Review of "Redfern" by Nevervane

"Rose House," Emma points to the understated sign on the rain-slick Lancashire stone. "This is the Redferns' place."

The two vampires survey the silent scene.

"Are you sure about this?" Rainer is doubtful. "It looks like no-one is home."

Emma shrugs. "It said eight on Facebook." She walks across the crunching gravel drive, tries the metal handle on the modernist glass door. "It's open. Come on!"

Inside, it is dim and smells like spilled and second-hand alcohol. The only sound in the building is snoring. The snores are loose and uncontrolled, telling of drunkenness and looming hangovers. There are empty bottles, half-eaten bowls of party nibbles, and muddy footprints everywhere.

"Are you sure Arran meant eight a.m.?" Rainer scowls at his companion. "It looks like we're twelve hours late."

"Whatever." Emma throws her hands up defensively. "It doesn't matter anyway. I hate everyone except you." She sits on the low Ermes couch, picks up a green bottle from the cluster of empty and almost-empty glassware before her. "Brouilly," she says approvingly. "You gotta love these rich-kid parties."

Rainer joins her on the stylish, crisp-crumbed sofa, pausing first to survey a mysterious brown stain. Eventually, against his better judgement, he sits in it.

They swig the leftover wine straight from the bottle.

"I'd have preferred a Bordeaux," Rainer muses, "especially on the day after the party. When you open a Bordeaux, its soul breathes—the soul of a Beaujolais tends to flee the bottle after uncorking. But we do have to get on with this review. Maybe it's for the best that it's so quiet. Twiglet?"

He proffers a hummus-smeared snack bowl before pulling some crumpled sheets of paper from his pocket.

"Okay, let's get on."

He smooths the paper with his hand, places it on the G-Plan coffee table. At the top, in big Sharpie letters, it says
Wattpeer Review: Redfern.

1) Story: Did we like it? Did it draw us in? Was it believable? Did it bore us? What did we think of its plot?

"Mmh," Rainer says, "the Story. A good point.

"I am usually not into vampire stories. But the book did draw me in, right from its start. A hungover teen waking up, or at least trying to, in a mess of a room and with a mess of a life, that's nothing special." He looks at the mess around him, a hint of a smile making an appearance on his face. "But in the present case, this teen is a vampire. This gives the story a twist. And he's not a vampire of the sinister kind, the kind lurking in the dark and using an Igor for daytime activities. No, he's somehow quite human, relatable. He does have his ... bodily needs, but he goes to school and wonders which university he should apply to. He's worried about his future. The book follows Arran through a life meandering between human normalcy and the supernatural. It's a path prone to bring up interesting conflicts, and the author exploits that, with skill. It kept me riveted. Assuming that there's a world supernatural intermeshed with ours (and I am sure there is), the plot is definitely believable and not boring."

He scans his notes, then continues. "The one thing that sometimes came into the way of the story was some excessive world building, or character building. It tended to interrupt the storytelling. But I'll come back to that when we talk about the characters."

Emma nods, taking another sip of Brouilly and swilling it round her mouth, like mouthwash. Rainer reaches out for it, and she reluctantly hands the bottle over.

"I agree," she says, eying her companion as he pours some of the wine into a glass of doubtful cleanliness. "I liked the twist of the vampire love story being told from the POV of the rich, handsome - I'm assuming he's handsome, with his sexual history (the author very rightly doesn't ever point that out, where a lesser author might) - and powerful - at least compared to a human - vampire. The complex interplay of the human and supernatural world was unique and enjoyable, and brought a freshness to the vampire genre in a similar way to the Sookie Stackhouse series, which I really enjoyed until Eric's character was completely destroyed in the most boringly blatant piece of-"

"Wrong book," Rainer interjects pointedly. "Stay on topic."

"Yep. So the plot was good. Sadly we didn't have enough to work on - the story is currently shorter than I first thought - but the glimpses we had of the plot arc to come were very promising. I especially liked the hint at Naomi's... Anyway, I won't ruin it for readers, but a certain very interesting condition that, to me, promises much conflict and makes me want to read on."

Rainer grins, remembering Naomi's hint that Emma is talking about.

