You couldn't breathe. You felt a crushing pressure around your throat and the air being squeezed from your chest. You were in the realm of dreams and didn't immediately recognize if this was real or your subconscious playing a cruel trick. You felt the cold sting of metal against your neck and were quickly jolted back into reality.

"Bucky..." you gasped, "Buck...stop..." You thrust your elbow firmly into his face, hoping to wake him from his dream that had now become your own nightmare. His grip tightened for just a second, then released as he woke, panting and looking at you with eyes filled with terror at what he had just done.

"No! (Y/N), are you okay?" He sat up and frantically looked at you for any sign that he may have injured you. A few bruises began to darken on your neck, and he touched them gently with his still-human hand. "Oh, (Y/N), I'm sorry. I can't...oh, look at what I did to you."

You shook your head and grabbed his hand to push it away. "It's okay. I'm fine."

"This is no way to live, (Y/N)," Bucky whispered, covered in sweat and shaking violently. "I would have rather let Steve kill me than to go on like this. I'm a danger to you."

"Buck-"

"No! Don't tell me that this is going to get better!" He threw the blankets off and sat on the edge of the bed, his head in his hands, still shaking. As you watched him you couldn't tell if the shaking was from his dream or if he had begun to cry. You wanted to touch him, to console him, but you didn't think he would accept you right now. "And please don't tell me that you and Steve could possibly understand what I'm going through. You got your memory back, (Y/N). You know who you are and who you were."

The words stung your heart and ached in your chest. Your breathing began to catch and shake, but you fought to maintain your composure. "I also know who you were," you whispered. You sat up and took the same position as he had, each of you on opposite sides of the bed, neither of you attempting to look at the other.

It had been weeks since the day you had met with Steve, and Bucky hadn't made any progress with his memory. Despite your continued support and reassurances that you would be at his side, Bucky was getting more and more frustrated as each day passed and it was beginning to take its toll on you both. If being with you and talking to his best friend hadn't released memories within him, then what in the world could be left that would do it? It was starting to feel hopeless that you would ever see your Bucky again.

"Don't ever say that you'd rather be dead around me." You stood and walked to the door, still refusing to look towards him, "I've lost you enough for one lifetime, Buck. I won't do it again. I can't." You could feel his eyes on you as you left the room; you heard him stand to move towards you, but you were gone before he could get there.

~~~

Steve opened his door to greet you, his hair messy and his eyes heavy with sleep, but perking up a bit when he saw you. "Hey, (Y/N). Come on in." He raised his arm so that you could pass under, but instead you wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your head in his chest, your tears finally winning the battle you had fought so valiantly to hold them back.

"Hey...hey, what's going on?" His arms tightened around you, but when you felt them it only made you cry harder and feel even more helpless than you had before. "(Y/N), come on, tell me what happened." When you still didn't answer, he pulled you inside and closed the door behind you, leading you over to the couch to sit with him. "Where is he?"

You tried to catch your breath and sat up away from him, wiping the tears from your eyes. Despite your best efforts to control them, they continued and your voice cracked under their power over you. "Home," you whispered, "I'm sorry, Steve, I just couldn't stay there and I didn't know where else to go."

"No apologies needed. You know I'm always here for you, doll."

"But that's just it, Steve," you stood quickly and walked to the window, looking out over the city as a quiet rain began to fall and pour down the glass, mirroring the tears that fell from your eyes. "You haven't always been there. None of us have." You turned to look at him, expecting him to still be on the couch, but gasped when he was standing close enough to touch you. "We're broken, the three of us. We used to be all each other had, and now..."

"We will be again, (Y/N). I believe it when I say that he'll come back to us. I have to."

~~~

(Bucky's POV)

(Y/N) sat outside of Steve's hospital room, wringing her hands together and looking as anxious and scared as you had ever seen her. Steve's mother was there at his bedside, but it had been hours since she had given anyone an update and countless doctors and nurses had come and gone.

"Hey, babe, what the hell happened?" You ran up the hallway, seeing a sense of relief wash over (Y/N), her shoulders relaxing and her breathing becoming less labored. Seeing her like this only made your own worry grow; she was always the steady rock of the group, and you knew that this was bad. "How is he?"

"I don't know, Buck." Her voice was filled with fear and she was choking back tears. "I haven't heard." She shook her head and tried to calm herself to no avail, even when finding security in your arms; the truth was that you needed her support as much as she needed it from you. "He couldn't breathe...he looked so scared. And then he...he just collapsed."

"He's gonna be okay, you hear me? Stevie's a strong kid." You looked around the hallways, trying to find anyone who would tell you how your best friend was. You wanted to be strong for (Y/N), but in reality you were terrified; you couldn't lose Steve. You weren't ready to face that, much less be there for (Y/N).

