Fireside, Day 143 A.F

Warm hands brushed my cheek, nudging me from a restless sleep. I pressed my eyes shut, anything to recapture my dream of Cyprian. It wasn't his gentle touch that woke me, but the roar of a brilliant fire. Gabriel must have managed to set a flame. But the angel was nowhere to be seen. Neither was Lotan.

Tybira coaxed a few berries down Enki's throat, casting nervous glances towards Death.

I knew I couldn't blame her; she was just looking out for Enki's best interest. Just like I thought only of Cyp's. It wasn't fair that we couldn't protect both men at the same time, but she'd always choose Enki, and I'd always choose Cyp.

Even if it meant dealing with Death.

It was a miracle he hadn't killed us yet. But he remained on his stone, his satchel at his feet and a book in his hands. He seemed utterly uninterested in us, absorbed in his reading. His brow furrowed in concentration.

A gust of wind sent me scooting closer to the fire, letting the flames cast a glow across my glyphs. As I repositioned, a dark shadow sped above me.

In flew Gabriel, Lotan cradled in his arms. I didn't think I'd ever seen the human smile like that. Gabriel landed gracefully, and Lotan unwound his arms from his neck. After a murmured word, Lotan trotted towards Enki and Tybira, and Gabriel strolled towards me. "We went on a quick surveillance flight. No sign of trouble, but I still think Fortune is nearby."

And why was he telling me this? I frowned. "What do you want?"

He studied my face, perhaps searching for traces of Lady Lotus. Finally, Gabriel sat down, his wings stretched out behind him. "I'd like to make peace."

"Help me save Cyprian," I replied. "I can't do that if you kill Death."

Gabriel sighed. "Empress, I respect you quite a lot... so I expect you to understand why I made the decision I did."

"You're betraying Cyp."

He grimaced. "But I'm honoring Lotan. I'm doing all I can for The Hanged Man by staying with you, but I can't put Lotan in more danger."

"If you're willing to toss him aside, why bother to stay?" I grumbled.

"I'm not tossing him aside, Empress, but I need to prioritize Lotan. It's no different than your prioritizing the Hanged Man."

"I know he's your friend, but Cyprian is the love of my life."

He rubbed his forehead. "Empress I want you to understand that I wanted to side with you. It's just... it's the same. The same as you and the Hanged Man."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean that I love Lotan the same way you love the Hanged Man. I need to do what's best for him."

I looked at Gabriel, then Lotan, then Gabriel again. His wings fluttered in my silence, obviously uncomfortable, like he was a breath from flying away. In away, I'd known. I'd even envied their relationship. They shared a sort of ancient trust, an unspoken language, a seamless intimacy. I gave Gabriel a smile. "You and Lotan then?"

With a breathy laugh, he ran a hand through his hair. I couldn't tell if he appreciated my referring to him and Lotan as a unit. "Gods, no. He would never. And it would just ruin what we have if he knew. Besides, it's better if he doesn't know."

"Why?" I furrowed my brow.

"I'm already being selfish with him. It's too dangerous for him to be anywhere near the Game, but that would mean sending him away from me. We're all doomed to this, but he isn't. He can escape it, but I'm not letting him. He's already been tortured because the Lovers knew what he means to me. If I deserved him in the first place, I'd be able to send him away from the Game, even if that meant letting him go." So many reasons. I could tell he'd gone through every painful reason his feelings were wrong, had argued constantly with himself.

"He's better off with you," I said. "You can protect him better than he can on his own."

"Even if that were the case, I won't be alive more than another turn of the seasons."

He prophesied his death with such certainty, my heart clenched. "You don't know that."

Gabriel leaned back on his wings. "I'm not cut out for this Game."

"You know everything about it."

