I can't speak, I can't speak.

Michael sat next to Jeremy in the lunch room. They both sat silently, eating their food. Jeremy was scrolling through something on his phone while Michael stared out in the distance, struggling to gather his thoughts.

I wanna talk, I wanna talk.

But what would he say? The silence was deafening and all he wanted to do was fill it with conversation. This should be easy. He's with his best friend. Why was talking so difficult?

"So, anything cool happen at rehearsal?"

"Eh, not really." Jeremy replied, not even looking up.

It didn't work, it didn't work.

Michael internally scolded himself. How was he so boring? Where did their interesting conversations go? Where were the jokes? Where was the laughter? Why weren't they talking?

It's all my fault, It's all my fault.

If he could just find the words. If he could just be funny or interesting or cheerful or brave. Brave. Why was he so scared? So scared to talk to his best friend?

I'm too scared, I'm too scared.

What if he said something weird and he left again? What if he didn't say anything and he left again? What if he annoyed him? Distracted him? Bored him?

What happened, what happened?

He wasn't having any of these thoughts yesterday. He was fine yesterday. They were fine yesterday. They talked and they talked and they talked and everything was normal yesterday.

He's bored, he's bor-

Jeremy laughed. "Hey, dude look at this." He held his phone up for Michael to see. He read the Tumblr post and laughed with Jeremy. And they talked and they talked.

Until the conversation faded.

Slowly, slowly, slowly.

Michael savored the feeling of talking to his best friend.

Before they were quiet.

And he thought.

And he thought and he thought and he thought.

He knew his thoughts were wrong, wrong, wrong.

But he thought them.

He thought them and he couldn't speak them.

___

BECCA IS HAVING GROSS THOUGHTS AGAIN ABORT ABORT MISSION FAILED ABORT.

hey guys so i guess if you didn't notice, my thoughts have been getting the better of me lately, but no worries. i'll get over it eventually probably.

until then have some gross thoughts put into gross writing lmao

i'll be listening to "riot" by banners on repeat lol

-becca