower, fell in soft, raven strands around his face, framing it perfectly like the brushstrokes of an artist capturing a masterpiece.

My heart always seems to beat differently when I'm around him. It tends to go off track and skip a couple of beats like it wants me to die or something. That's the effect Sasuke has on people, on me. I want to lock him away and let no one else see how beautiful he is when he looks at me with those eyes. But I know if I do, he'd never look at me again.

Every time he runs a hand through his hair, I catch myself staring, admiring the effortless grace with which he moves. His skin, smooth and flawless, seems to glow with an inner light, and his scent—clean, fresh, with a hint of something uniquely Sasuke—lingers in the air, intoxicating and comforting all at once.

Yet, despite this overwhelming desire to keep him all to myself, I know I can't. Sasuke is like a wild, untamed force of nature. Trying to contain him would be like trying to bottle the wind. He needs his freedom, his space to breathe and grow. And as much as it terrifies me, I have to let him shine in his own right, share that beauty with the world. Get everyone latched onto him just for him to still come back to me for the real attention he needs. Because ultimately, what makes him look at me the way he does, what makes our connection impossible to achieve by anyone else, is our understanding of each other.

While Sasuke doesn't know what's wrong with me, in my head, he understands how I feel. He knows when I toe the line of going through with my thoughts. I don't know how, he just does. He says he just feels when something's wrong with me. And that's why we're always going to be different from everyone. No one gets me like Sasuke gets me.

"I do, what the fuck?" Like I said, can't even have my own internal dialogue.

As he applied his eyeliner with steady hands, I found myself captivated by the fluid motion, the way it accentuated his already striking features. His cheekbones, high and defined, were like the smooth curves of a finely carved statue, and his lips, a natural soft pink, curved in concentration. Even his skin, pale and flawless, seemed to glow under the bathroom light, as if he were illuminated from within.

Sasuke seems to be the center of attention no matter where he is. You could lock him away in a dark, gloomy dungeon (no you couldn't, I wouldn't let that happen), and he'd still shine like a single star in the night sky. Fuck a star, Sasuke is the moon surrounded by a sea of darkness. He takes away from everything around him, making sure all eyes are on him. Even when you aren't looking at him, you'll still see him, shining like it's his last day alive.

*stars shine their brightest while they burn out

He looked like something out of a dream, an ethereal being that didn't belong to this mundane world. Watching him now, the term "angelic" didn't seem like an exaggeration yet didn't come close to being able to describe how he looked. Sasuke had a way of embodying both grace and strength, a delicate balance that made him all the more alluring.

He paused for a moment, catching my gaze in the mirror. A small, almost shy smile tugged at the corner of his mouth, and I felt my heart skip a beat. Don't fucking die right now, Naruto.

"Enjoying the view?" he asked, his voice teasing but gentle.

I grinned, unable to hide the admiration in my eyes. "Always."

He finished his makeup with a final touch of mascara, his lashes now looking impossibly long and dark. Standing up, he adjusted his shirt once more and then turned to face me fully. The transformation, subtle but significant, left me speechless.

"You're breathtaking, Sasuke," I said, my voice barely more than a whisper.

He rolled his eyes, but I could see the slight blush tinting his cheeks and ears. "You're such a sap, Naruto."

"Only for you," I replied with a wink.

We both knew it was true. Sasuke had a beauty that could cease fire, turn heads, and make hearts race. And tonight, as we headed to the party, I felt an overwhelming sense of pride. Not just because of how gorgeous he looked, but because he was mine. Sasuke was still bearing my hickey, not even bothering to try and hide it.

Tbccccc