"You want to do what?" Caleb asks. His voice radiates the shock. I can't blame him. This conversation is completely out of my comfort zone. I've never been interested in therapy because I've always doubted the methods that most psychologists use. But desperate times come to desperate measures.

"I want to go to therapy," I reply, as if it were obvious. "Is that so strange?"

Dylan laughs. "Rowen, every time we even brought up therapy, you would always turn us down. Why the sudden change of heart?"

I walk over to the counter where my purse is sitting, my back now facing my brothers. "I just feel like it's time that I talked to someone," I say, fidgeting around the inside of my purse.

"Okay, who are you, and what have you done with my sister?" Caleb jokes from behind me, Dylan following with a laugh.

"Make fun all you want but this is just something I feel like I have to do," I say as I pick up my purse and wrap the strap around my shoulder.

I pick up my car keys from the coffee table and begin towards the front door when Caleb again interrupts my movements. "No, Rowen, we're sorry. We're just kinda shocked that you're actually going to go through with this." His words attempt to sound genuine though they're clouded with absolute bullshit.

Turning back around, I ask, "What's that supposed to mean?"

Caleb shrugs. "I'm just thinking out loud here."

"Yeah well keep those thoughts of yours to yourself, because I don't remember asking for an opinion," I say, followed by a devilish smirk.

He then puts his hands in the air for a brief moment to show his surrender. "Alright, you wanna go to therapy, go to therapy. I'm not gonna stop you."

