Chapter 30: Bottom line

Sophia and Aika were already seating side-by-side on the table when we took our entrance in the kitchen. They seemed to be waiting for me to start eating their breakfast.

"Nandiyan na ba—"

Natigilan si Sophia sa pagsasalita nang mapatingin siya sa hawak ko. Her mouth was left agape and so Aika's.

Napangisi ako dahil sa nakita. Something came to my mind kaya nilapitan ko siya. I leaned beside her ear to teasingly whisper, "Panga mo... nalaglag."

I was satisfied when she quickly closed her mouth. She even gulped her own saliva.

Gustong-gusto kong humagalpak sa tawa dahil sa nakita kaso nandito si Eli. Baka mapahiya naman siya, so next time na lang.

Nilapag ko na 'yong bouquet sa kitchen counter para makakain na kami. "Dito mo na lang din 'yan ilagay," I instructed Eli who's behind me.

Nilingon ko siya pero laking gulat ko na lang nang sobrang lapit na pala namin sa isa't isa. 'Yong chest niya 'yong sumalubong sa 'kin at kitang-kita ko kung gaano na 'to ka-defined. Nahigit ko tuloy 'yong hininga ko dahil sa distansya namin.

I raised my gaze at him. Parang nanghina 'yong mga tuhod ko nang maabutan kong nakatitig siya sa 'kin. Those captivating eyes.

It seems like he doesn't mind the inch distance as he looked untroubled when he smiled at me.

Walang hirap niyang nilagay 'yong hawak niya sa counter bago niya ko hawakan sa magkabilang balikat. Gulat na gulat ako sa paglapat ng kamay niya that I almost got stiffened. What more if I was wearing a sleeveless shirt?

Buti na lang talaga at nasa wisyo pa ko para pigilan 'yong kilig kong nag-uumapaw.

Giniya niya ko papunta sa table for us to get seated. He even helped me by pulling the chair that made my heart fluttered.

"Thanks," I mumbled trying so hard to not stutter in front of them.

He simply smiled at me pero ramdam na ramdam ko agad 'yong pag-iinit ng mga pisngi ko at 'yong kaba ko. Mas lumala pa 'yon nang tumabi siya sa 'kin. Nagtama pa 'yong mga binti namin kaya mabilis kong naurong pakaliwa 'yong mga binti ko.

Napalunok na lang ako ng sarili kong laway.

Grabe! I was imagining him being sweet and near me before. Pero ngayong nandito na? Parang hindi naman kinakaya ng puso ko.

"Dito ka kakain?" nagtatakang tanong ni Aika.

I lifted my glances at her and saw that she was talking to Eli who's in front of her.

"Yes, if all of you permit me to," he timidly answered.

Tinignan ko siya sa gilid ko at parang wrong move 'yon dahil mas naging pigil 'yong hininga ko.

This man and his effect on me!

Side view, ang gwapo. Front-view, nakakalaglag ng panga. At I love you... Eli.

"Okay lang naman," walang alinlangang sagot ni Sophia. "Pero de lata lang 'yan," dagdag niya pa sabay nguso sa dalawang ulam na nasa mesa.

Canned tuna flakes at tuna afritada 'yong almusal namin ngayon. Hindi ko alam kung kasya 'to ngayong nandito si Eli.

"No problem," confident na sagot niya kaya bigla akong napangiti.

Buti naman at 'di siya maarte sa pagkain.

Tumayo na ko para kumuha ng plato at utensils naming dalawa bago nagsandok ng kanin. Pagbalik ko, tinapat ko 'yong isa kay Eli at 'yong isa sa 'kin.

"Thank you, Elise," he told me without looking at my direction.

He was busy with his phone, so I didn't bother to say something. I simply grabbed us one glass each.

Nang magsimula na kaming kumain, tahimik lang kaming lahat. Nagulat na nga lang kami nang may biglang kumatok sa pinto.

"Sino 'yon?" nagtataka kong tanong kina Sophia at Aika.

Hindi pa sila nakakasagot, nagsalita na si Eli, "I ordered some food."

Gulat na gulat akong napalingon sa kaniya.

Trip na trip niya bang gumastos? As long as I remember, he doesn't spend a lot on things.

Hindi pa ko nakakabawi sa pagkagulat, tumayo na siya agad. "Kunin ko na," nakangiting sambit niya.

