The study door was flung open by Dark Link. In his haste, he tripped over his own feet and fell with a sound of suprise.

"S-Slenderman! A fight broke out in the kitchen and I-"

He cut off in the middle of his blurted speech and instead lay there with his mouth agape with... Well, there simply were no words to describe it.

Slenderman was holding a little funeral for his torn Twilight poster, complete with a framed photograph, a bouquet of roses and a few dozen crackling candles.

The faceless creepypasta solemnly had his suited back turned to the shade and didn't notice his presence. He was locked in some kind of trance as he recited the poster's last rites.

Dark Link slowly raised back to his feet and, careful not to disturb him, noped himself out of the room by doing some kind of backwards moonwalk.

Once he was out of the memorial room, he breathed a sigh of exasperation and gently closed the door. I'll just drop a written report down the chute. That ought to do.

He whipped around on his heel and strode down the hallway in thoughtful, slightly traumatized, silence.

Completely by chance, Dark Link happened to pass by Laughing Jack. The monochrome stopped him for a little friendly chat.

"How are you doing nowadays, Darkness?" He began, the corners of his mouth twitching. "Any... Problems with your kill quota?"

"Oh er- Well you see- I haven't been out tonight. A little preoccupied with other things, if you will," the shade replied smoothly.

Strangely enough, L.J didn't look quite right. He'd cocked his head to one side, his eyelid was occasionally twitching and he looked overall more deranged than usual.

"Fa-Fascinating, kiddo."

"You're starting to tic like Toby," Dark Link noted, giving him a concerned look-over. The clown's shoulders were making crazy, random spasms that traveled down the length of his whole arm.

"I'm fi-fine!" L.J chortled, throwing his head back for a breathy laugh. Wispy feathers came flying off his costume.

Looking understandably unconvinced, Dark Link stepped aside to let him pass. "You react badly to being cooped up, don't you? Maybe going out to kill somebody on this airy night would be-"

He was suddenly seized and shaken roughly. "Didn't I tell you? Kiddo, I'm fine!" L.J's voice sounded demonic and raspy.

Dark Link audibly swallowed thin air. "Of c-course you are..."

The killer clown gave him a shifty-eyed glare. And then he abandoned him altogether and stalked off, muttering unintelligibly under his breath.

Darkness tugged on the collar of his shirt, quietly mouthing a phew of relief. Everyone was behaving weirder than the norm, so was something going on?

Then he remembered that he still had to write that report about the "squabble" between Smirky and Kagekao. He scrambled towards his room like he'd grown wings on his feet.

During his blurred dash he fleetingly passed BEN. The elf was wandering about in circles, obnoxiously chatting on a barbie-themed walkie-talkie.

"-And that's my opinion on why it's a bad idea to hide in laundry baskets, Sally!"

Further in to the mansion, Dark Link almost trampled over Jeff. The psychotic killer had been sitting cross-legged on the floor, balancing a twirly knife around his nose out of boredom.

"W-Watch out!"

"Eeeayah!" Jeff ducked and covered his head with his hands.

Darkness skidded to one side and avoided him altogether, but could do nothing about stopping the knife as it flipped in the air and plummeted back down.

It might've been some kind of weird sixth-sense, but Doctor Smiley knew that he would be needed for another medical emergency.

He was already prepping the surgery table with its usual treatment of chemical wash.

Eyeless Jack was sleeping peacefully, finally resting somewhere that wouldn't rattle his tender bones every five seconds.

Yes, Smiley had reluctantly given up his warm 'n comfy bed - but only because he'd practically bathed the poor pasta in disinfectant and covered those drippy eyes with a thick fleece towel.

Currently, the not-so-good doctor was prodding a scapel to make it line up perfectly with the rest of them. Then he drew his hand back to check his watch.

"Three? I still have a few hours to kill. Hehehe~ Hehehe~"

Jeff interrupted his session of wicked laughing by stumbling into the room with a knife stuck deep in his left buttcheek. Smiley's laughter trailed off and ended with a facepalm.

"... How did you even- Never mind. I don't want to know."

