Two Years Ago...

Fear cuts into me like a jagged knife, the sharp edges chipping away at any amount of courage that still manages to remain. I haven't been this afraid since I discovered that I was carrying Darian's baby, and yet he still doesn't know.

Olivia had told me over text that she needed to speak to me as soon as possible. I tried asking her why she wanted to meet and why it couldn't wait until the next day, but her reply was vague. One simple text is all she sent, and if this is about what I think it's about, our friendship will not survive the fire that Liv is about to start, even though I'm the one that ignited the first spark.

I make my way to our normal hang-out spot down by a nearby cafe, immediately spotting a head of blonde hair. I take in deep breath and mentally prepare myself for the worst. Here we go, I think to myself as I strut towards the table that Olivia is sitting at.
   
"Hey," I say, approaching the empty chair across from Liv. The moment I get myself situated, her demonic glare caves into me, rocks tumbling around me, making it hard to organize my thoughts. Beneath her lower lash line is red and a little bit puffy, as if she's been crying. I find it best not to say anything that will lead down the road of conflict, especially something that involves my relationship with Darian. Doing my best to steer away from that road, I ask, "Is everything okay? Why couldn't this wait until tomorrow?"
   
She slightly parts her lips before her words collide with the air. "No, no everything is not okay, Row." Her voice is raspy and crumpling like paper, as if all the air in her lungs has been deflated due to hours of crying. It kills me to see her in so much pain.
   
"Liv, seriously, what's going on?" My heart races laps in my chest.

"This morning," Olivia begins, "Darian and I went out for coffee. We were talking, and he asked me if we could sleep together." My eyebrows raise. As far as I know, Liv is still a virgin, and Darian is more impure than a newborn puppy. The though of him taking my best friend's virginity causes my skin to crawl, but the thought that he also robbed me of mine feels like the head of a pistol resting on my forehead. "He's been asking me for a while, but I always turn him down because I'm not ready to take that step. But this morning, he got angry, and he said that I'm being arrogant. He told me that he wanted someone who would appreciate him fully."

I extend my arm over the table and take Olivia's hand, clutching it tightly to show how much I care for and appreciate her. "You are not arrogant, Olivia. If Darian's going to let his male hormones operate this relationship, than he doesn't deserve you," I assure her.

The corners of her thin lips don't perk up like I was expecting. Instead, they continue to skew her beautiful smile into a devastating frown. Her grip doesn't even twitch in my hand. "That's what I thought too, but when the argument progressed, he said something that I think he didn't mean to say - something that really hurt me."

"What did he say?" I ask. Her eyes begin to well up in tears.

Olivia releases a thousand raspy gasps as she tries to regain control over her lungs. I want nothing more than to reach over and take her into a hug to comfort her, but I know that if I do, it would only make me the world's most terrible friend. I already know what he told her - what he let slip - and I yet I continue to remain completely clueless in this situation like I know absolutely nothing.

Undoubtedly, Darian did tell her about our night together. I don't know why I would ever think that he would keep what happened a secret. He's nothing more than the school's biggest manwhore who will sleep with any girl with a cute ass and an ignorant attitude. All the more reason why I want him to stay away from Liv. After the one night stand, I wanted to tell about what we did, what I did, but I couldn't. I still don't think I can.

My best friend wipes additional tears from her cheeks, which are probably sore by now. "Rowen, he told me the most terrible lie about you. He- he told me that the two of you slept together," she exclaims. It's just as I predicted. She knows now, only she doesn't know that she knows. She thinks that he lied to her but he couldn't have been more truthful. "But, of course, I didn't believe him because I know that you would never do that to me," she continues. "Right?"

I drop my gaze down so I wouldn't have to remain trapped in hers; a cowardly move.

"Rowen?" she asks fearfully,"Tell me that it isn't true." I still don't answer her. At this point, my best option is to just admit what I did and take the pain like a real person would. Though no matter how hard I try to force the words out, I can't push them far enough before they come falling back into my throat. "Oh my god," Liv murmurs.

