Right Before I Jump
By VrochiKataigida
Poetry

I confess, I didn't expect to get a poetry book right off. Kind of "whoo! Thrown in the deep end" feeling. XD

Specifics: Cover 6/10. When I first saw your cover, I gave it a cursory glance and passed on, with thoughts along the lines of "jumbled". Thinking about that later, I decided it must merit some attention.

Your cover is actually not so bad, I found while studying it later. The picture itself is beautiful, particularly with the layered blue on the top and bottom corners. It fits with the title and the general mood of your poetry. The problem is mainly -- it's a tad cluttered up. Get rid of the diamonds and the other lines; they look unprofessional, distract the eye, and jar with the dreamy, golden mood of the photo.

It's also rather hard to read the title and the author's name, so I'd fix that if you can.

My usual plan is not to review poetry covers. Poetry isn't out there to hook you with a striking cover, as a rule; simple is fine. But it should be aesthetically pleasing all the same.

Onto the poetry itself! At your request, I reviewed the later ones rather than the earlier. I'll be devoting my attention here to the latest three poems in the book: Riding Hood, Taken, and Unto Me.

Clarity
8/10

For the most part, it was easy for me to see what your poems were about. Riding Hood was quite up front, no ambiguity at all. Taken, while slightly less defined, was not obscure or vague; though the last line jarred a bit -- "Someone took it too". "too" implies another thing taken, whereas such an idea was present nowhere else in the poem.

Unto Me was a little bit more difficult.

I enjoyed the emotions it conveyed throughout, but they were somewhat haphazardly thrown together. There wasn't enough transition from one thought to the next, and it took me several readings to grasp the actual subject of the poem. Your ideas, I feel, are there, and quite beautiful ideas at that; they just need a touch more articulation for the reader to better understand them.

Form
6/10

Taken has a good form, appropriate for the subject matter. The short, poignant phrases accentuate the feeling of loss present there.

Riding Hood's perplexed me, I have to admit. What type of poetry were you aiming for? There are several near-rhymes paired together, yet they're interspersed with blank verse; I couldn't see a pattern to it all. Several of the stanzas seem to have a kind of meter, while others throw all rule to the winds. It's still an understandable and engaging piece of work, but it could be more appealing if you gave it a sense of consistency.

Unto Me's biggest problem is still the abrupt, transition-less nature of its ideas. The short, jaunty format underscores the awkward feel at the moment, but once you fix that, it suits the lively tone very well.

As far as any general advice to give you on form, I'd say be careful where you put your line breaks. Many of them are very short, and tend to interrupt the ordinary flow of thought rather than enhance it. Short lines are fine -- just make sure they're not separating what should be together.

Vocabulary
9/10

Your vocabulary is fairly on point and comprehensive, and adaptable to the different styles you use. Good work on that!

General Grammar
9/10

You have a good command of language-- a few typos, for instance "thi9s" in Unto Me.

The only issue I have is with the punctuation, also in Unto Me. Many lines end in commas, semicolons, etc., but some that I feel should have them are blank. Unlike Riding Hood, where every line was blank except for major marks {?, !}, this one feels stuck in-between one side and another. Simple fix, though: either add the minor punctuation to every line, or remove it from them all.

Total
7/10

- Cover rating
8/10

I feel like I am being so harsh on you... especially with the poem you liked so much! I hope this was not too brutal, and that I could give you good advice. Honestly, I think your poetry is quite enjoyable, and very good compared to most of what is out there. Keep it up!