"I only have two slight criticisms," Emma continues. "First, I feel Arran's human-vampire status - particularly the fact he was born, and grows like a human, should be stated early on. In chapter one I found myself struggling to understand how a member of the undead was in school without anyone noticing he wasn't getting older, and why someone potentially centuries old would care about universities at all. So a tiny bit of clarification (the family photos reference was perfect, when it came) would save me that confusion and incredulity.

"Second, this may be a personal preference, but starting chapter one of a book with someone waking up is cliche, and it bored me. I was excited to read this book, then felt disappointed when it started with the old alarm-goes-off trope. My disappointment very soon abated when I saw the quality of the writing, but I'd rather not have felt it at all."

2) Characters: Are your characters plausible, tangible, and relatable? How do they grow and change? Did they work out for us?

Rainer opens his mouth to say something, then Emma rudely butts in. "I thought the characters were good. Rich and complex, but cohesive. Over the course of the chapters, Arran's internal need - to understand himself, and the unique (and lonely) place he inhabits in the world, was made clear. This could have perhaps been hinted at more in chapter one, but that's a small criticism. The book isn't long enough for us to comment on character growth, but his interaction with his ex suggests it will be there."

Rainer narrows his eyes at Emma.

"What?" She raises her eyebrows. "I can see through walls. It's my vampire power."

"Anyway," she monologues on. "I especially liked the peripheral characters. There's a huge cast of lesser characters, which could get confusing if they weren't so well painted. But they are. Arran's mother is amazing. She's my spirit animal. In fact..."

Emma stands up, goes to rummage in a closet set into an alcove by the door.

"I knew it!" She pulls out a red-soled pair of Louboutins and tries them on, walking a few shaky-but-triumphant steps on the pale-grey carpet.

"Careful there," Rainer warns, his tone worried. "High heels and alcohol—", Emma stumbles, but catches herself on a bookshelf, "—don't mix well".

Ruthlessly exploiting the break in her monologue, Rainer continues. "You've mentioned the huge cast of lesser characters. I fully agree that we get a rich picture there. Arran's mother, for example—a strong personality. And I also like Lex. But I found the character learning curve in this book to be a bit steep. The first two short chapters introduce no less than seven names, relatives mostly, without dwelling on most of them. The next chapters switch to Arran's school, bringing up new names. I doubt that a normal reader would be able to memorize them all.

"Also, details of some of the characters are described long before they make an active appearance in the story, such as Arran's siblings. It can be a bit difficult for a reader to remember a character's details if he has never seen him or her acting. The fact that some of them go by two names (such as Amelia/Mia) does not help."

Rainer's eyes fall on an Amarone bottle standing beside the sofa. He picks it up eagerly, but finds it empty. With a sigh, his attention returns to the wrinkled paper on the table.

3) Feelings: How does your story feel?

Rainer chuckles. "How does the story feel? It's definitely not of the spooky kind. Nevervane's writing is truly witty, and I had many LOL moments. Not what I expected from a vampire story, but that's part of what I liked about it."

Emma nods. "Agreed. This would appeal to fans of regular teen fiction who wouldn't usually dip into the vampire genre. She uses vampiric issues in a similar way to Joss Whedon with Buffy - as a metaphor for the pains of growing up."

4) Pacing: are there any parts of your book that feel slow, or rushed, or superfluous to the movement of the story?

Emma screws up her face. "I perhaps found the waking-up stuff superfluous in chapter one, but don't know if I'm being harsh. What do you think, Rainer?"

"You've got a point on the waking-up scene." Rainer nods. "It would be interesting to run some statistics on Wattpad—count the percentage of books that start with someone waking up. I have a mind to write a book that starts with someone falling asleep. The first chapter would just deal with her tossing and turning in her bed and—."

"Rainer, stick to the point, please," Emma says, peeking disappointedly into the now empty bottle of Brouilly.

"OK. Yes, we're talking about pacing, thanks. For me, the slowest part of the book are those sections where we read about the characteristics of relatives that we haven't even met yet. A bit stressful for the reader because he has to try to memorize all of those vamps without having met them yet. That's probably a matter of taste, though."

5) Spelling & grammar: What's our impression of your spelling and your grammar? Here we will not address individual issues but give a general assessment.

