[For best effect of this flashback, please imagine all of it coated with a sepia filter of your choice. Thank you.]

A mission to infiltrate the creepypasta mansion had gone splendidly, and over thirty swatches of duct tape were placed over the spy cameras in various bathrooms.

It was an immense victory – the unspeakable sights had been haunting everyone for weeks on end, especially where BEN's 'lil tush was concerned.

To celebrate the end of a disturbing era, Zalgo even threw a party.

By the end of the night it became the biggest mistake of his life. Not because the party wasn't fun; everyone enjoyed it; enjoyed it a little too much...

Loud cheering erupted in the cafeteria hall, which had mysteriously turned into a banquet hall. (Hundreds of minions were in attendance, stuffing their faces while they could.)

Kagekao was sitting on a heap of stacked wine bottles, trying to pour himself more. It sloshed everywhere but the full moon glass, on account of his hand being unsteady.

After his fifth failed attempt, the heavy, blazing white tablecloth underneath him was drenched with a fine spray of fruity-smelling wine.

The merry minions laughed harder.

Zalgo roared louder, wiping hysterical tears from his glazed-over eyes.

His chair tipped like a bowling pin, and sent him sprawling facedown to the floor in a mass of chuckles and swishy tail.

The prince of darkness didn't mind, and simply staggered back to his feet. He drunkenly gripped his seat and pulled it up with one hand, claws leaving deep chasms in the wood.

To the disappointment of onlookers, a sharp-toothed crazy thing swooped in and prevented Zalgo from returning to his place.

"I think it would be best if Lord Zalgo retired for the night. My apologies," said an unapologetic Smirky, to the groaning crowd.

A minion cupped its hands over its mouth and booed.

Securing one of Zalgo's arms around his shoulder, Smirky quickly dragged his master out of the hall. Zalgo slumped to his side, still snickering under his breath.

They heard Kagekao yell out a slurred swear; followed by the crystalline 'tching!' of broken glass.

(Soon, howling laugher drowned out any memory of the interruption, and the party resumed in full swing, if not wilder.)

As they moved further into the labyrinth of confusing halls, the sounds of the party faded out, tapered off into nothing but distant booms of sound.

At last, the door to Zalgo's room popped into sight.

Smirky bit his lip in concentration and struggled to produce the key from his pocket, while supporting the drunken demon.

In a single slip of error, Zalgo's arm slid off his shoulder. His claws caught on the back of his shirt, seamlessly tearing it silently on the way down.

With a crisp thud, he faceplanted on the floor.

The sharp-toothed crazy thing cringed, clapping a hand over his eyes. One could almost hear his mental chant of: "Idiot! Idiot!"

Mustering up courage, he peeked through his fingers.

It looked like a murder scene body, minus the blood and the death.

"Um... You'll forget I did that, won't you?"

"It'll be our little secrrrrret," trilled Zalgo, speech changing from schoolgirly pitch to suave deep.

Around the bend, Kagekao vaguely overheard Smirky's worried voice, followed by the tail end of Zalgo's sentence; it sounded like he'd purred.

(Having excused himself from the party for a few minutes to use the bathroom, the Japanese demon had managed to get himself hopelessly lost, you see).

His black and white mask's expression changed to horrified disbelief, on both sides; a rare occurrence.

Kagekao leaned forward on tiptoe, clutching the wall corner for support, putting a hand to his ear. At the angle he stood, he couldn't see anything but a glimpse of them.

"Do I have your word? You won't recall or mention a thing about this tomorrow?"

"My word? About what?"

"That... That'll do."

He caught only murmurs of it. The Japanese demon stepped closer, hoping for a better range of hearing, and accidentally stepped on a decorative bed of pebbles.

Smirky looked over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow.

Kagekao straightened back up against the wall in a flash.

Figuring it was nothing to worry about, the sharp-toothed crazy thing turned back to the situation at hand.

