Two Years Ago...

Noah is my home.

Everyday after school, I go over to his house and we talk. We don't talk about anything specific. On some days, we just sit in complete silence, enjoying one another's company. I feel safe with him, like nothing can harm me. With this baby inside of me, growing with each passing day, it's comforting that Noah will be with me for every step of the way.

Today we decide to take a walk after school. My baby bump is growing slowly, but it's not visible enough that everyone would get suspicious. However, I have been wearing baggier clothes lately, just to be on the safe side.

Noah and I walk side by side down the sidewalk, listening to the birds singing their delightful melodies above us. Our hands occasionally brush against one another, but I'm the only one that seems to notice. Looking over to him, I notice a sadness gathering in his eyes, and I playfully nudge my shoulder against his, causing him to stumble to the side a bit. "You okay?" I ask with a smile.

He smiles back but it is not an authentic expression. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, you look like you just lost your only love," I say to him, trying to get a more lighthearted reaction from him. "So what's up?"

Noah doesn't face me. His eyes only drift off into the horizon of green ahead of us. "You're not gonna let this go, are you?"

I laugh. "Um, have you met me?"

Fortunately, I get him to surrender, and he finally lets his pearly-whites shine through. Letting out a breath of air, that smile begins to struggle to remain sincere. "With everything that's been going on between us, I can't help but think that... " He cuts himself off.

"Think what?" I ask.

He shakes his head and waves off his words. "Nevermind. Forget it."

I almost hit him in the shoulder. "C'mon, don't leave me in suspense," I whine.

"No, really, it's nothing." A smile peaks out from his lips and I know I'm winning.

"Bullshit. You will be labeled a cruel son of a bitch if you don't tell me." This moment begins to remind me of the time I was having a little spat with Dylan. I was younger and it was near my birthday. He kept on saying how he knew what Mom and Dad bought me for my birthday and how he wouldn't tell me just to annoy me. If this moment is anything like that moment, Noah better pray to God that I don't punch him in the jaw.

After my grand speech about honesty that I had in my head, Noah raises his hands in the air and announces, "Alright, I surrender! Cuff me officer but be careful with the face. It's my best feature."

I burst out laughing, this time punching him in the arm. "You're a jerk, you know that?"

He walk in front of me and turns to face me. "Guilty as charged, officer."

After one more chuckle, I return to a more serious note. "But seriously, what were you gonna tell me?"

"If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

"Tell me and I'll give you gun."

Noah finally lets out a sigh and accepts defeat, the warm of his breath quickly swept away by a faint breeze. Wavy locks of my hair fall onto my face and my hands brushes them away. I can tell that he's preparing his words in his head, the wheels in his brain turning rapidly before his finally speaks. "Nyc, what I am about to tell you could very well alter the rest of our relationship, and most likely the entire world as we know it." I look at him weirdly and tell him to continue. "Okay, would it be so cliche of me if I had a crush on my best friend?"

His words process themselves in my mind, as if he were speaking in a different language. It takes me a moment to digest and I slow my walking. Noah is still walking ahead of me until he too turns around. His face surprisingly shows no sign of faltering, but it does show curiosity; curiosity in my next answer.

"Judging by your completely exasperated expression, I'm guessing it would be a very, very bad thing."

I quickly snap out of it. "No, no, I'm just... trying to process this new information."

Noah nods. "And what's your take on this new information?"

As he practically puts me on the spot, I have to contemplate with deep emotion to answer Noah's question. How do I feel about Noah? How do I really feel about him. This feeling is so strange to me. I've never once had actual feelings for anyone and I have no idea what they even feel like.

Noah has been here for me ever since we first met. He became my best friend; the one person I can rely on through any situation. He even stepped up and told me that if it ever came to it, he would say that he is the father of my baby. If the real father found out, he would not be there for me the way Noah would.

I find myself incapable of forming words with my lips and I lose control over my own voice. "Noah, you know I love you. You're my best friend, and I know you'll be there for me through everything. But the thing is... I don't even know how to feel. I'm not sure whether I like you as a friend or a brother or a... lover. Hell, I barely even know what a crush feels like. I've never had a boyfriend and I'm not even sure if I'll ever have or want one, and not to mention, I don't even know how to kiss-"

My stupid rambling is fortunately interrupted by Noah's lips crashing into mine.