Napatango-tango na lang ako hanggang sa mawala siya sa harapan ko. Kaagad kong nilingon sina Aika at Sophia; shock is still visible on my face.

"Mas malaki pa 'yong nagastos niya para sa 'tin kaysa sa mismong order niya," nag-aalala kong sambit pertaining to the cookies.

Napatawa si Sophia dahil sa sinabi ko. She comforted me by saying, "Hayaan mo na. Masama kaya tumanggi sa biyaya."

Maya-maya lang din naman, bumalik na si Eli. Bitbit niya na 'yong isang bucket ng chicken na yakap ng kanan niyang braso tapos isang plastic bag sa kaliwang kamay.

Kahit malayo pa siya, amoy na amoy ko na 'yong mababangong pagkain. Kusa akong napangiti at gustong-gusto kong mapapalakpak sa sobrang saya pero pinigilan ko 'yon.

Parang nagutom nga ulit ako kahit nakakain na ko.

Tuwang-tuwa rin sina Sophia at Aika pagkakita sa dala ni Eli. They said in unison, "Thank you." In which Eli replied, "Get full, ladies."

Marahan niyang nilapag 'yong mga bitbit sa mesa. Nakita kong fries and burgers pala 'yong laman ng supot.

"Sinong gusto pa ng kanin?" nangingiting tanong ni Aika pagkatayo niya't pumunta sa kitchen counter.

"Kunin mo na 'yong kaldero," natatawa kong sagot na ikinahalakhak nila.

When she got back, isa-isa kaming kumuha ng kanin at ulam.

Kakasubo ko pa lang, Sophia suddenly and nonchalantly asked something to Eli, "Bakit ka balik nang balik dito?"

Napatigil ako sa pag-nguya at napababa sa hawak kong kutsara't tinidor dahil sa gulat.

She was seriously looking at Eli and the latter was currently drinking his water. When he gulped it, he directly told her, "To explain everything to Elise."

Pagkabanggit sa pangalan ko, nilingon niya kaagad ako at saka ako nginitian. Wala sa sarili akong napangiti pabalik.

"'Yon lang? Wala kang ibang intensyon?" unsatisfied na tanong ni Aika kaya sa kaniya naman ako napatingin.

Kinakabahan akong ewan dahil sa tanungan ng dalawang 'to.

I turned my eyes at Eli when he answered that question without looking away from me, "I want Elise in my life."

Those words sent shivers to me and made me teary-eyed. Parang sasabog na nga 'yong puso ko sa sobrang bilis ng tibok nito.

I didn't know that hearing him say that will make me this emotional. It was satisfying and it feels like I'm on cloud nine. Who wouldn't? Duh! He wants me in his life and he said that with ease.

"Okay," narinig kong sagot ni Aika. "Clear na 'yan ah," paninigurado niya pa.

I can't focus well on what she was saying because Eli and I were intensely looking at each other. Thereupon, I felt so flushed with his effect on me, so I shifted my glances at Aika. She rose to her feet as she grabbed a burger from the bag.

"Kunin ko na 'to ah," pagpapaalam niya bago ilagay 'yon sa loob ng backpack niya.

"Nakuha mo na eh, nagpaalam ka pa," pabulong na pang-aasar ni Sophia na ikinasimangot ni Aika.

I didn't dare to laugh. I actually want to say that but I was hesitant because of Eli's presence. Baka mapahiya; mababaw pa naman ang luha niyan.

"Do your best, Aika," pagchi-cheer up ko sa kaniya.

Kumislap 'yong mga mata niya dahil sa sinabi ko kaya napangiti ako.

First day niya kasi sa trabaho ngayon. When she got accepted yesterday, nagkapirmahan din agad ng contract.

They seemed to like her that much; kita naman, instead of starting on Monday, she will already work with them today.

"Thank you. Bye na!" nakangiti niyang sambit bago umalis.

Nang mawala na siya sa paningin ko, sinamaan ko ng tingin si Sophia.

"Bakit?" she confusedly mouthed at me.

Inirapan ko lang siya bago bumalik sa pagkain.

Napaangat lang 'yong tingin ko sa kaniya nang tanungin niya ko. "May photoshoot ka mamayang hapon, tama ba?"

I made a "hmm" sound to answer her as I was chewing my food.

"Can I drive you to your work?" singit ni Eli na ikinabigla ko.