Zalgo, still on the ground, had gotten hold of random white pebble and was now talking to it affectionately, cross eyed, tail still swishing like a hyperactive cat.

The demon was debating whether or not to add it to his imaginary rock collection.

"Now, where was I? Oh yes. So pleasantly unyielding... and such a sleek milky complexion..."

He held the pebble up like a certain lion cub. And then dropped it. Due to shape and size, it made a distinctive thump, rather than a clatter.

"I can't wait to to make you mine!"

Looking quite ill, Kagekao decided that he'd heard enough and straightened up to the wall. He quietly crept away, presumably to throw up in private.

Smirky stooped down on one knee and delicately lifted the pebble between his index finger and thumb, as though it was diseased.

The demon snapped to attention, fiery eyes locked onto the object, as it was thrown up and down, and up and down...

"You want the pebble?"

Nod.

"You'll do anything for this pebble?"

Nod.

"Then go fetch it!"

The white pebble fell back into sharp-toothed crazy thing's hand, and was promptly chucked through the bedroom doorway.

In a frenzy of claws scratching floor, Zalgo sprang for the catch.

Ah, if only it had been that easy.

If only the cunning trick hadn't backfired, if only one of Zalgo's horns hadn't hooked onto a fold of Smirky's grey sweater and yanked him forwards too...

Thrown off guard and off balance, Smirky fumbled to unhook the offending article of stretchy clothing from the needle-sharp tip, before it got torn off his back.

He succeeded, dragging his feet on the floor.

Then he lost his footing and fell backwards onto a pair of squeaky bunny slippers. Squeak!

Through upside-down vision, he saw Zalgo huddled in a corner with a very Gollum-like look on his face, clutching his precious.

As Smirky dazedly moved himself off the slippers, they re-inflated loudly. Squeeeeeeaaaak.

He scouted out the damage at the front and back of his sweater. Just a mendable hole at the front, but massive gashes at the back.

"This was an expensive-!" He took a deep, calming breath and sighed. "If I may excuse myself, I have to find a change of clothes."

The sharp-toothed crazy thing took a step forward, then suddenly froze.

A faint purple glow rippled across his still form.

Behind him, Zalgo had raised a hand, his eyes glowing the same colour.

"No. You stay."

"What... for?" Smirky questioned through clenched teeth.

"I want a bedtime story!"

(By now, the pebble, which had been such an important thing two minutes ago, had long been forgotten.)

Against his will, an unhappy Smirky was reeled back inside like a fish, complete with whirling sound effect.

As a stark contrast, drunk Zalgo looked tremendously happy with himself. He jumped into bed with glee and pulled a bunny-print blanket over himself.

Where such a bizarre blankie had materialised from; nobody knew.

Must've been those pesky under-bed-dwelling gremlins.

Word count, word count, boosty, boost, boost! ;)

Smirky reluctantly sat at the edge of the bed. A book of demonic bedtime stories fell onto his lap, also materialising from out of nowhere.

The telekinesis wore off around his arms, allowing him to move his hands and open the book. But the rest of him? Rigid as a signpost.

Do not think dirty thoughts.

"Which one do you want me to read?" he asked wearily, lifting its first page to eye the table of contents.

"Blood Red and The Seven Satanic Sacrifices!" giggled Zalgo, curling up to get comfy.

Smirky repositioned himself and uncomfortably cleared his throat. He had no choice. Before he could change his mind and attempt to flee, he dived in and started reading...

"The Queen had always longed to bear a baby, and sacrificed many a pure servant girl to the altar in an attempt to appease the dark spirits. One bitter night, in the candlelit chamber..."

Some Time Later... (The Telekinesis Wore Off)

"-The seventh dwarf turned to dust in morning's light, ridding Blood Red of her mother's debt for the rest of her immortal life.

And so, they all lived miserably ever after, forever chained to ghosts of their past. The end."

He cheerfully set the book down and tried to make a hasty bolt for the door.

