The next day, Silas isn't at school. In a way, I'm glad. It means that I don't have to cower under the siege of his silver glare, those cold eyes still pulsing in my memory.  After our fight yesterday, I've been contemplating on the idea of apologizing. After all, this whole thing going on between us is my fault.

What happened yesterday never should've happened. He was only trying to help and I threw my insecurities and anger in his face. The words that were said were like clashing swords during a vicious battle, and I still hear the clangs of powerful metal echoing in my ears. I think about what I said to him, how I used my words as those weapons against him. In truth, my walls were beginning to crumble, and it was because of Silas. Though now, because of my complete lack of trust in people, they've never been more strong, and even I can't take them down.

What did I do?

Two Years Ago...

"Please say something," I urge him, feeling the tears roll down my pale cheeks.

"What do you expect me to say?" Noah asks, looking more surprised than nervous.

"I don't care, just say something! You can't just say nothing!" I'm tempted to scramble to my feet but the urge to throw up again takes over, and I'm forced to stay seated.

Noah's lips begin to part, though he pauses his breath that's about to become words.  Arising from the sofa, he walks to the center of the room, his hands tangling themselves in his hair. "How long?" He asks, his back to me.

I swallow and my mouth nearly collapses as I begin to speak. "About a month," I confess. Pieces of my hair stick to my forehead under a layer of sweat.

He turns around quickly, and it catches me off guard. "You've known this for a month," he begins, "and you didn't think to tell anyone?" Even though his voice rings an upsetting tune, expression leaves no residue upon Noah's face.

I look up at him through the openings of my lashes."I was scared! I couldn't let anyone know, especially my parents!

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" Noah asks, almost interrupting my sentence.

"I- I don't know! I don't know what to do, and I'm scared out of my mind, Noah!"  My hands brush my cheeks and wipe away the tears, only for more to come. "Look, all I know," I pause, "Is that I'm completely terrified. And the worst part is that he doesn't even know yet."

"Who doesn't know yet?" He asks from beside me. I didn't even realize that he had sat down.

My eyes hover over his entire body, aside from his face. I still cannot bring myself to meet with his eyes, not while there's so much disappointment and upsetness playing around in those irises. "The father," I murmur quietly, almost not wanting him to hear.

Noah leans forward, his knees rested on his thighs and his hands covering his mouth. He remains this way until he speaks. "Okay. We need to think about our next move."

I look at him, almost surprised. "We?"

"Yes, we." His body comes closer to mine and he angles his head so he can see into my eyes. "Nyc, you're pregnant. Did you honestly think that I was gonna leave you alone in all of this?"

Without hesitation, I lean my head on his shoulder and rest it in the crook of his neck. Noah's arm walks amoung my back and holds me close, my worries beginning to fade away. "Thank you," I say faintly.