"That punk knows better than to leave us, right?"

(Y/N) nodded, suddenly pulling back and gasping at the sight of a group of doctors and nurses running into Steve's room. "Oh god," she whispered, covering her mouth in shock and dropping back onto the bench. She grabbed your hand, and when you looked down at her she was pale and her face was filled with fear. "Buck, I'm scared."

Another nurse ran down the hall, pushing a cart into Steve's room, and all you could hear was yelling and the sounds of his mother crying. You pulled your hand away from (Y/N) and tried to get into his room, but you were stopped and pushed back out as you yelled for your friend. You couldn't even get a glimpse of him, a glimpse that could have been the last time you would ever see him.

"Steve!"

"Steve!"

Bucky darted up in bed, looking around the dark bedroom frantically, sweat dripping from his brow and his eyes wide. He was panting and clutching the sheets beneath him, desperate to regain his sense of reality. "(Y/N)?" He reached to your side of the bed and found no one; the sheets were now cool and your pillow had not been slept on.

"(Y/N)?" There was still no answer as he called out for you again. Turning on the light to help gather his senses, he reached for his phone, struggling with remembering how to use it in his state of disorientation. He paused to close his eyes and take a deep breath, clearing his mind of the fear that had gripped him moments ago. When he opened his eyes, he quickly dialed your number, desperate to talk to you.

"Buck?"

"(Y/N)," he paused, smiling at the sound of your voice, trying his best to stay calm as he spoke, though he was full of excitement to tell you. It was hard for him to not laugh, to not yell into the phone, to not run to the roof and scream it across the city.

"It's me," he sighed. "I'm here, baby. I'm finally here."

~~~

Steve was right. You would be all that the three of you had once again. Bucky didn't regain all of his memories at once, but he was well on the way to recovery with the help of you and Steve. The nightmares continued for a while, but had become far less frequent, and with each one came a new insight into his past life. As the months passed by, the two of you had begun to make an attempt at a normal life; well, as normal as two former Hydra agents with enhanced strength and a metal prosthesis could manage.

"So, are you ready for this?" Steve slapped his hand on Bucky's arm, reaching up to help tighten the knot on his tie. "It's a big day, pal."

Bucky nodded and sighed, smiling brighter than he had for as long as Steve had known him. "It's a day that we've waited far too long for. I've never been more ready. I've never been more thankful for anything, ya know? That we got a second chance."

"Yeah, it's been one hell of a ride."

"You really do have a way with understatements, Rogers." Bucky turned towards the mirror and nervously straightened his tie for the millionth time, smoothing it out and fumbling with the buttons on his jacket. He paused to stare at his metal hand in the reflection, and a hint of sorrow flashed through his expression.

"Hey, what's that about?" Steve asked, noticing the hesitation in his friend. "What are you thinking, Buck?"

"I can't put a ring over this. This...this monstrosity that I'm cursed with." He shook his head and returned to his grooming, "just one more way that I've let her down. That girl must be crazy to stick around with me, huh?"

"I've never doubted that."

"Thanks, Rogers. You're such a good friend, ya know that?"

"Come on," Steve laughed as he opened the door to leave, a broad smile crossing his face, "I happen to know a guy who can maybe help."

~~~

"Thanks for doing this for me, Natasha. I don't really have anyone who could stand with me anymore, and Steve said you were one of his closest friends."

"He really said that?"

"Yeah?" You couldn't help but chuckle at her confused expression, "do you not think so?"

"No...I mean, yeah, I suppose he's right." She turned to hand you the small bouquet that Steve had picked up for you, insisting that no one gets married without their favorite flowers in hand. "I just didn't expect to hear it said out loud, I guess." She took your hand and turned you around, making sure each detail was ready. "Alright, I think we've got it. Are you ready?"

"You have no idea how long I've waited for this."

She smiled and left you to take her place across from Steve and Bucky next to the justice of the peace. When you took your place at the door, you looked at your soon-to-be husband and couldn't help but smile. You didn't need some big church wedding, or a room full of people with you; you only needed this man standing there waiting for you, looking at you the way he was right now.

"Hold it together, man," Steve whispered to Bucky, hearing his friend clear his throat nervously when he saw you. Bucky nodded silently as you approached, stepping forward to take your hand and lead you to your spot next to him.

"Only if you're sure," he whispered.

You looked down at the hand that was holding yours and gasped at the sight. He noticed what you had seen and chuckled quietly, pointing to the back of the room to where a man sat quietly, watching the event. "Yeah, Steve's friend over there helped me out. Some guy named Stark. Seems like a good guy."

You turned his hand over to inspect the man's work, completely impressed. A row of metal plates had been removed and replaced with a full band of gold.