Hindi Tayo Puwede: Special Chapter

There are certain moments throughout one's life that can really change his perception about the world.

And for Lukas, one of those moments was when he woke up one winter morning entangled in the embrace of his love.

Dati, takot siyang magising. Takot siyang maabutan ng panibagong bukang-liwayway. Takot siyang mabuhay sa panibagong bukas na wala namang kahulugan o saysay para sa kaniya.

Before Gin, mornings for him only meant that he needed to wear his masks again. Panibagong araw sa katauhang binuo niya para sa iba. Panibagong araw kung saan kailangan na naman niyang magpanggap na lahat sa buhay niya ay maayos at walang problema.

Another day of being the Lukas that everyone loved. The perfect and flawless Lukas. The good son. The captain. The golden boy. The ever great and selfless Lukas that was put on a high pedestal that nobody could even reach.

God.

He was fucking sick of it.

He was sick and tired of the continuous boring cycle that became his life. Paulit-ulit na lang. Walang tigil. Walang hinto.

But he had no choice. He couldn't do anything at all even if he wanted to. He wanted to end his life, but he couldn't. He knew it was wrong. Nakaposas na siya sa buhay na ganoon.

His future was built and decided by everyone around him. He was expected to be nothing but perfect, a shining white light to make everything around him feel right. A machine---a puppet that everybody could control.

Iyon ang buhay na ibinigay sa kaniya ng mga magulang, kaibigan at ng lahat ng taong pumapaligid sa kaniya. Nakakulong siya sa katauhang umiikot at humihinga lamang para sa iba.

He was just their Lukas. Isang tao na para sa lahat.

Well-not until he met Gin.

Gin made everything around Lukas worth living for.

Tinanggal niya ang takot ni Lukas na magising muli sa isang panibagong bukang-liwayway. Sinamahan niya ito sa malungkot na pedestal at tinulungang bumaba upang makita at maranasan ang mga bagay bilang isang taong malaya at may sariling desisyon.

Kung wala si Gin, hindi malalaman ni Lukas kung sino ang totoong siya sa likod ng mga maskarang palagi niyang isinusuot. Gin was the chaos that broke the monotonous life Lukas loathed for years.

Si Gin ang bukod tanging naging dahilan niya upang gustuhin niya muli ang walang tigil na pag-ikot ng mundo.

Gin made him feel like a human again.

He was the one who unmasked him and stripped him bare.

He made him longed for a future.

He made him want for more.

"Tangi, gising na."

The early sun was already up when his eyelids fluttered open. It snowed last night so he was sure that everything outside was blanketed in white, but the sunlight was basking them both with its glory and warmth that Lukas didn't even mind a little bit of the cold that crept inside their room.

"Tangi," he called again.

Gin only sighed. A sign that he was about to wake up.

A chuckle escaped Lukas' lips as he listened to the chirping of the birds outside their windows. It was new for him to wake up at peace and contented. It was always chaos at his own home and waking up like that was a dream he would never forget.

Unang umagang hindi niya inayawan.

At pawang huminto rin naman ang oras habang yakap-yakap niya ang taong hindi niya inakalang magpapabago sa takbo ng kaniyang buhay.

'Sana ganito na lang parati.' Bulong niya sa kaniyang sarili. 'I will always want to wake up like this.'

At the back of his mind, Lukas already knew that he had already gone beyond the point of no return.

Natatangi... Nag-iisa...Walang kapalit si Gin sa buhay niya.

Even the mere act of holding Gin like that was addicting. How can he, a mere young man, control himself around that kind of vice?

Wala na. Ito na talaga ito. He thought to himself a couple more times. His hands were shaking as he continued to hold his lover in his arm. Gusto lang ni Lukas na ikulong si Gin sa kaniyang mga bisig. Hawakan ito at hagkan hanggang sa magising. Alagaan at bantayan. Manatili at pagmasdan. He wanted to spend the rest of his mornings, evenings and even the moments in between with Gin.

He knew that up to that point, he had wandered through life aimlessly and without a purpose other than what was required of him by everyone else. Ngunit habang pinapanood niya ang payapang pagtulog ni Gin sa kaniyang harapan ay tila bang siya'y naliwanagan.

This is the kind of life I want to live forever. Gin is my purpose. He is my reason. And he will be the answer to every doubt and question that I will ever have.

"Lukas..."

Napatingin si Lukas sa kayakap nang marinig niya ang pagsasalita nito. When he was sure Gin was still sleeping, he indulged himself and stared at him longer.

What was he dreaming about? Me?

Alam niyang nangako siya kay Gin na hindi niya bibiglain ang kanilang relasyon kaya handa na siyang masigawan nito kung magisingang magkayakap sila. Gin was just starting to open to him. He promised him that he would held back in igniting the fire that was starting to consume them.

Ngunit masisi ba natin siya?

Kung ang buong pagkatao niya ay alam na ang lugar ng pahinga ay kay Gin?

