<I may look calm but in my head I've killed you three times>

|27|

THE SWEET scent of patchouli wafted to my nostrils, the tantalizing smell bringing me awake. Slowly prying my eyes open, I saw Jayden gazing at me with this weird but concerned expression. When he saw I was struggling to sit upright, he pushed back a little, creating a space between us so I wouldn't feel overwhelmed.

"Why are you---" I began, then cut off my speech with a groan that sounded like stone being grated against the tarmac. I felt like my body had been crushed under a truck, my damp gown also adding to my uneasiness.

"What happened Olayinka? You don't know what I went through seeing you lying unconscious, all pale and wet in the cold sand." Jayden's hands gripped the steering wheel tight. As if he wanted to hit something. And I wanted him to, but preferably someone.

We were in his car which was parked in front of my house. The porch light shone directly on his face and his expression was that of care, fury, regret and something else I didn't want to understand. I looked away.

"Let's just say I escaped death." I shrugged, closing my arms around me in the bid to keep away the cold. Yes, I had escaped from drowning, but it seemed that it would be the cold that did kill me.

Jayden took notice of my shivering body and led me out of his car and up into my room. When we passed my parent's room, I could hear a soft snore meaning Dad was sound asleep. Thank God I hadn't called him earlier, he really needed that sleep.

Jayden switched on my room light, then made me sit on my bed. Going inside my bathroom, he fixed a hot bath for me.

Still sitting down, I stared fixed at my grubby hands, harrowing thoughts of what I had passed through an hour ago galloping through my mind. The urge to cry swamped me but I wasn't going to cry. No. Crying was for the weak, not the brave and I had long since decided I was no coward. But I needed to talk about something, anything to get Katharina, Kian and everyone in the party out of my head.

"So how are your applications going?" I called to Jayden, trying to start a conversation that wouldn't be about me.

"Good but not what we need to be talking about right now, you know that. Come take your bath." When he saw I wasn't forthcoming he pushed me in, closing the door.

I didn't want to bathe right now. In fact, I didn't want to bathe ever. The thought of submerging myself inside the water was revolting and needless to say, scary. Yes, I knew I wasn't going to drown but still.

"Jayden," I said in a tiny voice. He didn't respond so I called out again, louder this time.

"Yes Olayinka what is it? I'm bringing out clothes that'll keep you warm." I could hear him rummaging in my wardrobe.

"Nothing," I replied, praying to God to give me strength. I stripped naked then placed my feet inside. Conquering my wild urge to flee, I immersed myself into the hot water and let the soothing swirls calm me.

Closing my eyes and refusing to think about those sad events that happened to occur an hour ago, I washed myself until my toes and fingers pruned, wrinkling. I didn't rush my bath despite Jayden being just a few feet away from me and I wasn't afraid of him barging in because I knew he wouldn't do that.

Afterwards, I clothed myself in the heaviest and warmest dress Jayden could find, brushed my teeth and waited for him as he prepared a fast meal for me.

Placing the steaming hot pasta in my hands, he scooted next to me and sat on the bed. "Eat."

I had no appetite nor willpower to eat but I did just that, Jayden coaxing me all the way through.

Silence surrounded us now I was done. It wasn't an awkward one though. Just beautiful deep silence. We stayed like that for some time, me twining my fingers around each other, Jayden wiping away the moisture on his glasses until he finally brought up the topic I had been dreading.

"Talk. What happened and no, you're not shutting me out." He placed his glasses on the bed and lifted my chin up so I could stare at his face. I saw that unknown emotion churning violently in the greenish brown pools of his eyes and suddenly the dam that had been holding the flood of my emotions broke down and everything came out in a rush.

"Jesus. You almost died while I was busy applying to colleges. Oh my God," he groaned, running a hand through his hair---messing it in the process--- after he'd finished listening to my watery tale.

"I'm so sorry. I should have gone with you. If I had been there, you wouldn't have gone through that and Lord knows if I ever see that bitch Katharina, she'll surely get it from me," he gritted out, fists closed tightly. This was the first time I heard him swearing. It was also the first time I saw him this angry, jaws clenched tight and eyes blazing a stormy green. Seeing him like this gave me this elusive feeling that perhaps Jayden wasn't only that gentle, soft-spoken boy I knew. He was someone else too.

