Chapter 35: Humble oneself

https://youtu.be/v4UOiR5Cyzg

"Sorry for failing the two of you," Ate Felize whispered in between her sobs that gave me a big lump in the throat.

She looked at Laurice first before she turned to me and continued, "Through the past year that you weren't here? There was no single day that I didn't blame myself. I felt so accountable for everything that you have gone through, Elise."

Hindi ko alam kung anong una kong gagawin. The pain that her tears is giving me is too heavy to carry, let alone her agonizing revelation.

My hands were trembling when I reached for her cheeks to wipe away her tears but it didn't stop. It keeps on streaming down her face. Pasakit din nang pasakit 'yong nararamdaman ko sa loob-loob ko.

She suffered. Hindi ko sure kung pareho o higit pa sa pinagdaanan ko but she suffered. There's no need to compare or to match up the heaviness. We all are broken inside although it is in different ways and intensities.

I carefully rolled over to my left as I rested my hands behind the mattress in between us. I crossed my arms on my chest hoping that my own warmth will subdue the shaking of my hands.

It did... but the extreme sadness inside me was still there, rushing through my veins.

I sincerely mumbled, "Napatawad na kita, Ate Felize. Matagal na."

I saw how her eyes lightened and evinced hope. Her sobs also started to hush down upon hearing what I said. Yet, the tears are still rolling from her eyes.

Pinilit kong ngumiti sa harap nilang dalawa para kahit papaano, mapagaan ko naman 'yong loob nila. Pero deep inside? My heart is aching and my mind is unrest— thoughts are rumbling on my head.

I'm in pain seeing how affected Ate Felize was and still is. I'm hurting inside realizing how hard things were and still are for us.

I truthfully told them almost whispering, "Pero kung tatanungin niyo ko? I will always choose that decision I opted for a year ago. Because that decision taught me a lot of things that all the wealth of our family couldn't. It was an eye-opener experience for me. Na nakatulong din to make the woman I am now."

I felt how tears are wanting to escape from my eyes, so I rolled over to my back as I stared at the sky, trying to fight back my tears.

From my peripheral vision, I can see their glances directed at me.

As much as I don't want them to get a glimpse of my sadness, ano pa nga bang magagawa ko? I don't want to fake things and give them a false view of what I've gone through.

Pero, I want them to know that it was me who decided for myself.

I took a deep breath first before I tilted my head to Ate Felize's side.

I assured her in a calm voice, "You're not responsible for it, Ate Felize. Yes, maybe, what happened back then was a turning point for me to choose this path. Pero, ate, ni isang beses? Hindi kita sinisi at hindi ko naisip na sisihin ka."

Napatigil ako sa pagsasalita when she covered her face with both of her hands. Mas lumakas 'yong hagulgol niya kaysa kanina.

I was about to move my body to comfort her pero nauna na si Laurice.

Tinapik-tapik niya si ate sa balikat to calm her kaya pinagpatuloy ko na 'yong sinasabi ko, "I was hurt. Tinanong ko pa nga 'yong sarili ko kung mahal mo ba talaga ko... kung may galit ka ba sa 'kin. Pero mahal kita masyado eh. Kaya pinatawad kita agad."

My heart is throbbing hard as I remembered those moments when I asked myself if I'm loved by her. Pero kahit pap'ano, hindi na gan'ong kasakit, hindi tulad dati.

Nakaka-lessen pala ng burden kapag nasasabi na natin lahat ng nararamdaman at gusto nating sabihin sa taong mahal natin.

Malungkot kong pagpapatuloy, "Seriously speaking? I won't trade the life I have now for anything else. Mahirap, oo. Pero wala namang madali eh. It is just that we grew up with more privileges than millions of people. The turns and adjustments were hard... too hard to be honest."

I rolled onto my side as I reached for Ate Felize's hands to uncover her face. Hinayaan lang niya kong gawin 'yon. She also rolled over to her side to face me.

Basang-basa na ng luha 'yong mga kamay niya when I held those.

I slightly squeezed her hands while she's staring at me with her eyes full of emotions.

To lighten the mood, I tried to joke with a frown face, "Pero kung may part two? Kung totoo ang reincarnation? For goodness' sake, sana naman mas marami 'yong pera ko!"