Nalunok ko tuloy bigla 'yong nginunguya ko kaya nasamid ako. Rinig na rinig ko 'yong tawa ni Sophia nang abutan ako ni Eli ng baso ng tubig.

Nang makainom na ko, dali-dali kong tinanggihan 'yong alok niya, "Huwag na!" I even waved my hands in disapproval. Nahihiya ko pang dagdag, "Baka masyado na kaming nakakaabala."

His forehead creased as he answered, "You are not."

I bit my lower lip as worries run through my veins. Did I offend him?

Nag-aalangan kong saad, "Sorry. I mean, baka mapagod ka masyado at saka may trabaho ka pa."

The corner of his lips lifted up upon hearing that. He softly mumbled, "I can rearrange my schedule, Elise."

I gave him an assuring smile before I persuaded him, "Kaya ko na 'to! Take a rest after work, okay?"

His jaw moved a little before he conceded defeat, "Okay. If that's what you want."

Napangiti ako dahil sa narinig.

Buti naman at 'di na siya nagpumilit! Health first, landi later.

I got back my attention to my food. Tahimik lang kaming kumakain when Sophia suddenly took a really deep sigh. Curious akong napalingon sa kaniya.

She was smiling but kind of reserved when she mentioned, "Si Aika may trabaho na. Ikaw naman magsisimula na mag-training sa Monday sa bago mong job. Tapos ako?" she took a pause. I saw how her hands gripped tightly on the utensils. "Wala pa rin."

I felt a pang in my heart hearing those words coming from her mouth. Parang may nagbara sa lalamunan ko that made me unable to say anything.

Gusto kong sabihin na we all have different pacing and timing but I don't know if it's appropriate to say. Baka hindi naman makatulong 'yon sa kaniya.

Eli on the other hand was quick to attend to her worries, "Apply in my company if you want."

Gulat na gulat akong napalingon sa kaniya. I can see through him that he was really serious with what he mentioned.

'Di ko alam kung anong sasabihin ko. Pero sabagay, 'di naman kailangan ng comment ko. Hindi naman sa 'kin nag-offer! It is just that I didn't expect that sudden proposal to come from him.

I cast an eye at Sophia whose eyes are now glittering out of happiness.

"Totoo?!" gulat na tanong niya as much as I was shocked. "Walang halong echos?"

Marahan na napatawa si Eli bago siya gumalaw. Napasunod 'yong tingin ko sa kamay niya nang may kunin siya sa bulsa niya. It was his wallet.

He fished out a piece of paper from the inside; then, he handed it over to Sophia which the latter accepted in an instant. Ngiting-ngiti siyang nakatitig d'on.

"Contact me on that cellphone number," he advised her.

I was smiling ears to ears when I laid my eyes on Eli.

Whether he is doing this to impress me or not, I must say that I am really impressed. Dami niyang puntos d'on! S'an ka pa? Hindi lang pogi points mayr'on 'to. Lahat na, kinakabig.

"Thank you! Ano ba 'yan, baka maiyak pa ko rito," natatawang saad ni Sophia.

"Let me know which position you want to apply for," marahang saad ni Eli.

Tumango-tango naman si Sophia. "Sige. Pag-iisipan ko nang mabuti basta in line sa degree ko. So far kasi, puro sa TV at radio stations ako nag-apply."

"Go ahead. Take your time," Eli replied with a smile on his face.

Uminom lang ng tubig si Sophia tapos tumayo na siya.

Napakunot ako ng noo dahil sa ginawa niya. Nagtataka kong tanong, "S'an ka pupunta?"

"May appointment pala ko," nagmamadali niyang saad na nagpataas sa kanang kilay ko.

Mukhang naintindihan niyang 'di ko binili 'yong sinabi niya kaya dinagdagan niya 'yong nauna niyang nabanggit, "Basta, importante!"

Umalis siya kaagad sa harapan namin. Sinundan ko pa siya ng tingin hanggang sa makalabas siya. Napatingin lang ako kay Eli nang mapansing nakatitig siya sa 'kin. On cue, bumilis 'yong kabog ng puso ko.

Tinuro niya 'yong sarili niyang pisngi gamit 'yong hintuturo niya. Napakunot 'yong noo ko dahil sa pagkabigla. Kinakabahan ako na naiinis.