"It's not your fault Jayden. It's mine. Katharina wouldn't have gotten the chance to push me if I had not gone in the first place. You know, the moment I saw them watching me, I wanted to cry but I promised myself I wouldn't and I also didn't want to tell you 'cos you being here for me is obviously going to make me cry. There are tears in my eye right now and I don't want to cry. . ." But I was already crying. Sobs wracked my frame violently and I tried to muffle them by placing my folded palms over my mouth.

I smiled shakily at him through my tears. "I'm crying right now and I'm telling myself that my tears aren't tears of weakness. . . Shaa, I'm not really crying because you're talking to me but because I'm overwhelmed and. . ."

I hiccuped, the lump in my throat getting bigger. "I have been wanting to cry although I held it in since."

Jayden hugged me tight, his arms a lifeline of support. "Tears are never a sign of weakness Olayinka. They're a sign of strength. It means you are strong enough to feel something so let it all out."

He continued, "Forget this. Don't be upset. The world's gonna be like this 'sadly' but as I said before, straighten your crown and move on. They have backing, that's why it seems they're right. People are just gonna be wicked and heartless."

I continued sobbing, pouring my heart out while Jayden rocked me gently, patting my back.

"By the way, where was Kian when all this was happening?" Jayden asked, his voice rumbling.

"He was drunk," I muttered, my tears ceasing as I remembered seeing him having fun and talking to his friends. My anger rose, recalling everything Katharina had told me and how Kian had laid on the ground, drunk as fuck.

Jayden sighed, a look of disgust on his face and gratefully chose to say nothing.

I looked up at Jayden, cleaning my wet cheeks. "Thank you Jayden for everything you've done for me. You're the best. I guess what happened is all in the past now. I'm not gonna let it get me down," I acknowledged in a firm voice. The Lord should better help me for I was gonna kick some ass tomorrow. Like Kian's for one.

"Yeah you're welcome and that's my girl." Jayden gave me a tiny reassuring smile.

"Be calm, being upset weighs down on you not them. Remember, you still have people who care about you, people like me." He brought me closer---if that was possible because I was already snuggled so close---to his arms, this time softly stroking my hair. It was comfortable and calming, the way he did it and we stayed like that till I didn't know when I fell asleep and when he left.

***

I went to school the next day with my head held high. No one was gonna take me down, not after I had survived. Eyes forward, face lifted, shoulders upright, I marched down the hallway, ready for war with anyone who dared to say anything about yesterday.

If I assumed---which I didn't---that people were not going to talk about last night's events, then boy was I wrong.

She's the girl that almost drowned.

She's lucky she didn't die.

Why did she even come in the first place? Party pooper!

So she's scared of water, pathetic human, amongst others floated to my ears. I tightened my palms into fist and chose to ignore them. These gossip mongers should thank their stars I didn't want to go to war anymore 'cos I already knew fighting the amount of people whispering and pointing at me would waste my time and energy. Time and energy I didn't have to spare.

Heading to my relatively new locker---relatively new because my old locker had been garbage bombed more than a month ago, thanks to dear old Katharina---I picked up my English notes and textbooks.

Whipping around, I made as if to move but stopped short as I sighted one of the most impossible and picture worthy---because it wasn't everyday you saw something like this and someone had to take a picture in order to bound this moment for future use--- displays ever.

A very furious Kian was coming towards me and dragging a screaming and disheveled Kathariana with him. Eh, what was happening here?

Perplexed and confused, I stood by the side of my locker and watched as he forced Katharina to kneel down on the floor. Right in front of me. Again, what was happening?

Students who had been milling around and chattering like parrots froze too, the scene before them unlike anything they had ever seen before.

"Everyone gather around!" Kian shouted, his loud voice reverberating in the hallway. Everyone, apart from me of course, formed a semi-circle around us and the noise which had rocked everywhere before disappeared as quick as lightning.