"Good, because it wouldn't have mattered if you tried."

~~~~~

The waiting room is nothing but quiet. A small T.V. hangs on the wall in the corner of the room, but the volume is turned down to a point where the sound isn't audible. There's a stack of magazines just at arm's reach, but I'm not exactly interested in reading about the latest scandal between the Kardashians. I decide to wait in absolute boredom.

About ten minutes later, a man exits a room and enters the waiting room. His hair is a dark hue, so dark, it's practically an artificial night. He has little facial hair and he's dressed in a navy blue shirt and black pants. "Rowen Hewitt?" He asks. My head immediately turns at the sound of my name. "I'm ready for you."

I get up from my seat and follow him down a small hallway. He leads me into a small room and I stop in the doorway.  Two chairs that are facing one another are placed in the middle of the room, a table in between them. All of the sudden, it feels like I'm walking into an interrogation room, about to spill out my sins. Hell, I can already feel the handcuffs.

I take a deep breath and walk further into the room. My therapist, Dr. Mase, takes a seat and looks up at me with a smile. "Would you like to sit down, Rowen?"

Giving a nervous smirk, I take a seat and our gazes meet. He looks at me with calming eyes, his irises whispering that everything is going to be okay, but he doesn't speak. I guess I'll need to start the conversation. "So, I've never really done anything like this before, so if I say something wrong, you can call me out on it," I say, still nervous.

"Don't worry about that. There are no wrong answers," he replies. His smile still lives. I guess that's the job of a therapist; to always show the brighter side. Dr. Mase picks up a clipboard with a blank sheet of paper clipped on it, along with a pen. "Now before we start, I'd like to remind you that this is a safe place, and everything you say is strictly confidential."

A large lump clings to the sides of my throat but I forcefully swallow it down. My palms begin to shake a bit. "So you're not gonna... judge me or anything?"

"Of course not," he says to me. "I'm here to listen, not judge. And we can start by getting to know one another."

I chuckle a bit. "Trust me, I'm really not all that interesting."

"With all due respect, if that were true, I don't think you would be here right now." He's not wrong. I never actually pictured myself sitting in a therapist's office like I am right now. As far as interesting goes, the story of my life is actually a pretty wild tale, for those who care to hear about it. As I contemplate about this, Dr. Mase speaks. "Now, tell me about your family, Rowen," he says kindly. It doesn't even sound like a command. "Do you have any siblings?

I shake at the sound of that word, searching for the right phrases to describe my almost-broken family. "Yeah, I have two older brothers."

He nods. "Do you have a good relationship with them?"

"I used to... but we've grown kinda distant," I reply softly.

"And why is that?"

Once again, I suck it a deep breath of air and let it out in tremoring sections. I promised myself that I wasn't going to cry during this appointment - that I would not let one more person see me cry. So, I fight off the tears as I think back to the crash. "Two years ago, our mom... died in a car accident. We've never really been the same since."

Dr. Mace's eyes grow in sympathy and his reassuring smile fades. "I'm so sorry, Rowen. I can't imagine what it must have been like for you and your family," he says with a frown. "If you don't mind by me asking, how was your relationship with your mother?"

My mom's face appears in my memories and I can't help but smile. "We were close. Actually, we were very close," I say, almost laughing. "She had this smile that just lit up a room, and she had this warm voice that made me feel safe. God, she was so beautiful. I remember when I was little, I used to dress up in her clothes and jewelery and pretend to be her. I would put on these plays for her and she would laugh everytime. She was just... amazing."

After I finish my tale, the doctor smiles. "It sounds like you had a good childhood."

"Yeah, I did. It was almost perfect, the five of us together as a family," I say.

He nods his head again. "Tell me, how's your relationship with your father?"

I freeze and my brain practically diminishes. I have no idea where my dad is right now, and frankly, I don't care. He's out of my life and that's all that matters. The question is, how am I supposed to twist that into something that Dr. Miles can actually understand? "Well, like I said, we've all kinda grown apart over the years," I explain, trying to keep my voice from sounding off.

"I understand. A loss in the family can definitely take a toll on the remaining members." Casually, I let out a sigh of relief, but still hoping that he doesn't bring up my dad again. Or worse, ask him to come in and talk with me. I want to forget about that man completely and never speak another word about him. However, the man he used to be - the man he was before the crash - still lingers in my memories, and I'm not sure if I can keep him out. Dr. Mace glances at his clipboard for a short moment before meeting my gaze once more. "I apologize for all of these questions. I find it easier to help my patients when I get to know them," he says.

"It's fine," I say back to him.

"Okay," he replies, picking up his pen. "So, what about your life outside of home? Do you have any good friends at school?"

I hesitate. "A few, I guess. To be completely honest, I've never been very good at making friends."

Once again, he nods for probably the millionth time, flashing is pitch-perfect smile that can calm a wailing baby in a matter of seconds. Actually, he doesn't appear to be much older than me. By the looks of him, he is probably only in his early to mid-twenties. It only makes me feel more uncomfortable because he probably knows what I'm talking about a little too much. Too late now.

"So overall, your life is going well?" He asks.

I shrug. "I wouldn't put it into those words. I mean, know one's life is perfect."

"Well what about enemies. Are there people that you don't necessarily get along with?"

