Mock Warrior Interview: Dustpelt
We're happy to introduce a brand new segment, the " Mock Warrior Interviews"! In these interviews, we will be mocking...err doing mock interviews of various warriors from the books. I'm sure all admins will want to do these, so you guys should see a pretty steady flow. This first one will be a short example. Hopefully the regular ones will be much longer, but this should give you a sense of how they'll be structured.
So, our first warrior will be Dustpelt, interviewed by myself, Tiger!
Interview:
(Lights, Camera, Action! The WattyWarriors stage is lit up as the crowd claps. Tiger trips over a stray wire, but catches himself in time before he embarrasses himself on national TV. Shadow curses Starclan and drops the wire back to the ground, swearing revenge on Tiger for stealing her name even though she stole his first. Sitting down in his chair, Tiger waves to crowd even though he doesn't have hands, he has paws.)
(Dustpelt walks up to stage now, also sitting. Tiger scoots away a little bit to avoid the infectious scrubbiness radiating from his pelt.)
Tiger: Hello Dustpelt, how are you today?
Dustpelt: Fine, thanks.
Tiger: So, what have you been up to since *Censored due to spoilers*
Tiger: Wait, what just happened? I wanted to ask you what you've been doing since *Censored due to spoilers*
Tiger: WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING SINCE *CENSORED DUE TO SPOILERS*
Tiger: *CENSORED DUE TO SPOILERS* *CENSORED DUE TO SPOILERS* *CENSORED DUE TO SPOILERS*
Tiger: FORGET IT! So Dustpelt, what do you have to say to people who call Ferncloud your, qoute on qoute, "Baby making machine"?
(Dustpelt gets visibly angry and red)
Dustpelt: They're wrong. We did NOT repopulate half of Thunderclan! Those are vicious lies!
Tiger: I never said you repopulated half of Thunderclan? But if the shoe fits....
Dustpelt: What in Starclan is a shoe?
(Tiger gets confused)
Tiger: I... don't know!
Dustpelt: Then why'd you say it?
Tiger: Well you see, it's whats called a wise-cracking- (See's Dustpelt and crowd is bored) Nevermind let's move on. Does someone in the crowd have a question for Dustpelt?
(Random cat that no one has ever heard of gets to his/her/it's paws, conveniently created for this segment, tilting his/her/it's head questioningly.)
Random nameless cat that is probably one of the admins in disguise: So, how did it feel to have Firestar sweep Sandstorm out from under your paws waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back in the first arc?
Dustpelt (surprised): That's not what happened at all!
Tiger: Sure seemed like it to me...
(Dustpelt rounds on Tiger)
Dustpelt: Nobody asked you!
Tiger: You're right, *Insert cat name here* asked you. Please answer the question.
Dustpelt: I will not!
(Dustpelt turns away pointedly.)
Tiger: May I remind you that in Clause 7375723524 of the contract you signed, you explicitly agreed to answer questions that would cause you both embarrassment and feelings of uncomfortability?
Dustpelt: I'm not answering.
Tiger: May I also remind you that in Clause 2458346 of your contract, you agreed that we could put you in a dress and let the crowd make fun of you if you ever breached your contract?
(Caught off guard, Dustpelt gulps.)
Dustpelt: Still not answering.
(Frustrated, Tiger gives up. But then mutters under his breath: )
Tiger: Not my fault your scrubbiness chased Sandstorm away
Dustpelt: WHAT!?!
(Dustpelt gets extremely angry, and leaps for Tiger. The crowd chants: "JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!" as Dustpelt attempts to choke Tiger.)
Tiger: CUT TO COMMERCIAL! CUT TO COMMERCIAL! FOR THE LOVE OF STARCLAN CUT TO-
**
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WARNING: SIDE EFFECTS MAY INCLUDE: Scrubbiness, the feeling of being scrubby, having kits who are jerks, having kits that are kinda not jerks, falling in love with a cat that has a mate and kits, generally being annoying, always screeching for no reason, Mad Cat Disease, Freckles, Hilarious Mustaches and MORE!
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