Two Years Ago...

I keep on telling myself that everything is going to be okay, that my family won't freak out when I tell them the news. I've been hiding this from them for a little while now but I'm still not sure how they'll react. All the anxiety is beginning to cluster into a flock of birds, each one tormenting me and scratching my thoughts with their sharp talons. Now that Noah is here, I thought that it would be easier for me to tell them, but it just lengthens the amount of pressure. This is it, and there's no turning back. I have to tell them that Noah and I are now dating.

After school, Noah suggested that I tell my family about us. Of course I tried to stall, but he won over me in the end. Now, I'm on my doorstep beside him, my heart pounding more than ever.

He gives my hand a comforting squeeze. "Don't worry. I'll be right behind you."

"You mean you won't turn around and run for the hills?" I ask with a crooked smile.

He laughs. "There's always that option, isn't there?" I can't help but smile widely. He always finds a way to make me smile.

At this moment, I'm tempted to kiss him as our bodies grow closer. Noah turns his body so our chests only hover apart. Taking my other hand in his, he holds them both to his lips and kiss them. I blush and my fingers run cold, despite the fact that his are so warm.

Holding both my hands just below his chin, he mumbles something. "Everything is gonna be okay."

My smile falters only a bit before the space between our faces begins to lessen. Our hands travel to our sides, still clutching onto one another until there's nothing in the way of our bodies touching. I close my eyes, ready to be met with the soft touch of Noah's lips. That is until the front door opens.
   
We both jump back and release each other's hands. My mom stands in the doorway, her eyes dancing from Noah to me. "What are you kids doing outside?" she asks with a pleasant grin.
   
"Nothing," we both say at the same time.
   
Mom looks at me curiously, eyeing every move I make. "Okay then. Well, why don't you guys come inside and don't forget to take off your shoes." She clears a path through the doorway.
   
Noah nods to my mom as we walk inside the house. "Thank you, Mrs. Clearwater. This is very kind of you."
   
"Oh, it's no problem, hunny. You know that you're always welcome." I don't know how, but she's always kind to everyone. Whenever I bring a friend over, she's always warm and humble around them, always offering them food or beverages. Noah has come over my house quite a few times already, and he seems to be my mom's  favorite of all my friends, not that I have a lot of friends.
   
Mom walks into the living room and clears some space on the couch, moving away Caleb's football gear. "Remember my rule, Rowen. Homework first," Mom reminds me as she takes Caleb's stuff upstairs.
   
"Okay." When she has fully disappeared upstairs, I turn back to Noah with a worried grin. "Are you sure that we should tell her now? I'm not sure how she's gonna take it."
   
"Nyc, we're dating. You're not telling her you're running a drug cartel." He keeps his tone low so only I can hear.
   
Dad is a work right now so I don't need to worry about telling him just yet. Honestly, I'm more afraid of him than I am of Mom. He always gives out the strictest punishments whereas she is more lenient.  Lord help me when he finds out.
   
I begin to tremble in my arms and torso, trying to keep my body at bay for as long as I can. Apparently, Noah notices the uneasiness in my movements and I feel his hands slip into mine. The shaking automatically stops at his touch.
   
"It's gonna be fine," he coos, looking at me through fine lashes that act at trees against the brown earth in his eyes. 

The sound of footsteps soon echo down the staircase as Mom walks back into the view, and we quietly release our interlacing palms. She has a frustrated look in her eye as she swiftly struts past us and enters the kitchen. "I thought I told your brother to pick up his stuff a while ago," she says as she rummages through the kitchen cabinets.

Taking in a breath, I look to Noah for reassurance and he nods, motioning me to go on. "Hey, Mom?"

"Yeah, hun?" I can barely make out her voice over all the noise she's making.

"Um, can I talk to you for a sec?"  My voice is high and my palms begin to sweat. Taking my shaky hand out of Noah's, I drop both arms to my sides.

Mom sets the metal pan on the counter with a large clang, releasing a stressed breath or air. "Yeah, give me a second. I have to call your father and tell him to bring home something for dinner." For a moment, her eyes dances from one side of the kitchen to the other until they land on her phone. "Noah, would you like to stay for dinner? I can call your mom and ask if it's alright."