Grabe naman kasi! Kakaalis pa lang ng mga kaibigan ko, ganito na siya umakto? Don't tell me, he was craving for my kisses during daytime? Ito lang ba 'yong habol niya sa 'kin?

Inirapan ko siya dahil feel ko, na-offend ako. "Ayaw ko nga," pagmamatigas ko.

I saw how his forehead creased because of what I said.

Duh! Ano namang akala niya sa 'kin? Sobrang marupok?

"Nagbago na ko, Eli. Kaya pwede ba, huwag kang SPG!" saway ko sa kaniya na naging dahilan ng paggalaw ng panga niya.

"May dumi ka sa kanang pisngi," he cleared out with a hint of tease in his voice.

Mabilis kong kinapa 'yong pisngi ko at may nakuha nga kong butil ng kanin d'on.

I bit my lower lip to kill the embarrassment inside.

Parang gusto kong i-pause 'tong scene na 'to tapos buburahin ko 'to sa alaala ni Eli. Pero siyempre, impossible naman 'yon!

Pinunasan ko na lang 'yong kamay kong nadumihan bago bumalik sa pagkain.

I didn't hear him laugh but it didn't lessen the humiliation I did to myself. Iisipin ko na lang na lahat naman tayo, may kahihiyang nagagawa sa buhay.

Tapos sabi ng iba, kapag sinubukan raw nating kalimutan 'yong isang bagay, makakalimutan din natin 'yon... 'di ba?

Totoo ba?

"I'm sorry, Elise," he shyly told me that made my heart skipped a beat.

Nanlalaki 'yong mga mata ko nang lingunin ko siya. He was also staring at me and I can see how apologetic he is.

Alanganin akong napatawa. "Ano ka ba! Wala 'yon," I assured him as I carefully hit my elbow on his arm. He looked confused so I added, "Parang 'yon lang naman."

"Not that," he softly uttered. He moved his hands to his long sleeves to undone three of the buttons as if in need of breathing. His face became more serious yet worried. "I'm talking about what I did before."

Bigla akong kinabahan dahil sa pag-change ng topic namin. Hindi ko alam kung handa na ba kong pag-usapan 'yon.

Pero kung hindi ngayon... kailan?

When he noticed that I wasn't saying anything, he mindfully asked me, "Are you comfortable to talk about it now?"

Nabawasan 'yong pangamba sa puso ko pagkarinig n'on. Napangiti ako dahil sa pagiging cautious niya.

"Natatakot ako," I bluntly told him as I laid my eyes back to the food. Kabado kong dugtong sa naunang sinabi, "But carry on, I'll listen."

Pinagpatuloy ko na 'yong pagkain ko pero ewan ko kung tinatanggap pa 'to ng tiyan ko. Nag-uumapaw kasi 'yong kaba ko dahil bukod sa natatakot akong may marinig na baka makasakit lang sa 'kin, kinakabahan ako dahil dalawa lang kami.

Kahit mahangin at kahit may kalakihan 'tong bahay, parang ang sikip-sikip ngayong magkatabi kami. He is making me tensed and out of my mind.

"I was afraid to acknowledge your love back in the day because as I told you," huminto siya at tumagilid nang maayos para mas mapaharap sa pwesto ko. I raised my glances at him. He's really serious and his eyes are so intense. "You were so young and I was too old for you."

Napakunot 'yong noo ko dahil sa sinabi niya. Pain and anger suddenly knocked on my heart's door.

I snapped, "Issue ba 'yon sa 'kin? Hindi naman 'di ba?"

He's been telling this to me even before at hindi ko na makita 'yong point niya. Ano naman kasi kung bata pa ko n'on?

Huminga siya nang malalim na parang pinapahaba 'yong pasensya niya sa 'kin. Titig na titig siya sa mga mata ko na parang sinusuri kung anong sasabihin.

Before he can say anything, I told him, "Don't use that 'young' card on me, Eli. Pwede mo namang sabihin nang diretso kung ayaw mo lang talaga—"

He cut me off by shushing me before he huskily yet softly uttered, "Gusto na kita noon pa, Elise."

On cue, kumalabog 'yong puso ko dahil sa inamin niya. I can also feel the tingling sensation he gave me. Pati 'yong inis na nararamdaman ko kanina, naglaho na lang na parang bula.

