By Ange_Ackerman

The moon gazed sombre and solitary from the deep indigo sky, its light as still and soft as breath on the gables and roofs of Brightstar Manor.

In contrast, the chamber windows below it glowed with heat and light, the hum of celebration and the golden radiance of Aethyr lamps within both lively and incandescent.

Through fine, lace-wrought window-frames, satin dresses whispered and swirled, horsehair bows skittered across cherry-wood instruments, and electricity sparked as flesh grazed welcoming flesh.

Long, linen-covered tables lined the rooms, loaded with delicacies from all corners of the known world, the scent of sweet-roasts and peppered meats mingling with the fragrance of honeysuckle blossoms and the heady musk of guests' perfumes.

Rainer tapped his fingers impatiently on the handle of his sheathed sabre, the ceremonial scabbard of red velvet and soft leather foreign against his leg. The temptations of the party were but noise, the decorated women chattering birds.

He pushed his way through the crowds towards the back of the hall, where a stout auctioneer stood on a dais, inviting bids on various objects from Lord Eldrin's esoteric and desirable collection.

This is what I'm here for. And just in time, too.

The current lot was a book, its cover intricately embossed in tones of gold and black. Rainer slipped into a chair at the back of the room. The stately yet beautiful woman next to him turned with a scowl as his movement rustled her voluminous silver taffeta skirts.

"Baroness," Rainer murmured. The woman nodded, tapping a forest-snipe feathered fan disapprovingly against her jewelled, whale-boned breast, and turned her attention back to the auctioneer.

The young woman on the other side of the Baroness leaned in and whispered in her ear, loud enough for Rainer to hear.

"Of Thorns and Teeth." Her dark curls bounced as she looked towards the auctioneer, the crystals affixed in them glinting in the Aethyr light. "A first edition, hand-signed by the author."

"Yes," Baroness Balmere replied under her breath, raising a silver card to bid. "It contains many of the greatest stories of our people, of both these times and times before, be they private or public. The secrets of the Eldan and the humans, from all the great houses."

"It is surely of significant worth for any library," the younger girl observed.

"Indeed," the baroness replied, lifting her silver card to bid again. "Knowledge is power. Especially the knowledge of one's contemporaries' misdemeanours, and that which they would rather hide."

Rainer glanced sidelong at the Baroness before lifting his own card to bid.

He disliked people, be they humans or fellow Eldans, and shunned their company. Yet, in this case, the prize was worth the discomfort. He knew The Fall universe well, but up to this day he had only read transcripts, rewrites, and the fictions of fans, and he was eager to know how close they were to the original work.

The Baroness Balmere bid again, taking the price to one-thousand imperial khas.

Rainer flicked his card.

"Two thousand." The auctioneer nodded towards him. "Will you give me three?"

The baroness turned, elegant features sharp with displeasure. Rainer raised an eyebrow sardonically.

"Well I never!" The younger girl breathed, her small white hand curling into a delicate fist. "Lord Salt intends to play the rogue."

The Baroness bid again, and Rainer raised. The bids flew back and forth between them, the numbers quickly climbing, the room charged by the bated breaths of all within.

No one moved except a lampgirl, passing behind the auctioneer, on her quest to refill the Aethyr in one of the lamps. A scarlet scarf fastened around her waist was the only colour in her drab servant's garb, like a bright smear of blood momentarily in the shadows. Then, she vanished behind a potted fingerhemp bush, and the hall was still with expectation once more.

The lamp girl's appearance and disappearance had distracted Rainer's attention for a fateful moment, making him miss the Baroness's last bid.

"We have eight thousand from the Dowager Baroness. And, since no one is willing to offer more..." The auctioneer lifted his golden hammer. "The—"

"Ten thousand!" The shout escaped Rainer's lips without his thinking.

"We have ten. Ten thousand. Will anyone give me more? Eleven?"