"Now I'm sure all of you are aware of what this," Kian pointed to Katharina as she crouched on the ground, trying to hide her face which wasn't working by the way 'cos everyone could definitely see her shame stricken face, "bitch did to Jamila yesterday. But if you don't, then I'll gladly tell you."

He started walking to and fro in the little gap between us and the crowd of people, hands kept behind his back as if he was talking about a business deal. "She pushed Jamila down to the water when she fucking knew Jamila couldn't swim!"

"I don't know why you did it nor do I care but all I ask from you right now is to apologize to Jamila. Right. Here. And. Right. Now."

I stood, taken aback at what I was witnessing. I had earlier planned on kicking Kian's ass but now all that resolve was slowly slipping away.

Katharina whimpered, raising her tear stricken face and I almost felt sorry her. Almost.

"No." She shook her head defiantly. "I'm not apologizing to that trash."

"Shut the fuck up! If I say you're going to apologize then you're fucking going to and the only one who's trash is you!" Kian was shouting now and I even flinched from his voice.

Katharina didn't do anything, she remained motionless, reduced to nothing. People were already whispering and taking videos of this once in a lifetime event with their phones. I could already see the instagram caption under a miserable picture of Katharina, 'Penfield Queen Bee fallen as she grovels, pleading at the feet of a fellow girl!' Omo, how the mighty have perished!

Kian came closer to Katharina and lifted her trembling chin so that everyone could see her face.

"Bitch apologize to Jamila now or I'll expose one of your dark secrets. Do it right, with you facing her and your words sincere and clear."

That did it or so I thought. She turned and looking at me spat," I'm sorry Jamila." Of course, I forgot the leopard or in this case, the bitchpard never changes its spot.

"Ohhhh," Kian drawled in a cold tone. 'It seems you don't listen."

The old Kian that used to bully me gave her one of those mean calculated smiles he usually granted me back then, his blue eyes very cold and scary. "That does it. Ryan, go get me that video we have of Katharina. It seems the world needs to know some things about Black Kat. Lame name by the way."

Ryan nodded and circled about us, going down the hallway. Katharina's eyes turned into very big O's and she finally cracked. All the bitchiness finally seeped out of her. Guess those secrets must be pretty dark.

"Please, Kian please don't do this to me," she begged, her hands clasped together in a pleading stance.

He shrugged, a nonchalant expression on his face. "I won't if you say you're sorry and say it like you mean it. "

She gulped and turned to me again. "Jamila I am sorry. . ." Since she was directly facing me and others including Kian who stood by her side, I was the only person privileged to see the multitude and legion of hatred she had for me. Her eyes actually flashed but I stared back, my eyes flashing too with venom and retribution. Our gazes clashed and collided, each of us battling to see who would look away first and if she thought I would, she was in for a surprise. After some serious glaring, she avoided my gaze first. One for Olay, zero for Black Kat!

'Good but we're not done," Kian told Katharina after we had finished our glaring daggers contest, then focused on me. "Jamila, are you okay with her apology or do you want her to do some other thing for you? If you do, just name it.'

His offer was tempting. Really, 'cos I was tempted to add something else like pouring garbage on her hair, stabbing her twenty times but seeing her cowering in defeat with her shamefaced facial expression was enough. More than enough.

"Nope," I smirked at no one in particular. "Now if you'll excuse me." I gave Katharina a sickly sweet smile and sidestepped them, continuing my peacock walk down the hallway.

Today's morning was pretty epic. Who said Karma didn't work again? Well I think it just did now 'cos Katharina surely had it coming. Thank you Karma, I acknowledged gratefully.

Someone was behind me and it didn't take me a second guess to know who it was. Feigning annoyance, I tilted my head to the person who had been trailing beside me. "Yes? What do you want?"

"You," Kian said, ruffling his already messed up hair and gifting me a lopsided grin.

"Ha ha ha, you're so funny." Rolling my eyes, I resumed my ambling gait.

"Okay okay, I get it's not funny and that you're kinda annoyed with me. Just chill, I want to tell you something." He placed a hand on my shoulder to make me pause which I did, then brought my face towards his direction. I stared at his ever gorgeous face, those piercing deep blue eyes drilling into mine with so much emotion.