We giggled in unison because of what I said. Parang hinaplos 'yong puso ko hearing their carefree laughs.

Binitawan ko na 'yong mga kamay ni Ate Felize as I crossed my arms on my chest. "Well, hindi naman halata sa hitsura ko na naghihirap ako, 'di ba?" I asked them demanding a 'yes'.

Instead of answering me, nagpipigil sila ng tawa nang umiwas ng tingin at umayos ng higa.

Napa-pout ako dahil sa nakita.

Medyo malakas kong ulit ng tanong, "'Di ba?!"

They weren't able to hold back their laughs anymore with how I acted. Tawanan sila nang tawanan na nagpairap na lang sa 'kin. Pero may ngiti sa mga labi ko.

Umayos na rin ako ng higa at saka sinubukang bilangin ang kumikinang na stars sa langit.

I got interrupted from what I'm doing when Ate Felize praised me out of the blue, "You're so amazing, Elise."

Sandali ko siyang nilingon pero binalik ko rin 'yong tingin ko sa langit habang pangisi-ngisi. Natutuwa lang masyado sa narinig. Bakit ba? Ang sarap kaya sa feeling na mapuri! Who wouldn't feel this way?

She proudly continued while the three of us are eyeing the sky, "I'm amazed at how you were able to forgive me despite what I've done. I got astonished knowing how you survived the ups and downs of life without depending on us."

I hugged myself while silently tapping my arms with my fingers, showing how pleased I am right now with what I am hearing.

Ate Felize said in a hush, awed whisper, "Look at you now... you're a successful woman."

I got too fluttered with her praises. Parang kiniliti 'yong puso ko.

Dinagdagan pa 'yon ni Laurice, in her usual deep tone of voice, "You're the strongest person I've met thus far."

Sa sobrang gulat, hindi ko napigilang mapatawa. 'Yong tawang gulat na kinikilig.

I slightly tilted my head to look at her. When our glances locked, I jokingly mumbled, "Eh ilan ba kaming tao sa buhay mo?"

Kunware pa siyang nag-isip bago pabirong bumanat, "Mga 10?"

My lips turned down. Pinanliitan ko siya ng mga mata at saka sarkastikong sinabi, "Buti naman umabot pa ng 10. At sa sampu na 'yon? Ako pa talaga ang top one!"

We all chuckled because of that.

At ngayong nakikita kong patawa-tawa silang dalawa kasama ako? I feel extra happy inside. This is my version of sister goals!

Without hesitation or even reservation, nagpatuloy lang kami sa chikahan. At unti-unti, hindi ko napansing nababawasan na 'yong pain and gap sa puso ko.

They shared with me the things they got busy with through the past year.

Sobrang proud na proud ako nang malaman ko 'yong achievements nilang pareho. Pero nalungkot din upon knowing the challenges they faced.

Ako naman, I mentioned my university life before I graduated, the job exposures, and the different people I came across with. The bottom line... kung gaano ako mas namulat sa reality.

"When you told me that I'm successful? I couldn't help but to agree," nakangiti kong sambit while dreamily staring at the sky.

My voice was cheerful and my eyes were sparkling when I continued, "Looking back? I can say that I improved a lot in different areas and facades. And well... napapakain ko na 'yong sarili ko with the use of my own savings. Nabibili ko na rin mula sa sarili kong pera 'yong mga pangangailangan ko. Tapos natutunan ko ring magtipid. Dahil for me, hindi dapat ako mabuhay like a one-day millionaire. I need to save and save. At ngayon?"

Huminto ako para bahagyang itagilid ang ulo ko at tignan sila. In return, they also shot me their glances.

I smilingly carried on with what I'm saying, "Ngayong kasama ko kayong dalawa? I can totally say that I'm successful— I have two great sisters with me..." I paused to tell them in jest, "Oh! Huwag kayong maiiyak ah? Baka bumaha rito ng mga luha niyo."

Pareho silang natawa dahil sa sinabi ko. I can see through their eyes that their worries subdued. The blinking of their eyes is shinier because of joy.

We kept on talking and laughing together as if the sun won't rise a few hours from now.

At si Laurice? Naubos niya na 'yong chocolates! Grabe, hindi man lang naisipang magtira. Talagang she maximized this opportunity na binigay ni Ate Felize.

