Chapter Twenty-Four: Hold On To Me
A little while ago, the two of us went to the hospital cafeteria where we could get a bite to eat. Silas was able to calm me down and convinced me to eat something. The food sucks, but I am starving. I haven't eaten anything since this morning so I'd eat anything at this rate.
Silas sits across from me at the table, eating what's left of a sandwich. A look of disgust is plastered all over his face. "Okay, this food is shit," he says, dropping the sandwich onto his plate. He looks down at my plate with surprize. "How did you eat yours without gagging?"
"I've lived with my brothers my whole life. I've gotten used to acquired tastes," I say.
He nods, taking a sip from a bottle of Coke. After screwing the cap back on, he says, "Well I'm glad you ate something, but you still look exhausted. You sure you don't want a ride home?"
I came in the ambulance with Noah when the paramedics picked us up from the trail. They came in less than ten minutes after I called them. In that time, I made sure to keep pressure on his wound to make sure that is wasn't exposed to anymore oxygen. I never even thought about my ride home.
"Yeah, I'm sure. I can give Caleb a call." That's probably a bad idea. Both my older brothers worry about me enough as it is. If they get a whiff of what happened today, I'd never be able to leave my house again. "Besides, you've got your dad to worry about. You don't need my problems in the way."
"Trust me when I say that my dad has been in worse scrapes than this," he says.
"What do you mean?"
"He's got a construction job so a broken leg isn't exactly unheard of in his case. Let's just say that he's been in... gorier situations."
Chuckling, I say, "Yeah, I bet." That's the first time all afternoon that I laughed. It feels nice. "How is he, by the way?"
"Pretty good. Grumpy as usual, but nothing he or I can't handle," Silas explains.
I nod and glance over at the clock on the wall. It's almost two-thirty and I haven't heard anything on Noah yet. I'm almost inclined to go back upstairs to the main wing and ask for an update, but I know that someone will shoot me down.
Silas seems to catch my look of impatience as I shift uncomfortably in my chair. Not because of my stress, but because this chair is actually really uncomfortable. He angles his head so our eyes meet, giving me a warm smirk that lights up his face. "Wanna talk about it?"
I shrug. "Honestly, I just wanna know if he's okay."
I'd like nothing more than to talk to Silas about this. I want to be able to talk to him about anything. But this is one topic that can't be discussed with anyone. One thing will lead to another and I'll end up spilling everything about my past.
"You know you can talk to me. We're not going back to square one, right?" Silas asks.
"No, God no," I reply. "I'm just still trying to come to grips with this whole... quandary myself. So is there any way I can have a little more time?" I ask with an uncertain face.
His silver eyes glimmer under the crease of the sun peaking through the window. "Whatever you need. Just know that I'm here for you."
I smile. Reaching across the table and enlacing my hand in his, I say, "I know."
After I finish my meal, Silas and I head back to the main wing so I can check on Noah. Something inside my thoughts keeps whispering that he's going to be just fine, but I can never trust my head these days. I'd feel better asking a living and breathing entity for answers.
Silas waits with me in the waiting lounge. I told him that I would be fine waiting by myself, but he insisted on staying with me. As much as I don't want him to find out about my history with Noah, it's nice to have a shoulder to lean on.
The two of us haven't talked about what happened last night. It was definitely one of the best nights of my life, and the happiest I've felt in awhile. After Noah, I didn't think I would find anyone else whom I could connect with - someone who truly understands me. All hope seemed lost until the day I met Silas. Sure, it wasn't love at first sight like you see in every single chick flick and romance novel out there, but what blossomed as a result is so much better than fiction. It's reality. Our reality.
My eyelids fly open when I hear the sounds of a door creaking open. A doctors who appears to be in his mid-fifties exits Noah's room with a clipboard in hand. I don't even have to get up from my seat before he approaches me.
"Rowen Clearwater?" He asks. A few other people around us perk up as well.
I almost don't react to the sound of my older last name. It's weird hearing it again after being referred to as Rowen Hewitt lately. "Yes?"
"Your friend is awake. He's asking for you."
Letting out a sigh of relief, I look to my right and Silas gives my hand an inspirited squeeze. "Go ahead. I'll be right here if you need me," he says. I smile at him and release my hand from his grip.
I follow the doctor into Noah's hospital room. All is silent now as opposed to earlier when all that could be heard was yelling and agitated voices. I hope he didn't have to endure too much pain during his examination. I hope he didn't have to go through any at all.
Noah is just as I last saw him not that long ago. He's dressed in a hospital gown with a white bandage wrapped around his hand. His eyes are closed until they flutter open at the sound of the door opening. Walking in, his sluggish expression lifts up into the form of a genial smile. "Hey, Nyc," he says. It's nice to see him in better spirits, especially after what happened.
The doctor tucks his clipboard under his arm and flashes a warm grin. "I'll give you two some privacy," he says. He then turns his gaze directly to Noah and says, "Let me know if you are feeling any pain."
