Glass
Scottish_Heather
Fantasy/Retelling

Minor spoilers for plot. Reading not discouraged.

Preliminary note: This book is undergoing editing, according to the author. All suggestions and comments will be made with this in mind.

I started the last review with a piece of blunt honesty, and I'm going to do it again.

I'm tired of Cinderella retellings.

So when I come to a Cinderella retelling (or any retelling, but especially Cinderella), I always ask myself, "Why? Why did the author pick this tale when it's been rehashed so many times? What did she want to develop or change?" And I try to judge the book based on how well that change has been done, not on the eye-watering details that are the same every time.

Glass does deviate in several minor ways from the basic story of Cinderella. Ella is a fairy princess stolen from her home at a young age, who grows up believing that her parents abandoned her. She also escapes from her step-family entirely before meeting her fairy godmother.She flees from the prince because the hidden kingdom of Forestia, where her fairy godmother dwells, has gates that close at midnight.

With these differences, and more still not listed, Glass could be a hooking read. But the execution of the story throws a snag into the picture. By execution, I mean the writing itself.

Let me make this clear, right at the start: your writing is not bad. It is just very, very amateur. One of the repercussions from this is that Ella ends up sounding much younger than her age. I had to recheck how many years had passed from her kidnapping, because she reads more like a twelve-year-old than a sixteen-year-old. Another issue is plot holes, or failure to clarify something that needs an explanation. I've addressed a few of those down below.

Again, your writing is not trash; it has good aspects. For instance, you have certain turns of phrase, your dialogue reads well, your vocabulary is more than decent (I can tell you've grown up on good literature!). What you don't have yet is the experience needed to integrate these parts masterfully into a whole.

But how are you going to get that experience?

There's only one way. Write, write, write. Don't stop writing. Do what you love and do it how you love it, and your writing will get better. You can figure out the logistics from writing help books; you can read authors you love and imitate them; but the only way you will get experience is to write.

As far as concrete advice goes, I'm just going to mention a few minor plot holes that you could address in any future edits.

>Why does Ella have no memory of anything before her kidnapping? She was five years old. I am not a person with a prodigious memory, but I have multiple memories before the age of five. I would suggest giving her a number of memories, clouded and distorted by time, but she ought to have some recollection of an older life.

>Ella finds a letter on the mantel that specifically says it's to be kept away from Ella. Lady Snyich would hardly leave such an unambiguous letter in such an dangerous place, especially when Ella is her maid of all work who probably dusts the mantel daily.

>Is there a reason why Ella was merely kidnapped and not killed? Of course, there would be no story to tell if she had been killed, but it's good to have a reason. Did the enemies hope to use her later on? Had they planned a ransom that didn't work out? Any of these elements could be worked into the story.

>I kept expecting to find out why Alex/Prince Alexander was living in Ella's hometown, but this was never brought up, to my recollection. (If I missed it, please do point it out! :) )

Rating
5/10

Amateur writing, but you've got a strong start. If/when this review book reopens, I'd love to see some of your more recent output. Keep writing!!!