Sumbong ko siya kay daddy riyan eh... just kidding! Baka ibaon niya ko sa lupa. Ang tangkad pa naman na niya!

Medyo nagitla ako nang hawakan ni Ate Felize 'yong kaliwa kong kamay. I carefully looked at her as she placed our intertwined hands on top of her tummy. Gan'on din 'yong ginawa niya sa kamay nila ni Laurice.

My heart started to beat so fast.

In my whole existence, she has never initiated to hold my hand until today. Yes, this is the first time she did it so.

Her skin is warm and her hold feels "at home".

Kinakabahan ako na hindi ko malaman. Pero masaya ako. Sobrang saya.

I was a little surprised when she gave us a wistful smile. Then, she apologetically told us, "Sorry for being an incompetent big sister, for being irresponsible and immature. I should have known better. N'ong may chance ako, sana hindi kita hinayaang umalis nang hindi mo alam ang gagawin, Elise."

Akala ko kanina, bawas na 'yong sakit na nararamdaman ko pero nagkamali ako. Unti-unting nanumbalik 'yong kirot. Pero hindi dahil sa bigat na dinanas ko kundi dahil sa sadness and sorrow ni Ate Felize.

It seemed like she really had a hard time when I left home.

Hinawakan ko nang mariin 'yong kamay niyang nakahawak sa 'kin. I rolled over to my left for me to place my free hand on top of our hands, damay 'yong hawak-kamay nila ni Laurice.

Her voice was groggy, signaling that she might cry in no time, when she revealed, "I was afraid that day to reach out to you. Sino ba naman kasing nagkasala na aamin agad sa maling ginawa niya? Pride and superiority overpowered me. Inisip ko na, 'magaling ka, tulad ng sabi ni daddy, kaya mo na 'yan'."

She let out a laugh that is filled with regret and shame.

So... this was it. There was really something going on between us without me knowing.

A lot of things are going on in my mind now but I stopped it. I want to hear her side with no judgment or bias.

She carried on with guilt in her voice, "I found myself being jealous and insecure towards you, Elise. But I swear, you did nothing wrong. It was me who made things appear negative and a big deal. Nakakahiyang aminin pero 'yon 'yong totoo. Unfortunately, I was too busy with my own problems that time that I wasn't able to reflect sooner."

I felt a pang in my heart upon being aware of that.

It saddened me, yes, but I'm not disappointed. Kahit na mali 'yon? I will never get disappointed in her. She's my sister, so there's no way that I'll feel that way towards her.

I'm a hypocrite if I say that I never did something wrong in my life. Sino ba naman ako para hindi siya patawarin knowing that she already repented? That she now admits her mistakes in front of me?

She sincerely told me, "I'm really sorry, Elise. Okay lang kung mag-iiba na 'yong tingin mo sa 'kin—"

"No," I firmly told her with softness in my voice. I continued, "Mahal kita, sabi ko nga sa 'yo, 'di ba?"

Teardrops started to stream down her face again. Damang-dama ko 'yong bigat na nararamdaman niya.

Pero, hindi ko alam if it's just me... it feels like there's something more that burdens her. Parang may iba pa siyang problemang dinadala. I don't know. I'm pretty but not sure.

In between her sobs, she told me, "Thank you, Elise. Thank you for being the bigger person when you do not need to do this for me."

Huminga ko nang malalim at saka hinaplos-haplos 'yong mga kamay naming magkahawak.

"We're sisters and I love you for who you are. I love you and your flaws." I took a short pause before I smilingly reminded her, "Hindi pwedeng mahal lang kita kung kailan convenient ang lahat para sa 'kin. Mahal kita 24/7."

She gave me a thankful smile before she proceeded to another revelation that saddened me, "Alam niyo, ang hirap maging panganay."

I didn't expect that coming. Dahil sa napakatagal na naming magkasama, never siyang nagreklamo. Never niyang sinabi na pagod at nahihirapan na siya. Never kaming nakarinig ng hinaing mula sa kaniya.