"Thanks, Mrs. Clearwater, but I'm gonna have to hit the road in a bit."

She nods and puts the phone up to her ear. I swallow the large lump in my throat that's been there for a few minutes now. I still don't get why I'm so nervous to tell her about my relationship with Noah. It's not as if she doesn't trust me or I don't trust her. I guess I'm more scared of her disapproving than I am of anything.

After she gets of the phone, she walks out of the kitchen space and into the living room, sitting herself on the sofa. "Okay, I'm free for the next few minutes but then I have to get ready to make dinner."

Noah and I sit beside one another on the couch as I eye my mother nervously.

"Mom, there's something I have to tell you."

She sits up and forms a ball with her hands, resting them on her lap. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, everything's okay. It's just that... " I hold back my words as they practically stick to my tongue. It takes me a moment to reclaim control of my voice and I blurt every last syllable out at once. "Noah and I are together."

Her eyes broaden and her lips split open to create a small incision. I can tell that she's about to say something, but our long seconds of stern silence is disturbed upon the arrival of one of my older brothers. I turn my head around and see Dylan at the front door with his school supplies in hand.

Once he's done raking the dirt off of his shoes, he announces his unfortunate arrival, "Hey, Mom," he says with his back to the rest of us. As soon as he turns around, I shoot him a look that stops him in his tracks. "Um, am I interrupting something?"

~~~~~

Today is finally the day. No more exams. No more homework. No more annoying teachers that you have to pretend to like so you can pass the class. After four, eventful and interesting years of high school, the Class of 2017 is finally being thrown to the wolves.

By any consolation, I really shouldn't be here today. I should be at home, in my bedroom, having awkward conversations with the ceiling and thinking through my past actions. True, no one ever did find out that I cheated my way into graduation, but the guilt that I feel doesn't help me forget, even if Silas and I are on pretty good terms. Now I'm sitting in the school's gymnasium wearing a dark blue cap and gown, surrounded by classmates who never bothered to get to know the real me. They preferred to gawk and judge from a distance instead of saying what they thought to my face. Some four years I've had.

As soon as my name comes up, I nervously get out of my seat and make my way through the mass of soon-to-be graduates. I can already hear my brothers howling like idiots across the gym. With that, I put on a counterfeit smile and attempt to walk with grace and dignity to where my diploma awaits.

The whole moment goes by in a flash as I receive my diploma, shake hands with the Headmaster and smile for a picture. In the background, Dylan and Caleb stand out of their seats, cheering for me without a second's break. Other people cheer as well, but I don't pay attention to them. My focus is on my real family; the ones that don't pretend to be happy for me.

Everyone else's names go by swiftly, and I clap for each one. Towards the end, when they hit the letter W, I gave a real applause for Silas as he walked up to the podium with pride. I saw his eyes dancing from person to person on stage. Deep down, I wanted him to be scanning for me. Now that the ceremony is over, I plan on going home and never leaving my bedroom again.

Caleb and Dylan push through the crowd until they reach me. I'm immediately greeted with Dylan's embrace as his strong arms wrap around me and pull me from the ground.

"Check out my sister, a highschool dropout!" Dylan jokes as his laughs into my shoulder, setting me back down on the ground.

"Yeah, you wish. And I have a state document to prove it." I hold up my diploma to show my brothers. The smile on my face just won't go away.

Caleb takes the paper from my hands and examines it. "Hold up! There's a typo! They spelled your name wrong!" He screams over the sea of people.

Alarm runs over me and I rip it out of his hands, relieved to see all the letters of my name accounted for. Looking back up at Caleb, I hit him in the shoulder with the hand holding the diploma, laughing more than I have in a long time. "You're an asshole, you know that?"

"True, but I'm not a highschool dropout!" I can barely hear him over everyone else's screams of excitement. "So do you wanna go out and get pizza or something?" This time I hear him, but my attention is somewhere else. Off in the close distance, I see an old but recognizable face: Sam.

"Actually, I'll be right back." I hand my diploma over to Dylan. "Hold this for a minute." He looks at me with a tint of confusion but then shrugs it off, as I then fight my way through the stampede of jittery graduates.

Sam doesn't seem to notice me as I bombard past at least two dozen students and their families. As I get closer, I notice that she's talking to Danielle - her girlfriend. She has a smile on her face that I haven't seen in a long time. And when a approach her, I almost feel guilty, knowing full well that I'll be the reason why her smile drops.

She turns from Danielle to me, and just as I suspected, the corners of her lips dip. Sam studies me for about three seconds before turning back to her girlfriend. "Give me a sec?" She asks. Danielle nods and walks off to join another group of graduates, and I'm meeted with her gaze once more. "Long time, no see," she says, her voice trying to climb its way over the music.

"Yeah, no kidding," I reply. She gives me a friendly smile. Her hair is shorter now, and her hair color is different. Those long brown locks that I've become so used to now hang just below her shoulders, dipped in a bleach blonde. The black of her dress can be seen from under her graduation gown; a trail of diamonds just peeking out from her collar bone. I purse my lips and frown. It's been awhile since I've even spoken to her. "So where's Taylor?"

"She had to leave early. Something about making a last impression at the party tonight," Sam says.

"What party?" I ask.

"The one at Danielle's. She's basically inviting the whole god-damn grade. Just another way of sticking up two middle fingers and saying "fuck you all" to all the lovely classmates." Sam's laugh trails off, along with her eyes as she glances over at Danielle, who's eyes are practically glued to her girlfriend. "What about you?" She asks.

I lean in closer to try and hear what she said. "What?"

Sam rolls her eyes and chuckles. "Am I going to see you at the party tonight?"

I've never been one for parties. In fact, my first party was my last, for reasons I wish I could forget. Other than that, I can never find something to entertain myself. I'm not one to dance on tabletops with my shirt tied to my head, and I suck at making small talk. There's also the fact that I don't drink until I pass out and I don't take drugs for the hell of it. However, from what I've learned about parties from that one, it's that no one ever looks back on their life and remembers the times they actually slept. They remember the time they lived.

After my venture into my thoughts and being carried away by the crowds of music and cheering, I pounce onto my words. "Oh, I don't think so. I'm not one for partying." I mean every word.

Sam groans and takes my wrists with her hands, pulling me towards her hopelessly. "C'mon! When did a little drinking and pot kill anyone?"

"How about you ask the majority of the population that died of alcoholism and drug overdoses."

She crosses her arms. "Even in a coffin, those people get wasted more than you do." I bite my lower lip and take a deep breath in through the nose, letting it out all at once. Tonight flashes before my eyes as I think about what could happen. I could completely lose myself and wake up on someone's lawn with a plastic cup in my hand and half a hot dog in my mouth. That wouldn't be a pretty picture. I guess Sam notices the signs of distraught because she nudges my shoulder. "Life is passing you by, Rowen, and those stars of yours aren't gonna last forever."