The Baroness turned to glower at Rainer, her powdered face as pale as the bones depicted in the fine-painted yet ghastly mural behind her. Whispers ruffled the crowd.

"Ten thousand it is!" The Auctioneer repeated. He lifted his hammer and brought it down.

~~~

Emma moved through the corridors of the manor like a shade, flitting from shadow to shadow. Her Aethyr bucket was long discarded, hidden within a deep wooden chest, elaborately carved in the traditional folk style of Samarna.

The wealthy folk in the auction hall knew naught, she thought. They had no idea of the richness that book held, the reaches of its world. Since first happening upon it one icy morning, very soon after coming to the post at Brightstar from the grimy slums of Daroa, she had read the tome more times than she could count. Always in secret, because access to the books in the library was out of bounds for a lowly lampgirl.

Each time she re-read it, she discovered new riddles and found new answers in a story more multi-layered and convoluted than the laces and ribbons on Lady Crescia's skirts.

And now, Lord Eldrin wanted to sell it. She wouldn't allow it. She wouldn't be separated from the book.

Emma glanced around the quiet anteroom, crowded with various ancient and mystical treasures, long neglected, freshly dusted, waiting to be sold. The book sat innocently amid them, a yellow tag on its front now reading, "Sold to Salt."

Biting her lip, Emma looked around again, and—as if guided by a power much bigger than her own—took the book in her arms, wrapped it in the scarlet cloth of her belt, and ran.

~~~

Rainer counted ten heavy, octagonal gold coins from his purse and placed them into the outstretched fingers of the Auctioneer's greasy-haired teller.

"Thank you, sir," the man said, "Please follow me."

The jingle of the purse that Rainer stowed away in his pocket now lacked the soft sound of precious metal.

So it goes—the money, and the world.

As they entered the back room, a lampgirl scuttled out. She held a folded, red piece of cloth in her hands.

Inside, the teller stopped in his tracks. "What...?"

A small table stood in the centre of the room, empty but for a yellow Auctioneer's tag, marked with Sold to Salt.

Rainer's hand went to his sword.

The lampgirl! Something had seemed odd about her. Yet she wouldn't rob him of what was his.

He turned and left the room, just in time to see the tail of the servant's skirts disappear into a door down the hallway. He ran.

The chamber he followed her into was a drawing room with low tables adorned with unlit candelabra, heavy stuffed velveteen chairs, and a bookcase against one wall. The woman wasn't there.

Rainer checked the window—it was barred.

Sorcery? A follower of the Darkseer?

No, the air lacked the electric tingle of the arcane. There had to be a more mundane explanation.

One of Aethyr lamps on the wall flickered.

Curious, Rainer approached it, and found a fine draft of air wafting from a gap beside the shelf.

A secret passage—these old manors were full of them. His own family seat—long lost, to the dark forces that abounded in the last copper moon—had had many. His memories of boyhood were full of flits through them, both in times of laughter and of fear. Rainer pried his fingers into the gap and pulled, rewarded by the whole shelf swinging outwards.

The passage beyond was dimly illuminated by the weak, unsteady light of twinklestones. He entered and followed its twisted path through the building, the dust dancing around him. The passage led him to a door standing ajar, into a room hung with dark-blue velvet curtains.