Garalgal na 'yong boses niya nang magpatuloy siya sa sinasabi, "Dahil panganay ako, kailangan malakas ako. Kailangan gawin ko 'yong mga gusto ni mommy... gusto ko man 'yon o hindi. Alam niyo ba? I badly wanted to be a film director. Kaya nga inggit na inggit ako sa 'yo, Elise eh. Kasi buti ka pa, nagawa mong kumuha ng college program na gusto mo. Kahit ayaw na ayaw ni mommy."

Hindi ko na napigilan 'yong sarili kong umiyak. At kita kong unti-unti na ring lumuluha si Laurice.

I didn't know that she was going through such situation back then. Walang nakahalata. Walang nakaalam because she was too good at hiding her agony. She's too good at being brave in front of us.

Pero kung alam ko ba... may magagawa ba ko para sa kaniya?

She told us in between her sobs, "Inggit na inggit ako sa 'yo, Elise. At sa sobrang inggit ko sa 'yo, lalo lang akong nahirapan. Mas lalo akong nag-struggle sa business ko n'ong nagsisimula pa lang ako kasi naka-focus ako sa mga kulang sa buhay ko."

She paused to gasp for air.

Pinunasan ni Laurice 'yong pisngi ni ate gamit 'yong isa niyang kamay. Hinaplos-haplos ko naman ulit 'yong kamay namin para mas kumalma siya.

When she stopped crying, she continued with her shaking lips, "Sobrang hirap maging panganay. Kapag panganay, ang daming standard na kailangang ma-reach. Nakakapagod na imbes na mag-focus ako sa mga gusto ko, mas pinagtutuunan ko ng pansin kung alin 'yong enough para sa mata ng iba. Tapos in every obstacle, I need to go through that without asking for help. Sino ba namang hindi kailangan ng tulong?"

Who would have thought that she experienced all those things? Sa true nga lang, parang siya 'yong favorite ni mommy. Yet, she had to sacrifice and give up a lot of things.

She unhappily enumerated, "I needed to be an achiever. I needed to be someone whom mommy can brag about with her relatives and friends. I needed to be like this and that, and sometimes, I don't know anymore if I'm still me. Parang ang peke ko na minsan. In return? I had no time to pursue what my heart desires. At hindi ko na rin alam kung masaya pa ba ko. Being me is so tiring if you would only ask me."

She took a pause again to take deep breaths.

Kinuha ko 'yong chance na 'yon para yakapin siya sa bewang niya using my hand that she's not holding. She flinched a little when my arm laid on her belly but she managed to give us a small smile.

She regretfully uttered, "But it wouldn't have been too hard if I didn't let pride overpower me. Hinayaan ko lang din kasing mangyari 'yon. Hindi ko sinubukang humingi ng tulong. Hindi ko sinubukan noon pa lang na maging close sa inyo. Na dapat noon pa lang, naisip ko na agad na panganay ako, dapat ako 'yong unang nagmamahal sa inyong dalawa. Kakampi niyo dapat ako eh, hindi 'yong ako pa ang unang nagbibigay ng sakit sa inyo."

She took a glance at Laurice before turning her face on me. She was so sorry and I can feel her sincerity through her eyes.

Mas niyakap ko pa siya nang mahigpit to let her know that I understand. Na mahal ko siya at nandito lang kami for her. Na hindi naman namin siya sinisisi sa kahit anong bagay.

Sa mga nagdaang minuto, she kept on giving us her apologies. At sa bawat sorry niya, pinapaalala kong, "Mahal ka namin."

After a while, nag-decide na kong bumangon para bigyan siya ng tubig. Baka ma-dehydrate na siya dahil sa kakaiyak niya eh. At baka makagawa na rin siya ng pool sa dami ng nailuha niya.

Just kidding!

Katulad ko, bumangon na rin silang dalawa. We seated facing each other.

Kinuha na rin ni Ate Felize 'yong bottle na inabot ko sa kaniya. Agad din siyang uminom.

I looked around only to see the trees and plants dancing in the air as the cold wind keeps on blowing.

Damang-dama ko na ngayon 'yong paglamig pa lalo ng paligid. Tanging mga binti na lang din kasi namin ang naco-cover ng comforter.

When Ate Felize calmed down, she told us with a sad smile on her face, "Sobrang nagsisisi talaga ako sa lahat ng mga pagkukulang ko sa inyong dalawa."