~~~~~

Even stars don't last forever.

True, it would take millions of years for a star to die, but the brightest ones are always the oldest - the most beautiful. That is why it's important to savor that beauty; you never know when those kinds of stars will die.

Apparently, Sam and Taylor are not as mad with me as I thought they were. After talking to Sam, we've come to a shared conclusion that what's been going on was just the problems from our personal lives rubbing off on our social lives. It's logical, but we're not out of the woods yet. At least not until I talk with Taylor.

Ever since my brothers and I left the graduation ceremony, I've seriously been debating on going to this party. I guess I could use a little fun in my hell called life. It also gives me the chance to talk to Taylor. Danielle and I aren't exactly besties, but she's one of the few people I'm not on bad terms with. Regardless of the fact that it's her party, I refuse to go there alone.

I'm considering asking Silas to come with me so I don't get tangled up into questionable activities. I doubt he'll come though. Like me, he doesn't seem like the partying type.

When we get back home, I head straight to my room to grab my phone charger. My phone died in the middle of the ceremony and I need to plug it in so I can text Silas about the party. Once it recovers from a temporary departure, I'm immediately greeted with a text message - from Noah.

NOAH : Happy Graduation :)

I sigh as I exit out of his contact. What part of him doesn't understand the phrase leave me alone?

ME : Hey, up for a coffee?

A few minutes later, my phone chimes.

SILAS : Sure, meet you in fifteen.

I smile without even realizing it.

A / N :

Who do you prefer: Nowen or Rilas?
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XOXO