Silently, he navigated their labyrinth and finally found himself looking into a chamber lit by the dancing flames of a fireplace. The lampgirl sat on a sofa beside it, holding the book in her lap. She was reading.

~~~

"Here you are, thief," Rainer said.

The woman gave a small shriek and closed the book, clamping it to her chest.

"My Lord!" she exclaimed, eyes darting round the room in panic, clearly looking for escape. "I fear..."

"You fear what?" Rainer said sternly, fixing crisp blue Eldan eyes on the maid. "You fear you have been discovered, and interrupted, in your nefarity?"

"Aye." The lampgirl looked up, defiance twinkling in her eyes. "Happen I have, and happen you will expect me obliged to give it back. But I'll say you be Lord or nay, you shall be persuaded to the contrary."

"In the name of the divine twins! Why, of all the insolence..." Rainer took a step towards the sofa, his eyes widening at the servant girl's impertinent attitude.

"No disrespect intended, your Lordship." The girl shrank into the sofa, obviously afraid. "I am all apology, I'm sure. But I don't want no-one to take the book from here, and that's the truth of it."

She bit her lip, holding the heavy book towards him, tears welling in her eyes.

Rainer frowned as he took the book, confounded by the behaviour of this strange little creature.

"Why? Why do you steal a book, risking a beating at best and prison for theft at worst?"

She lifted her skirts to dab her eyes. "That's not just any book, is it?"

"Yes, you're right in that regard." He nodded. "So you've read it, I'm led to assume?"

"Yes. More times than the ten thousand you spent on it." She folded her skirts between her fingers, her eyes staring into the distance of the dusty royal blue drapes.

Rainer sat down by her side, on the sofa. "I see. So...what did you think of it?"

1) Story: Did we like it? Did it draw us in? Was it believable? Did it bore us? What did we think of its plot?

"It's unfortunate this question is first, really, as it means I'm leading with my biggest criticism of the book, which I wouldn't usually want to do," Emma said. "I mean, there's so much to love about this book. For example, the characterisation, the dialogue, the world-building, all are impeccable. But its one flaw—to my eyes, at least—is the subject of this question. And that is plot. The author, in a comment, described this as a soap opera, which was a fantastic description. Like a soap opera, it has a huge cast, lots of intertwining action, and a wide world. But I struggled to settle on a plot thread, which meant the story lacked a pay-off for me, a sense of satisfaction. As a reader, without that clear line of plot keeping me on the path, I wondered at points where I was going, and felt like I'd wandered off the road, and was meandering around some deep and atmospheric woods, encountering wights and reavers and all sorts of fascinating characters—but I wasn't exactly sure why."

Rainer nodded. "So, it's true. The book is like its transcripts, the ones I've read. It is a complex story set in an even more complex world, and it has a sprawling cast. As an example, in the very first chapter ('Chapter 1.1 Part 1'), no less than a dozen named characters are introduced, and the next one adds another handful of them. This results in a steep slope of learning.

"After these first parts, the reading acquires more ease. The story kicks in, the one about Sirrin, and helps to pull the reader along.

"One key feature of the book are the numerous mysteries. Characters do something enigmatic, and the reader does not know why. This is a fine tool to increase tension. However, when used too often, it can confuse the reader, leaving him... or her..." He nodded at the girl whose serious countenance was broken by a grin. "... with too many questions and without a good grasp of what's going on, of what's at stake. Even the author seems to be aware of this and sometimes adds helpful hints in an author's note (e.g. 2.8-2)."

2) Characters: Are your characters plausible, tangible, and relatable? How do they grow and change? Did they work out for us?

Rainer scratched the stubble on his chin. "Some of the characters are very tangible, in particular Sirrin and Nell. But the cast is numerous, so others were a big vague. For example, there are quite a number of chapters about Huron, yet his motives, feelings, and character were vague for a long time, which made it difficult to relate to him."

"Yes, I agree that I didn't enjoy the Huron chapters as much. Or the Rud ones," Emma said. "But I absolutely loved Yrian, and Crescia, Elliard and Sirrin. I was much more engaged with the lords and ladies than the common-folk. The Moreigh Balmere family were so wonderful to spend time with. I was always a bit disappointed when we switched to Huron and his exploits, and just wanted to get back to the Eldan and their kin."