Still, I won't deny the fact that I want to ask a lot of things. Parang mas dumami lang kasi 'yong tanong sa isip ko nang sabihin niya 'yon.

Kung gusto niya ko noon pa man, ba't 'di niya sinabi? Na sa dinami-dami ng mga naging girlfriend niya, 'di man lang ako naipila r'on. Ang lapit na nga eh. Sa sobrang lapit ko, 'yong kapatid ko pa 'yong napili niya.

I can't say anything to him yet as my lips formed a line because of shock.

Tinitigan ko siya sa mga mata only to see sincerity from those captivating eyes.

He raised his arms to reach for my cheeks.

Sinundan ng mga mata ko 'yong paggalaw ng mga kamay niya. Pagkalapat na pagkalapat ng mga 'to sa magkabilang pisngi ko, parang apoy na nagliyab 'yong cheeks ko.

My eyes automatically closed to feel his warmth.

Dinig na dinig ko 'yong mabilis na kabog ng puso ko. His touch comforts me and I feel so safe because of it.

This kind of physical touch helped me to gather enough courage to ask him something. That maybe, will clear some confusions from my head.

Binuksan ko 'yong mga mata ko para diretsuhan siyang tanungin. "If you liked me from then on, why did you have girlfriends, as in with 's'?"

Hindi niya inalis 'yong mga mata niyang nakatitig sa 'kin. Those were filled with flaming love but I wasn't burned. It compliments well the long been present and scorching love I have for him.

"At first, to push you away because you were underage," he directly answered trying to be calm and careful. Yet, I was hurt that it was real— he wanted me far off of him. "Years passed, I was determined to make you forget about me. For you to focus on your studies."

Napasimangot ako bigla dahil sa narinig.

"Bakit?" nagtataka kong tanong. "My grades were high as the sky. I was a consistent honor student and a scholar as well," I said as a matter of fact almost shouting at him but I composed myself.

We're not here to fight but talk. Calm down, Elise.

His jaws moved but it weren't clenched.

"I was a distraction to you, Elise," he bravely answered me that made me more confused.

Napakunot 'yong noo ko pero nawala rin 'yon agad when he made circles on both of my cheeks using his thumbs. It sent shivers through my veins.

I like it. I want more of it. Pero tinigil niya rin 'yon agad para hawakan 'yong pareho kong kamay.

Napasunod 'yong titig ko r'on.

I don't know if he can see through me but I'm becoming needy of his touches.

Ginalaw ko 'yong mga kamay ko to intertwine our fingers. It made me smile unknowingly.

"You kept on following me wherever I go, Elise. Did you forget?" marahan niyang tanong na nagpaangat ng tingin ko.

I bit my lower lip because I was guilty. It was true.

"I was worried that your world will revolve on me." He took a pause to tighten his hold on my hands. Kinabahan tuloy ako bigla sa sasabihin niya pero napalitan din 'yon ng saya nang sambitin niyang, "You are full of potentials and I knew that you can go far. I was worried I'd block your road."

Napatawa ko dahil sobrang hindi ako makapaniwala sa narinig.

"P'ano naman mangyayari 'yon?" I asked in disbelief. "Inspiration kaya kita! Motivation, source of strength, happy pill; name it, Eli," I admitted in a lively voice.

Hindi nakatakas sa paningin ko 'yong pagtaas ng gilid ng mga labi niya but he wasn't smirking. It looks like he was impressed, satisfied, and humbled.

Napa-pout ako bigla nang may maalala. "Sa tingin mo rin ba obsessed na ko sa 'yo noon?"

His eyes were shocked at first but it was quickly replaced by worry.

Kinakabahan ako habang hinihintay 'yong sagot niya.

He was careful when he finally answered me, "You had this uncontrollable grip on me."

Hindi ko napigilang mapatawa dahil sa narinig instead na ma-hurt.

"Pinaganda mo lang! Gan'on din 'yon," natatawa kong sambit bago napairap.

He also cracked a little chuckle that took away all the negativity surrounding me.

Talent niya atang ubusin 'yong bigat na dinadala ko. Parang kanina... 'yong bouquet. Dahil d'on wala na kong po-problemahing bills for the next few months.

That's a half-meant joke!

Bigla siyang nagseryoso kaya napaseryoso rin tuloy ako. Gaya-gaya lang, gan'on.

