Lost
by jcdwriter
Adventure

Cover
10/10

I love it. Very cool font, gorgeous picture. I have a thing for misty trees... also love the black spottiness on the top edge. A dystopian sort of feel -- could be wrong, but we'll see, I guess.

Summary
6/10

So, you've started off with a quote.

Nothing wrong starting off with a quote. However, I don't like the length of this one. A quote should be fairly short and sweet, a teaser for the teaser, so to speak. This one runs to five paragraphs -- several quite short, but still five paragraphs is a bit much. I would suggest finding a shorter quote, unless you want to cut it out altogether. But in that case you'd want to rework your blurb altogether, which if you're as lazy as I am you won't bother to do. XD

As for the rest, I notice that all your sentences except the last one start with prepositional/participial clauses. Not as bad as having choppy sentences, but they do make the paragraph have a "same" sort of sound. Might try to vary the structure a little bit. Also, for more of an impact maybe you could move the last sentence to its own paragraph.

Even considering the iffy bits, though, this is a pretty good summary. It hooked me (once I got past the big quote) and left me wanting more. Good job!

General Grammar
9/10

Lovely grammar. *gushes over your grammar* All I noticed were a few typos and one or two spots lacking commas. Also one messy dialogue tag -- "I think there's a stream up ahead," she said, "let's go check it out."

Comma after said should be a period. But it was probably a typo, I'm guessing, because everything else was so polished.

That's it! Kudos to you.

Plot/Pacing
8/10

Whew! What a twist at the end of the first chapter! I knew from the blurb that they weren't human, but I wasn't really considering what they might be instead of human. I also really liked the little tidbit about the taste of their blood.

The plot is good, full of action, and the pacing didn't drag or seem rushed. The only hole I found is that muck they sank in. At the end of the chapter they were sinking, at the beginning of the next they were out -- nothing about how they got out. So do add something about that.

One thing I'm wondering, though, is how they got into the fantasy world. It didn't explain that, so I'm hoping it gets mentioned later. To quote another Wattpad writer, "I don't care if you have to pull a Narnia." Just clarify how they get into another world.

And one more thing: I don't like how chill they are. Is it their werewolf blood, or what? Nobody is that chill about getting yanked into a freaky place with gasoline-mud and no light. And werewolves.

Language Usage
7/10

Overall, I enjoyed your writing -- I really did. It's just when you're introducing the characters that you have a problem.

"Josh had reddish-brown hair and he wore a red T-shirt with their school's mascot, the wolf, on it."

That sounds forced. Kristie sees Josh every day. She's not going to think about how he looks like she would a stranger.

What about, "Josh had slicked his reddish-brown hair down with water, and the drips were spattered all over his red T-shirt."

Or something like that. I never like my own examples. Please don't use them and embarrass me. XD

I felt the same way when Kay got introduced. It was okay... but I would have liked a little more nearness, a little more immediacy. Can't Kristie notice something else interesting about her? The comments complained that it sounded cliché. It wasn't really cliché, but it sounded like it because of the bland way it was worded.

Other than that, my only issue was with some word choices. "Kristie twisted her torso" was the big one.

"Kristie twisted around" sounds fine; "Kristie twisted her body" is a bit heavy; "Kristie twisted her torso" just sounds pedantic. In the middle of action, keep the descriptive words to a minimum.

Characters
7/10

They're different, Kay, Kristie, and Josh. I don't think I could confuse them. But after Chapter One, they didn't do much to distinguish themselves from one another... and this leads me back to my thoughts on the plot above. I would have liked it if one of them had freaked out, started to cry or something. They all reacted pretty much the same to the situation. Hysterics from Kristie or a panic attack from Kay -- and then the subsequent reactions from the others -- would have added another level of tension and excitement and gone a long way toward defining their personalities.

Hoping there's some more character development in future chapters. And there probably is -- but I'd like to see it sooner!

Overall
8/10

This was a fun read. The prologue really hooked me, and I need to find out more about Dominic! Onto my future reading list this goes...

Guys, sorry these have been taking so long!!! Silvan_Elleth yours is coming out next. I'm already working on it! :D