Noah gives a weak nod. "Will do, doc." And with that, the doctor leaves the room. There's an uncomfortable stillness flowing about the small room. Even so, Noah still manages to preserve his smile. "How are you doing?" He asks me.
"How am I feeling? You're the one in a dress and on bed rest," I say.
"I believe the correct term would a be johnny. Don't insult the hospital's keen choice in fashion," he jokes.
I chuckle and make my way toward the foot of his bed, leaning my body against the rim. Regardless of the idea that he's in a happier state, that doesn't direct away from what could've happened. There's no way he can be this calm without a single shred of worry abiding in his thoughts. I've gone through this process before - when my mom died. The only difference between Noah and I is that he can willingly mask pain without anyone questioning him. "Seriously though. How're you doing?"
"Tired, but alive. I mean, that's a plus, right?" He answers, letting out a steady sigh. "They told me what you did. You got my ass here just in the nick of time."
Just as my body begins to feel uncomfortable from resting on the side of the hospital bed, I slowly take my weight off of it and walk slowly towards a cushioned chair. "I just did what anyone would've done," I say as I take a seat.
"However you wanna twist it, you saved my life, and I am eternally grateful."
His playful, Toy Story reference is outdated but it still makes me smile. However, I push it away. "Still. You shouldn't have done what you did," I say.
"The guy was about to rip that necklace right off your neck, Rowen. I'm pretty sure it was an entitlement at that point," he says.
Though I am grateful for what he did, he still risked his life for some stupid piece of jewelry. "It was just a necklace. I could've gotten a new one," I say, trying to form some kind of argument, but it's not working.
"You think another necklace would replace that one?" He asks, narrowing his eyes to the silver chain around my neck. "I know how much that necklace means to you, Rowen. So yes, I put my ass on the line to make sure it didn't fall into the wrong hands," Noah explains, pausing briefly and letting out a yawn. "And besides," he begins, "I'm a stickler for sentiment."
I decide to let Noah have this win since this conversation is taking us absolutely nowhere. What's done is done, and nothing can change what happened. In the end, I got to keep the one object that I care about most in the world and I didn't have to say goodbye to an old friend in the process.
In truth, I would be completely crushed if anything happened to my mother's necklace. I've worn it ever since she died, and nothing would ever replace it. It's nothing too fancy, but to me, it's the most beautiful thing in the world. A small charm in the shape of a silver, crescent moon hangs on the bottom of the silver chain. According to Mom, my grandma gave it to her when she was sixteen because of how much she wanted to be an astronomer. I'm still not exactly sure if I want to follow in her footsteps, but we'll just have to see.
While fiddling with the moon charm, I slide my chair closer to Noah's bed. "You know, regardless, I seriously don't know how you're so... phlegmatic about this. If this when on another rout, I'd be visiting you in the morgue right now," I say. To my surprise, he starts to laugh. "Remind me how this situation is funny again?"
Once his giggling stops, he says, "For awhile, I was starting to think that you didn't care anymore. I mean, you made your feelings pretty clear before that whole... WWE match," he says.
"That doesn't mean I don't care." I have been trying to avoid Noah to the best of my ability, but I've never stopped caring about his wellbeing. I'll always worry about his safety and health, and nothing can ever change that. "Yeah, you're a pain in the ass, but I still don't want you to die. I wouldn't even wish that upon my worst enemy."
He smiles once more, revealing his snow white teeth behind his lips. "You know, throughout this whole conversation, I've never once heard you say the magic words."
"I'm sorry, did I forget to criticize you again for your stupidity?"
"I simple thank you would suffice," he says.
Everything about this moment feels like a wave from the past - as if nothing has changed. Noah is still the fun-loving, sarcastic guy that I fell in love the night we met. He's on my mind every since day and I don't even realize it. I misjudged him when he left town without telling me. I thought he changed but he didn't. He's still the same amazing guy who shares a love of the night with me.
People say that the past is a nasty thing, which is why people choose to forget it and move on. It creeps up on you when you least expect it and clings on to every living emotion; those that are good and those that are not so good. Noah is my past. He helped to shape me into the person I am today. For a while, I wanted to put my past behind and look to the light of my future. What I didn't know was that I was pushing myself away with it. Noah was the start of it all, so how can I possibly move on from that? From him?
With a steady hand, I place my palm in his. As first, he seems surprised by my actions, as if he hasn't held my hand in a millenia. But that shock turns into joy, and a smile lights up his face. "Thank you," I finally say, giving his hand a little squeeze. Maybe I have forgiven him. Maybe I forgave him a long time ago. If that is so, I'll have no choice but to face my past, and all the emotions that come with it... including my feelings for Noah. My only hope is that those old feelings don't fall into combat with my new ones. That will be a war in which no sides conquer, and I already know that my heart will not be able to bare the casualties.
A / N :
Hello, my loves!
I have an important favor to ask you all. Please go and follow my best friend -starless . She is legit the best person ever and she's a fantabulous writer and graphic designer.
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XOXO
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