The Return
by Silvan_Elleth
Fanfiction

***THIS IS A REVIEW FOR A COMPLETED BOOK. THERE MAY BE SPOILERS FOR THE PLOT***

Cover
9/10

Simple, aesthetically pleasing. Just to be picky (because I have to be picky) I'm going to say that the second-to-last line is hard to read, but *whispers* I don't really care, so...

Summary
7/10

Good beginning. With it and the cover, any LotR fan will know exactly where they are and what is going on. And oh, what's this -- orcs? No happily ever after in Middle-Earth? Even more interesting!

(Sorry, this may be more rambling than my usual review. I'm just trying so hard to be objective about this... grrrr...)

I don't like the ellipsis in the middle of the second paragraph. I think if you keep it there, you should make a new paragraph after it. Otherwise, change the ellipsis to a period, a colon, a semicolon, or whatever makes you happy. (Not a comma though. Definitely not a comma.)

Okay, as to the summary in general. It's short and sweet. It also doesn't really do the plot justice. When I first read it, I thought that at least the first half of the book was going to cover Legolas' journey to Rivendell. I also didn't expect the number of original characters I met. In doing a rewrite, I think it would be great to introduce Thaladir somewhere here, even as just "Legolas' captain".

Finally, the last sentence bugs me. "If it is true..." Well, I think they were already in grave danger, whether it were true or not. I'd suggest a change to that.

General Grammar
7/10

I saw a good grasp of grammar, spelling and punctuation throughout. It wasn't perfect, of course. Some things I noticed were probably typos, but others were fairly consistent errors, and I'll point out the main ones here.

When someone is addressed in speech, the name, nickname, or title should be set off with a comma. "He is not here, my king."

Or an example from your own book: "And how do you fare[,] ion nin?"

"I am well[,] adar."

The other problem is with dialogue tags. If you want to write a quotation and close with "he said" or other variation, then even if the dialogue is a complete sentence it is supposed to end with a comma. (The exceptions to this are the marks like exclamation points and dashes.)

"Yes," she answered.
"I don't know," he said.

Case in point from your book: "You should go." Adar said.
Should be: "You should go," Adar said.

Those were the points of biggest contention for me. Most of the rest was likely poor editing.

Plot
9.5/10

THE PLOT

PLEASE CAN I GUSH FOR A MOMENT

T H E  P L O T

If you don't want spoilers, this is your last warning, guys. Go read the book now.

I would never have thought of this in my wildest dreams. Legolas have an older brother? Legolas' older brother be bad? Legolas' nasty older brother have a REVENGE COMPLEX JUST BECAUSE HIS FATHER COULDN'T RESCUE HIM AND HIS MOTHER FROM THE ORCS?

AGHHHHHH

This book, in case you hadn't figured it out, messed with me.

A lot.

However much Calithilon startled me, it was nothing compared to the next plot twist. I never would have thought you'd kill Thranduil. Never.

All right, due to friend-stalking I already knew about it. That didn't mean it surprised me any less. Who would kill Legolas' father? And even though I already knew about it, it didn't hurt any less when he died. It hurt my heart. Broke it in a couple hundred pieces.

Oh, and Dolenel! GRRR! Dolenel! I TRUSTED HIM! And then the end... ah...

Pacing & Language Usage
9/10

Really, I don't think I had any issues here. Been awhile since I read it, and I don't exactly want to reread the whole thing to be sure, but as I recall things fitted together pretty smoothly. Definitely nothing dragged. The narrative during their escape out of Calithilon's stronghold did feel a little forced; could have had more flow there.

As for language usage, description, etc: this was what outshined all your grammar flaws. I barely noticed them half the time. Your storytelling, especially in first person present, is remarkable. This is honestly the hardest pov for me to write, so I may be not the best judge, but it's for that reason that I find it so delightful when it's written well.

Characters
9/10

Characters! Gorgeous characters everywhere! And you hurt me exquisitely with every single one of them.

Thaladir. You knit me to Thaladir, and then next thing you turned around and TORTURED him! Dolenel. I liked him, and then, oh, the betrayal! You gave Legolas and Thranduil the character they needed, and even Arwen. I have a hard time liking Arwen in fanfics.

There's one thing I'm going to mention here, because Illeandir 's comment brought it to my attention, and that's Calithilon. But that's only to clarify why I've taken a point off, because I know you already know about him XD and I know you're really going to flesh him out in the prequel.

Speaking of the prequel... I wants.

Overall
8.5/10

MY EMOTIONS ARE MANGLED JUST REREADING THIS

Ahem. Edit for mistakes, but this is really an AMAZING BOOK AND TOTALLY GETS FIVE-STAR RATING AND I WISH IT WERE A FEATURED BOOK IN THE TOP 10 OF FANFICTION

Thanks for writing, Sierra. Keep it up. :)