Hinawakan ko 'yong mga kamay niya at sincere na sinabi, "Ang importante, tinanggap mong nagkamali ka. Humingi ka ng tawad. At hindi mo na 'yon gagawin pa." I jokingly asked, "Hindi naman na 'yon mangyayari pa, 'di ba?"

She smilingly nodded at me. "Oo. I swear, cross my heart."

Napangiti na lang ako sa kaniya.

Alam ko naman 'yon. May tiwala ako sa kaniya. Naniniwala akong hindi na 'yon mangyayari ulit dahil alam naman na niyang mali 'yon.

She turned in Laurice's direction as she gently caressed her face. Her voice was soft and repentant when she mumbled, "Laurice? I want to personally apologize to you too if I became distant from you when Elise left home."

Nagulat ako sa narinig ko.

May gan'ong issue sila?

She continued, "Sorry for being unable to do my duties as your big sister. Sorry if I wasn't by your side when you needed me most."

She pulled away and held Laurice's hands instead.

Her eyes were sincere and full of hope when she uttered, "Sana kahit dito lang sa debut mo, nakabawi ako sa 'yo."

Hindi ko alam kung anong ire-react ko o iisipin ko sa kaunting information na nalaman ko. Pero hindi naman niya kailangan 'yong say ko eh. Duh! Hindi naman ako 'yong kausap.

Still, I wonder what happened in a year-long that I wasn't here.

Tinitigan ko si Laurice. Kita ko 'yong paglamlam ng mga mata niya kaysa kanina.

They look at each other eye-to-eye. Laurice assured her, "No worries. Hindi naman ako nagtatanim ng sama ng loob."

Hindi ko napigilan 'yong sarili kong mapatawa dahil sa sinabi niya.

Grabe, true ba?!

Pareho silang napatingin sa 'kin with their curious yet accusatory eyes kaya napakagat ako sa ibaba kong labi— nagpipigil ng tawa.

Kung makatitig kasi sila, para bang they're telling me through glances na sinira ko ang moment nila.

I waved my hands in front of them with a smile still plastered on my face.

"Sorry," I unapologetically uttered. Sambit ko pa sa nagtatakang tono habang nakatitig kay Laurice, "Para mo kasi kaming niloloko! Sa true kaya, ikaw ang number one farmer. Tamang tanim lang ng sama ng loob 24/7!"

Kaagad na napakunot si Laurice ng noo na ikinatawa namin ni Ate Felize.

Defensive niyang sambit, "Hindi ako gan'on ah!" Pinanlisikan niya pa ko ng mga mata bago sinabing, "Bahala ka. Kakain na lang ako rito." She looked away to grab a junk food. Pagpaparinig niya, "Ibibigay ko pa naman sana sa 'yo 'yong nakuha ko sa 18 Blue Bills pero—"

"True ba?!" hindi makapaniwala kong tanong.

Napahawak pa ko sa mga braso niya habang nanlalaki 'yong mga mata ko.

Hinawi niya 'yong mga kamay ko. Tinutok niya lang 'yong attention niya sa junk food niya.

Nangingiti kong sambit trying to convince her, "Ito naman! Hindi na mabiro. Joke-joke lang 'yon."

Sinubukan ko pa siyang tusukin sa tagiliran niya para lang pansinin niya ko. Pero grabe ang pride, ayaw ibaba! Gusto ata, ipanglaba.

Ay! Iba ata 'yon.

After a while naman, sumuko rin siya sa charms ko. Sino ba namang hindi bibigay sa alindog ko?

Sobrang saya ko when she promised me na ibibigay niya sa 'kin 'yong nakuha niya sa 18 Blue Bills. Nag-request ako na isabay niya na lang sa prizes ko.

Napapalakpak ako sa sobrang saya nang pumayag siya. Feel ko, ako 'yong nag-debut sa sobrang dami kong nakuha.

Yes, tinanggap ko talaga dahil sabi naman niya, regalo niya na raw 'yon sa 'kin. Dahil kahit isang beses, hindi pa siya nakakapagregalo.

Ang bongga bumawi, 'di ba?!

While I was giggling, dumampot na rin ako ng junk food. Baka maubos na ni Laurice lahat ng 'to eh!