"Not everything. And knowledge isn't all there is to it." He stared at the two Icons on his hands, earned from defeating Evony Mahvash, the Moon: a moon shape for Evony, and a pair of horns from her kill, Chesed the Devil. "I'm not a killer. It makes me sick just thinking about it doing it again. Only one can survive, and I've already pledged unwavering allegiance to the Hanged Man's entire alliance, and Judgement never breaks his word. I can't hurt any of you, which just means I'll be killed."

"Then how were you planning on killing Death?" How could he not understand my need to save Cyprian? But his words weighed on me. If an Arcana and a human were doomed, then two Arcana didn't have a chance. How could two people fated to murder each other fall in love? Yet Cyprian and I had. Enki and Tybira had. We were breaking the gods' wishes simply by caring for one another. So why couldn't Gabriel survive? Why couldn't all of us keep on defying out fates?

"While you slept, we formulated a plan. It's risky, but I believe it will work. Although I loath killing, I will not hesitate to slay an enemy who poses a threat to Lotan." 

As much as I hated it, I had to respect his loyalty, his unstoppable will. But if I respected it, I was willing to emulate it. He would do anything to protect Lotan, and I would do anything to save Cyprian. Even exploit his vulnerability.

"And you're also willing to leave a friend to rot? That's what you're doing to Cyprian. And what about me? I won't help you, so does that mean I'm your enemy?"

He smiled, shaking his head. "Empress, I confided in you in part because I can console myself with the knowledge that even if I'm letting the Hanged Man go, I'm keeping the woman he loves from making a fatal error. But also because I wish for us to be friends. You're loyal and a tireless fighter. The Chronicles were wrong about you. I told you this because I respect your choice, and I'm hoping you can respect mine."

With a single flap of his wings, Gabriel stood up.

I watched him retreat for a moment, before calling, "if we're friends, you'll stop calling me Empress."

He cast a smile over his shoulder. "If you say so, Ayesha."

As Gabriel returned to Lotan's side, I sidled nearer to the fire. Gabriel might not blame me and I might forgive him, but that didn't mean I could join him. He was with Tybira. While I understood her motives, she'd pushed me to my limit and hadn't apologized. I couldn't tell if I was angier with her for forsaking Cyprian--reasoning I couldn't fault--or for tempting Lady Lotus.

She'd caused me to lose control, putting herself and everyone else in danger. Because of her, I'd nearly lost myself. And she'd watched me suffer, watched me claw my own scalp, anything to fight back the witch. I almost hadn't been able to, and if I'd been a moment later, I would have regained control only to find her or any of the others dead at my hands. And I'd be lost once more. But she'd watched on, taunting Lady Lotus at her own peril and at my torture.

That I couldn't understand. And that, I couldn't forgive.

Gabriel had made peace, but his efforts didn't not speak for the rest. So while they chatted merrily, I had only the fire for company.

My gaze wandered to Death. While he still held his open book, his eyes were on me, an expression that could pass for puzzlement on his face. When he noticed my melancholy stare, his lips curled into a smirk. Mocking my exile from my allies? The exile he'd caused. Isolation choked me, so too did a new wave of hatred for our latest foe. Already he tortured me. If he took such pleasure in my despair, I could only imagine what he'd ask of us. Matthew had already claimed he wished to touch us. How long before he demanded we let him take our Icons and lives with one brush of a finger?

My skin crawled with shame. What was I thinking? He wouldn't take us to Cyprian. How could I expect Death to keep his word? He'd mooch off our supplies, then revel in our agony. If I was smarter, I'd ask Gabriel to tell me their plan and lend them my vines.

But something was stopping me. Hope. If we attacked, I'd be irrevocably abandoning Cyprian. If I went along with Death, regardless of its foolishness, there was that one miniscule chance that his word was good and I would see Cyp again.

It was stupid. I was stupid, even Cyprian would say so. In fact, he'd be the very first one to say so. But I just couldn't give up on that chance.

And because I couldn't, my friends took it upon themselves to make the decision without me.

I'd either watch my friends butchar my only hope of reaching Cyprian. Or I'd watch Death massacre my friends.