She sat back in the sofa, visibly relaxed now, as if chatting with an Eldan lord was completely natural to her, despite her slum upbringing.

"Can I just say how much I loved that each character was not driven by motivated self-propulsion—something so common in terms of the protagonists of novels to be almost treated as a rule—but was completely reactionary, always seeming a victim to, and acting at the behest of, his or her past, and surroundings.

That was wonderful. I mean, so masterful. Enchanting, and real, and really fabulous, fabulous writing. Such emotional and cognitive realism. I applaud the author for that, I really do. Every actor's personality was driven by and completely embedded in their environment, which made the universe, and their roles in it, so wonderfully rich and real."

3) Feelings: How does your story feel?

"I loved the atmosphere of the book, I really did," Emma said, fanning her face with her grubby hand. "It really had a distinct setting, and feeling to it. Very enjoyable. The world was so rich and detailed, and very consistent."

Rainer rubbed a stain the girl's sooty fingers had left on the book's cover. "First, the book felt like a Jane Austen story. It draws on the style and mannerism of these 19th century books. But then Tolkien starts contributing... A world of steam engines is entwined with maging and fantasy. It's quite a unique mix."

4) Pacing: are there any parts of your book that feel slow, or rushed, or superfluous to the movement of the story?

"The pacing in the first part is good," Rainer said. "In particular Sirrin's story is driving the plot forward. She was the most relatable character for me, and I was curious how she'd fit into her new place.

"In the 2.2 chapters, the plot was quite mysterious, making me curious about many characters. However, this mystery also prevented me from developing strong feelings at this point... I just couldn't fathom them. And since Sirrin was sort of idling along there, I felt that the plot lacked a bit in tension."

"A lot happened that with hindsight, didn't seem that relevant to the story arc of the book, and it sometimes got exhausting trying to keep track of what was going on, and if I had to remember it or not," Emma said. "That bogged down the story for me. Eidie Salante, for example, and Rud's play. I was a bit... what was the point of all that? I'm sure it's all going to be picked up in later volumes, but there were too many set-ups for me, and not enough pay-offs."

5) Spelling & grammar: What's our impression of your spelling and your grammar?

"Spelling and grammar were spot on," Emma said, stroking the book with admiration. "The author is a fantastic writer. I think you can to some extent separate the craft of writing into 'writing' and 'storytelling'. So, for example, Dan Brown is a great storyteller (he gets you turning pages) but his writing is nothing special (you're rarely left feeling inspired). Whereas a very literary author like Pynchon is a lot more in the writing camp than the storytelling camp. The best books do both excellently. For me, the 'writing' in this work is really sublime. The 'story-telling' needs some work on the next edit."

For a moment, Rainer said nothing and studied the erudite lampgirl with marvel. Then he cleared his throat. "Spelling and grammar... I'd like to address this more broadly.

"Spelling and grammar are fine, excellent by Wattpad standards. The vocabulary is rich, and the language is flowery. It's one of the many things I enjoyed about this book.

"Sometimes, though, the author's notes at the end of the chapters seem a bit too intrusive, too interpretative. They feel like stage directions, telling the reader how to interpret the text. If the author has doubts that the reader gets the story, I recommend changing it, weaving the hints into the narrative. Don't do that in author's notes, such as in Chapter 22, Part 3.

"One thing that I wasn't too happy about were the quick changes of setting, which is a technical issue for me. For an example, look at chapter 2.1 part 5, where we follow one of the narrators through quite a number of different rooms and different character combinations, yet the changes between them are hidden in single sentences, or half sentences, buried in longer paragraphs. This makes following that part of the story a bit hard."

6) Suggestions: Do we have any suggestions for improving the book?

Rainer stirred the fire with a poker, watching the sparks rising into the chimney. "I feel the plot could profit from a bit of pruning... In particular, cut down on the number of named sub-characters. Just as an example, in 1.4 Part 1, some Tassia is introduced, just to be discarded again. For some conscientious readers, such as me, each new character takes some effort to memorise them. Focus on the main characters instead.