"I'm never gonna leave you, Nyc." He kisses the top of my head and the color is instantly restored in my cheeks. "Never."

~~~~~

The days drag on, hours feelings like decades. Those days transition into a week, and still no sign of Silas. He doesn't show up at school and I don't see him around the neighborhood. It's as if he's gone rogue, and I can't help feeling worried about him. Whenever I'm in the middle of conflict, my walls immediately go up, and it takes great effort to knock them down again. After the argument that took place between us last week, he's all I can think about.

After school, I drive directly home, not a sound stirring in my car. Not even the radio is on as I drive down the busy streets. My car window is open just a crack, the cool air navigating itself into my car, slapping the glass of the window as I drive. I breath in the last scent of spring. Summer is approaching and so is the end of the school year. Soon, I'll be a High School graduate, heading off to college and leaving this banged up town behind, along with all of its dreadful memories. Of course, that is if Silas will still keep his promise and not tell anyone about my cheating.

I pull into my driveway and notice a foreign car parked in the center, leaving me little room to park. Noah and Dylan are supposedly at work, so it's odd that there's an unrecognizable vehicle parked at my house. However, the mystery is solved when I glance at the door to my house. A male figure with brown hair sits on the steps, his head narrowed downwards. At first, I want to think it's Silas, regardless of the hair color, but as I look closely, I realize that it's Noah.

I slam my car door, capturing his attention as his head shoots straight up, and I begin to walk towards him. "You know, you're still terrible at parking," I say.

A smiles appears on his lips. "Old habits die hard," Noah replies, chuckling a bit. He stands up, hands in the pockets of his hoodie. His smile quickly fades. "Sorry for the intrusion. I just had to see you."

"How did you know I still lived here?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Just a lucky guess. Although, to be on the safe side, I did camp out in my car for about an hour, just to make sure.

I can't help but laugh at his silly reference, though I quickly regain my seriousness. "So what are you doing here?" I ask.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay. After our talk on Friday, you didn't seem like you got any closure," Noah says.

"I never wanted closure," I exclaim, "I wanted answers. Believe it or not, those two are not the same thing."

Noah walks down the steps at a slow pace, savoring every step until his feet land on the dark pavement. He purses his lips together before speaking. "The real reason I came here is because I needed to talk to you about something important," he explains. "And I want straight answers from you."

I brush away the hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. "Okay, what is it?"

He removes his hands from his pockets and leans his body against the weathered rails that line the stone steps. "Last week, when you saw me in the library, you accused me of... blackmailing you." He enunciates on the word 'blackmailing'.

A soft sigh retreats from my lips. "I wasn't necessarily accusing you of blackmailing. I thought you were someone else."

"So it is true. You're being blackmailed?"

"No," I blurt out. "I mean, yes - not anymore." I begin to grow more frustrated as I try to say the right words.  "It's just complicated, Noah."

"Nyc, I don't give a shit if it's complicated," Noah replies, his voice raising in volume. "If someone is trying to hurt you, than you need to tell me."

I groan in frustration. "I don't need to tell you anything. Why does everyone think that I'm entitled to tell them everything?"

"Maybe because you have people that care about you," he says, moving closer to me. "Rowen, I know I hurt you, and I don't expect you to forgive me. But can you at least talk to me?"

All of the sudden, I feel as though I've lived this moment before, over a million times - with my brothers, with Silas, and even with my dad.

Whenever I feel my walls going up, I feel the need to let my anger out on those that I care about, despite the pain it would cause them. I'm practically a time bomb, about to blow up at any second. Once the ticking comes to a violent end, I would annihilate everything in my blow, the only trace left being a distant memory.

I keep my lips firmly tucked to signify my silence, wanting to let the words come crawling out. I actually want to tell him what's going on, to have someone to lean on to. But how can I trust him now when he always left me once?

Noah shifts his weight on to both legs, letting out a sigh. "Fine. I'll leave you alone." He saunters past me and I snap.

"I want to tell you, Noah, okay? I want to be able to trust you again, but when you left, I was heartbroken. And ever since then, I've been pulling away from the people I cared about most." He turns around and looks at me mournfully. I take a seat on the steps and puncture the ground with my glossy gaze. "It's just that everyone I trust eventually lets me down, and to avoid the pain, I hide behind my armor. It protects me from getting hurt by those I love."

A calming presence approaches and I feel Noah sit beside me on the steps. "Was I the one that put on that armor?" He asks calmly.

"No, you weren't," I reply. "It was the accident." My memory reflects images of that night in my mind as if I'm reliving it. The road seemed barren and dark, and my mother was driving. These, along with other variables, lead to the death's of my mother and my baby. I flinch and try to shake away those dark thoughts. "Noah, I just don't think that I can take anymore pain."

He slightly nods, his mind concentrating on his next phrase. "Rowen, have you maybe considered, you know, talking to someone about this?"

"You mean like going to see a shrink? No, the thought hasn't crossed my mind."

"Not a shrink. A psychologist or something. There's nothing wrong with asking for some help-"

"God, if I hear that word one more time," I begin, though I don't finish.

Noah quickly continues. "There's nothing wrong with talking to someone about what's been going on." I take in his words as they are already monologuing in my head. To be honest, I have considered therapy in the past. Dylan has been trying to get me to go but he always fails at his attempts. Now that I think about it, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I don't have anything to lose. "So will you at least think about what I said?" He asks, treading carefully and trying not to anger me.

After a few more seconds of negotiating with myself, I come to a decision. "Fine. I'll consider going to see a shrink," I say.

Noah smiles. "If it makes it any easier, try thinking about as cleansing yourself."

"Cleansing myself? Really?"

"I am being totally serious. Wouldn't it be nice to, you know, feel happy again? Instead of being so angry?"

Yeah. Yeah it would.

~~~~~

Dylan and Caleb arrive home an hour later, though Noah left before then. I barely speak to them when they got home. I've been upstairs in my bedroom, staring at the number on my phone.

For some time now, my thumb has been levitating over the 'call' button on my phone screen. Before he left, Noah gave me a phone number for a psychologist  in the area. I've typed it into my phone, but I'm hesitating to call it. Am I actually ready to talk?

Feeling discontent about this dilemma, I switch off my phone and throw it to the other side of my bed. My hands web themselves upon my cheeks and eyes, painting my vision black. After a few seconds of lying down in complete silence, I arise and walk to my closet.

I walk up to my closet door but I stop in my tracks when an unfamiliar figure stares back at me. Her hair has grown shaggy and knotted. Her skin is cold and her eyes are flushed from color. She has a desperate look in her eye that illustrates her broken soul. Those eyes have seen loss. I do not recognize her. Regardless, she is me.

I turn away from my reflection in shame. Mom would be ashamed if she saw what I have become: an angry, vengeful, broken little girl with no compassion for those she loves.

Suddenly, another image flashes in my mind - an image of Silas. I recall our conversation last week, the one we had the night we broke into the school. I remember his words as if they were glued to my irises; I see them and hear them everywhere I go.

"Everything I've done since we've met, everything I've done to make you hate me... it was to make you stronger. I saw, everyday, someone who doesn't believe that her life's worth living and I thought, 'That's bullshit, because if I can make it, so can she.' So I did everything in my power to make sure you made it, Rowen. And you did. You made it. And that's pretty extraordinary."

The memory disintegrates along with Silas' form, each of his distinct details fading away. He told me that I'm extraordinary, that he made me stronger. Of course, that's bullshit because I'm still the weak, little thug that I've always been.

"You made it. And that's pretty extraordinary." His voice once again plays in my mind's eye, and the more I hear it, the more I begin to trust it. Is he right? Did he actually make me strong?

Silas' smile reappears, along with every piece of him until the memory is restored. I think back to what he did for me and how he actually helped me. My walls began tumbling down when I met him and I didn't even realize it. He made me believe that I can be strong, and I returned his favor with nothing but unkindness.

Silas, I'm so sorry.

A / N :

Where did Silas go?
Will Rowen ever forgive Noah?
Who is the father of Rowen's baby???
Feel free to comment your theories down below!

Hello, my loves! Another chapter is finally up! I hope you enjoyed it! If you did, be sure to vote and don't forget to leave feedback!

XOXO