We won't speak of anything else that happened between Jeff and Smiley for the following fifteen minutes, because the doctor reached up and drew an unfriendly mint-coloured curtain around the surgery table.

And that obstructed Phantom's view of things. Even though she had secret cameras hidden everywhere to document every aspect of the story, she didn't wanna check 'em.

And yes, the author is just stalling for more words again and she isn't really getting any better at concealing it. Lemming. Marshmallow. Peanut. On with the show. Orochimar- Oh...

While Jeff's pain-filled hollers rose from behind the curtians, someone breezed past both of them without drawing any attention to themselves.

And since most of you can already guess who it was, there's no use in putting the mysterious stranger aspect into to it. That person was Smirky, though his motive left much to the imagination.

He paid a curious glance towards the curtains on his way around the room.

"-OWEEEEEIE!"

"-Shut up, you blithering idiot! I can barely hear myself think!"

It didn't catch his attention. Those screams sounded dull to his ears. They weren't fruity - they weren't vibrant. It made him wanna yawn.

His scratches from earlier had sealed themselves up awhile ago. Like all creepypastas, Smirky had the benefit of accelerated healing.

It wasn't working so well for that flushed bruise around his neck.

Without bringing up a scene involving Jane, a classroom, a blackboard and a very confused Offendy who thought that he'd signed up for "reproductive biology," the readers are now aware that injuries inflicted by fellow creepypastas took longer to heal.

Smiley darted in and out of the curtain to yank some bandages out of the nearest cupboard. He was too quick and too engrossed in his work to notice.

Unfortunately for Jeff, he'd technically caused that damage by himself. So yes, the killer's tragically placed wound wasn't going to heal anytime soon. He'd be sitting in a doughnut all night.

No, not the kind of doughnut that came with chocolate sprinkles and jam filling.

A rubber ring-like doughnut.

If the former summed up some kind of weird fantasy, I think you might need professional help.

Smirky looked genuinely tired and seemed to be having some trouble with keeping his eyes open.

He swayed on his feet as he walked to his own bed, which was fitted in the surgery, rather than Smiley's side of the room, for obvious reasons.

He halfheartedly climbed onto the light mattress. His knees sank into its cushy material immediately. But he barely noticed; dark spots were rising before his eyes.

Mmph.
I recognise this feeling.
Passing out...

Thump.

And that was the end of that, for now. Let's swivel the apple-shaped spotlight to somewhere else, 'cause this chapter is only halfway done!

Currently, Eyeless Jack, Smirky and Kagekao were all snoozing to their heart's content for wildly different reasons. One unconscious, one passed out and one just sleeping.

BEN was roaming freely downstairs and having the biggest debate of 2015 with Sally on the controversial topic of hiding in laundry baskets, over a hot pink Barbie walkie-talkie.

Dark Link sat huddled in a corner of his room, writing down his report with a feather quill and burnt sienna ink. He was surrounded by glowing wall decorations - enough to give some degree of luminosity.

-Highly advise members of our ranks to keep an eye on our new visitor, Kagekao.
Through information from Ticci Toby about the fight that I've fully reaccounted above (to the best of my memory), I have stable ground to believe that Kagekao has known Dr. Smirky in the past...

He paused from his writing and held the quill thoughtfully, giving his arm a quick break. Then he dipped the quill's golden nib in the ink and continued to write.

Just in case you were wondering, the answer is yes. He did absentmindedly chew on the feather for a couple of seconds before realizing it.

In another part of the mansion, Slenderman had removed all traces of the Twilight poster's memorial alter and was now completely serious.

With a straight faceless face, he hunched over his desk and read from a stack of reports with very grave scrutiny.

Didn't meet with anything suspicious. May have slid down a drainpipe and ruined outfit - Jane.
Masky did nothing helpful except to eat cheesecake! - Hoodie.
Hoodie hogged a whole plate of pancakes while we were following our victims! - Masky.

____________________
A/N: This isn't 2K words... But I'm slipping in and out of sleep as I write this!

Thank you for all of your wonderful reads and comments!

Toodle-doo!
Final Word Count: 1544.