Zalgo opened one eye and growled softly, grabbing the waistband of his jeans to yank him back. "Mummy; tell me another story!" he hiccuped.

Mummy...? An incredulous look crossed upon Smirky's face.

"But my Lord, it's already so late at night and I –"

"MUMMY! Tell. Me. STORY!" with that, Zalgo clumsily latched onto his waist (the only part he could reach) and refused to let go.

Cringing, and longing for a glass of water, Smirky cleared his dry throat and picked a tale from the book at random.

"The Three Little Pigs And The Slaughterhouse. Once upon a time-"

And after that, Smirky didn't dare stop.

He read out the next one, and then the next one, and the next, 'till his voice disappeared...

The next day, Kagekao found Smirky's bed empty.

Highly suspicious, recalling echoes of memory about overhearing something suggestive the previous night, he slunk towards Zalgo's room.

Just to check. He was almost certain it was only his imagination.

The Japanese demon cautiously poked open the door, and peeked in. Can you guess what he saw?

During the night, Smirky had simply dropped to sleep, and cuddled up to the first source of warmth he could find.

We'll give you a clue: it certainly wasn't the blanket.

The gashes at the back of his clothes were in plain view, and oh so obviously inflicted by Zalgo's claws.

And the book of bedtime stories had slipped out of his hands, as books often do when you lose your grip on them. It was on the floor, out of sight.

Knowing the backstory, it was all very innocent, sweet even.

But sadly, Kagekao had a drastically different idea in mind.

"YOU BRAZEN HUSSY!" He screamed, pointing a claw at Smirky. "IS THIS WHY LORD ZALGO FAVOURS YOU OVER ME? HOW LONG? HOW LONG HAS THIS BEEN HAPPENING?"

A hungover Zalgo sleepily opened his eyes and winced. He clamped a pillow over his ears.

"What on earth are you yelling about now, Kagekao?"

Kagekao hopped up and down like a rabid witch doctor, still screaming frightfully, his words unintelligible.

One could almost see the realisation slowly dawning on Zalgo's face, gradually becoming aware that he had an unexpected someone on his bed with him.

"GAH!"

Smirky awoke to the sensation of being thrown five feet across the room-

"What the- Aah!"

-And a following collision with a solid chest-of-drawers; a nice wooden one with polished surfaces and leaf engravings.

Stars flew.

There was much panic and confusion that morning.

A dozen minions were attracted to the sound and came running with popcorn and fizzy drinks, to bear witness to the scene of Kagekao's outburst, Zalgo's panic, and Smirky's bewilderment.

"I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR THIS!"

"It's- It's not what it looks like!"

"He was drunk and wanted me to read bedtime stories!"

"A LIKELY STORY!" bellowed Kagekao.

"He's telling the tr- WHAT, WHAT?"

"Um, well- you- you also called me Mummy," confessed Smirky.

...

"OUT! BOTH OF YOU! OUT! NEVER SPEAK OF THIS AGAIN!"

In the end, both the servants were thrown out of their master's room via telekinesis. (The minions whistled inconspicuously and fled the scene.)

The two kicked out pastas glared with burning newfound hate at each other, for radically differing reasons, and went their separate ways.

"I know what I saw," Kagekao hissed bitterly.

"No. No, you don't."

________________________
And so began their love-hate relationship, and an endless quest for Kagekao to prove his case...
Although, now that he's got that photograph... ohhh! *shudders*

Sorry for a lack of editing on this chapter. My internet connection is too slow for me to do much checking and such. I hope it was still an enjoyable read for you guys!

The next official chapter will (hopefully) be written by next Friday (this week doesn't count! XD), but I might wait until next month to post it, when the connection speeds up.

Question of Le Day: On a scale of one to apple juice, how many times did you laugh?
Quote of Le Day: "Please eat your pizza responsibly."

As always, thank you for reading this chapter of We're All Crazy Here! It's crazy how amazing you readers are! If you liked it, feed it a yummy star!

Toodle-doo!
Final Word Count: 2146.