Rainer briefly consults his ephemeral notes, then looks up. "The language is rich and strong. It's a pleasure to read. Typos are few.

"There's one thing I would like to mention, though," he continues, his voice assuming the grating tone of a dissatisfied professor close to retirement, "It's sentence structure. The sentences tend to be long, and commas seem to be in short supply on the author's keyboard. And some of the commas that come out of it could just as well be replaced by periods, cutting those long sentences into more manageable chunks. The long sentences can make for hard reading. It's a fact. In addition, interspersing the long phrases with shorter ones can add more rhythm to the flow."

He briefly hesitates, apparently contemplating the length of his own sentences—but he quickly dismisses the thought and continues. "Finally, in a few of the dialogues, I was unsure who said what. Tagging direct speech and adding a new paragraph when the actor changes might help there.

"But all in all, as I said, spelling and grammar are well done and a pleasure to sore eyes."

Emma shrugs. "Can't add to that." She smiles affectionately at Rainer. "You're so good at this stuff, partner."

6) Suggestions: Do we have any suggestions for improving the book?

Emma sits back down on the sofa, eases off the skyscraper heels. "Overall, this is an excellent first draft so far. I'd really consider the set up of the start of chapter one, and bring in a little bit of information on the fact that Arran is - essentially - human for now, with his growing and everything, but that's it."

"Good point!" Rainer beams at Emma. "In addition, I would recommend introducing most characters on a need-to-know basis only. And—" A frown growing on Emma's face makes him hesitate. "I mean, when listing the character traits of some siblings in chapter 1, but a certain sister makes her appearance only several chapters later, the reader is likely to have forgotten about her. But in the end, that's a matter of taste.

"Ah, and one more thing: Settings! Don't forget to describe the settings. While the first chapter does a wonderful description of Arran's room, other chapters sometimes lack detail in that regard. For example, I remember a fascinating scene in a certain hotel room. All I know about that room is that it has a bed and a chair. Note, I'm not talking about mentioning every mote of dust hovering in a place, but just highlighting one or two unique points of a setting can help the reader to build a mental picture or to get its mood."

7) Highlights: What did we enjoy most?

Rainer grins. "One of my favourites is Arran's and Noemi's first date, even though they don't call it a date. It's when they drive in his mother's car and then sit in a restaurant. The scenes are intriguing and hilarious. And another favourite is the part where his birthday party gets going, where the human and non-human guests start to mingle. It's a moment full of tension, and anything can happen."

Emma nods. "I love the little hints about Arran's eccentric family members, and the scenes with his mother. I'm certainly going to be reading on and look forward to learning more. I also liked the references to real-life Lancashire history. They felt like an in-joke for those in the know."

8) Audience: Who do we think would most enjoy this book, and why?

"To be honest," Emma lifts her bare feet onto the expensive sofa. "I think this book has broad appeal. The quality of the writing means it can appeal as much to adults as teens. Some teen fiction stuff seems like so much hollow and pretentious philosophy and angst-over-nothing to me, but that doesn't apply here. I really enjoyed it."

"Ehm, Audience..." Rainer scratches his head, looking at a large pool of half-dried something on the carpet, as if searching for an answer in its depths. "As I said, I'm not a regular reader of vampire stories, and I don't know what makes their readership tick. I guess that late teens are the target audience since the characters are in that age class. But the writing has enough substance to be entertaining of the older readers as well. And since it's not your typical vampire story, it might easily appeal to readers who are not regulars of that genre. I think you've mentioned this too. As an experiment, the author might try to put the book into another main genre, such as romance, for a couple of weeks, and see what happens."

Emma and Rainer look at each other, and then at the now exhausted list of topics. "Anything else?" Emma asks.

"No, I think that's all," Rainer replies, feeling a pang of regret.

The two vampires try to rise from the sofa, but the stain has managed to adhere to their clothing. While Emma frees herself with an elegant, magical flick of her hand, Rainer uses effort and a grunt. They take up their notes and walk towards the large, half-opened windows.

"Oh, one more thing," Rainer says, while crossing the room and circling around a forgotten coat hanging from a yucca plant, "did I say that I loved the blurb of the book?"