And besides, Gin was already shivering from the cold the moment Lukas woke up again in the middle of the night. He couldn't just stay there and do nothing but hold him in his arms.

Gin needed his warmth. He needed him.

And Lukas was willing to give Gin everything and anything at all.

Including himself.

Just one word from Gin and Lukas will lay everything down for Gin.

Kahit hindi hihilingin ni Gin...alam ni Lukas, na handa niyang ibigay ng buong buo ang sarili niya para sa taong niyayakap niya nang mga panahong iyon.

"Gin," Lukas murmured his name as if it was a secret that only he himself knew about. His fingers could not help but to reach out and begun tracing Gin's sleeping face.

Like a moth attracted to the fire, Lukas held his breath and stared.

Gin was glorious.

A mess on a blank canvas. A collection of scribbles, lines, and chaotic desire to paint the whole canvas black.

For Lukas, Gin will always be his painting of black and white. Skin as white as snow, and lips that were always tempting him to sin. But now, with the morning rays kissing Gin's face, Lukas thought of how golden his painting had become.

The feeling was drowning him.

Hindi siya makahinga. Gin's mere presence could push him towards insanity. Nakakalunod. Nakakabaliw.

"Good morning, Tangi. It finally snowed last night. Do you want to go out?"

When Gin's eyes fluttered opened, Lukas felt blessed. He realized that God really was playing favorites.

How could God make a creature like Gin to torture Lukas' heart?

Gin's eyelashes were long and as black as night. It was fluttering in slow motion as if mocking Lukas who just stared in awe with his insides running amok.

It really drove Lukas insane.

"Hmm, really?"

Huminga ng malalim si Gin, mukhang hindi pa binababaan ng antok at hindi niya napansin ang tinawag sa kaniya ni Lukas. Nakakapit din ito kay Lukas at mukhang inaakala pa rin nitong nanaginip pa siya.

"Anong gusto mong almusal?" tanong sa kaniya ni Lukas. "Ipagluluto kita."

Napagdesisyunan niya nang hindi na sila aalis ni Gin at sasama sa nakaplanong lakad ng mga kaibigan nila.

His friends might nag him about it later, but he didn't care. He made himself always available for everyone every day, ano ba ang isang araw na piliin naman niya ang sarili niya?

"You're still an idiot even in my dream, huh?" Gin murmured. "You don't know how to cook, remember?"

Lukas ignored Gin's insult and continued. He was practicing everyday how to cook simple meals for Gin. Lukas was confident that his tangi will like whatever he will put on the table. "Hayaan mo na ako. I'll cook a simple ramen if you don't have anything in mind."

Gin didn't answer him right away, he looked up to him at first and nodded. Then his eyes closed again, and he slightly pouted as if begging to be kissed.

"Let's stay like this for a while, hmm? You're...warm."

When Lukas was ready to get up and prepare their breakfast, Gin held him back. Pawang wala ito sa sarili nang ngumiti ito kay Lukas at mukhang hindi pa rin nito napapansin na hindi na siya nanaginip pa at magkayakap talaga silang dalawa sa iisang kama.

"I am?"

"Hmm."

Lukas' smile widened and he didn't hesitate when he snuggled more in Gin's embrace. He felt fucking special.

"I hate feeling cold."

"I know." Lukas sighed and brushed some hair away from Gin's face. A tender smile was still playing across his lips as he continued to watch over him.

"Stop smiling. What are you smiling about anyway?" Gin peeked at him with one of his eyes still closed.

"You, of course." Lukas answered, not even hesitating for a bit. He didn't even need to think twice. All his smiles belonged to Gin anyways. "I'm smiling because you're here with me."

"ばか. Where will I go? I won't leave you even if you want me to."

"I know,"

When Lukas pulled Gin for a quick kiss on the corner of his lips, he knew he would never love another person like that ever again.

Never.

In this lifetime and until the next, he will choose Gin. Forever. Always.

"More," Gin mumbled under his breath and Lukas didn't need to be told twice. He parted his lips to claim him again as the taste of him silenced all thoughts and thawed every emerging doubts. Raging hot fire spread across their lips down to the tips of their toes as they kissed like their life depended on it and until the world around them simply ceased to exist.

"Tangi,"

"Hmm?"

Lukas thought that if his mornings would be like that for the rest of his life, wala na siyang pake kung ilan pang maskara ang isuot niya para sa iba. Wala na siyang pake kung ilan pa ang panibagong araw na mag paulit-ulit sa buhay niya.

He knew that his mornings will never feel like a burden anymore just as long Gin is with him.

"Thank you for coming into my life, tangi."

Gin didn't respond. He didn't need to. Lukas knew that even without his answer, he was ready to bend, break, and surrender everything that he had and everything that he was only to Gin. And at that moment, Lukas was also sure that he would live for Gin.

Because of Gin... Lukas finally wanted to live.

***

Author's note:
I hope you like this special chapter 😊 If you want to know more about Lukas and Gin's story you can visit my profile and read 'Hindi Tayo Puwede' thank you and Happy Pride everyone!

-chelsea_13