"Also, if the author ever plans to do a serious rewrite, I'd recommend to define the key characters more clearly when they are introduced. For example, have a look at how Huron is introduced, the one I've mentioned above.

"I assume that the author intentionally kept some of the characters vague in order to keep the reader guessing. However, vague characters are hard to remember and hard to feel for. I therefore recommend to give the primary figures a more pronounced personality early—even though these personalities might later turn out to be misleading or incomplete, a good profile helps to anchor a character in the reader's mind."

"I'd write out a plan," Emma said, tucking her legs up, and resting her knees on her chin. "Really tightly plot what happens—the plot is there, I think, in nascent form—and think about set up, tension, and pay off. Give the reader some questions, and by the end, answer them. You don't have to answer them all, but at least some. It would be great to be able to have a central story arc in, say, one paragraph. I mean, from the start I thought that Sirrin's relationship with Elliard, and the... other parties in that, were going to be the plot. I was well up for that, and on board with it, and wanted to see how Sirrin dealt with it and what it involved. But I was frustrated when Elliard then went off somewhere, and other plots upon other plots piled up on top of this, and I never got an answer to the question I was interested in, which was about their relationship and Sirrin finding a home in Evenfall."

She stared into the fire for a moment. "Oh, and one more thing," she said. "There was so much reporting of action through dialogue, instead of us seeing the action ourselves. Now, this is a funny one, as the author did dialogue exceptionally well, so could get away with it to some extent. But there was just so much of it, so much, and occasionally it felt unnatural. One example is when the servants are in their mistress's room, and have a *very* long conversation about this and that and the other, all over the clearing up of a spilled sunsilver bucket. Now, as a lampgirl myself," Emma nodded her head enthusiastically, "I can tell you, if my mistress was having some sort of turn and I'd just spilled my Aethyr everywhere, I wouldn't be gabbin' on about my-childhood your-childhood what-did-it-all-mean, that's for sure."

7) Highlights: What did we enjoy most?

"This is hard to answer," Emma continued, "as there was a lot. The dialogue was particularly strong. Sparky, and very grounded in the setting. I loved it. The characters of the great houses of Samarna and Winterway. The environment and atmospheric setting."

"Right," Rainer said, "the dialogues worked well. Another thing I loved was the world, as I've mentioned above, which is somewhere between steampunk and Lord of the Rings. This is a fascinating combination.

"Also, I enjoy reading an author who has a firm grasp of English." He gazed into the flame, a wistful expression tugging at the corners of his lips.

A faint screech, like a wyvern's mating call, echoed through the night outside, and both of the room's inhabitants shuddered.

8) Audience: Who do we think would most enjoy this book, and why?

"The book is for anyone who likes rich, powerful, and fantastic worlds, with romance, riddles, and conflicting characters weaved into it," Rainer said.

"Yes," Emma agreed. "People that get all a-flutter at those yearning Regency romances (that includes me), and enjoy big sprawling aristocratic dramas, or historical fantasies with plenty of atmosphere. Someone with a thirst for detail, and a great memory." Emma laughed. "There were so many glimpses of a rich world, though I must admit a lot went over my head, and I don't think I'm the only one. The author occasionally put explanations in the comments, and I have to say, if you need to do that, you should probably work more explicit telling into the text."

Rainer laughed too, then stopped himself, momentarily embarrassed by his lack of decorum, to be chatting so intimately with a woman, and a servant at that.

"Well, I suppose we better get back, my masters will be looking for me," Emma said, unwillingly. "And I'm going to be in trouble, I countenance." She glanced at him, guilty.

"Perchance," Rainer mused. "Perchance not. I say....how... how attached are you to your present post?"

Emma looked at him sidelong, fear, then suspicion, then hope, sliding through her eyes.

"Not at all, to be true," she said. "I don't get on much with the other lampgirls, it has to be said. They're an uneducated bunch, concerned with naught but hearsays and gossiping about our betters."

Rainer smiled. He didn't keep servants, didn't like people in his home, despite the draughty size of his house. Mayhaps it would be good to have somebody to keep the place clean, light the lamps in his library. It would furthermore be even better to have someone to discuss his many books with.

"I say..." He smiled. "Have you ever visited the Kenns?"