He was brave yet careful when he told me, "I'm really sorry if I broke your heart repeatedly in the past. Sorry if I settled in pushing you away instead of talking things with you. I had this thought that you will have more reasons to follow me around if you had known." Tumigil siya para ipagdikit 'yong mga noo namin.

Kusa akong napapikit at dinama 'yong mabilis na kabog ng puso ko.

Napadilat lang ako nang maramdaman ko 'yong pagdikit ng mga ilong namin. Kitang-kita ko 'yong bawat parte at sulok ng mukha niya sa sobrang lapit namin. Parang pati nga lamok, mahihiyang dumaan sa pagitan namin.

I can feel his warm breathing from his nose that is in my liking. Even the alluring smell of his breath didn't escape my nostrils when he spoke again. "Sorry if I acknowledged your Ate Felize's idea."

Napataas 'yong kanang kilay ko dahil sa narinig. What does he meant?

I want to ask questions but I let him continue what he was initially saying. Hindi dahil mabaho 'yong hininga ko ah!

Napatikim tuloy ako bigla ng laway ko para lasahan 'to.

Hmm. It doesn't tastes bad!

"She thought that a way to make you stop was by telling you that we were together... but we weren't," he assured me with his eyes pleading for forgiveness.

Napakunot-noo ako dahil sa narinig.

Ilang beses kong sinubukang i-process 'yon sa utak ko pero it took me a while to fully grasp it. Nang maintindihan ko na, nanlalaki 'yong mga mata ko nang bahagyang lumayo ako sa kaniya.

Napabitaw ako sa holding hands namin at saka ko siya hinawakan sa magkabilang braso.

Sobrang gulat na gulat talaga ko sa nalaman ko but that shock isn't giving me pain— it was more of a bliss than agony.

"Totoo?!" hindi makapaniwala kong tanong sa kaniya. Halos alugin ko pa nga siya dahil sa saya.

Hindi 'to pasimpleng hawak ah. Masaya lang talaga ko!

"Yes. Hindi naging kami," he smilingly answered as he caught my hands to intertwine them with his again.

Hindi ko na napigilan 'yong pag-ngiti ko. Halos mapunit na nga 'yong mga labi ko sa sobrang lapad ng ngiti ko.

Gustong-gusto kong sabihin kay Eli na time first muna, tatawagan ko lang si Laurice ngayon, as in now na. Gan'on ako kasaya ngayon! Pero siyempre, sayang naman 'yong moment. Baka mabati!

Nangingiti kong biro, "Sabihin mo muna, 'There was never an us', master."

Napakunot siya ng noo kaya napahagikhik ako.

"You aren't serious, are you?" kinakabahan niyang tanong.

Hindi ko pinansin 'yon, instead I shot him with my own questions, "Kung hindi naging kayo at ginawa niyo lang 'yon para palayuin ako, ba't parang prepared kayo? She lied in front of our family as well. Idea niya talaga 'yon?"

His confused face turned into a lighter one. He firmly said, "I'll let Felize do the talking for that, Elise."

Kinabahan at natakot ako bigla dahil sa narinig. Nawala 'yong malapad kong ngiti kanina.

Kami ni Ate Felize? Mag-uusap?

Hindi ko alam. Hindi ko sure kung kaya ko ng makipag-usap sa kaniya. I was hurt as much as I was afraid that she might reveal that she wasn't fond of me from the beginning. Kaya niya nagawa 'yon sa 'kin.

Yet, that's just my mind.

I got back to my senses when Eli squeezed my hands. When I stared at him, he immediately gave me an affiliative smile.

Napangiti na rin tuloy ako dahil sa ginawa niya. Napa-pout lang ako nang may sumagi na naman sa isip ko.

"Eh p'ano 'yong mga naging gf mo noon?" diretso kong tanong, walang kurap-kurap. "Fake lang din 'yon? Sinaktan mo sila?" I felt hurt a little thinking that I might be right.

Baka magbago isip ko kung—

"No!" he clearly denied. He even shrugged his head looking like a kid. "I don't play around with anybody's heart, Elise," mariin niyang saad. Kitang-kita ko pa 'yong paggalaw ng panga niya.

Napatango-tango na lang ako at iibahin na sana 'yong topic nang may gumulo sa isip ko. Napakunot tuloy ako bigla ng noo.

"So, minahal mo sila?" I tasted bitterness in my saliva while asking that.