"Liv, I was going to tell you," I sigh.

Her chest heaves as she takes in this newfound information, trying to incorporate what she had just heard. "When? When exactly were you planning on telling me?!"
   
"Every day since it happened, I wanted to tell you!" I yell, catching the attention of eyes around us. "What happened between Darian and I was a mistake, and if I could do it all over again, I would!"

That night, Darian had informed me that there would be a small party at his house and he was inviting some people from school to come over. I was stupid to think that we would be studying and not drinking. Though when I arrived at his house, I was the only one there. Stupidly, I decided to stay. One thing lead to another, and the next woman, I woke up in a bed that wasn't my own.
   
Olivia looks at me with such a solemn expression, as if my words mean nothing to her. "So that's it then. This whole time, you've been keeping this from me," she says, finally coming to grips with reality. She doesn't even bother to raise her voice, which surprisingly hurts even more. "And what's worse, you lied to me. You've been lying to me every damn day since it happened and you don't even seem sorry."
   
"Of course I'm sorry," I say. I have to come up with something that will sway her, and fast. "But it truthfully was an accident. I would never hurt you like that intentionally. I had too much to drink, and I didn't know what was happening until the next morning."
   
She nods, holding back her tears with a angered smile. "So you were drunk when you had sex with my boyfriend. Yeah, that makes it so much better," she sarcastically says, her words acting as the fuel that caused my heart to speed up even more until I can barely feel it pulsing. I can see how the betrayal is bright in her reddened eyes. It's like it hurts her just to look at me. Though I can't blame her. I did the most traitorous thing a best friend could do, and if I were Olivia, I would would never look at me again. "I forgave you the last time you and Darian had a fling behind my back, remember? You promised me that it would never happen again and I forgave you!"

"I know, and you're an amazing friend for that. I promise, if I were in my right mind, I never would've broken your trust a second time," I say, my heart practically bleeding from my mouth as I say everything that I can think of that will exonerate me in this situation.

Olivia's mouth opens widely, like her next words would come storming out without haste. Though before any fire erupts, she glances to the side and closes her mouth, probably because she spotted a person or two casually listening in on our conversation.

Targeting her glare on me, she says more quietly, "But you weren't. You let yourself get wasted and you climbed into bed with your supposed best friend's boyfriend. Hell, you're worse than a jealous prick on a soap opera."

"I know what I did was wrong, but I don't what I can say to make up for what I did. Please, tell me what to say and I'll say it," I beg.

She shakes her head and leans forward on the table. "That's just it. You can't say anything. I gave you a second chance before, and I'll be dead before I give you another one," she hisses, sliding her chair outwards and swinging her legs out from under the table. "You stay away from me and Darian," she orders sternly, pushing the chair back in and beginning to walk off.

I quickly jump out of my seat to catch up with her as she approaches the row of parked cars lining the street. "So that's it? You're running back to Darian after what he did to you?"

"He and I will work it out, but at least he had the decency to tell me the truth," she fires, the flames rupturing on my heart, and I deserve every burn and scar they leave behind.

I can't understand why she would run back to Darian after what he did to her. Her cheated on her and still doesn't regret a thing, yet she decides to welcome him back into her heart with loving arms. The two will probably make up by the end of the day, while I remain trapped in the whites of Olivia's mind, a forgotten friend turned into a distant traitor.

"Liv, wait a minute!" I yell, grabbing her arm and forcing her to stop in her tracks. Though the moment I do, she whips back around, and her hand strikes my face.

I'm forced to release her arm to numb the pain with my hand, my cheek burning. However, this pain is nothing compared to the pain Liv must be feeling-the pain I inflicted on her. Her expressionless face displays no pity or remorse as hot tears begin to drip down my hand and cheek. She doesn't even flinch.