He whooshed out a sigh. "I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you out. Man, assuming I knew what that bitch was up to, I wouldn't have drank too much. I even have a fucking hangover from drinking like a fool but that's beside the point. The point is that I'm so fucking sorry Jamila, I really am."

I watched him as he closed his palms over his face, his shoulders hunched down in remorse or guilt---I wasn't sure---and I knew I couldn't be miffed at him forever. It wasn't his fault Katharina decided to be a full time asshole.

I elbowed him gently. "It's not your fault and nah, you don't have to keep looking out for me you know."

He was looking at me now, face still drawn and I grudgingly let my lips lift up in a half-smile. "And thank you for what you did there, it was kinda gratifying."

"It's my job to always look out for you and you're always welcome Jamila. C'mere." He opened his arms wide and I closed the space between us, hugging him so hard.

***

"Ahh," I moaned as I bit into a yummy Kentucky chicken, relishing the freedom that came with having three days off from school. I don't know why the fuck the government announced the closure of high schools throughout the country for about three days but I don't care, all I knew was I had some me time for myself. Me time like Netflix and chill, reading to stupor and binge eating mouth-watering food. Netflix and chill was on board at the moment.

Crossing my legs on the sofa in the living room, I placed another spicy chicken into my mouth and reached for the remote control.

Hmmm, what to watch? Oh yes! Fifty Shades of Grey. That movie had been hyped so much and I wanted to see what the hype was all about. I swear, if it was only gonna be all about sex and bdsm shit then count me out. I mean the movie couldn't be about sex only right? Right. Boy would I find that I was wrong.

Settling down, I wrapped the warm duvet around my body as I cuddled into a ball, eager to treat my eyes to something phenomenal. Hopefully Fifty Shades is gonna be phenomenal.

Forty minutes into the movie, just when Chris was about to continue having sex with Anastasia, my phone rang. Saved by the phone!

Picking it up, I answered, "Hello Kian."

"Hey Jamila. How you doing?" His voice came out as a sexy drawl. A drawl that had me weirdly curling my toes.

"I'm good. You just saved me from having to watch another sex scene in Fifty Shades."

He laughed and I could picture him clutching his belly hard, face down and hair bobbing. I smiled.

"So you're watching naughty movies now aren't you? Naughty naughty girl," Kian managed after he'd finished laughing, a smirk pitching in his tone.

"Oh please, spare me that. Why are you calling? I'm pretty sure it's not just asking me about my well-being and telling me what a naughty girl I am, which of course I'm not." It was true, he only called when he needed something from me.

"You break my heart Jamila and what if I did call you exactly for that?" he questioned, faking the sadness in his voice.

"Yeah right, Kiannnnnnnn," I drew out his name, rolling my eyes.

"Fine, you caught me. Anyways, since we have this out of the blues holiday, me and the guys plan on going out this afternoon to this cabin up in the Montana woods to spend some quality time with everyone in senior year. Lots of partying, games, fun stuff throughout and I want you there. Please say yes?"

Yes yes yes! Suddenly the prospect of staying at home watching tv, reading and eating seemed boring as fuck so I readily agreed. I mean you only live once so yeah I needed to have some fun in my drab and uninteresting life.

"You don't need to beg, I need to get me some fun so yup. Now what do you suggest I pack for my stay there?"

"It's in the woods so I'll suggest long sleeves to avoid leaf cuts, casual clothings, all that stuff girls need and of course a skimpy bikini outfit for skinny dipping."

Laughing I called out a loud perv into my phone and he replied, "Only for you Jamila. See you around twelve pm."

With that he clicked his phone off. I stood up from the sofa, turned off my tv, then went up to my room. Fifty Shades was not worth the hype. Honestly.

Staring outside my window and observing the beautiful scenery laid before me, I stretched my arms and thanked the Lord for keeping me alive to see this wonderful day. A day that was turning wonderful by the second.

I turned away, took about two steps then frowned as my thought stuck to Jayden. He also needed to come with me and I'd forgotten to ask Kian whether he'd invited him but just in case he hadn't, I would do that myself.