Bilog-bilog na lasang corn 'yong kinuha ko. Parang dumidikit 'yong tamis sa dila ko.

Sarap now, sakit later.

I was busy munching my food when Ate Felize confessed slash confirmed something that made me stock-still... with my eyes sparkling.

"Alam mo namang hindi naging kami ni Eli, 'di ba, Elise?" pagku-kumpirma niya na wala sa sariling tinanguan ko. "You know, we're best friends and it will remain like that for eternity. We love each other but not in a romantic way." She even laughed at the last line.

Buhay na buhay 'yong dugo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Walang bakas ng hindi pa nakakatulog, gan'ong level!

Pabirong tanong ko sa kaniya, "True ba? Walang bahid ng kahit kaunting feelings?"

Nakangiting umiling siya bilang sagot as she assured me, "For real," and in an instant, it widened my existing smile.

Sobrang napanatag 'yong loob ko dahil d'on. Basta sinabi ni Boss Felize, auto maniniwala ako!

Nakangiting lumingon ako kay Laurice nang sumingit siya. In her deep voice na antok na antok na, kinuwento niya, "You know, he's too in love with you that he bothered us both to know your location. When he knew I'm holding a debut, he pleaded to invite him. He hasn't seen you that time yet."

Gulat na gulat ako sa narinig. Hindi ko ine-expect that he really came that far to look for me!

Pero hindi ko maiwasang magtaka.

Mayaman kasi si Eli. If he tried to use his power and money, he'll be able to know my whereabouts. I wonder, what hindered him to do that?

I blew away that thought. Kinulit ko na lang si Laurice para i-chika 'yong mga napag-usapan nila ni Eli pero ayaw niya.

Napa-pout na lang ako sa kinauupuan ko at saka napa-cross arms.

Ang damot! Gusto ko lang namang kiligin eh.

Humiga na ulit si Laurice at hinatak papunta sa kaniya 'yong comforter. Nakihatak naman ako dahil nauubos na 'yong para sa 'kin.

Oo, tamang tug of war lang!

Natawa na lang si Ate Felize dahil sa ginagawa namin. Tumigil na rin ako, ayaw paawat ni Laurice eh.

Nang humiga na rin si Ate Felize, hindi ko naiwasang hindi siya tignan. Namamaga na kasi 'yong mga mata niya.

I took a deep breath. Naaawa ako sa kaniya but it's good that we were able to talk things out. Kaysa naman ma-bother kami forever!

Ayaw ko naman na magiging close na lang kami bigla without admitting our mistakes. At nang walang proper patawaran.

Dahil tapos na rin naman ako kumain, humiga na rin ako at saka sumiksik sa tabi ni Ate Felize para mas mabahagian ng kumot. Pero siyempre, pasimple na ring paglalambing 'yon kay ate.

Out of nowhere, I curiously asked her, "Why did you do that?" Pertaining to faking her relationship with Eli.

She softly mumbled, "I was so done with your obsession with Eli. I pulled out all the options I had yet you were still chasing him. He told me before that he doesn't want to be a pedo, so I need to help him in pushing you away. You were too young and immature for him."

Napatango-tango ako dahil sa narinig. Walang bakas ng kahit anong sakit o bitterness.

Now, things are clear to me. It was my cue to give her my apologies.

I sincerely told her, "Sorry for being a pain in the ass, ate. Saka sorry na rin kung nag-keep ako sa 'yo ng secret— when I was modeling for my former company. At ano pa ba?"

Nag-isip pa ko ng mga kasalanang ginawa ko. Mayr'on pa ba?

Narinig kong napatawa siya bago marahang sinabi, "You're forgiven."

Napangiti ako dahil sa narinig. Out of a sudden, I found myself hugging her.

Naramdaman ko 'yong pagkagulat niya kaya napahagikhik ako.

Hindi ko naiwasang hindi mapabaling sa boobs niya.

Mas malaki 'yon kaysa sa 'kin. Parang ang bigat naman n'on... parang ang hirap tumakbo-takbo.

Napaangat 'yong tingin ko sa kaniya nang magsalita siya, "Alam mo ba, gusto ka na ni Eli noon pa. He's just holding back his feelings because of your age."