During the event, she must have dropped her car keys as she bends down to retrieve them. A small, silver adornment dangles from the keychain-an adornment I gave her for her fifteenth birthday. The charm in in the shape of a heart that hangs at the bottom of a glistening chain. I gave it to her as a symbol of our friendship. Though that friendship is now gone, wrecked and destroyed because of something that I did. Now, it no longer represents love and friendship. It represents the past, and what could have been if I hadn't been so stupid and selfish.

Liv unclips the chain from her keyring and throws it to the ground. It collides with the metal of a nearby table and drops to the paved floor. I look over to see where it had landed, though my attention is pulled the other way. Liv's vengeful glare is stronger than before, and even she looks as if she might cry; not tears of penitence, but of outrage, hurt, and anguish.

"I will never forgive you," she says, the words almost being choked out of her.

And just like that, she whisks around and unlocks the door to her car, getting in and starting the engine with such speed, she can't wait to get away from me: the person who wronged her most, and the person she thought she could trust. I stand there with my hand still soothing my searing cheek, watching as my best friend drives away.

Olivia Spinelli once said that the two of us would be friends forever. Little did she know that I, her best friend, would one day become her worst enemy.

   
"Rowen, who is this?" Noah asks. He doesn't take his eyes off of Silas for one second. Even his words barely reach me. The question is directed at me though it feels as if it is biting at Silas. Even so, I don't answer, at least not right away.

I know that I can't just stand here looking like an absolute idiot. Someone has to say something, and even if someone else takes the first word, my turn will soon come to pass.

Clearing my throat and hiding my worry, I say, "Noah, this is my friend, Silas." Then I turn my head toward Silas. My movement catches his eyes and he looks at me briefly. "Silas, this is my other friend, Noah."

After finishing the introduction and hating every second of it, their lips remain still, along with their bodies. In their minds, both probably imagine themselves in an interrogation, only the one doing the interrogating is swapped. It takes even more seconds for one of them to extend their arm and offer their hand to the other, which happens to be Noah. "Nice to meet you, man," he says with a small grin, insincerity beaming off of it like sun rays upon glass.

However, Silas doesn't seem to notice. If he does, he's doing a fine job hiding it.

He then hands one of the plastic cups filled with punch to me so he too could properly introduce himself. "Nice to meet you too," Silas says with a lesser smile.

Both unlock hands and return to their usual, upward positions. Curiosity bellows in Noah's eyes as he examines Silas. "Wait. I recognize you," he says.

"I'm sorry?" Silas now appears more curious and confused then Noah does.

"Yeah." I snap my mouth shut, holding my breath. If the two already know one another, this could be just one simple sign that all of hell is about to break loose, and as Noah takes the moment to skim through his memories for Silas' face, I feel my heart practically stop. "Oh, you were at the hospital with Rowen, right? The day of the accident?"

"Yeah, I was," Silas replies as I let out a long-awaited breath of relief. "How are you doing, by the way? Rowen told me what happened."

"Doing better. I'm still kicking so thankfully no long-lasting damages," answers Noah.

"How bad was it?"

"I blacked out, took a decent beating. But Rowen was worth it." Noah looks at me as he explains the accident; the accident that I never fully explained to Silas. He doesn't need to know the details about what happened the day, and explaining them will only trigger more questions. Why was I out there in the first place? How do I know Noah? These are questions that I can't answer without adding a tinge of lies, those by which Noah will counter. "By the way, I never got to ask you how you were handling things," Noah then asks me.

Silas' eyes fall on me as well, awaiting my answer. "Fine, I guess. What's important is that you're doing better," I answer. At least something that came out of my mouth was the truth, or at least a half-truth.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean you aren't allowed to be a little shaken," Noah says, "What happened was pretty serious, Nyc."

"Hold on. What was so serious?" Silas asks. Instead of him questioning my rather-odd of a nickname, he decides to center on the large holes now being stabbed through my story.

I can't keep up this charade forever, and I know this. But I can still keep it running. "On the day of Noah's accident, it kinda took a toll on me. But I'm fine though," I say.