"Apparently, no," he quickly answered. He took a deep breath before he cleared out things, "They knew I don't like them and that I was only escaping the sin of being an abuser when you were underage. Although  being in a relationship with a minor is not punishable by the law, it was still 'wrong'."

I bit my lower lip while carefully listening to him. He explained, "You were so innocent and you act based on your liking. I could have been a pedophile? A lawbreaker? If we had sexual contact or I had committed lascivious conduct."

Napalunok ako sa narinig habang titig na titig sa mga mata niya.

He thought of that? Na baka naging law breaker siya kung naging kami? Dahil ba sobrang mapusok ako? At baka may nangyari sa 'min o simpleng nagkar'on lang siya ng pagnanasa?

Parang na-touch tuloy ako sa narinig. Not everyone thinks the same way when they're in love. Basta mahal nila, sumusugal sila. Katwiran pa nga ng iba, 'age doesn't matter'.

He added, "The moment you reached legal age, I was scared to take a risk. Something could have totally happened between us if I tried approaching you."

He took a deep breath and I can sense that he is worried. "You kissed me whenever you want. Despite the fact that you are at the right age and concern is given, it is still wrong. You were only a college student by that time. Because I was so into you, Elise, I do not want to hinder your growth."

Napahinga ako nang malalim. I feel at ease na pumapasok pala sa utak ni Eli 'yong mga gan'ong bagay.

He continued, "They agreed to that kind of term. No physical touches, no strings attached—"

"Pumayag sila?" naiinip at nagtataka kong tanong.

May gan'on ba? Binibilog na ata ni Eli 'yong ulo ko eh!

Bigla siyang natawa kaya napasimangot ako. Ano namang nakakatawa sa tanong ko?

"Certainly," he answered between his laughs. "Hindi lang ikaw 'yong pinipilahan, Elise," nakangisi niyang saad. "I, too," dagdag niya pa.

Napairap na lang ako dahil sa narinig. Naalala ko na naman how popular he is to women, especially to those in their 20s. Nakakainis!

Ang dami-daming lalaki, nakikipag-agawan pa sa isa. Huh! Soon enough, magsasara din ang pila.

Ops! My bad. That sounds possessive. Mali 'yon. That's not Elise of 2024.

Umayos ako ng upo para mas makaharap ako sa kaniya. Then, I doubtfully asked, "One time you were so mad at me because your ex knew about my made-up story through my ex-co-model— that we are in a relationship. Ano 'yon? Fake rin? That sounds impossible to me, Eli."

His forehead has creased a little looking like he was digging what happened in the past. Then, suddenly, his face lightened, plastering a smile for me to fall for.

"That's Abella," he mentioned a name I wasn't able to grasp. Wala naman kasi akong pake. "I didn't want to hurt any of them because of recklessness. Believe me, I tried loving them the way they loved me but I couldn't because of you. In the end, I'll break up with them or they'll get tired of the situation."

Tumango-tango ako bilang sagot. Wala naman na kasi akong masabi. Gusto ko lang sanang itanong kung nag-SPG ba sila ng mga ex niya. O kung ako pa lang 'yong nahahalikan niya. Kaso baka 'di naman tamang itanong 'yon.

Okay na 'yon. Somehow, everything has been cleared up to me naman na.

Pero nag-worry ata siya nang mapansin ko 'yong paglalim ng mga mata niya.

"I made you cry that day, did I?" he worriedly asked me as his right hand reached for my cheek to caress it. "I'm sorry for making you cry a lot, Elise. I'm sorry for becoming the reason for your feud with your family," he was concerned and he looked uneasy when he uttered those words.

Marahan akong napatawa. "That's a different story, Eli."

Huminga ako nang malalim nang may isang tanong akong maalala na gusto ko pala ng sagot. Ngayon. Din.

"What's the bottom line of this explanation thingy, Eli?" kinakabahan ngunit diretso kong tanong.

He stopped from caressing my cheeks when he planted a kiss on my forehead. Gulat na gulat ako sa ginawa niya. Damang-dama ko 'yong kiliti sa puson ko.

Hindi ko 'yon ine-expect kaya parang 'di ko masyadong nadama. Pwede bang humingi ng part two?

Hindi? Ayaw?

Damot!

I was busy with my own thoughts when I got stilled because of his question, "Are you willing to risk with me?"