Darian, Olivia, Dad, and Maxi - my sub-conscience whispers these names just loud enough for me to hear them. Each one of these adversaries play equal roles in making my life a nightmare, and I only just met Maxi last week. I instantly want to shout each one out at Dr. Mase, but I keep quiet. "Sure. I mean, everyone has enemies." He remains silent as if he wants me to continue, so I do. "But, in more depth, my enemies are more like demons; trying to make my life a living hell."

"How do you deal with these demons?"

I turn my gaze to the floor before continuing. "For a long time now, I've been wearing this... this armor that prevents me from getting hurt. And sometimes I forget that I don't need it with certain people like Dylan, Caleb, Si-," I stop mid-sentence when I almost reveal Silas' name. As casually as I can muster, I keep speaking. "But now, it only works as I reminder that I'm vulnerable without it. I become this angry, depressed, and bratty teenager that closes herself off from the rest of the world. Hell, all I need is a restricted sign on my back and I'll be golden."

After hearing this, Dr. Mase does not react, aside from a small twitch in the corners of his lips. It's like he wants to say something but he yields his words. "Sounds very lonely," he says, his tone holding up a saddened tone. "Is there anyone else in your life that even somewhat understands what you're going through? Someone who you can maybe relate too?"

I'm tempted to answer truthfully, but the majority of my haunted mind votes for more lies. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's sometimes helpful for people in your position to talk to others that are in the same boat. It helps them cope with their feelings so they don't become, as I like to call it, emotionally constipated."

Thinking long and hard about my answer, I begin to recall Silas' advice that he gave me not too long ago, about how I should be strong instead of accepting everyone's pity. It's a shame that I'm just now realizing that he was right. "There is, well was, this one guy who seemed to know a lot about what I'm going through," I begin. Dr. Mase's eyes tell me to go on, so I do. "When we first met, it wasn't exactly under the normal circumstances. We... kinda hated one another."

Dr. Mase chuckles. "You must have made quite the impression."

I return is comical reply with a small laugh of my own. "Yeah, we both made lasting impressions on one another." My face reverts to an expression more serious. "And for the first few days, I tried my best to avoid him. I thought I'd never have to talk to him again, as a matter of fact. But after that, I started hearing these rumors about him, and they made him out to be an outcast just like me... and for a while, I was actually afraid of him."

I pause for a brief moment to think back to the day I first met Silas, and the days following. Dr. Mase notices this sudden pause and addresses it. "Is everything okay, Rowen?"

Traveling back into the present, I continue with my story. "After that, someone from my past, who I tried very hard to forget, came back and things just started to spiral out of control. I became more angry, more upset... and everyday, it kept on getting harder and harder to even live. But then, something happened that I didn't think would: I realized that I didn't need my armor as much as I used to... and it was because of Silas." I say his name without even thinking, but I don't react. His name slips off of my tongue so naturally, as if I'm used to saying it.

"I realized that all the rumors about him that I actually believed were nothing but lies, and I also learned that the whole rivalry between us was completely pointless... because we're more similar than I thought we were. So instead of talking like rational people, we spent our time fighting and grasping at each other's throats... and that was before I realized that he was only trying to help me."

"How did he help you, Rowen?" Dr. Maze asks, anxious to hear more.

This time, I take no time to ponder over my next sentences. "He showed me that I'm not as broken as I thought I was, that I could put aside all my anger and move on with clear intentions just like that. And all it takes is trusting one person." At this point, my words come out as easy as my breaths, and they same to flow like the lyrics of a melodic song, and all of the sudden, I feel the sudden urge to cry as I'm already welling up with tears. "Oh, God," I murmur to myself, cupping my mouth with my hands.

Dr. Maze reacts quickly. "Rowen, are you alright?"

Fresh tears fall down my cheeks and onto my knuckles until I release my face from my hands, letting my breathing ceace through the air in the room. "Dr. Mase, I did something very wrong," I whimper.

He leans forward in his chair. "What is it? What did you do?"

I let out one last gust of air before replying. "The last time I spoke to Silas was last week. We were fighting and he - he was only trying to help me... and all I did in return was yell." More tears gloss over my vision and I don't stop them.

"Rowen, it's normal for someone in your stage of grief to lash out once in awhile," he exclaims. "All that matters is whether or not you can overcome these confrontations."

"But what if that was the last time I'll ever see him? What if I never get the chance to apologize? For all I know, he probably left and is never coming back, just like all the other people in my life."

And there it is. Those are the words that have been plaguing my emotions since the day my mom died. Since then, everyone I loved has either died or abandoned me. My father might as well have abandoned me when he started drinking, mom is gone for good, and Noah left at a time when I needed him most. Then there's Silas, who is probably off the grid by now, far away from me - the last person I decided to push away. He said it himself; there was a chance that we could've been friends, but that was before I threw that chance away.

Silas was the one person that I could truly connect with, and now he's gone. The question is, why does my heart hurt so damn much?

A/N :

Whoever is missing the crap out of Silas right now, say I!

Haha, hello my loves! So this chapter was REALLY hard to write because it took some deep thought to get deep into the actual thoughts of Rowen, but I think I did okay lol.

As usual, be sure to give a little vote if you liked this chapter and don't forget to leave your comments down below! Don't be silent readers!

XOXO