Hi, everyone! I'm Danielle, and usually I write superhero books here on Wattpad. You may or may not have heard of them – my first book, Men in Tights, won a Watty in 2014, reached 1 million reads last year, and has a chance to get published by Swoon Reads! (If you want to read more about that, you can find it on my profile.) I'm also 1 of 10 Wattpad authors published in Gallery Books' Once Upon Now fairy tale anthology. My piece is a twisted mashup of Pinocchio and The Frog Prince. If you like fairy tales, you should definitely give the book a read! And if you don't like fairy tales, you should still give the book a read – all of the stories are amazing, and it was an honor to work with all of the lovely ladies featured in OUN.

For my block party post, I want to share something I wrote during my college creative writing class. That class gave me the confidence to start posting on Wattpad, and I owe it so much. It's a second person piece called "How to Sell Your Soul to Social Media," which is pretty appropriate considering we're all on the internet right now haha. I've been looking for a reason to share this for a while, so I hope you enjoy it!

******************

******************

How to Sell Your Soul to Social Media

First, try to resist. Really, truly try because once you click "sign me up" there is no going back. That button will beckon you. It will wave a metaphorical finger in the air, saying come hither until your mouse concedes. And then you're done for. In the beginning, you won't know what to do. What the hell is the difference between likes and favorites? Friends and followers? You're not sure why you care, but you spend the next four hours trying to figure it out. After a day, you think you know enough to converse about your new love of social media with anyone you meet. This will include classmates you only vaguely know, that guy on register number two at the mini-mart, and the old lady sitting next to you on the subway. They may be courteous enough to offer you a small nod and a smile, but none of them will give a shit. None. You won't notice this.

You begin stalking celebrities and draw the conclusion that their lives are infinitely cooler than yours. You also draw the conclusion that they're much hotter than anyone you know in real life. This saddens you. You tweet Harry Styles a thousand times. Literally. You make tally marks on a blue post-it so you don't lose count. He doesn't respond to your requests for a happy birthday wish (it isn't even your birthday, you just want acknowledgement). This saddens you even more.

You're family doesn't understand your new hobby. They call it an obsession. It's not an obsession – that would imply you had a problem. You don't have a problem. Your mom will tell you to get off your ass and go outside. "But mom," you'll say, "the WiFi doesn't reach out there." She'll get irritated and stomp away, maybe she'll slam a cabinet door in the kitchen. You'll cuss her out, then post about it for the world to see. Rinse and repeat.

You make friends with people online who share your interests of boy bands and ABC Family dramas. They're nice. One of them is particularly nice. You decide to leave the bunker that is your computer desk and meet her in person. Unfortunately, she's annoying as hell, and you suddenly wish your parents didn't raise you to be polite. She won't shut up about all the band guys she's dated. Eventually you realize that her definition of "dated" means she might have kissed them. Once. And then they "broke up" for whatever reason. You wish you could tweet about her commitment issues, but she follows you and you know she'll see. Damn your politeness once again.

She begins texting you. Not only do you have to interact online, but now she's blowing up your phone too.

Saturday 7am: "Hey."

Sunday 2pm: "Hey."

Tuesday 3am: "Hey."

Tuesday 4am: "Hey."

You have a strict policy against answering one word messages, but you never tell her this. Instead you endure the punch in your gut that accompanies another one of her texts until she stops. She gets a new phone and loses your number. EUREKA! YOU'RE FREE! One week later, she tweets you asking for your number again because you promised to go to a concert together. You give it to her. Surely she won't be annoying the second time around, right? Wrong. You endure her for a few more months, refuse to buy her drunk ass a Wendy's burger after the concert, and never talk again – even though she owes you fifty bucks. Thus ends your desire to ever make an online friend.

Things start to look up when you receive your first celebrity follow from Jimmy Fallon. Clearly this makes you scream and spit out your breakfast cereal. I mean, it's Jimmy-freaking-Fallon! You imagine your friends' faces of jealousy when you tell them you're totally BFFs with Jimmy. You plan out five different ways of breaking the amazing news. You're giddy with excitement, you open your mouth, you spill your heart out, and...

"Oh," they say. "Cool."

Cool? Just cool? Jimmy has acknowledged your existence, why aren't they happy about it?

"So he followed you?" they ask. "Now what?"

Now what? You haven't thought that far.

"Well, he can see what I post...but he follows over five thousand people, so he might not see me. But I can message him...though I doubt he'll respond..."

Your friends laugh in your face. They think you're making some kind of joke. You realize your friends don't get it because they don't share your deep passion for social media. What fools. This is exciting. You'll make them see sense.

You tweet Jimmy relentlessly. Once again, you keep tally marks on a post-it – pink this time – so you can keep count.

One hundred tweets – no response.

Two hundred – nothing.

Two-fifty – nope.

You're about to give up hope. Jimmy probably thinks you're crazy. You try once more.

Two-fifty-one.

Jimmy tweets you happy birthday.

Look who's laughing now, friends. Look who's laughing now.

There's only one problem...

It still isn't your birthday.

******************

Thank you for reading! I've had a much happier online experience than what is depicted above, primarily because of the lovely people here at Wattpad! Thanks for supporting me and helping me grow into a better writer. You're the best!

And here are some quick things before my time is up:

1. Make sure you enter my giveaway to have chapter 1 of Men in Tights dedicated to YOU!

2. Since this post was all about social media, feel free to find me here:

Twitter: @daniellebanas

Instagram: daniellebanas

Snapchat: daniellebanas

Facebook: Danielle Banas

Goodreads: Danielle Banas

Wattpad: @tasting_stars

Swoon Reads: Danielle Banas

Oh, and one more thing. Jimmy Fallon really does follow me on Twitter. ;) 

***********

P.S. Don't forget to enter the 130+ #WattpadBlockParty Giveaways! Clickable links are at the top of my Wattpad profile! :)

GIVEAWAY LINK ONE:

http://kellyanneblountauthor.blogspot.com/2017/01/giveaways-for-wattpad-block-party_31.html

GIVEAWAY LINK TWO (with Widgets):

http://kellyanneblountauthor.blogspot.com/2017/01/giveaways-with-widgets-for-wattpad.html