I called Jayden and begged him to join us. At first he said no but finally relented after I severely threatened and pleaded. I also told him to be around my house at 12, same time Kian had given me.

Getting permission from my parents was no difficult task, they already wanted me to go out although I had to endure some series of parental advice pertaining to do's and don'ts. By 11:30 I was ready, yeah I'm the girl with no chills, with all my things packed in my traveling bag.

Kian, as usual, arrived right on time. He helped me set my bags inside the boot and just as we were about to put the last stuff I bought, Jayden arrived, late. Per usual.

I looked up to see Jayden come beside me, a disgruntled look on his face as he took us in.

"Hello Den!" I waved at him, more than glad he came and ignored the not so happy glare on his cute face.

"Hi Olayinka," he grumbled, leaning against the Audi and tapping his fingers against his bleached jeans.

Kian glanced up from arranging the bags to flit his eyes over Jayden's sloping form, then turned his attention back inside the car's interior. "Jayden? Hey bro, what's up? I didn't know you were coming."

"I'm good man and yeah I didn't know me was coming too. And I wouldn't have, if not for this meddling girl right beside me."

Kian chuckled as he closed the boot while I grinned and slapped a hearty pat on Jayden's turtleneck clad back. "You know you love me."

"Ewww," Jayden snorted and made a gagging noise. I slapped another pat on his back, this time more heart-ier---if there was anything like that---than the first.

"Ouch Olay! You meanie!" Jayden groaned, doubling down.

"It's the pat of love sugar." I stuck my tongue out at him even though he didn't see it as he was still reeling from my hearty pat. Too bad he didn't see.

We heard a clap that had us whipping our heads towards its direction. Kian.

'Now that you guys are done bickering with each other, it's time we start moving out. Montana is like a three hours ride from here and I want us to reach there before nightfall."

"Okayy sure. We're ready to go." I gave Jayden a playful push, then slid into the front seat. Winding down the car window, I watched Jayden through the side mirror, as he made his way towards his own car. He would follow Kian's lead, driving behind us.

Kian came in, clipping on his seatbelt and I followed suit, eager to start our journey.

When he hadn't revved up the engine yet, I frowned at him. "What's the wait now? I thought you wanted us to---"

The sentence I wanted to say wasn't finished because I saw him holding out my favorite cap. The cap I thought I'd lost forever.

"This yours?" He shook it to and fro in my face, beaming at me.

Snatching it away from him, I screamed in delight, "Oh my God Kian! How did you get this? I've been looking for it since!"

"Well, you know that party we held in honor of us winning the match, I saw it on the ground after you ran off. I've always wanted to return it to you but I usually forgot and I don't know how I remembered it right now and I'm sorry I forgot to give it to you and I know I'm blabbering right now which is kinda weird . . ."

"Shut up and stop talking already," I cut him off then flung myself into his arms. "Thank you so much. You don't know what this means to me, Kian. I'm really grateful!"

He smiled widely and taking the cap from my fingers, which had been lovingly stroking the knitting on the cap, placed it on my head.

"There," he said when he was done fixing the cap.

"Mhmm. There, right where it belongs. Hopefully it doesn't leave my head again." I giggled to myself while Kian started driving off.

"I think we're forgetting something!" I piped up. We were already a good distance away from my house.

"What?" Kian glanced at me, a tiny frown between his brows and his foot on the brake. Jayden horned steadily at us, probably wondering why we'd stopped.

"Music!" I yelled then cranked the stereo way up. Shaking his head and giving me a grin, Kian resumed driving and I nodded my head to Up by Cardi B, loving the way the breeze blew in my face and stinged my eyes.

Montana Woods here I come!

A/N: Heyyyyyyyyy, e don tey like e don teyyyyy. I'm so sorry cos I've not updated for like two months and I'm sooo sorry like really :-( Please I hope you forgive me :-) So after like two chapters or so we'll reach to a shocking revelation. Buckle up people :-))) And we're almost there, just 12 more chappies and I'm doneeee!!!!!

Nita♡