Napangiti ako nang sobra dahil sa kilig. Sa sobrang kilig nahampas ko na siya sa braso. Tinawanan niya lang ako bago ako yumakap ulit sa kaniya.

So, totoo pala n'ong sinabi ni Eli na gusto niya ko noon pa man. True na true pala ang balita! Walang halong disinformation.

Ngiting-ngiti kong tinitigan si Ate Felize.

I asked her to tell me more, like kung napag-uusapan ba nila ko ni Eli, gan'on. Kasi normal naman na kapag may crush, bukang-bibig natin 'yong tao na 'yon?

Pero katulad ni Laurice, she didn't say anything.

Ang dadamot!

Paiyak-iyak pa kami kanina tapos pagdadamutan din pala nila ko ng chika sa huli.

Napa-pout na lang ako bago sinilip si Laurice kung gising pa siya.

When I saw that she's still wide awake, napaisip ako kung tatanungin ko ba siya about Jaxson. Kaso, I have a bad feeling that there's something going on between them kaya isinawalang-bahala ko na lang 'yon.

Instead, I asked out of the blue, "Mahal niyo ba ko? Kung 'yong iba gusto ng insurance, ako gusto ko naman ng assurance. So... mahal niyo ba ko?"

Naramdaman kong tumitig sa 'kin si Ate Felize kaya tinabunan ko rin siya ng tingin.

She sweetly answered, "Yes. I treasure you. I love you."

Napangiti ako dahil d'on. Ang sarap-sarap makatanggap ng 'I love you', lalo na kapag sincere.

Napabaling naman ako kay Laurice nang inaantok siyang sumagot, "Oo. Although you're always noisy and ear-splitting."

Nanlaki 'yong mga mata ko dahil sa narinig.

Grabe siya! Sobrang honest. Ang hirap ka-bonding talaga!

Nagtatampo kong saad, "Grabe! 'Di ka naman napipilitan niyan? 'Di ko alam kung gusto mo talagang sabihing mahal mo ko o gusto mo lang sabihing ang ingay ko eh."

Iniwasan niya lang ako ng tingin at saka pumikit na.

Tignan mo 'to, ang bastos!

Nakapikit at tinatamad niyang sambit, "Kung ayaw mo, 'di 'wag. I'm sleepy. Good night."

Napairap na lang ako dahil sa narinig.

Kalma, Elise. Bibigyan ka ng 18,000 at prizes niyan. Pagbigyan mo na. May kabutihan naman 'yan... sobrang liit nga lang.

For the next few minutes, I simply enjoyed the calmness that the surrounding is giving me while still hugging Ate Felize.

Ang sarap pala mag-stargazing. Nakikita ko lang 'to sa mga movie dati eh. I didn't know that I will also experience this. Take note, with my sisters pa!

I was busy looking in the sky when Ate Felize carefully called me out, "Elise? I have something to tell you but you need to promise me that you won't tell anyone about this."

Napatawa ako dahil sa narinig. Pabiro kong sambit, "Nakaka-pressure naman 'yan! Pero shoot. Rest assured na safe ang secret mo sa 'kin."

Patawa-tawa pa ko habang nakatingin sa langit nang bigla niyang diretsahang sabihin, "I'm pregnant."

My heart seriously skipped a beat upon hearing that. I quickly shifted my gaze at her at 'yong mga mata ko, nanlalaki talaga.

Gulat at hindi makapaniwala kong tanong, "Ano?! As in pregnant na buntis? Ikaw? As in?! Hindi kaibigan mo?"

I was waiting for her to say na prank lang 'to pero simple niya lang na sagot, "Oo."

She's not looking at me. Diretso ang tingin niya sa langit.

Kinakabahan ako na hindi ko alam. At sa sobrang dami ko pang tanong, unang lumabas na lang sa bibig ko, "Sinong ama?"

I saw how sadness crossed her face. Bigla tuloy dumagundong 'yong puso ko.

Mahina niyang sagot, "Basta."

Napakunot tuloy ako ng noo. I curiously asked her, "Basta? Basta ang name? Anong apelyido?"

Bahagya siyang napatawa dahil sa tanong ko.

Eh kasi naman! Ayaw na lang sabihin. Ako lang 'to oh, si Elise. Mapagkakatiwalaan niya ng secrets niya.