At first, I don't know how to react. Do I push him away? Do I give in? Do I punch him? No, no punching. Punching is definitely off the table. While my brain asks itself these questions, I remember that night; the night I offered myself to someone whom did not deserve me. The night my virginity was stolen and this innocent soul within me was conceived. I remember how he kissed, desperately and pleading. Noah's kiss is far less demanding, for his lips are sweeter and devoting. They tell no lies. My first kiss was captured by lips that wanted nothing more than pleasure. Noah's are different. They want me.

Before I even get the chance to make up my mind, our lips separate and I'm left to gaze into Noah's majestic eyes. His actions literally took my breath away and I'm left with no air in my lungs. His hands caresses my chin as he too takes in what just occurred between us. "Sorry. I had to do that just once," he says. Our eyes are locked on one another's, his restricting mine from breaking contact.

My vision grasps itself on the sight of his lips, the way they part when a ripple of air escapes the clutches of his lungs, and I don't want to look up. If I do, I'll find myself at the mercy of his curious eyes once more. I already know what he's thinking: do I feel the same way about him as he does for me?

Suddenly, every worry withers away like waves crashing against rocks. I begin to feel compelled to continue with his actions, to have our lips connect once more, and just like that, our mouths marry and my heart flutters.

~~~~~

Pain is like life's teacher. Despite what we may think, it has a purpose. It guides us through the trials of life that are unhealthy to the mind and heart, and it educates us so we know what to avoid and what to trust. But that is just emotional pain. There's also the type of pain that makes our insides tighten, our hearts to bleed, and our minds to slip into a sweet oblivion. It is a coldness that seeps through our flesh and touches our most secure emotions. It is composed of demons that roll around in our heads and make us crazy. That is the type of pain I'm feeling.

After my session with Dr. Mase two days ago, I didn't feel as free as I wanted to feel. It's like a black hole has been plunged into my chest, and I feel the weight of a thousand castles resting on my shoulders. Talking about my past and my present combined definitely took a tole on me, especially when the topic of Silas was brought into the picture.

It's now the end of the school day and I walk to my car at a depressing pace. Graduation is literally just around the corner, and thankfully, my teacher hasn't yet called me on my essay. It seems my secret about cheating will be nothing but a distant memory soon. Hopefully.

I don't talk to Taylor and Sam as much as I used to. Yesterday, I sort of got into it with them during lunch. They kept saying that I was never around anymore and how I've become to distant since the accident. What they said was true, but with everything that's been going on, I felt like I had to retaliate by saying the meanest thing that I could think of. They haven't spoken to me since.

I'm about to start up the engine when a figure in my mirror catches my attention. Her hair is shoulder-length and blonde with a sing red streak draping along the side of her cheek. I gasp and get out of my car before she walks away. "Maxi!" I call out.

She turns around and sees me but she doesn't react. I decide to do that part myself and walk toward her.

Maxi looks at me with more hate than usual but it's something I'm going to have to take. She may know where Silas is. That being considered, when I reach her, she almost explodes. "Thought that was you," she says. "What the hell do you want?"

"Maxi, do you know where Silas is?" I ask.

She snickers. "Why do you even care? The last I checked, you wanted nothing to do with him" Her words cut like a knife, but regardless, they are true.

Sighing heavily, I say, "Please, Maxi, I just need to know where he is. I need to apologize." I almost fall to my knees and beg her to tell me where he is.

Her eyes widen, followed by another chuckle. "Well it's a little late for that," she says.

I freeze. "What do you mean?"

She looks at me as if what I said was crazy, her long eyelashes whisping past the white of her eyes. "Silas is gone."

A / N :

Where has Silas gone?
Who is the father of Rowen's baby?
Why did Noah leave?
Why is Maxi such a bitch?
Feel free to comment your theories down below!

So another chapter is up! Be sure to leave a little vote if you enjoyed this latest installment and don't forget to leave feedback as well!!!

XOXO