"Yeah, if you call an attempted burglary an accident," Noah says. A piece of my sanity suddenly breaks off, soon to be followed by much larger portions.

Silas' eyes nearly pop out of his head. "Burglary?"

"Yeah. You didn't know?"

Now all muddled gazes are on me, yearning to see an explanation in my eyes. I can't hide this anymore, even when I continuously tell myself that I can. "No, I didn't," Silas says, his tone darker once it reaches the last word. It's not that I don't want to tell him. I wouldn't be able to tolerate the worry or pity in his eyes. I've had enough of those to last me a lifetime, and then some.

Finally, I direct my sights to Silas, almost muttering, "It really wasn't a big deal."

"If it wasn't a big deal, then why didn't you tell me?" he asks.

Mentally, I'm attempting to concoct a valid argument, composed of nothing but blank excuses, none of which I'm proud of saying. "You don't need to know about everything that happens in my life," I say.

Silas' silver eyes jab into me. "But you didn't need to lie to me about it either."

"I didn't lie to you."

"No, you just sugarcoated it and threw away the truth."

I can't. I can't hear myself say anything else.

Everything that comes out of my mouth is simply a recycled lie or a coverup. I can't even be angry with Silas for not trusting me because all I've done is that.
Noah takes a step closer to my side, breaking the contact between mine and Silas' stares. "Woah, what's going on?"

Silas reverts both pairs of eyes, looking off into some unknown part of the mob of people. "Nothing," he says. He then hands his plastic cup to Noah. "Here, I lost my appetite." Noah hesitantly accepts it, and Silas turns away to leave. I quickly lose sight of him as he huddles through the crowd, leaving me behind.

I too turn away, hopeless in this situation. This whole thing is, after all, my fault. If only I wasn't living a lie myself. Maybe then I wouldn't be prone to telling them.

As I'm walking toward the spot where everyone decided to park their cars, I hear Noah's voice behind me, urging me to stop in my tracks. "Nyc, who the hell was that?" he asks, now at my side.

"No one. He's just a friend," I answer.

"That's quite the passionate friend you have there," he says, as if he's trying to prove some sort of point. "Is there something else you want to tell me?"

"There's nothing else to say, Noah."

"Rowen, I'm not an idiot so don't take me for one!" he yells, taking my arm and whipping me around to face him. My hair whips the bottom of my chin as my body is forcefully rotated by Noah's grip.

Tears begin to take shape in the corners of my eyes, but I don't let them perform their full cycle. I refuse to cry. I won't cry.

Noah looks at me, drilling a hole through my head, pressurizing me to give him some sort of clarification as to who exactly this strange young man is. "I don't know what you want me to say!" I finally tell him.

"How about the truth! Whoever that guy is, he clearly has more than friendship on his mind," he starts, "And I'm thinking you're having the same thoughts about him."

I want to laugh - laugh away the painfully, agonizing truth. I want to feel my hand colliding with the skin of Noah's cheek, to make him feel the same pain that I feel. The last time I felt something remotely close to love was two years ago, before I was empty. He filled the void in me that I'm trying so desperately to fill now, but not with his affection. There's another's affection that I seek-that I want. It's just impossible to admit it to myself.

I fight back all the strong impulses to defend myself and my feelings with an act of violent words, so I settle on words with a duller tip. "So what if I do? Why does it matter to you?"

A twinge of pain reflects in Noah's brown eyes. "You really don't know, do you?" he asks, my words striking a blow much more deadly than I first anticipated. He looks away, hiding the pain. "Nevermind. Forget it."

He too turns and leaves, sweeping past me with his head narrowed down. "Fine then, leave!" I call so he can fully make out my statement. Then ever so slightly, I whisper to myself, "It's what you're good at anyway."

A / N :

Hello, my loves!

Thank you so much for reading another chapter! If you enjoyed it, be sure to VOTE and feel free to leave your FEEDBACK!

XOXO - Keera