She calmly assured me, "Basta hindi si Eli kung 'yon man ang gusto mong malaman."

Napatawa ako dahil sa narinig. Grabe naman siya sa 'kin. 'Yon talaga ang iniisip niya?

I jokingly asked her, "Sure na sure?"

At dahil minsan talaga, slow si Ate Felize, ang sinagot ba naman sa 'kin, "Oo nga. Korean ang tatay nito. I told you, Eli and I are best friends, nothing more."

Napailing na lang ako. Dakila talagang patola!

As she's persistent in not telling the father's name, hindi ko na siya pinilit. Baka hindi pa siya ready at ayaw ko namang ma-disrespect siya dahil lang sa curiosity ko.

Instead, I asked various things sounding too intrigued, "Korean? Sa Korea ba siya nakatira o dito lang din sa Pilipinas? Saan niyo nabuo ang pamangkin ko? Excited na ako! May dadagdag na namang maganda sa lahi sa 'tin!"

At oo. 'Pamangkin ko' kaagad ang tawag ko dahil excited na kong ma-meet siya!

Tinignan ako ni Ate Felize at saka kalmadong kinuwento, "Sometimes he's here, sometimes in Korea. During your graduation, d'on 'yon nangyari, kaya hindi ako nakapunta n'on. I met his family and relatives."

Mapang-asar akong napangiti dahil sa narinig kaya mabilis siyang napaiwas ng tingin. Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko 'yong namumula niyang mga pisngi.

Pang-aasar ko pa lalo sa kaniya, "Ah! Ibang putukan pala 'yong nasaksihan mo. Pang-SPG! Kasi kami nina daddy at Laurice, tamang fireworks-fireworks lang sa Pasay."

She pressed her lips together as she looked away even more.

Napahagikhik ako dahil sa reaction niya. So... may love life pala ang ate ko!

I feel so happy to know that. Pero mas masaya ako na pupunta pala dapat siya sa graduation ko n'on.

Grabe namang Koreano 'yon, sinakto pa talaga ang out of the country trip nila sa graduation ko! Nakakatampo ah.

Hindi na nakaimik si Ate Felize kaya binawi ko 'yong sinabi ko kanina, "Joke lang, ate! Pero seriously speaking, nasaan siya? Kilala na ba siya nina daddy?"

She looked at me again and now, her eyes are filled with worry and pain. Parang pati tuloy ako, nasaktan din sa nakita.

I have a hunch that she's not on good terms with him. Pero sana naman, mali ako.

She sadly revealed, "That's not my concern now, Elise. I told you about this because I need to live far away. Para hindi niya malamang may nabuo."

Parang bumagsak 'yong balikat ko sa narinig kahit nakahiga ako. Just kidding! Pero seryoso na, nalungkot ako sa nalaman ko.

Bakit naman kaya niya kailangang umalis?

I carefully asked her kung paano 'yong business niya. Kung ano bang nangyari at ba't niya kailangang umalis. At kung alam ba ng mga magulang namin 'to.

As she tried to answer my questions one by one, lalo lang akong nalungkot. She's gone through a lot at hindi niya deserve na mahirapan na naman.

I can see through her eyes that she wanted to cry pero baka ubos na ang lakas niya para umiyak na naman.

Niyakap ko na lang siya nang mahigpit at saka siniksik ko 'yong ulo ko sa leeg niya. I made sure that she can feel my love for her through this.

She whispered out of nowhere, "I want to be a good person for you and my child."

Napangiti ako sa narinig. I know, she will be a great mother. Masarap magkar'on ng parent na marunong tumanggap ng pagkakamali. At marunong humingi ng tawad.

She's a great woman too. Sana, lumaki ring mabuti 'yong pamangkin ko. Basta ako na ang bahala sa ganda. Mamamana niya 'yon sa 'kin!

Kaya nagsalita ulit ako na ikinatawa naman niya, "Habang naglilihi ka pa, pipikunin kita palagi para maging kamukha ako ng pamangkin ko!"

Napahikab ako habang damang-dama ko na 'yong pagbigat ng mga talukap ko.

Before I got drifted off to sleep, I heard her reminding me, "Continue being amazing. Never get tired to be yourself."